Part 10
“So?” Evan and Gary cornered Seth the next morning.
“So,” he sighed.
“What happened?” Evan asked.
“We went out,” he looked away. And she didn’t drink. But if the two standing before him knew that she had wanted to, they’d go crazy. It was best to not tell them.
“Did you get her to talk?” Gary pressed on.
“Yeah,” he sighed. “She’s really depressed right now. She thinks we don’t care about her, she caused her Dad to get sick, and Phil is now dead to her.”
Gary raised his eyebrows and looked at Evan. “That’s not good.”
“Then maybe Phil’s just the person who can knock some sense into her,” Evan ran to his room and grabbed the phone.
“Okay, from the top,” Alana eyed Evan’s fingers on the frets of his guitar as she began playing herself. Gary followed as they sat in their ‘recording triangle’.
They walked into the sound booth and listened to the guitars. He crossed his arms and smiled. They were so good for being so young.
Toby looked up from listening across the room and smiled. He got Seth’s attention and pointed. Seth waved at Evan and pointed. Evan stopped playing and looked at Gary.
“Lana,” they interrupted her.
“What, I thought that was good,” she pulled her headphones off.
“We’d like you to meet our new producers,” Evan pointed to the window of the sound booth.
She looked over her shoulder to see Phil and Joe.
“Fabu,” she growled as she replaced her headphones. “Shall we?”
Joe let out a long sigh. “This is gonna be a blast.”
“Yeah well… I think it’s high time she stops actin’ like a little brat,” Phil spat.
“You’re on your own, mate,” he laughed as he moved to the soundboard. “C’mon, let’s see how much we can do to piss ‘er off today.”
To their surprise, Alana tolerated them very well. Even after they had her sing a lyric 13 times. What was strange, though, was when they decided to call it a day and she was the first one out.
Phil sat back in his chair and thought about it. She loved her music. Last time they were in the studio, she was the first one in and the last one out, every single day. She lived for this stuff. So what was different?
He turned his head to see Evan, Gary and Seth waiting to talk to him. “Where’s Toby?”
“On her tail,” Evan couldn’t look him in the eye. “She’s not to be alone right now.”
“What, don’t trust her?” he raised his eyebrows.
“No, we don’t,” Gary crossed his arms.
“I think… she might be drinkin’ again,” Seth laid it all on the line.
“And why do you think that?” Joe spoke up. This was serious.
“Her eyes…” Evan sighed painfully. “Just look at her eyes.”
Phil smiled and nodded. “I’ll see what I can do.”
“Oh shadow…” Alana laughed as she looked over her shoulder to see Toby.
“Aw, damn!” he sighed as he caught up with her. “I see my 007 trailing techniques have failed me once again.”
“You’re really bad at this,” she giggled.
“Gee, thanks.”
“C’mon, we need to stop by the store,” she walked toward the convenience store.
“Cool.”
Once they were in, she pulled out her list. “Okay, you go get the Pepsi. We need like three cases. And the chips. I’ll get the rest.”
“Gotcha,” he grabbed a cart and headed to the back of the store. Alana walked a few aisled over and then waited as she counted to ten. Then, she booked it out of the front of the store.
She returned a few minutes later, her backpack a bit fuller that before she left, and proceeded to high-tail it through the store to gather her items. Toby was waiting for her at the checkout counter.
“What took you so long?” he frowned as they walked to the counter.
“I had like way more stuff on my list than you did, dude,” she laughed.
“I guess you did,” he laughed.
“C’mon, let’s go home and crash,” she smiled.
“Hungry?” Evan walked in to see her gathering a bag of Doritos and a Pepsi.
“Not really. This is fine,” she quickly walked to her room, closed the door, and locked it.
Once in, she sat the items on the floor and pulled her backpack from under her bed. She smiled as she opened it and retrieved one of three bottles. “Yeah, Tob. You’re really bad at this,” she giggled before walking into her bathroom.
Part 11
Alana was playing away at her guitar. She was so into her music that she didn’t notice that she was the only person left in the studio. Phil looked over at Joe and nodded. Joe returned by patting him on the shoulder and walking out into the building to join the rest of the band.
Alana came to a stopping place and looked up to see Phil’s eyes staring daggers at her. She sighed as she pulled her headphones off and waited. No matter how hard she tried to hate him, all she could think of was when she was little. And he was giving her the same look that he used to when she had been bad and needed to be punished. So, here it comes…
“You ready to talk?” he sat in the chair across from her.
“Do I have a choice?” she sat her guitar to the side.
“You always ‘ave a choice,” he answered. “Talked to your Mum t’day.”
She quickly looked up at him. “How’s Dad?”
“Why don’t you call and find out yourself?”
She shook her head. “I can’t.”
“He needs to know you love ‘im right now, Lana.”
“And what good will it do? I call and he miraculously gets better? Why does it matter?”
“Maybe if you’d call him, you’d know.”
She fought back tears as she looked up at him. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“He kept tellin’ me that he’d tell you. Every time I spoke to ‘im, he’d say that he just couldn’t. He’d try again next time.”
“This can’t be happening. He has to be okay,” she broke down.
He pulled her into his arms and rubbed her back as she cried.
“It’s gonna be okay, Petunia,” he whispered. “They found a donor this mornin’.”
She slowly looked up at him. “They did?”
“Why don’t you call ‘im?” he ran his fingers through her hair.
She nodded her head. “I’m sorry, Daddy.”
“So am I,” he smiled. “And I love you.”
She smiled before kissing his cheek and wrapping her arms tightly around him. “I love you too.”
Very early the next morning, the phone rang. Alana blinked her eyes a few times and then answered.
“Hi, honey,” Jane spoke sweetly.
“How is he?” she sat straight up in her bed.
“He’s fine, sweet. Everything went well. Everything took. As a matter of fact…”
“Aye, Plum,” Steve spoke weakly.
“Hi, Daddy,” she blinked away the tears. “How ya feelin’?”
“Like shit,” he huffed. “Which is actually quite bet’er than the last few months.”
“Well, at least it’s an improvement, right?” she laughed.
“Right,” he chuckled. “Heard you’ve been givin’ your other Dad a bit of a rough time.”
“We straightened everything out. Everything’s back to normal.”
“Oh, God,” he moaned.
“Why don’t you get some rest, right? I’ll call later tonight when we get in from work.”
“Take care. Love you.”
“You too, Daddy,” she smiled as she hung up the phone.
Part 12
Phil smiled as he spoke over the phone. “Really? That’s great! Very cool! Yeah, I’ll tell ‘er. Love to you both. Bye,” he hung up and looked around the room. “Steve’s back home!”
“Awesome!” Joe looked up.
“Let’s celebrate!” Seth looked at Alana.
“I’m there!” she laughed.
They sat at a really nice restaurant and ordered their drinks. Alana ordered a Pepsi, but then looked over her shoulder at the bar.
“What?” Evan looked at her.
“Nothin’. Potty run,” she winked before pushing away from the table and walking toward the restrooms. They were all waiting for her to order her food when she returned.
“Thought you fell in,” Phil laughed.
“Nah, but I feel much better now,” she grinned.
Gary watched her for a moment and then looked at Evan. Evan was staring at her. Why did it feel like something was wrong?
Half way through appetizers, Alana again excused herself to use the restroom. Seth raised his eyebrows and looked at Gary. Toby waved it off, “She’s had a shit load of Pepsi today,” he smiled.
Everyone returned to their conversation and when she returned, their dinner had arrived.
Evan leaned over to talk to her, hoping to God that he wouldn’t smell alcohol on her breath. He was overcome by a strong mint smell.
“God, Lana. You take a bath in mouthwash?” he coughed.
“You must have missed it before we left,” she laughed.
“Yeah, she spit Listerine out her nose when the Tobster flew by her room in his socks, jockeys and a shirt,” Seth explained.
“Best friggin’ ‘Risky Business’ impression I’ve ever seen, man,” she gave him a thumb’s-up.
“Actually, I’m glad I missed it,” Evan laughed as he relaxed in his seat. He took a drink of his water and dug into his steak. There was nothing for him to worry about. He was just paranoid. Everything was back to normal now.
“I’ll be back,” Alana squealed before pushing away from the table and once again heading toward the restroom.
Evan looked up and smiled. “God, she’s makin’ me gotta go now,” he threw his napkin down and followed.
“Must be contagious,” Joe looked at Phil.
Phil leaned in and whispered. “I think he’s sweet on ‘er.”
“You kiddin’? That’s been quite obvious for some time, mate.”
Both men began laughing.
“Private joke?” Gary smiled.
“For now,” Phil nodded.
Evan walked out of the restroom and looked around. Alana must have booked it back to the table. He rubbed his hands together and began to make his way to the table. Curiosity got the best of him, though and he looked over at the bar. There, he saw Alana downing a glass of clear liquid.
“No,” he stopped and watched her as she quickly chugged down a second. “Not again.”
She smiled at the bartender before taking the long way back around to the restrooms.
Evan felt his heart breaking. They were going to have to go through this all over again. God, the first time was bad enough. They were all very young and didn’t quite understand what it was all about. But now… Alana was going to fight them all the way.
“Evan?” Phil watched as he returned to his seat. “You all right, lad?”
“Just dandy,” he sighed as Alana returned with a huge smile on her face.
“Hopefully that’s it for the night,” she giggled.
Evan looked up at her and tried to figure everything out. She noticed his staring and leaned over to him.
“What’s wrong?” she whispered.
“What is it, Lana? Vodka, gin or rum?” he waited for an answer.
“Huh?” her eyes widened as she sat back and looked at him.
“What have you been gettin’ from the bar?”
“Ev… it’s nothin’, okay? I’m fine.”
“No you’re not,” he spat as everyone looked up at them.
“Knock it off,” she raised her voice.
“This can’t seem right to you, Alana.”
“I’m fine,” she angered. “I can handle it.”
“That’s bullshit!” he pushed away from the table.
“I knew you would do this!” she rolled her eyes.
“Your damn right! Because I was there last time and I saw what you went through!”
“You have no idea what you’re talkin’ about!” she threw her napkin onto the table and shot to her feet.
“What the hell is goin’ on?” Phil looked down toward their end of the table.
“Nothing! Enjoy your supper, I’ve lost my appetite!” she gave Evan one final scowl before walking out.
Evan glanced at Gary before going after her.
“Alana Jane! Don’t you dare walk away from me!” he yelled after her as she stormed down the street.
“Fuck you, Evan!” she pulled her coat tightly around her.
“You shouldn’t be out roamin’ the streets in your condition anyway!”
“My condition?” she stopped and turned around. “And what, pray tell, is my condition?”
“You’re fuckin’ drunk!” he pointed at her.
“I am not!” she yelled back at him.
“No? Well you will be when that shit your were chuggin’ hits your system!”
“I can handle it!”
“Yeah, then why are you hiding it?”
“Because of the way you’re actin’ right now!” she began to slur her words.
“I know you, Lana. You can’t just have one beer. You can’t have just one sip. You’re out of control!”
“Fuck you!” she slapped him across the face. “You don’t know shit, man!”
He was stunned. Never in a million years had he expected that. He held his cheek as he watched her.
“Just… go away, Ev!” she turned to leave.
“No!” he reached for her.
“Go away!” she screamed as she ran off.
“Alana!” he chased her through the crowded street, but soon lost her. “Alana!” he screamed.
Part 13
“Settle down, Evan. We’ll find ‘er,” Phil patted his shoulder.
“No offense, but New York’s a pretty big city, Mr. Collen,” Seth raised his eyebrows.
“Yeah well… he’s sorta got a lot of experience with this stuff,” Joe sighed.
Phil slid his coat on and looked around. “You all go back to the apartment. I’ll be there shortly.”
They obeyed as they began to file out of the restaurant.
“Some celebration,” Evan sighed.
“You confronted her, bro. It had to be done,” Gary patted his shoulder.
“I was so sure she wouldn’t do it again after our talk,” Seth shook his head.
“Again?” Evan angered. “You knew?”
“She mentioned that she had been drinking a little, but that she was in control,” he shrugged his shoulders.
“In control? You call sneaking around and drinkin’ whatever she can get her hands on ‘in control’?”
“Hey,” Gary pulled him away. “It’s not Seth’s fault, right?”
“It’s no one’s fault,” Joe broke them up. “Except Alana’s.”
“How can you say that?” Toby asked.
“Because I’ve been through it meself. We all have. Because Steve did this too.”
“Really?” Gary looked at him.
“He’s been clean for the last four years, but yeah. And that’s what makes Phil an expert on it,” he rolled his eyes. “God, this sucks.”
“Let’s get home,” Evan walked ahead of them to the van.
Phil walked around to all of the local bars. She’d probably want to go somewhere near by to keep her buzz on. When he didn’t find her, another thought crossed his mind as he walked past a liquor store. She was probably on her way back to the apartment.
He pulled his collar up around his neck and continued walking.
Alana finished up the bottle in her hand and threw it into the trash bin before walking into the back stairwell of their apartments. She made it up two flights before the spinning began to make her nauseous. She crawled to a corner of the stairwell and rested her head against the brick.
“I’ll just rest a minute,” she spoke to herself as the darkness took over.
Part 14
Phil looked around the outside of the apartment building and decided to take the stairs. One by one, he slowly made his way up toward the top floor. He had just stepped onto the level of the 2nd floor when he saw her.
“Alana?” he called out.
She didn’t move a muscle.
He sighed as he knelt down beside her. “Alana, c’mon,” he lifted her hand and dropped it. She was completely out.
Taking a deep breath, he placed his fingers on her neck and felt for a pulse. Feeling one, he paused and looked her over. “C’mon, let’s get you sobered up.”
He pulled her over his shoulder and slowly made his way up to the apartment.
Gary looked up as the door opened and immediately shot to his feet. “Is she…”
Joe cringed to see the young girl’s limp body.
“She’s out,” Phil glanced at him. “I’m gonna put ‘er to bed, and then I want to ‘ave a meetin’ with the band.”
“Meeting?” Seth peeked out of his door.
“Alana’s gonna be pissed if we have a band meeting without her,” Toby joined them.
“Well it doesn’t look like she’s gonna be joinin’ us, does it?” he spat as Chris walked through the door.
Evan opened his door in time to see Phil walk out of Alana’s room. “What’s goin’ on?” he slid his hands in his pockets and looked around.
“Band meeting,” Chris never took his eyes off of Phil.
“I still think…” Toby stood up for Alana.
“You heard our manager, we’ve got a meeting,” Evan gave him a look that undoubtedly ended the discussion.
Chapter 15
Alana opened her eyes the next afternoon and immediately wished she hadn’t. She rubbed her face, but froze when a thought crossed her mind. How did she get into bed?
She slowly sat up and looked around her room. Her clothes were still on and she smelled awful. She sighed as she rested her face in her hands. She had a lot of smoothing over to do today. It wasn’t going to be easy.
Why did I have to act like that? God, I hit Evan. That was completely uncool. They probably think I’m a complete looser. She shook her head and stared at the door. Shower first, groveling second.
Phil sat at the end of the table and waited. He had been there since the night before and was still there… waiting. He slowly looked up when he heard her door open, but didn’t say a word.
She smiled as she walked out to the table, but noticed the suitcases in the living room. “What’s goin’ on?”
“Held a band meeting last night,” he spoke plainly.
“Yeah, right,” she laughed. “Funny one.”
“The lads unanimously decided to go back to LA.”
“No way,” she frowned. “Stop fuckin’ with me, they wouldn’t have voted without me.”
“They wouldn’t have voted without you, if it wasn’t for the fact that you were passed out drunk in the stairwell,” he waited.
She couldn’t look him in the eye. “I know I screwed up last night,” she spoke just above a whisper.
“Last night? From what I gather, you’ve been doin’ this for a while.”
“Nah. I’ve been in control…”
“Don’t give me that shit! You can’t control it, Alana! Neither can I! And neither can your father!” Her eyes widened as Phil jumped up from his seat. “You can’t control it! And you know that! Why did you start drinkin’ again?”
“I don’t know!”
“Look,” he grabbed her by the shoulders. “I know you’ve been stressed. The touring, a new album, the parties, Steve’s illness… don’t you think I’ve craved a drink or two?”
She shook her head. “I’ve never seen you take a drink, Dad.”
“I quit when you were very young. Because of the same shit you’re goin’ through now,” he looked her in the eye. “It didn’t solve any problems then and it sure as hell doesn’t now.”
“I know that,” she looked away.
“So you know what you’re doin’ is wrong?”
She sighed as she rolled her eyes. “I know that last night… was a huge cluster fuck.”
“That’s not what I want to hear, Alana.”
“What do you want to hear, Phil?” she spat. “Tomorrow’s a new day? Everything’s gonna be okay? Well it’s not! This is who I am! I’m not your perfect little Petunia anymore! This is me! A fucked-up, drunken rock star wannabe! Aren’t you so proud?” she walked back into her room and slammed the door.
Chapter 16
Evan looked across the aisle of the plane to see Alana diligently writing on a sheet of paper. Once, she stopped, closed her eyes, and moved her pen through the air.
He elbowed Gary and pointed. “She’s writing.”
“That’s a good sign, right?” he smiled as he smacked the back of Seth’s head.
“Ouch! What?” he followed Gary’s pointed finger to see Alana. “Awesome!” he squealed as he got Joe’s attention.
“She’s writing,” he elbowed Phil.
Phil sighed as he kept his nose buried in the magazine he was reading. “I know,” pretended that he hadn’t been watching her.
They arrived at LAX and stretched from the long flight. Alana took a deep breath and then quickly walked up to Evan. “Here,” she handed him a piece of paper and a tape.
“What’s this?” he stopped her from walking away.
“Peace offering,” she smiled before walking off to get her bags.
He quickly opened the papers and read. Sometimes I get so weird, I even freak myself out. I laugh myself to sleep, it’s my lullaby. Sometimes I drive so fast, just to feel the danger. I want to scream, it makes me feel alive. Is it enough to love? Is it enough to breathe? Somebody rip my heart out and leave me here to bleed. Is it enough to die? Somebody save my life. I’d rather be anything but ordinary please.
He smiled as he looked up to watch her grab her bags off of the carousel. She did have a way with words, didn’t she?
Steve grinned from ear to ear to see his little girl home again. His smile quickly faced when he took one look into her eyes. They were sunken and blood-shot . He looked to Phil for answers.
“Smile, mate. She’s ‘ome,” he patted his shoulder.
“Are you hungry?” Jane smiled brightly.
“I’m really tired, Mom,” she yawned.
“Go on up and take a nap, then.”
“I will,” she grinned at her mother.
“Oh, I took your room,” Alex teased as he followed his big sister up the stairs.
“Like hell!” she giggled as she took off down the hall.
“Now,” Steve turned to Phil. “What the hell is…”
Phil looked up at Jane and smiled. “Janie, can you excuse us for a moment, luv?”
She looked between the two of them. “Don’t do anything to upset him.”
“Fine, thanks.”
They both waited until she left.
“Mate… there’s something we need to talk about. An… you’re not gonna be ‘appy…”
Chapter 17
Alana took one last look in the mirror as she adjusted her tight t-shirt and even tighter jeans. Comfy, yet sexy. Just in case one of the boys slipped a camera into the studio. Or Evan decided to cop a feel… where the hell did that come from???
She shook her head and rolled her eyes before grabbing her guitar and heading down the stairs. She slowed as she noticed the group in the living room. She looked around at her band, Dads, Uncle Chris and Uncle Joe. “What’s… goin’ on?”
“Have a seat,” Evan patted the cushion of the couch beside him.
“Aren’t we working today?” she smiled nervously. Please don’t let this be what I think it is.
“No, we’re talking,” Steve spoke up.
“Shouldn’t you be in bed or something?” she looked over at her father.
“Don’t change the subject,” he huffed. “What’s this shit I hear ‘bout you drinkin’ again?”
“It is what it is,” she crossed her arms and closed herself off from the others.
“What, do you think it’s cool or somethin’?”
“Being a teenaged alcoholic? The dirty little secret that needs to be hidden away after the show? No father, I do not think it’s cool.”
“Why didn’t you come to me?” Gary asked. “Or any of us?”
“You were all too busy havin’ a blast. Why should I ruin someone else’s fun?”
“This is not fun, Alana! It’s serious!” Steve’s face reddened. “You’re gonna kill yourself unless you get your drinking under control!”
Her eyes widened as she finally looked over at Phil.
“You see what he’s goin’ through? Not pleasant, is it?”
She shook her head.
“Yeah, well get ready! Cause unless you slow it down, you’re gonna end up just like me!” Steve began coughing.
“Daddy!” she gasped as she reached for a tissue and fell to his knees. “Are you okay? Please don’t be mad, you can’t be mad right now.”
He took the tissue from her and wiped his mouth. “I’m not mad, luv. I’m disappointed. You were doin’ so well…”
“I’m so sorry. I’ll do better this time,” tears streamed down her cheeks. “I promise,” she rested her cheek in his lap as she sobbed. “I promise.”
Phil fought back tears of his own as he watched her. “Then go back into AA.”
“Huh?” she looked up at him. “Really?”
“Really,” her entire band repeated.
“I’ll go with you,” Evan cleared his throat. “So you don’t have to be alone.”
She sat and watched him.
“Me too,” Gary spoke up.
“Are you sure?” she raised her eyebrows as she looked around the room.
“Are you?” Evan asked.
She paused for a moment before nodding her head.
Chapter 18
“I think that’s a wrap for today,” Joe spoke from the soundboard.
“You’re kidding, right?” Alana looked up from her nook of pillows in the middle of the floor. “I almost have the lyrics for this song.”
“Lemme see,” Seth took the paper from her.
“Lemme hear,” Gary smiled.
She grinned as she picked up her guitar. “I’m standing on the bridge… I’m waiting in the dark… I thought that you’d be here… by now… There’s nothing but the rain… No footsteps on the ground… I’m listening but there’s no sound… Isn’t anyone trying to find me… Won’t somebody come take me home… It’s a damn cold night… Trying to figure out this life… Won’t you take me by the hand… Take me somewhere new… I don’t know who you are, but I… I’m with you…” she stopped and waited.
“Wow, Alana. That’s great,” Joe looked at Phil.
“I’m biased,” he shrugged his shoulders.
“I like it,” Evan patted her shoulder. “But come on, we’ve got a date.”
She sighed as she looked up at Gary.
“You promised.”
“I know,” she sat her guitar aside. “Let’s go.”
Phil grabbed her arm as they were walking out the door. “I thought you said you had the song nearly finished?”
“You can hear it tomorrow,” she kissed his nose before walking out the door.
The words rolled over and over in her mind as she rode in the back seat of Evan’s car. I’m looking for a place… I’m searching for a face… Is anybody here I know… Cause nothing’s going right… And everything’s a mess… And no one likes to be alone… Isn’t anyone trying to find me… Won’t somebody come take me home… It’s a damn cold night… Trying to figure out this life… Won’t you take me by the hand… Take me somewhere new… I don’t know who you are, but I… I’m with you… I’m with you… Why is everything so confusing… Maybe I’m just out of my mind… Yeah, yeah…
“Lana?” Gary called her name again.
“Huh?” she looked up.
“We’re here,” he laughed as they climbed out of the car.
“You ready?” Evan held his hand out.
“Ready,” she took it and squeezed.
“Let’s do it,” Gary took her free hand as they walking into the building.
Chapter 19
Alana sat in the back of the room with her sunglasses on and her arms crossed, while slouched down in her seat. She was trying not to look too conspicuous. Probably would have worked if she hadn’t had her two guitarists with her.
“Can I have your autograph? My daughter loves you,” one lady whispered to her in the middle of the session.
“Sure,” she smiled sweetly before obliging her.
“Well… looks like we’ve got a few new faces,” she counselor spoke from the front of the room. “You are?”
“AJ Collen, and these are my friends,” she spoke before either of the boys had a chance.
“AJ?” Gary snorted as he covered his mouth and laughed.
“Hi,” Evan waved before turning to her. “AJ?”
“Kiss my ass,” she spoke through clenched teeth as she smiled.
Once her first meeting was declared as over, she shot up from her seat and headed for the door.
“AJ!” the counselor waved toward her.
She sighed before turning around and heading toward him. “Yes?”
He looked up to make sure most of the people had left. “Never had a celebrity in here before,” he smiled at her.
“As far as I’m concerned, you don’t now either.”
“Fine,” he watched her.
She quickly looked him over. He was young. “How old are you?”
“20,” he nodded. “And a recovering alcoholic myself. This is my internship for college.”
“Really,” she finally smiled. He was kind of cute. “So you’ll be here next week?”
“Yup. You?”
She looked over her shoulder at Gary and Evan in the hallway. “Yup.”
“I’ll see you then… Alana,” he winked before gathering his notes.
She blushed before turning for the door. She stopped and then turned around. “And your name is?”
“Duran.”
“See you next week,” she grinned before joining the others.
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