The group huddled around the pool table along with Rory. They had been playing for a few hours now and were just merely enjoying the time off and being together. Phil had the video camera out taping the event. He was working on a gift for Kenzie for her birthday. He was going to take all the videos they had shot of the group and make a collage of the best moments in each one.
“Kenzie!” Phil yelled from behind the camera.
“Hey, Philly!” She smiled.
“That would be our dear Mackenzie Savage.”
“That’s me.” She giggled.
“And don’t forget, Roger Taylor’s daughter!” Rick laced his arm around her shoulders.
“That’s right.” Viv spoke from the other side of her.
“More importantly, she’s my wife.” Sav stood behind her and pulled her into his arms.
“My favorite title yet.” She kissed him. “Besides bein’ a mother.”
“I can handle that.” He gave her a smile.
“And I am the Master!” Joe butted in front of them.
“Get over it!” They all yelled. They were all still fussing when Kenzie’s cell phone rang.
“Mackenzie Savage.” She stepped away so that she could hear.
“It’s dad.” Roger laughed as he heard the others.
“How goes?” She walked to the bar. She decided she could use one beer tonight. She held up her hand to Tony as she listened to Roger talk. She had her back turned and was intent on the conversation that she didn’t see Jason walk up behind her.
“Let’s just see if you know what you’re talkin’ about.” Jason whispered to Rory as he poured the white powder into Kenz’s drink. They quickly walked away to make it appear as though they just walked in the side door.
Sav looked up at her and smiled as she made her way to the group. He really was happy.
“I’ll let you go.” Roger finally spoke.
“Take care. I’ll send those pictures in a few days.” Kenz smiled.
Roger fought the horrible feeling he had in the pit of his stomach. The same feeling he’d had the day he came home and found Cindy and Mackenzie gone. “I love you, Mackenzie.” He closed his eyes. “Please know that.”
“Are you ok?” She worried.
“Yes.” He sighed. “I’m just bein’ silly.”
“I love you, too, dad. Bye.” She hung up. She placed the phone in the pocket of her jacket and took a drink of her beer.
“You’re up, love!” Joe smiled at her over the table.
“Shit!” She took another drink. Finishing half the glass she sat it down and grabbed a pool stick. She leaned over the table and eyed the ball. Everyone watched, as she didn’t move. She blinked her eyes as a shiver came over her body. Her hands were shaking as her eyes slowly met Sav’s. She dropped the stick and ran for the bathroom and Nat quickly followed.
“First drink she’s had in four months?” Joe looked at Sav.
“Yep.” He smiled. That smile quickly faded as he heard the blood-curling cry from Nat.
“Joe!” She stood white as a ghost in the doorway to the restroom. The guys quickly pushed their way in and found Kenz on the floor. She was shaking so badly that she looked as though she was having a seizure. Phil bent down and looked at her eyes. His eyes turned and met Sav’s and he saw Jason and Rory standing in the doorway.
“It’s a reaction to the Narcon.” Phil groaned. Joe quickly pushed him aside and picked her up.
“Miss Kenzie take a hit?” Jason smirked.
“You bastard!” Sav slammed him against the wall. “What the fuck did ya do?”
“She’s an addict. She always will be!” Jason retaliated.
“Let’s go.” Phil glared at Rory and Jason as the group left with Kenz in tow.
They reached the hospital and the doctors disappeared with Kenz. An hour went by before anyone came to talk with them.
“Mr. Savage?” A solemn looking man stopped in front of the group.
“Yes?” Sav stood up.
The doctor took a deep breath and met his eyes the best he could. “She had a reaction to the Narcon. The worst one I’ve ever seen.” He sighed. “We did everything we could. I’m sorry.”
“Sorry for what?” His eyes widened.
“She… didn’t make it.”
He felt the last bit of air escape from his chest as he fell to the floor.
“Sav?” Phil ran to him. “She’s okay, right?” He knelt in front of him and grabbed his shoulders. “Can we see her?” Tears filled his eyes.
He looked at Phil with tears in his eyes, unable to speak.
“No!” Phil yelled as he again shook him.
“Oh God.” Nat covered her mouth as she watched them.
“Kenzie…” Joe sighed as he wrapped his arms around his wife.
“My Kenzie.” Sav began to shake. “She’s gone, Phil.”
“No!” He cried as he jumped to his feet and looked at the doctor. “There’s a mistake. Our Kenzie is a tiny blonde woman with green eyes. Mackenzie Savage. You made a mistake.”
“I’m sorry.” His eyes fell to the floor. “There was no mistake.”
“Can I see her?” Sav finally rose to his feet.
“What?”
“I want to see my wife.” His voice was shaky, yet forceful.
“Right this way.” He escorted him through the emergency room to the room she was in.
He took a deep breath as he walked in to see her. Her skin was pale and drops of sweat were still on her face. He looked up and grabbed a dry washcloth and wiped them away.
“Kenzie, wake up.” He spoke as tears flowed down his cheeks. “C’mon, baby. Open your eyes for me.” He ran his fingers through her hair. “You can’t leave me, Kenz. Taylor and I need you so bad. God baby, please wake up.” He sobbed as he rested his head on her stomach and cried.
Everyone sat around Sav’s house and tried to comfort one another. Nancy was present to help with Jayla and Taylor.
“Can I do anything for you, mate?” Joe walked out on the balcony where he found Sav.
“What I want you can’t give me.” Sav stared out over the bay.
“I wish I could.” Joe closed his eyes. He was fighting his own tears that threatened to show.
“Why did this happen Joe? We were so happy. She was the happiest I had ever seen her since I’ve known her.”
“I don’t know Sav.” He sniffed. “They say that God works in mysterious ways.”
“What kind of a God takes away a child’s mother? Huh?” He planted both hands firmly on the railing and looked out. “Why?” Sav shouted towards the sky.
“I wish I knew, mate.”
They were interrupted by Taylor crying. Sav took a deep breath and walked in to soothe his son.
“C’mere, Tay.” He held him tightly.
“Ma ma ma ma!” He reached in the air.
“Ma ma’s not here.” He patted his back.
“Ma ma ma ma!” He squirmed under his arms.
“I’m so sorry, Taylor.” He spoke as they sat in the rocker. “Ma ma’s gone.”
He rocked him until he finally went to sleep.
Roger walked through the door and his heart nearly broke even more as he saw Sav holding Taylor in the rocker. Everyone else had decided to head their own way for the evening and give Sav the time he wanted alone. Brian and Alex followed Roger as they made their way on into the living room.
“Rog.” Sav’s eyes held all the pain he was feeling. The men briefly hugged. Sav thought back to the phone call he’d made to him the day before. It was the hardest thing he’d ever had to do.
“How are you holdin’ up?” Roger backed away.
“The lads just left. I ‘aven’t had to spend one minute alone yet. I’m certain that the silence will be deafening."
Phil drove through the streets of Dublin till he finally stopped at a pub on the edge of town. He walked in and headed straight for the bar.
“Three shots of Tequila.” He spoke to the bartender.
“Comin’ up.” The bartender slapped three glasses in front of him and filled them up.
“To the Tequila Twins.” Rick spoke softly beside him. Phil looked up.
“How did you know where I was?” His voice was broken.
“I followed you.” Rick sat down. “I didn’t think you should be alone right now.”
“Thanks.” Phil returned his attention to the shots. Carefully, he downed one of the shots. He left the other two on the bar. They sat quietly for a long time as Phil stared at the remaining shots. “I don’t know how I’m gonna make it through this again.” He choked.
Rick searched for the right words to say. “At least she was well in the end.”
“If she was well, she would be here right now.” He closed his eyes. “Why the hell didn’t she go off the Narcon? Sav begged her to stop takin’ it!”
“I know.” Rick sighed. “I don’t have an answer for that, Phil. It was just a freak accident.”
“Kenzie would have never taken a hit. Not knowing about the Narcon.” He remembered back to that night. “Jason… I better never find out that he had anything to do with it!”
“Settle down, mate.” Rick was genuinely worried about him.
“Another round!” Phil yelled at the bartender. Quickly three more shots were placed in front of him. The bartender looked at Rick with confusion. The two full shots still remained on the bar. Rick shook his head and waived his hand.
“Bring us a round of beers as well, mate.” Rick threw him a wad of money.
Joe stood at the terminal gate as Sav’s family walked off the plane.
“Aye, Joe.” Brian shook his hand.
“How’s Rick?” John came next.
“He’s a bloody mess. I really feel for him.”
“’Ello, Joseph.” Sarah hugged him.
“How are you?” Joe tried to smile.
“My heart is breakin’ for my son.” She wiped away a tear.
“Mine, too.” Joe took in a deep breath. “Ken.” They shook hands.
“You look like you ‘aven’t slept in days.” Alex brushed Sav’s hair from his face.
“I ‘aven’t. I close my eyes and all I see is her face.” He exhaled a shaky breath.
“Why don’t you take Taylor upstairs.” Roger looked at Alex.
After she left the room Roger sat and faced Sav.
“Wanna talk?”
“Can you handle talkin’ about her right now?” Sav snapped. “Cause I can’t.”
“You need to. Hell I need to.” He rubbed his face. “If Kenz taught me one thing, it was to not keep things bottled inside.”
He rubbed his face and stared at the floor. “I don’t understand it. She was doin’ so well.” His voice cracked. The tears couldn’t stop this time. “I need to get outta here.” He shot up and headed for the door.
“Where you goin’?” Roger looked concerned.
“Out! I need some air.” He slammed the door behind him. He was about to reach the car when Rory came walking up the drive.
“I’m so sorry.” Rory cried as she laced her arms around him.
“Leave me alone!” He roared. Sliding his frame into the car be sped away.
“I think you’ve had enough, Phil.” Rick waved at the bartender and handed him a wad of money.
“Fuck it! Bring on the vodka!” He slurred.
“No ya don’t.” He helped him up. “What you need is a comfy bed right now.”
“No!” He pulled away.
“Phil, please.” He watched him. “We need to be there for Sav and his family right now, not sittin’ in a pub feelin’ sorry for ourselves!”
“You have no idea what you’re talkin’ about, all right?” He pointed into his chest. “You don’t know!”
“I miss her too, mate. You’re not the only one that’s hurtin’.”
“Piss off!” He yelled as Sav walked in and stood between them.
“I’ve got ‘im, Rick.” Sav pushed through and sat at the bar.
“He’s tanked, Sav…” Rick explained.
“I see that.” He held his hand up at the bartender. “You leavin’ or drinkin’ with us?”
He watched as Phil took the seat next to him.
“I’m gonna go and get Joe. Promise me you won’t leave.”
“I have no where to go.” He dropped his hand. “Two rounds of your best whiskey.”
Nat sat at her desk and looked over the pictures of Kenz and Sav’s wedding. She had begun to gather the best shots to make an album for them. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she stared at a photo of Kenz, dancing with Taylor in her arms and Sav behind him. “It wasn’t supposed to happen this way, Kenz.” She whispered. “We were supposed to be soccer moms, remember? You were gonna keep your hand over my mouth so I wouldn’t get thrown out.” She began to sob uncontrollably.
Joe stood in the doorway with tears in his eyes as he watched his wife. He slowly walked in and rested his hands on her shoulders.
“Oh Joe!” She turned to him. “What am I gonna do without her?”
“Shh.” He held her.
“Where’s Taylor?” Phil asked while staring at his empty glass.
“With Roger and Alex.” Sav spoke before downing a shot.
“That’s good.” He sighed.
“I want you to speak at her funeral.” He spoke while staring at his hands.
“I can’t…”
“You were the closest thing to a brother she had, Phil.” He looked up. “Please.”
“I can’t.” He repeated.
“Don’t make me say it.” Tears filled his eyes.
“Don’t you dare!”
“You know she would…”
“Stop it!” He covered his ears. “It’s bad enough that I caused it, now you’re gonna punish me more?”
Sav pulled his arms down. “What are you talkin’ about?”
“She would have never been on the Narcon again if I hadn’t signed her out on Steve’s Birthday.” He broke down. “If for one time in my fuckin’ life I had listened to my heart… she’d be here right now!”
“Look at me.” He grabbed his arm. “This was not your doin’!”
“Then why am I the only one left? Huh? Answer me that!”
“The only one?”
“Of the three of us. Steve, Kenzie and me. I have to go on every day now and think about how I should have done something to save them. Instead of hiding everything like the bloody asked me to!”
“But you helped Kenz, Phil.” He pushed back his own tears. “She was happy and healthy in peace with herself for the first time since I’ve known her. And it’s all because of you.”
“I don’t see it that way.”
“Yeah… well I do.” He drank another shot. “So will you please speak tomorrow?”
He took a deep breath. “Yes.”
“Joe? You home?” Rick walked into the house and looked around.
“Up here!” He coughed.
“Aye.” He stopped in the doorway. “I need your help.”
“Why?”
“Sav and Phil are at the pub tyin’ one on. Phil’s pissed drunk and I ‘ave a feelin’ Sav won’t be much better by the time we get back.”
Joe looked down at Nat.
“Go on. He needs his best friend.” She patted his cheek.
“You gonna be all right?” He ran his fingers through her hair.
“Yeah, go on.” She pushed away.
The church looked marvelous. Malvin had stepped in again for the guys and made all the arrangements. The group stood at the back of the church.
“I’m gonna get some fresh air.” Joe looked at Sav.
“Can you hold him for a bit?” Sav handed Taylor to his mom. The guys walked to the side of the church and leaned against the wall.
“Here.” Joe handed him a cigarette.
“Thanks.” He lit it and inhaled deeply. He hung his head and stared at the ground. “I never thought I’d see this day.” He whispered. “At least not after her last relapse.”
“She took a hit that night.” Joe spoke before thinking.
“Someone slipped it to her. I’m sure of it.” He felt the anger return. “Jason looked so smug.”
“I believe you, mate. I’ve never seen her look so happy as she was the last couple of months.”
“We better get back in.” He threw the cigarette out.
Music played softly as the guys and family were seated. The minister then spoke a few words then turned it over to Phil for the eulogy. He hadn’t wanted to do it. He wasn’t sure he could make his voice last that long.
Carefully, he stepped on the podium and cleared his throat. The tears already evident in his eyes.
“Rick asked me to delivery the eulogy today for…..” He paused to let the lump settle in his throat. “Mackenzie Elizabeth Taylor Thomas Taylor Savage.” Even Sav had to smile. Kenz would have found that quite funny. “Kenzie was a fabulous photographer. She had a way of picking the perfect moment to freeze in time. When we were on stage, she knew just when to snap the shot. It was like some sort of whacko sixth sense she had, knowing just when I had missed a rhythm, or boshed a line, or split me trousers.”
He paused for laughter again. “But Kenzie was so many other things to our group. Our family. More than just a photographer. She was a friend, a sister, a wife, and a mother. The things she was most proud of. The things we treasured the most. We each have our own memories of her. Times we shared with her. Hold on to those, it will keep her close to our hearts.” He paused again to wipe away his tears and regain control of his voice. “Kenzie was my best friend. There will not be a day that passes that my heart won’t ache to see her, hear her laughter, or to feel the joy she brought to all of us.”
Phil quietly returned to his seat next to Sav and watched as Roger took his place. Sav patted his shoulder. “Well done, thank you.” And then turned his attention to the front of the church.
Roger took a deep breath and held it as he closed his eyes. His mind wandered to the times he’d spent with her and also to all the time they’d lost.
“This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.” He started. “For most of you that know Mackenzie or myself you know that we didn’t ‘ave a lot of time together. But, I can think back and remember when my daughter was born. The joy that she brought to me even then.” He had to pause as his lips trembled with emotion. “When we met again just seven years ago, I got the opportunity to be her friend before being her father again.” He glanced down at Alex for strength. “She was vibrant and spontaneous and you couldn’t help but feel good when you were around her. During her time in rehab I got to know her a littl’ better. And I loved her even more than I had before. I know that I can look back with pride on her life and will forever have a part of her in my grandson.” He looked down and made his way back to her seat.
Next Joe stood on shaky legs and walked up to the front. “The first time we played this for Kenzie is when she was pregnant with Taylor. She said that it was one of the best we’d ever done. So if you’ll bear with me, I’d like to play it for her.” He grabbed his acoustic guitar and softly began playing Breathe a Sigh.
“Let me down slow and easy …Cause there ain't nothin' I can do …I hope and pray my faith won't leave me …When it comes down to me and you …Try a little tenderness …I die a little for a long lost sweet caress …You lyin' next to me …Fulfilled some destiny …I wanna cry … But I breathe a sigh …Just a little bit of letting go …I don't want you to know …I wanna cry …But I breathe a sigh …Overflow of emotion …And a hurt that'll never heal …If you close the door forever …The fate of pain is sealed …Try a little tenderness …I die a little for a long lost sweet caress …You lyin' next to me …Fulfilled some destiny …I wanna cry … But I breathe a sigh …Just a little bit of letting go …I don't want you to know …I wanna cry …But I breathe a sigh …”
He closed his eyes and remembered the smile on her face as she watched him play it the first time. Tears filled his eyes and he had to stop. He didn’t think he would be able to sing the rest. He stood and returned to his seat without another word.
The minister finished with a few words then everyone started filing out of the church. Sav stood alone next to the coffin and stared down at Mackenzie. He was surprised when he felt the hot tears rolling down his cheeks. He wasn’t sure that he’d had any left.
“Should we go up there?” Viv looked at Joe.
“Let’s give him a few minutes.” Nat laid her head against Joe’s shoulder.
“I can’t imagine what he’s goin’ through.” Rick sighed. “I mean, I know how we feel but, they were like…..the bond was so deep with them.”
“I think Taylor is the only thing that will keep him goin’.” Joe watched his best friend.
“I love you, Mackenzie. You made me the happiest man in the world.” He closed his eyes. “I’ll do my best with Taylor and I promise to make sure he knows everything about his mother and how much she loved him.” He swallowed back more tears. “I know you’re not alone. That Steve is there with you and we’ll see you both again.” He finished as he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up to see Phil standing beside him. His face resembled his own. He must have heard the last words he’d spoken.
Both men stood and looked over her for what seemed eternity.
“God I miss her.” Phil whispered.
“Me too.” He wiped his eyes. “God! She’s probably ‘avin’ a laugh over the two of us right now, you know it?”
“We are a sight.” Phil laughed through the tears. “Are you finished?” He asked meekly. Sav looked down at her one more time then returned his attention to Phil.
“Yes.” He followed Phil out of the church.
The group plus Brian, John, and Roger sat at Kehoes that night around a huge table. When the first round arrived Phil stood upon his chair and gathered everyone’s attention.
“I will start this night off with the memory of a very special person. In honor of my dear friend, Mackenzie Savage.” He took a deep breath. “She loved these littl’ Irish toasts so t’night I give this one, which was one of her favorites. It’s easy to be pleasant when life flows by like a song. But the man worth while is the one who can smile, when everything goes dead wrong. For the test of the heart is trouble. And it always comes with years. And the smile that is worth the praises of earth, is the smile that shines through the tears.”
“Eire.” They all drank their first shot.
“Kenzie had a way of capturing the moments with her camera that no one else saw.” Nat smiled. “She truly had a gift.”
“That she did.” Joe wrapped his arm around his wife.
“She thought the world of all of you.” Roger looked around the table. “So much so she couldn’t bear the thought of hurting any of you.”
“Sav?” Rick watched as Sav stared out over the group.
“Where would I start?” He rubbed his eyes. They hurt so badly and his body was so tired. He couldn’t sleep though, for all he saw was his darling Kenzie’s face.
“If it hadn’t been for Kenzie I wouldn’t have ever made it through Steve’s death.” Phil jumped in. “Only now, I try to figure out how I will make through loosing her.”
“We’ll all ‘ave to work through it together.” Viv patted his shoulder.
"I can't fuckin' do this!" Sav stormed out the door.
"Joe?" Rick looked concerned.
"Let him be." Joe watched him get in his car and speed off. "Why don't we go back to his house and wait for him there?"
"Yeah." Phil stood and finished his beer.
Sav drove around Dublin, stopping only at the liquor store and buying three bottles of vodka. How could he go on without her? She had been all that he was interested in for the last twelve years. And their son, how was he going to raise him on his own? He didn't know. That scared him even more. God, he needed to sleep. His body hurt but worse, his heart ached.
He walked in the house around 2:00 a.m. and everyone was still up.
"We were gettin' worried." Phil looked up.
"Sorry." Sav ran his hand through his hair. "Where's Taylor?" He looked at Nat.
"In his room. I just gave him a bottle about half an hour ago. You should be set till early morning."
"Thanks." He kissed her cheek. "I'm goin' to turn in." He walked up the stairs. He briefly stopped in Taylor's room and watched him sleep. Then, kissing his head lightly he walked down the hall to his own empty room. He walked in and removed his shirt. Walking into the bathroom he splashed his face with cold water then turned out the light. He stopped dead in his tracks as he walked in the bedroom.
"I thought we could keep each other company." Rory crossed the room and stopped in front of him.
"No thanks." He huffed and tried to step around her. She laced her arms around his waist and kissed his chest. The action making Sav's stomach turn. "Back off!"
"Let me comfort you." She reached for his lips.
"Stop!" He grabbed her shoulders and held her back. She was obviously drunk.
"After everything I've done for us to be together." She whined.
"What?" He glared at her.
"I've taken care of Kenzie now there's nothin' to stop us." She cooed.
"What did you do?" His voice rose. A knot was forming in his stomach. He didn't like what he was hearing.
"Um...." She realized what she had said. God, what had she done? She had never meant to hurt Kenz. She only wanted her to relapse so that Sav would leave her.
"Tell me!" He yelled. Rory shook from the anger she heard in his voice and turned for the door. He chased after her. Running down the stairs she ran behind Phil.
"Stop him!" She squealed.
"What's goin' on?" Phil looked at Rory and back at Sav.
"Calm down, mate." Joe saw the anger registered on Sav's face.
"Tell me what you did to Kenzie!" Sav yelled again. Rory shook as everyone's eyes settled on her.
"What?" Roger gasped.
"Rory?" Phil moved away from her.
"She was only suppose to relapse!" Rory blurted.
"No!" Sav shook his head wildly.
"What are you sayin'?" Roger grabbed her arm. "You gave her coke?"
"I didn't.” She cried. “Jason slipped some in her beer.”
"You only suggested it." Joe huffed.
"Why?" Nat cried.
"She was a fuckin' addict. She didn't deserve Sav!" Rory huffed.
"She was my wife!" Sav lunged for her. "And you took her away!" He reached for her throat. Joe and Phil reached for Sav before he could get a hold of her.
"You bitch!" Nat broke through and punched Rory.
"Sav!" Joe yelled as he struggled to hold him back.
"Let me go!" Sav grasped Rory's shirt.
"Viv!" Phil yelled.
Viv grabbed Sav around the waist from behind and tried to pull him back. Joe with no other solution in mind, reached over and punched Sav. Knocking him back he fell to the floor. Phil looked over stunned. With the amount of alcohol and the force of Joe's punch, he was out cold.
"He's gonna hate me for that in the mornin'." Joe shook his fist in the air. "But not as much as he will still hate you!" He turned back to Rory.
"Phil?" Rory pleaded with him.
"You took away me best friend!" Phil roared.
"Daddy?" Rory cried.
"I don't even know you." Roger turned away from her.
"Get the hell outta here." Nat stepped toward her. Rory stood her ground until Nat took another step. She then ran for the door and left.
"Help me get him to his room." Joe choked.
"At least he'll get some sleep t'night." Rick sighed.
The next morning Sav woke up and crawled to the shower. The hot water felt good against his aching body. His jaw hurt like hell. Quickly he showered and dressed and joined everyone downstairs.
"Hey." He picked Taylor up from his highchair next to Nat and Jayla.
"Morning." Nat gave him a smile.
"Here." Rick handed him a cup of coffee.
"Thanks." He spoke gruffly.
"Did you finally get some sleep?" Joe walked in.
"Would 'ave much rather got it a different way." Sav looked up at him.
"Sorry, mate. You would've killed her." Joe sipped his own coffee.
"I will." Sav huffed. "I plan on findin' Jason this afternoon."
"Nancy called and said she will be here this afternoon." Nat interrupted.
"Great." Sav took one more drink. "I need to go."
"Want us to go with you?" Viv watched him.
Sav slumped his shoulders. "Yeah, I'm not sure I can still keep my eyes open long enough to drive there."
"Give us a minute." Phil headed for the stairs.
Joe, Phil, Viv, and Sav along with Taylor piled out of the car at the lawyer's office.
"Sure you’re up for this?" Joe looked at Sav.
"I need to finalize this." He looked over at him. "It's the money Freddie left her and now it's goin' into a trust for Taylor."
"Fuck." Phil looked at Viv.
"Shit." Viv tapped Joe on the arm. Joe looked over to see Rory walking out of a restaurant with Jason.
"Take him." Sav pushed Taylor into Rick's arm.
"Joe!" Phil warned.
"Sav!" Joe, Phil and Viv chased him across the street.
"I'm gonna kill you!" Sav drew back and punched Jason. "You just couldn't leave her be!" He punched him again. "Are you happy now?! She's gone!" He punched him again, knocking him to the ground. He kicked him repeatedly as the guys reached him.
"Stop!" Joe grabbed him.
"Fuck off!" Sav yelled.
"Richard!" Phil yelled from behind him. Sav turned to face him. Rick stepping into view, Sav stared at his son.
"Bastard!" He turned and kicked Jason again.
"Stop!" Rory grabbed at Sav's arm.
"You!" He grabbed her by the throat. "You are nothin' like your sister! She would never have done that to you!" He squeezed tighter. Rory began to make a choking sound.
"Phil!" She gasped. Phil looked at Joe. He knew he should stop him but, he felt like doing it himself.
"Stop!" Joe grabbed Sav's shoulder and drew back his fist. "Don't make me knock ya out again, mate."
Sav held her for a moment longer then realized that even choking her would not bring Kenzie back. He released her throat from his hands and stepped back. "I suggest you never show your faces to me again." He grabbed his son and walked into the lawyer's office.
Everyone sat around the table like every other evening over the last two months. Except today no one had said a word.
"You know, she'd be really upset with us if we didn't do it." Nat smiled through her tears.
"She would." Phil tried to smile.
"Then let's do it." Sav looked around the table.
They grabbed their normal table at Kehoes and watched as the shots were placed on the table before them. They were silent for a few minutes before Phil raised his glass.
"Welcome to the annual Mackenzie Elizabeth Savage pub crawl." He spoke as a single tear rolled down his cheek. “To Kenzie!”
“To Kenzie!”
* * * * *
The field was full of kids kicking around the soccer ball as Joe and Sav stood on the sidelines watching their team practice.
"C'mon, in!" Sav hollered at the team. The kids huddled around the guys and listened as they planned out the strategy of the game.
"Jayla, cover Sean and Taylor can cover Austin." Sav looked around.
"Cool." They broke.
The game was a nightmare. The Rockers barely won the game.
"Good game, Tay." Sav wrapped his arm around his son's shoulders.
"Thank Jayla." Taylor gave her a high five. "She plays like her dad."
"Thanks!" Jayla smiled.
"Just be thankful she's on your team then." Sav laughed. They walked off to the car and put their stuff in the trunk. Then it was off to Joe and Nat's for pizza. On the drive over Sav decided to drop the bombshell on his son.
"I need your advice." He spoke as he drove.
"Mine?" Tay was surprised.
"Yeah. I've thought about askin' Paige to move in."
"Oh." He looked out the window. What did she need to move in for?
Sav sensed his uneasiness. "I won't do it if it will upset you."
"No." He looked up at him. "I want you to be happy."
"It's been a long time since I've felt this way about someone."
"Like you felt for mum?" Taylor looked on innocently.
"Not quite. I don't think I'll ever feel that way again." Sav thought of Kenzie.
Taylor had turned out to be so much like her. He had his looks minus the green eyes and his love for soccer and music. It was Kenzie's spirit that really came through in him though. There was still so much to tell him about her but, it all had to come at the right time.
"Really, dad. I want you to be happy. If Paige does that then,...so be it."
"Thanks, son." Sav smiled.
After pizza they headed home to find Paige in the house cleaning.
"What's this?" Sav pointed to some boxes on the table.
"Some crap I found in the closet that needs to be tossed." She looked up and smiled.
"Where did you get it?" Sav opened it up.
"The closet in the spare room. I was cleaning it out to make room for some of my stuff."
"Kenzie." Sav whispered. The box was full of stuff of Kenzie's.
"Don't you dare toss it!" Taylor ran over.
"It's useless." Paige stepped in.
"The hell it is!" Taylor glared at her. "She was my mum and it stays!" He grabbed the box and ran to his room.
"What did I do?" Paige looked at Sav. He had his hands on the table leaning over with his eyes closed.
"Sit down." Sav spoke softly. Carefully, he pulled out his wallet and showed her a picture of him, Kenz, and Taylor. "That box contained stuff of Kenzie's."
"So?" She looked confused.
Sav took a deep breath. "She was my wife. She died when Taylor was only a year old."
"Oh, I didn't....."
"It's ok. Anything that is left in this house of her stays. She was Taylor's mum and I promised to make sure he knew about her." He went on to tell her about Kenz.
"I feel so bad now." She wiped away a tear. "Maybe I should go talk to him."
"Let me." Sav stood and walked up to his room.
He knocked on the door and waited.
"What?"
"Can I come in?"
"It's your house." Taylor huffed. Sav walked in to see him staring at a picture of Kenz and him.
"Paige is sorry." He sat down next to him. "I hadn't told her about the stuff still 'ere for you."
"She has no right to throw it out." He looked up at his dad. His eyes so much like Kenzie's.
"She knows that now. She doesn't want to hurt you."
"Then tell her to leave mum's stuff alone." He got up and ran out of the house. Sav grabbed the picture Taylor was holding and stared at it. What to do. He'd made a promise fifteen years ago to tell his son everything about his mother. So far, he'd not kept that promise in whole. And he knew why. He wasn't sure he could go through all the pain again.
He walked downstairs and grabbed his keys. "I'll be back later." He spoke as he walked out the door. He drove across town and got out of the car. Walking through the cemetery, he stopped at Kenzie's grave and sat down. He sat quietly for a while then tilted his head back and closed his eyes.
“I miss you so much.” He stared at the picture of the three of them he’d pulled out of his wallet. “Taylor is fifteen now and everyone is pushin’ me to tell him about your addiction. How do I do that? How do I go from tellin’ him how wonderful you were to tellin’ him the hell you put yourself through for so many years? Help me, Kenzie. I don’t know what to do.” He sat there for a long while just thinking. Wishing that Kenzie was still here….still with him.
Taylor walked into his room after school and threw his books onto his desk. He had no desire to start on his homework right away and television sounded just as boring. He fell onto his bed and ran his fingers through his hair as he looked over at the box on the floor. He took a deep breath as he sat up and reached for a pile of photos.
They were all of his Mother, his Uncle Phil, and another guy with blonde hair. They seemed to be having a lot of fun and were always hanging around a pool table. It didn't look like the one downstairs. Maybe his Mom liked pool. Was she any good at it? As good as Dad? Better?
His thoughts were interrupted by the knock on his door.
"Tay? You 'ome?" Sav knocked lightly.
"Yeah!" He shoved the photos under his pillow.
"Hey." He walked in. "How was school?"
"Usual." He huffed. "I have another friggin' writing assignment."
"Hey, watch the mouth please."
"Sorry." He sat up. "What's goin' on?"
"Well, Paige wants to go to a thing in London this weekend and I wondered if you wanted to go. Maybe visit your Gran for the weekend."
"Not really." He raised his eyebrows. "The Celts are playing the Wednesdays and Gran doesn't get satellite coverage."
"True." He smiled. "Your Uncle Joe does."
"And he'll probably be watchin' the United game."
"True again."
"I can stay here, Dad. I'm sure Aunt Nat'll keep up with me anyway."
"You're just full of answers, aren't ya?"
"Well?"
He watched him for a moment. "Fine. But I will call and there will be no parties."
"Parties?" He smiled.
"No friends over at all, Taylor."
"I don't have friends, Dad." He chuckled.
"No, you have mates. Oh, and Jayla can't 'ave a party here either, so don't even think about gettin' around it." He smiled knowingly as he walked into the hall.
"Damn." He mumbled. How did he always know what he was thinking?
"You what?!" Jayla sat straight up on her bed.
"I 'ave the house to m'self this weekend." Taylor spoke.
"How in the hell did you accomplish that?"
"Paigey flashed her eyes and got Dad to take her to London."
"And just like that he let you stay? There has to be a catch, Tay."
"Yeah, your Mum."
"I knew it!" She huffed as she crossed her arms. "Let me ring a few blokes and I'll ring back."
"No, Jay. No parties. I'm on probation."
"What they don't know won't hurt, TK! Trust me!" She hung up.
"Oh c'mon, Tay. It's not that bad." Sav watched his son pick over the meal that Paige had prepared for them. "Just a few bites." He pleaded.
"I'd like to keep my teeth intact." He mumbled under his breath as the phone rang. "I'll get it!" He jumped up and ran into the kitchen. "'Ello?"
"Okay." Jayla whispered. "Patsy's folks think she's stayin' here. Robby's folks think your dad's gonna be there. My folks think I'm stayin' at Patsy's..."
"So where are we stayin'?"
"There! What's the stock of the bar look like. I may be able to grab a few of Dad's..."
"We are gonna get so busted!" He spat as he lowered his voice.
"Oh ye of litt'l faith. 'Ave I ever let you down before?"
"Well, what about..."
"That was an accident! It'll work, I promise!"
"Ugh!" He closed his eyes. "Fine!" He hung up and returned to the dining room.
"Who was it?" Sav strained while chewing on his food.
"Jay. Had a question 'bout our writing assignment." He lied. "Speakin' of, I really need to get mine done."
"What about your dinner?" Paige asked.
"Can't concentrate on a full stomach." He smiled.
"Go on!" Sav huffed.
"Tay! We're 'ere!" Jayla ran into the house and looked around. "TK! You 'ome?" She ran upstairs to his room. "TK?"
"Don't get your knickers in a bunch!" He walked in from the bathroom while zipping up his jeans. "Who is we?"
"Um.. a few mates."
"A few?" He cocked his eyebrow at her.
"It's cool." She pushed him down the stairs.
He stopped when he reached the end of the stairs and looked around. "Bloody 'ell, Jayla! There's... twenty people 'ere!"
"But they're all soccer fans, Tay. I couldn't say no."
She batted her eyes at him. "And Jason over there? He's 18. He can go on a beer run if we need to."
"Jayla, you are a brilliant girl..." He walked to the kitchen. "No matter what anyone else says about cha!"
"Huh?" She stopped. "What do they say?" She watched him laugh and walk away. "Tay! What do they say?" She followed him.
"Hi Taylor." A cute little blonde girl by the name of Tristy walked into the kitchen.
"Tristy." He stopped dead in his tracks and looked her over. "I didn't... I didn't know you were comin'."
"I had to help Jay tote the cooler over." She batted her green eyes at him.
"Thank you." He smiled his sweet boyish smile at her.
"Blagh." Jayla walked in and rolled her eyes. "Mush!"
"Off with ya, then!" He pushed her.
"Canceled?" Sav stood at the terminal.
"All flights to London have been canceled. There was a bomb threat earlier today."
"Fine." He sighed. "Thank you." He turned to Paige.
"What next?" She pouted.
"Why don't we go out?" He took her hand as his cell phone rang. "Yeah?"
"I'm watchin' the tele and I bet you're still in Dublin." Joe chuckled.
"You're a bloody fortune teller, ain't ya?" He chuckled.
"Wanna me Nat and me for dinner?"
"That would be lovely. Give Taylor a few extra hours to live it up, anyway."
"See you in a bit then." He hung up.
"Wow." Taylor drank down a shot of some dark liquid. "This is good shit, Jay."
"It's called black vodka. Dad seems to fancy it mixed with that energy stuff... Red Bull? Anyway, he seems to like it."
"Can I try?" Tristy smiled at him.
"Sure." He poured her a glass.
"Thanks for the invite." Sav spoke as they returned to Joe and Nat's.
"No prob. Wanna stop in for a few drinks before you head off?"
"Sure." He looked at Paige and smiled.
They walked in and dropped their jackets on the sofa as Joe walked behind the bar. "I've got this new drink that you have to try..." He moved the bottles around.
"It should be right there." Nat pointed. "I just went to the liquor store yesterday.”
"I may be gettin' old, but I don't see the bloody thing."
"Here!" Nat huffed as she pushed him out of the way. She looked around. "It's gone. So is the Jose, Dewar's and Smirnoff." She looked up at him.
Joe pursed his lips and looked at Sav. "Gee. I wonder where my darling daughter would have gone with such a large stash of alcohol?"
He took a deep breath and rolled his eyes. "Let's go."
"Truth or dare!" Jayla slurred as she pointed to Taylor.
"Dare." He smiled.
"Um..." She looked around the room. "I dare you to... chug from this bottle of vodka."
"Ew! That shit's pure alcohol!" He took the bottle.
"Chicken!" Tristy giggled.
"Oh yeah?" He tipped the bottle up just as Sav walked through the door.
Sav stopped dead in his tracks as he watched his son with the bottle of vodka. He finally found his voice as anger pulsed through him. "What in God's name are you doin'?" His voice echoed throughout the house.
Taylor choked and spit the clear liquid through his nose as he nearly dropped the bottle.
"Fuck me!" Jayla turned to run down the hall, only to be met by her father. "Dad!"
"What 'ave I told you about sneakin' off with me liquor?" He crossed his arms.
"Ask first." She pouted as she rolled her eyes.
"Joe!" Nat smacked him on the back of the head. "This is serious!"
"Well, I'd much rather know about it than 'ave her sneak around!" He watched as she gathered all of the bottles.
Sav gazed at his son as the other kids quickly gathered their things and left. "I am... extremely disappointed in you." He calmed himself as he looked down at the bottle of vodka. So many memories flooded his mind that he had to shake them off.
"We were just 'avin' fun, Dad."
"No, you're playin' with fire is what you're doin'."
"C'mon, you still get drunk occasionally! And don't tell me you don't, I'm not an idiot."
"I know you're not. And you're right. But... you're too young, Taylor."
"Whatever." He huffed and walked up to his room.
Joe walked Jayla out to the car as Nat stayed and watched Sav. Paige just stood in the background, unsure of what to say or do. "He needs to know, Sav." She whispered.
"When he's older." He looked away.
"Kenzie was 13 when she started drinking."
"I know." He closed his eyes.
She nodded her head and patted his arm. "Call if you need anything."
He turned and placed his hand on hers. "Thanks, Nat."
"Any time." She smiled and walked out the door.
Phil sat on the barstool and watched as Sav paced back and forth.
“You’re startin’ to make the others nervous.” He leaned back.
“I can’t do this, Phil.” He sat next to him and drank from his glass of Dewar’s and soda.
“You have to tell him everything about his mother, Sav. You owe it to him.”
“How do I do that, though? All he’s heard from us the last fifteen years is how happy and wonderful and beautiful she was. I can’t exactly say, ‘Oh yeah. She was an addict, too!” He sighed.
“Deep breaths, mate.” He patted his back. “He’s a smart boy, Taylor. If you don’t tell him, he’s gonna find out. And I promise you, you’ll wish you would have told ‘im.”
“I know, I know.” He stared at his drink. “He acts so much like her sometimes… I swear she’s sittin’ somewhere laughin’ her ass off when he comes up with some of the shit that comes out of his mouth.”
“Our Kenzie? I have no doubt about that.” He smiled. “Oh, and Anita wants to ‘ave you all over next weekend for dinner.”
“Can’t next weekend, mate. Roger and Alex are in for a holiday.”
“Bring them too! I’d love to see how Rog is. We could get a game of poker together.”
“I’ll run it past him.” He patted his shoulder and then threw a wad of money down. “Thanks, mate.”
“No problem.”
“There’s my boy!” Roger hugged Taylor tightly. “How’ve you been?”
“I’m fine, Grandpa.” He smiled.
“I like the hair cut!” Alex fussed over him. “But when did you do this?” She pointed to his pierced ear.
“A few weeks ago. You like it?” He walked off with her to the kitchen.
“So? What’s new?” Roger sat down with Sav. “And where’s this hot new girlfriend I’ve heard so much about?”
“Oh, so Tay thinks she hot?” He chuckled. “She’s upstairs primpin’. She wants to look extra special for Roger Taylor.”
“Oh, she probably thinks I’m the one from Duran Duran.”
“Probably.” He laughed. “Can I get you a beer?”
“That would be lovely.” He looked up as Alex and Taylor returned from the kitchen carrying a chocolate cake.
“Happy Birthday, Grandpa.”
“Did you make this?”
“Yeah. Aunt Nat gave me one of Mum’s old recipes.”
“Oh, I loved your Mum’s chocolate cake.” He hugged him. “Thank you!”
“I hope you like it. I’ve never really baked anythin’ before.” He looked at his Dad.
“Can’t be any worse that Paige’s cooking.” Sav whispered as Taylor erupted in laughter.
“And she’s getting lunch?” Alex groaned.
“No, we’re goin’ out!” Sav smiled. “Phil’s invited us via Anita. I didn’t think you’d mind.”
“Not at all. I haven’t seen the other lads in a long time.”
“You know the others?” Taylor’s eyes widened.
“Oh yeah. Your Mum always had parties where we got together.” Roger winked at him.
“She was a partier?” He raised his eyebrows.
Roger stopped and looked at Sav. “Surely you’ve seen the pictures.”
“Not yet.” Sav sighed.
“I’ve seen a lot of pictures.” Taylor looked between the men.
“You’ve never been to the house in London.” Sav looked at him. “It’s where your Mum and Aunt Nat lived when they first moved to England. There’s a wall of pictures that they added to after every party. There are a lot of photos of her and her friends.”
“I think Nat said there were 128 frames?” Roger sipped his beer.
“Wow. That must be a big wall.” Taylor smiled. “When can I see it?”
“Ask Nat. She owns it now.”
Taylor walked in the door after the last day of school and headed straight for the kitchen.
"Where 'ave you been?" Sav looked up from cutting vegetables.
"Jayla's." He sat down his bag. Taking a deep breath he looked at his father. "I want to go to London."
"I'll 'ave to call Gran first." He wiped his hands.
"No, I want to go visit Mum's old house."
Sav stopped and stared at his son. It was time. He could tell that he'd caught on to the fact that there were still things he didn't know about her.
"Please, dad." He pulled out a book. "I've read it and I want to know why mum wrote these things."
Sav stared at Kenzie's diary. He hadn't even thought about it being in the box of stuff that he'd taken to his room. He also knew the questions that must be going through Taylor's mind right now. He'd read the diary a few months after Kenz had died. It seemed to be the once place she could open her feelings up at all those years.
“You’re right. It’s time I took you to see the house.” Sav picked up the phone.
“Are you callin’ Aunt Nat?” Taylor grabbed a soda.
“I need the keys to the house.” He dialed. “Then I’m gonna call your Uncle Phil to go with us.”
Sav, Taylor and Phil walked off the plane and through the airport. Sav threw his bag in the car as his cell phone rang.
“’Ello.”
“Did you make it?” Joe spoke through the phone.
“Just getting in the car now.” Sav watched Taylor walk away and let out a deep sigh.
“Deep breaths. You’ve known for fifteen years that this day was comin’.”
“I know. It’s just I ‘aven’t been back to the house and the memories it holds.” He watched his son return.
“You can handle it. I know you can. A part of you has been with Kenzie everyday.” Joe reassured him.
“I’ll try and remember that. Gotta go. Tell Nat we’ll call.”
“Will do.” Joe hung up.
They pulled up to the house and Sav and Phil looked at each other. Grabbing their things they walked in without a word.
“I’ll take the sofer and Tay can ‘ave Nat’s old room.” Phil dropped his bags by the door.
“Sounds good.” Sav looked over at his son. “Up the stairs and it’s the second door on the left.”
Taylor ran up the stairs and began unpacking his clothes. He pulled out a picture of his mom and placed it on the nightstand next to the bed beside one of Joe and Nat.
“Go on, mate.” Phil patted Sav’s back as he stared at the bedroom door. Sav slowly climbed the stairs and entered the bedroom. He closed the door behind him and put his stuff in the chair. His eyes scanned the familiar room then came to rest at the bed. God, he could still hear her laughter and he closed his eyes.
“Oh, Savvy.” A voice inside his mind spoke.
“Kenzie.” He choked. This was harder than he’d thought. Even after fifteen years he still missed her like she’d gone yesterday.
“Where’s dad?” Taylor walked back downstairs.
“Unpackin’.” Phil looked up. “Why don’t we go out back and give him a few minutes.” Phil walked him outside. He’d noticed that Taylor was carrying a book and when they reached the lawn chairs decided to ask about it. “Whatcha got there?”
“Mum’s diary.” Taylor handed it to him. Phil stared at the book. The guilt and pain of loosing his two best friends came flooding back. “She mentions you a lot in it.” He sat down next to him.
“She does?” Phil took the book and opened it up. Briefly he read over a couple of entries and Taylor noticed the tears that rolled down his cheeks.
“You and Mum were really close, weren’t you?”
“Aye, we were.” His eyes remained on the book. “She was the greatest person I’ve ever known.”
“She loved you. She thought of you as the brother she never had.” Taylor flipped to an entry where his mother had written those very words.
“You’re a lot like her.” Phil finally looked at him. “She’d be very proud of you if she were here today.”
“I wish she were.” Taylor leaned back in his chair.
“Well, the least I can do is tell you everythin’ we know about your Mum.” Sav spoke from the door. He waived his son into the house and led him to the living room and pointed to the frames hanging on the wall.
“Wow.” Taylor tipped his head back. Sav and Phil both chuckled.
“Your Mum was never lackin’ in friends.” Phil refreshed his memory with the photos on the wall.
“No she wasn’t.” Sav followed. Taylor continued to look over the pictures asking a question here and there about whom certain people were.
“Him!” Taylor pointed to a picture of Kenzie, Phil, and another man with blonde hair. “I’ve seen several pictures of the three of you together.” He looked at Phil. “Who is he?”
It dawned on both men that they would have to talk about more than just Kenzie to make Taylor understand everything there was to know about her.
“That would be Steve.” Sav rested his hands on Taylor’s shoulders.
“He was a good friend of me and your Mum’s.” Phil added. “He was a guitarist in the band before he died.”
“Mum wrote a lot about him too.” Taylor continued looking through the pictures. Friends always surrounded Kenz and there was several of her with Sav, several with the lads and also a few with Roger and other bands.
“Mum knew all these people?”
“She did, yeah.” Sav reached for the shelf next to the tele and grabbed a hand full of videos. “Come ‘ere.”
They all three sat down on the couch as Sav pressed the play button. The first of the old videos that had been recorded started to play.
“Mum!” Taylor gasped as the camera pointed to Kenz. “I didn’t know you had videos.” He looked at his father.
“That whole cabinet is full of them.”
"Yo, Steve!" Phil stood in front of him with the camera.
"Piss off!" Steve smiled and flipped the bird at the camera.
"Nice." Phil laughed. He moved on to capture Sav. "Keeping his eye on the lady." Phil spoke.
"Do you know how cheesy you sound talkin' to that bloody thing?" Sav laughed.
"Just call 'em like I see 'em."
"Move on then." Sav pushed him out of his way.
"You all look so young." Taylor's eyes were glued to the television.
"Thanks." Phil chuckled. He could really hear how cheesy he sounded now, years later.
"Let me 'ave that." Joe took the camera from Phil. "Now you talk nice to the camera." Joe aimed it towards him.
"I'm Phil Collen." He smiled.
"And I'm not!" Rick popped his head over Phil's shoulder.
The camera shook as Joe busted out in laughter.
"Rick's drunk!" Kenz laughed.
"We all are." Nat smiled at her.
"Oh, yes." Joe turned the camera on the girls. "Tell us ladies, what is your favorite Def Leppard song?"
"Def Leppard?" Kenz looked at Nat.
"Who are they?" Nat turned back to the camera.
"Funny." Joe kept the camera on them. "C'mon tell Joe your favorite song."
"I don't think I've heard any of their songs." Nat giggled.
"Oh, I know!" Kenz took a quick drink. "Autograph!"
"Wanker!" Phil huffed.
"I think she broke the camera." Joe turned it around and looked into it.
"That was low." Sav smacked her lightly on the back of the head.
"Def Leppard does not sing 'Autograph'." Joe spoke into the camera. "Our voices and instruments would never play the same if we sang a bloody John Denver song." He then turned the camera back on the girls. Phil, Joe and, Sav all three looked at each other and then the girls.
"It's Photograph!" They yelled.
"Oh!" Kenz giggled.
"Close enough." Nat followed.
They watched a few videos before they headed off to bed. Sav tossed and turned all night. Pictures of Kenzie running through his mind. Finally, after trying to sleep for three hours he gave up and walked downstairs. He found Phil in the kitchen drinking on a bottle of Dewars.
"Can't sleep?" Sav sat down beside him.
"To many memories in this house." He gave a painful huff.
"Tell me about it." Sav rubbed his eyes. "Tay couldn't take his eyes of the tele for two seconds t'night."
"He's anxious to know everythin' about his Mum." Phil shuffled some photos he'd been looking at.
"I'm still strugglin' for a way to put it."
"He's gonna figure it out. He saw on the videos where I got her several times chuggin' from a bottle of Smirnoff."
"I know." He rubbed his face.
"He needs you to tell him." Phil finally looked over at him. "Kenz went most of her life without her father. She was lucky enough to find him again and get to know him before she died. Tay doesn't 'ave that opportunity. All he has is us and our memories."
"You always 'ave a way of puttin' it right out there." Sav chuckled.
"Yep. Why do you think the blondes leaned on me so much."
The next morning Taylor walked into the kitchen and sat down. Sav was reading the paper and Phil was cooking breakfast.
"I 'ave a question." Taylor stated. "In Mum's diary she always sounded so sad but in the videos she looked so happy."
"I know. Your Mum was a complex person."
Taylor thought a minute before he spoke again. "In her diary she talked about how much she hated Phil for helpin' put her in rehab. What was she doin' there?"
Phil dropped the spoon he was holding and his face grew pale. Sav looked at his son and took a deep breath.
"What I'm about to tell you....I want you to hear me out before you jump in." Sav's hands began to shake. He wished Joe, Nat and the others were here. With all of them here it would be a little easier to handle. "Your Mum kept a lot of things bottled up inside her. She always felt the need to be what she thought everyone expected her to be." He paused as he searched for the right words. "Over the years that got to be harder and harder for her to do. So,...to escape from the stress she would go off by herself to be herself."
Taylor's face held a look of confusion.
"To help with the pain she drank....heavily. After some time she began to take the trips with Steve. The two of them seemed to understand each other. They believed their lives were the same." Sav felt drained so Phil stepped in. He knew it was the next part that Sav couldn't bring himself to say.
"During those trips, which I was the only one to know about for a while, your Mum began to use drugs." He watched Taylor's face turn to shock. "She quickly got addicted to cocaine and anti depressants."
"After several months of hidin' it from the rest of us she moved to New York when she took a job with Rolling Stone. We went to visit her some time after she'd moved and she OD’d." Sav swallowed the lump in his throat. "It was then that Phil called your grandpa and they took her to a rehab clinic in LA. She spent three months there."
"When did she come back?" Taylor couldn't stay silent any more.
"She came back to England for Aunt Nat and Uncle Joe's weddin'."
"Why?" Taylor began to cry. "Why would she do that to herself?"
"She was depressed. Everything she went through in life began to bring her down. It was when we got back together and she learned that she was pregnant with you that she truly began to heal."
"Steve died of an overdose in 1991." Joe spoke from the doorway. Relief washed over Sav's face. "She felt guilty for not bein' 'ere." He crossed the room with the others following him.
"She'd taken an assignment in Japan and wasn't here when Steve died. She felt that if she'd have been here she could have done something to prevent it." Nat added.
"Then the lads went to work on finishin' the album and lookin' for a new guitarist. She resented me for a while though we were friends." Viv chimed in.
"We all loved your Mum and were determined to stand by her when she relapsed again after you were born." Rick ran his hand through his hair.
"She found Steve's old lyric book that I would give anythin' to go back and trash the moment I found it." Joe sniffed. "She found letters from Steve in there that he never sent her."
"See, Steve was in love with your Mum." Phil looked at Taylor.
They went on to tell him about all the times they shared with Kenzie. The stories on some of the pictures on the wall and how Phil, Steve, and Kenz came to be known as the Three Blondes.
"I didn't even know I had an Aunt Rory." Taylor finally spoke again.
"None of us 'ave spoken to her since that day." Sav huffed. They were again silent for a bit.
"So, Mum was an addict. No wonder you flipped when Jay and I had a party."
"I flipped cause you had a bottle of vodka tipped to your mouth." Sav put his arm around his son.
"Your mom was only 13 when she began drinking." Nat patted his hand. "Your father only wants for you not to follow down the same path she took."
"She was well in the end." Phil knelt in front of him. The re-found guilt still twisting in his gut. "She was the happiest we'd ever seen her."
Taylor suddenly took on that "Wiser than his years" look and looked Phil in the eyes. "You still feel guilty." He shook his head. "Please don't. It's what ate at Mum and she would be hurt if you did that to yourself still."
Sav and Joe were shocked at what they heard. Tears began to flow down Phil's cheeks. He'd sounded so much like Kenzie. He smiled at the thought. He could just picture her telling him that.
They talked for a while longer and Taylor finally felt the need to be alone for a while. He excused himself to the basement. There he fumbled through a few boxes and drawers in the desk. It was there that he found a role of undeveloped film. Taking what Nat and Rick had taught him he spent the rest of the evening developing the film.
The next morning Sav walked downstairs and found him slumped over the desk sleeping. The pictures he'd developed scattered around him.
"Tay." He shook his shoulder.
"Mmm." He sat up and rubbed his eyes. "Mornin'."
"What did you find 'ere?" Sav grabbed the pictures.
"I found a role of undeveloped film." He looked up. Sav noticed his bloodshot eyes. He must have cried himself to sleep last night. He looked through the pictures.
"These were taken just days before she died." Sav looked puzzled. How did they get back to the house in London? "The lads were over at the house. It was the night you took your first steps." He smiled.
"Can I keep them?"
"Of course." He handed them back to him. "Let's go. We 'ave a plane to catch."
Sav and Taylor walked into the house to the smell of... something burning. They both made a face and looked at each other.
"You go on and unpack." Sav sighed. "I'll try to talk her into pizza."
"Try very hard, Dad." He chuckled as he walked up to his room.
"Yeah, yeah." He waved him off as he walked into the kitchen.
Paige looked up from the stove and smiled. "Hi!" She ran across the kitchen to kiss him.
"Hi." He smiled. "Whatcha doin'?"
"Well... I'm making lasagna." She looked down at the smoldering pan.
"That one thing we 'ave in common." He chuckled. "Pizza?"
"But the food..."
"...Will serve the dog wonderfully. We humans on the other hand need pizza." He kissed her.
"Fine." She pouted. "So how did it go?"
"What?"
"Your trip down memory lane? Is Taylor happy now?"
"It'll take more than a weekend." He sighed. "But it is a huge step in the right direction. And sort of a relief, actually. To finally get it all out."
"I want you to know that it's a great thing you're doing. For Taylor and for you."
"How's that?" He leaned against the counter.
"Maybe if you get it out then we can move on with our lives together."
"I thought we have moved on?"
"There's always more, Rick." She whispered.
"Paige..." He took a deep breath. "I told you when we first started dating that I would never marry again."
"Yeah, but that was almost a year ago."
"I did it once. There can never be a second." He watched her. "And if that's what you want... I can't give it to you." They were interrupted by Taylor yelling from the hall.
"We ready for pizza?" He peeked into the kitchen.
"Yeah." Sav smiled at him.
When they returned home, Sav noticed a package on the front step. He picked it up and read that it was addressed to him from Rolling Stone Magazine.
"I'm going to go and take a shower." Paige watched him.
"Have fun." He smiled as she kissed his cheek.
"Care to join me?"
"I'll be up as soon as I figure out what this is." He walked up to his den, which used to be Kenzie's office. He threw the package into his desk and stared at it for a moment before opening it.
Dear Mr. Savage, Rolling Stone Magazine is creating a special program to be aired on cable television called "Rock N Roll Picture Show". It will showcase the best photographers in rock from the past 25 years. We would like to take this opportunity to ask for any information you can add to our script in order to honor the person we believe to the best photographer, your late wife, Mackenzie Savage.
Please read over the script and accept our invitation to be a part of this wonderful project. Sincerely, Yan Werner, President.
"Fuck me." He rested his head on the back of the chair and picked up the phone.
"Yello?"
"Aye, Joe. Did Nat get one of these from Rolling Stone?"
"I'm fine. How are you?"
"Please." He huffed.
"She did. And she's quite pissed that she's only number 5."
"Really?" He laughed. "I'm sorry."
"You got one? I assume it on Kenz?"
"She's number one." He closed his eyes.
"She'd be extremely honored."
"I know. I'm gonna read over the script."
"Let me know what you think."
"I will." He hung up and began to flip through the pages.
Paige walked down two hours later to see him reading through a book.
"Hey." She walked up behind him and rubbed his shoulders. "What's that?"
"A script... Rolling Stone." He took his reading glasses off and rubbed the bridge of his nose.
"Why don't you come to bed?"
"I'm pretty interested in this. " He pointed.
"It'll be there tomorrow." She kissed his cheek. "Please? I haven't seen you in a few days and I'd like to... catch up."
He looked up at her and smiled. "Well... maybe it can wait." He marked his page and closed the book before following her up the stairs.
That night, he had a dream. A nightmare. One that he had dreamt in the past repeatedly, right after Kenzie died. One that he hadn't dreamt in years...
It was the day that she died. That morning, they made love as if they were the only two people left on Earth. Taylor was with the nanny for a morning walk, so they spent as much time as they could in each other's arms.
Then, there was the speech. It always ended with the same sentence. "You have and always will be the only man for me Rick. Well... except Taylor, of course."
Next came a rather lengthy shower together followed by a scene of him begging her not to go to the pub. He wanted to stay home that night. But, as usual, there was no pursuing Kenzie from a night out with the group.
On their way to the pub, there was a conversation about the Narcon. He thought it was time for her to stop taking it. She promised to go off of it after Steve's Birthday in April. It sounded like a fair enough compromise, so he was elated.
Then everything was a blur. Pool, Phil with the video camera, Kenz walking to the bar... her running to the bathroom... Nat screaming. He relived every heart pounding moment of the terror.
"Kenzie! No!" He held her as she lay lifeless in his arms. "No, Kenzie, no!"
He sat straight up in bed, breathless and sweating.
"Rick?" Paige shook him.
He looked at her and swallowed hard as he swung his legs over to the side of the bed and sat with his hands over his face.
Taylor knocked on the door. "Dad, are you all right?"
"Um... I'm fine, son. Sorry to wake you." He walked into the bathroom and splashed his face with cold water.
He stared at himself in the mirror. Why the nightmares again? He had already lived through that hell once, why was he being punished again? He returned to the bedroom and noticed Paige sitting up with her arms crossed.
"I'm sorry." He sighed.
"You called out her name."
"I know." He stared at his feet. "I didn't mean to."
"She's been gone for fourteen years, Rick."
"I know." He sat on the bed. "It's just... with all these memories that we've been dredgin' up..."
"She's your ex wife. She's not coming back. We need..."
"Woah." He faced her. "First of all, she is not my ex. We were married when she died. And if she were still here, we'd still be married."
"Gee, thanks." She grabbed her robe and stormed across the room. "I think you need to take a hard look at what you want, Rick Savage. A corpse, or me!" She slammed the door before walking down the stairs.
Taylor walked into the den the next morning to see his father reading the script. He had circles under his eyes and looked as of he hadn't slept a wink. "You look like shit." He huffed.
"Huh?" He looked up. "Couldn't sleep." He sighed.
"Where's Paige?"
"Don't know. She gathered a few things and left early this mornin'."
"You all right about that?"
"She needs to accept me for who I am. If she can't do that... it's her loss." He ran his fingers through his hair.
"What's that?" He decided to change the subject and ask about the book in front of him.
"They're doin' a story on your Mum." He pointed as he angered. "But it's wrong. It's all wrong." He stood and began to pace. "Her death was an accident! She did not OD! They made it sound like one of those bloody rock N roll clichés and it wasn't!"
"Okay, Dad. Deep breathes. I'm gonna go call Uncle Phil, okay?"
"Good idea! He'll be just as pissed as I am!"
He mumbled under his breath as he ran down the stairs to grab the phone.
"'Ello?"
"Uncle Phil."
"Aye, Tay. What's up?"
"Can you come over please? My father has gone momentarily bonkers and I'm a little freaked out by it."
"I'll be right over." He hung up and called Joe.
Both men showed up a while later and marched straight to the den and locked the door.
"Fuckin' Rolling Stone!" Sav threw the script across the room as they both ducked. "Makin' her out to be a...a...junkie! A poor sob story of a person! I'm ready to go there and..."
"Calm down, mate." Phil patted his shoulder.
"I take it this is about the script?" Joe walked over and flipped through the pages. There were a few that had been ripped out.
"What script?" Phil looked up.
"Rollin' Stone is honorin' Kenz as the best photographer in rock." Joe filled him in. "Nat's 5th."
"Ew!" He flinched. "Sucks to be in your house right now."
"Yeah, but that's beside the point." He smiled as he returned to Sav.
"You've read the whole thing already?"
"Cover to bloody cover." He huffed.
"That explains the shape you're in." Phil crossed his arms. "We'll take care of it, okay? They'll not print garbage about our Kenzie. I promise."
"Okay." He sighed.
"Now take a fuckin' bath and quit scarin' your boy." Joe followed.
"But..."
"Go!" Both men pointed to the door.
Once they heard the shower, Joe picked up the phone and Phil grabbed the script. Joe cleared his throat and did the best "Sav" impersonation he knew how to do.
"Yes, I need to speak to Yan. J... Rick Savage."
Phil slapped his arm.
"Stop it!" He spat. "Yan. It's Rick Savage. Yes. She'd be truly honored. Yeah. Well, I'm a bit put off by the ending. It's completely wrong. No. No. She died because of a reaction of some medication she was on. Well, your source was wrong. I don't care who your source was, they're fuckin' wrong, man."
"Joe!" Phil once again slapped him.
"I'd appreciate it if you'd change it. Great. Thank you? What's that? You want my commentary for the show? And a few of her close friends? Um... I'll think about it and get back to you. Good idea. Thanks again. Cheers." He hung up.
"That was the worst impression of me you've ever done!" Sav stood in the door way with his arms crossed.
"Was not!" He retorted.
"Yeah, it was." Phil smiled.
Two months later, the entire group gathered around Nat and Joe's television and watched the show. There were other photographers such as Ross Halfin, Linda McCartney, and Andy Warhol that were honored as well.
"Number Five is Natalie Elliott, a name synonymous with action and style."
"See? Action and style." Joe kissed her cheek.
"And fuckin' number 5!" She huffed.
"I think you should 'ave been number 2, Mum." Jayla smiled at her.
"Two?"
Joe shook his head. "One, Jay. One."
"Sorry." She returned to the show.
Vivian laughed and looked at Sav as he followed and then returned back to the show.
"And finally, our Number One photographer... she was a star amongst stars. It's said that she knew what a person was going to do before they did. She's Mackenzie Savage."
The piece went on to showcase of few of her more famous photos, as well as a few of her best ones. They then ended with commentaries from Phil, Natalie, Sav, Roger, and surprisingly, Jason Bonham.
"What the fuck!" Sav spat.
"Shhh." Phil waved at him.
"Kenzie was not only a great photographer, but a great person. It was a great loss to the world." He teared up.
"Wanker!" Rick threw a paper wad at the tele.
"You'd know!" Vivian yelled.
"Welp." Joe turned the television off. "I think it's broken now. Let's adjourn to the den for drinks, shall we?"
"We'll tend bar!" Jayla and Taylor quickly jumped in.
"Not too strong." Joe pointed at her.
"Just the usual, Dad." She winked at him.
"What'll it be?" Taylor looked around as one by one he sat five shot glasses on the bar and then proceeded to fill them with tequila.
Everyone froze.
"What?" He stopped. "No tequila t'night?"
"Why did you just do that?" Vivian pointed to the glasses.
"Do what?"
"You lined up five shots." Phil ran his fingers through his hair.
"Uh... yeah. There are five of you standing before me." He looked at Jayla. "Jay and I'd be happy to down them for ya..."
"I think not." Sav glared at him.
"Well then, drink! Can't make the whiskey Gods angry, can we?" He grinned.
"Tequila is not whiskey, boy!" Joe looked up in horror. "Sav, you've not properly educated the lad in drink!"
"We see what your education is like!" Rick pointed to Jayla, who was drinking from a bottle of peach schnapps.
"Jayla!" He grabbed the bottle. "Pace yourself, love."
"I'm takin' you home before the Elliott's rub off on ya." Sav pointed to the door.
"Dad!" Taylor huffed.
"Now." He lowered his brow.
"Bye." He pouted as he followed him out the door.
Sav crawled in bed that night and tried to sleep. The bed never felt so lonely. Sometime after 3:00 a.m. he drifted off to sleep. Again, he dreamed of Kenzie. Only this time it wasn't the same nightmare he'd had before. In this one he could actually feel her presence. She was lying in the bed next to him, running her fingers through his hair.
"Kenzie..." He whispered.
"Shh." Kenzie placed her finger over his lips. He reached out a hand and brushed it against her cheek.
"Oh, love, I miss you so much."
"Oh, Rick. You need to let me go." She soothed.
"I don't want to." He held his eyes locked on hers. Those deep green eyes he'd always loved.
"You have to. It's been fourteen years. It's time you moved on with your life." She continued.
"Can't we talk about somethin' else?" He reached for her.
"No, this is important."
"Mackenzie..."
"Sav, you've done a wonderful job with Taylor. I'm so proud of him. It's time that you did somethin' for yourself. Let me go."
Sav woke up drenched in sweat. "Kenzie?" He searched the room. Empty. He ran his hand through his hair. It all seemed so real though he knew it was impossible. He looked at the clock to see that it was nearly 7:00 in the morning. He quickly showered and headed downstairs.
"Mornin'." Taylor handed him a plate of food. He took a bite and looked up at his son. "I found some more of Mum's recipes."
"She was a wonderful cook as well." Sav took another bite.
After breakfast Taylor and Sav headed over to Jayla's to play a little soccer. Sav stood on the sidelines and contemplated the dream from the night before. Maybe it was time that he himself let go of Mackenzie and truly moved on. He could still keep a part of her with him that was obvious. She would forever be a part of Taylor.
"I think there's someone 'ere you need to talk to." Joe pointed over at Paige standing with Nat.
"What? How?" Sav looked up at him.
"She loves you, Sav. Don't let the past get in the way of the future." He pushed him towards the girls. Sav carefully walked up to the women and met Paige's eyes.
"Aye." He smiled at her.
"Rick." She tried to smile in return. Sav looked at Nat and she excused herself.
"I've been thinkin' about what you said." He started. "I still mean what I said about never gettin' married again." He grabbed her hand.
"Don't stand here....."
"But....I do know that I want you with me."
"Do you mean it?" She looked unbelieving.
"Yes, I mean it. I realize that it's time for me to move on." He kissed her gently on the lips. "And I want you to be with me."
"And Taylor?"
"Taylor wants me to be happy. What do you say?"
"I love you." She kissed him.
"I love you, too."
Taylor sat in his father's den and stared out the window. The view of Dublin was spectacular from this room. He had waited till his dad had left for Joe's and Paige had ran off to do whatever it is she does when he's not home before locking himself in the room. He brought all his things regarding his mom with him and had them scattered about the room. He had been looking through them all when he spotted a video tape on the shelf next to the desk. His curiosity got the better of him as he stuck in the VCR and pressed play.
"Kenzie!" Phil yelled from behind the camera.
"Hey, Philly!" She smiled.
"That would be our dear Mackenzie Savage."
"That's me." She giggled.
"And don't forget, Roger Taylor's daughter!" Rick laced his arm around her shoulders.
"That's right." Viv spoke from the other side of her.
"More importantly, she's my wife." Sav stood behind her and pulled her into his arms.
"My favorite title yet." She kissed him. "Besides bein' a mother."
"I can handle that." He gave her a smile.
"And I am the Master!" Joe butted in front of them.
"Get over it!" They all yelled. They were all still fussing when Kenzie's cell phone rang.
"Mackenzie Savage." She stepped away so that she could hear.
"You're up, love!" Joe smiled at her over the table.
"Shit!" She took another drink. Finishing half the glass she sat it down and grabbed a pool stick. She leaned over the table and eyed the ball.
Everyone watched, as she didn't move. She blinked her eyes as a shiver came over her body. Her hands were shaking as her eyes slowly met Sav's.
She dropped the stick and ran for the bathroom and Nat quickly followed.
"First drink she's had in four months?" Joe looked at Sav.
"Yep." He smiled. That smile quickly faded as he heard the blood-curling cry from Nat.
"Joe!" She stood white as a ghost in the doorway to the restroom.
Taylor noticed at that point that the camera dropped on the pool table but kept recording.
The guys quickly pushed their way in and found Kenz on the floor. She was shaking so badly that she looked as though she was having a seizure. Phil bent down and looked at her eyes. His eyes turned and met Sav's and he saw Jason and Rory standing in the doorway.
"It's a reaction to the Narcon." Phil groaned. Joe quickly pushed him aside and picked her up.
"Miss Kenzie take a hit?" Jason smirked.
"You bastard!" Sav slammed him against the wall. "What the fuck did ya do?"
"She's an addict. She always will be!" Jason retaliated.
"Let's go." Phil glared at Rory and Jason as the group left with Kenz in tow.
Taylor stopped the tape as he threw the remote at the television. That was the last straw. All the emotions he'd been holding back over the things he'd learned about his mom finally bubbled to the surface.
"Mum, why!" He yelled. His mind replayed the words his father spoke in the nightmares he had. The begging of her not to go out that night and the conversation over the Narcon. The drug that eventually killed her.
He laid on the couch and cried for a long while before he picked up the phone to call Jayla.
"'Ello?" Jayla flipped through the channels on the tele.
"I'm leaivn'." He walked to his room.
"What? TK, what the hell are ya talkin' about?"
"I can't take this right now. I need to get away and sort through all this." He pulled his suitcase from the closet.
"Then I'm comin' with you." She jumped off her bed.
"No!" He huffed.
"Tuff! Either I come and make sure you're ok or I march downstairs and tell your dad what's goin' on!"
He pouted for a minute as he debated what to do. He knew she'd hold true to her threat and ruin everything. "Fine. Meet me at the airport in an hour." He hung up.
He quickly packed his suitcase and called the airlines.
"Yes. Taylor Savage. No, we'll be flyin' alone....our fathers are in London workin' and we are to join them for the remainder of their trip." He lied to the attendant. "Great. Thanks!"
Jayla carefully packed a bag and then stuck it back in her closet. She checked her reflection in the mirror before she headed downstairs to check things out.
"Jay.." Phil walked up behind her in the kitchen.
"Shit!" She jumped and placed her hand over her chest. "Don't do that!"
"Sorry." He chuckled. She seemed a little jumpy.
"Where's dad?"
"Downstairs." He grabbed a few bottles of water.
"Oh. 'Ave you seen Mum then?" She tried to sound calm.
"Shoppin'." He watched her.
"Great. Thanks!" She kissed his cheek and ran back up stairs. Phil just shook his head before walking back downstairs.
Taylor looked at his watch as he waited. Damn! Where the hell was she?
"TK!" Jayla ran up.
"It's about time." He huffed.
"Well you try getting' your arse out of a house full of adults without bein' noticed." She crossed her arms.
"Did anyone see you?"
"No. When's our flight?"
"Flight 1256 to London now boarding at Gate 34."
"That's us." He grabbed their bags and headed for the gate. "If they ask any questions we are goin' to London to meet up with our dads." He looked over at her.
"Gotcha."
They handed the attendant their tickets and boarded the plane. Taylor was quiet throughout the hour-long flight. Once they landed they hailed a cab and headed for the house.
"Who's is this?" Jayla looked up at the house as they pulled in the driveway.
"Your Mum's." He grabbed their bags and paid the driver. "She and my Mum lived 'ere when they first moved to England."
"Wow." She looked around as they walked in.
"Your Mum's room was the second door to the left upstairs. You can go on up if you want."
"Are you gonna tell me what's botherin' you?"
"Later, Jay. I just need to think right now." He walked to the wall of photos and once again looked through them. He loved seeing his mother's smile. He closed his eyes and imagined what it would have looked like today. What she would have looked like at 45 years old. Would he have had brothers and sisters? Would she still be taking pictures?
It was hard to believe that she was taken away by a drug. A pill. Narcon. She could have stopped taking it. And then she'd still be here. He wiped under his eyes and walked to the bar where he found a few bottles of Dewar's and some cheap tequila. He then thought for a moment and walked down to the darkroom. He found the key to the bottom drawer of the desk and opened it to find a hidden bottle of vodka.
"How did you know that was there?" Jayla spoke from the stairs.
"She used to drink this when she was depressed. I just thought of a place where she might hide some... and it was here."
"Are you depressed?"
"I'm... overwhelmed by everything, Jay." He looked up at her with tears in his eyes. "I only have one real memory of her, ya know?"
"And what's that?" She sat beside him on the desk.
"She had all this bouncy, curly blonde hair that I remember wrapping around my fingers. She'd hold me on her lap and rock me in this big wooden chair and we'd stay there for what seemed like hours."
"I'm sorry, Taylor." She held him as he cried.
After being silent for a long while, he finally looked up at her. "You don't know how lucky you are. You still have both of your parents. You should never take that for granted."
"But I don't just have my Mum and Dad. And neither do you." She ran her fingers through his hair. "We have the best family in the world, you know. The Collen's, the Campbell's, the Allen's... they'd do anything for us, I think."
"But they're not..."
"No, they're not your Mum. And they'd never try to be." She took a deep breath.
"She's never coming back, TK. But we've learned that she was a great friend to everyone who knew her. You can take what you know of her and make her proud."
They stared at one another for a very long time. They had been friends since... well, as long as he could remember. And not once did he ever take the time to realize how beautiful she was. "Thanks, Jayla."
"You're welcome." She smiled at him. "Now you gonna show me around this place, or what?"
After a quick tour, Taylor went through the photo wall and tried to remember as many stories as possible.
"Wow. My parents look so... young."
"You should see the videos."
"Videos?" Her eyes widened.
"C'mon." He took her hand and led her to the sofa. They each opened a bottle of liquor and drank as they pointed and laughed.
"Your Mum really gave Uncle Sav hell, didn't she?" She laughed.
"She did." His smile disappeared.
"Tay..." She paused the tape.
"I'm fine." He looked at her.
"No you're not." She placed her hands on his cheeks. "You're scarin' me."
"Trust me. I'm a lot better than I was." He moved a strand of hair from her face. "Especially with you here."
She closed her eyes as she quickly brought her lips to his.
Sav walked into the house that night to find Paige in the kitchen cooking. He rolled his eyes and was thankful that Nat had sent home some lasagna with him.
"Aye." He sat the pan down on the counter.
"Whatcha got there?" She lifted the foil.
"Nat was in a cookin' mood today and sent 'ome some lasagna." He looked around. "Where's Tay?"
"I 'aven't seen him." She frowned. "I thought maybe he'd went over to Jayla's while you were workin'."
"I never saw him." He went upstairs and checked his room. Then he dialed the phone.
"Hello." Nat stood over the stove.
"Aye, Nat. Me son wouldn't be over there with Jay now would he?"
"I haven't seen him." Nat looked around the room. "As a matter of fact….I haven't seen Jayla for a couple of hours."
Sav sighed. "Maybe they went to the mall or a movie."
"Maybe." She turned back to her pot. "I'll tell ya what. If he shows up I'll send him home."
"Same 'ere." He hung up. Paige had already served the lasagna onto plates and sat them on the table. "Put Tay's in the oven."
"I'm sure he's alright." Paige tried to re-assure him. "He's just off bein' a teenage boy."
"That's what worries me." He sat down.
Joe walked up the stairs ten minutes later.
"Dinner ready?" He kissed Nat's cheek.
"Yep." She turned the burner off. "Have you seen Jay?"
"Not since this mornin'." He grabbed a bottle of wine from the fridge.
"Why?"
"Sav can't find Taylor and Jayla's not around?.."
"I'm sure they're just off causin' trouble somewhere." He chuckled.
He had kissed girls before, but this was so much different. Like he didn't want it to end. He wrapped his arms around her as they laid back onto the sofa. She wrapped her legs around his waist as he pushed her hips into the cushions.
"Mmm." She smiled. "Maybe we should take this upstairs."
"Why? No one's here?" He rubbed his nose against hers.
"I'd just like my first time to be in a bed."
"Your first time?" He smiled. "But you brag about gettin' it all the time."
"Well... a girl's gotta have her secrets, doesn't she?"
"I suppose." He kissed her. "That's okay. It's my first time too."
"Really?" She watched as he sat up. She then took his hand and led him up the stairs to her mother's old room.
He stopped in the doorway when he saw the bed.
"What is it?" Jayla turned to look at him.
"N... nothin'." He kept his eyes on the bed.
"It's okay, Tay." She smiled. "Now kiss me again like you did down there." She wrapped her arms around his neck as he kissed her.
They slowly made it over to the bed, and then he stopped kissing her. They stared at one another, hearts pounding in their chests. She slowly reached up and began to unbutton her shirt. She then let it fall to the floor and reached for his shirt.
He pulled it over his head and let it drop to the floor. She smiled as she turned around. With shaky hands, he unfastened her bra. His fingers brushed her skin lightly and they were surprised by the electricity they felt. He slid his hands across her skin and pushed the straps off her shoulders. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she again turned to face him.
"Why are your eyes closed?" He whispered.
"I don't know." She responded.
"You 'ave nothin' to be embarrassed about." He pushed his body against hers. "You're beautiful."
"You really think that?" She finally opened her eyes.
"I know it." He kissed her.
They both took their jeans off and watched each other closely as they removed the rest. They then took their time, touching and exploring each other's bodies as they laid on the bed. He gently slipped his finger inside her as she closed her eyes and smiled.
"Oh." She moaned. "Taylor!" She pushed her hips into his fingers.
"Are you..."
"Don't stop!" She screeched as her body began to shudder.
He watched her as she tried to catch her breath. "You all right?" He kissed her.
"That was amazing." She wrapped her arms around him.
"I'm glad you enjoyed it." He smiled at her.
"Your turn." She pushed him down and rolled on top of him.
"My turn for what?" He swallowed hard.
"To enjoy yourself." She moved her hand between them.
"You'll tell me if it hurts, right?" He watched her. "Just say the word and we'll stop."
"You worry too much." She kissed him as she slowly lowered herself onto him.
"Mmm." He dug his fingers into her hips.
She began to move slowly at first, but soon their bodies were in rhythm with one another.
"Does it hurt?" He breathed.
"No." She smiled.
"Good." He pushed her over and pressed her body into the mattress.
"Oh God!" She didn't know what to hold onto, so she grabbed the first thing that came to mind... his ass.
"Oh!" He closed his eyes as he felt her shudder again. It was too much for him and he felt himself let go inside her.
They laid there for a long while, staring into one another's eyes.
"What are you thinking?" He kissed her.
"That this was a lot messier than I imagined." She smiled for him.
"Funny." He rolled over onto his back.
"So what does this mean?" She rolled onto her side and watched him. "I mean, are we a couple now?"
"That depends." He smiled at her. "You wanna date me?"
"I don't know. You've got that whole rock n roll soccer player thing goin' for ya that the girls can't resist." She teased.
"And you have the greenest eyes I've ever seen." He kissed her.
"Look in the mirror sometime, Savage." She grinned. "Fine. We're dating."
"It's settled then." He walked to the bathroom.
"Where are you goin'?"
"The shower." He stopped in the doorway. "Care to join me?"
She raised her eyebrows and then followed him down to the bathroom.
After their shower, they dressed and walked down to the living room again.
"I'm hungry." She held his hand tightly. "Why don't we go eat?"
"I'm not really hungry." Jayla noticed that he once again had that sad, empty look in his eyes.
"You need to eat, TK. Please?" She pulled him to the door.
He looked around the neighborhood as they walked around. This is the same area where his mother used to go jogging. These are the same people that she used to know. His grandfather had told him that she loved London. He stopped when he saw a sign that read, "Barney's".
"What is it?" Jayla looked around.
"Barney's. That was her favorite pub here in London."
"Then let's go in." She pulled him behind her.
They sat at a booth, ordered their food, and looked around. In the back were three pool tables. There were also a few signs on the wall that he recognized from photos. He tried to burn it all into his memory. He was interrupted by Jayla holding his hand. He looked over to see her smiling.
"What?"
"Look at the bar tender over there."
"So?"
"He's pretty old. Maybe he knew your Mum."
"Worth a try." He took a deep breath and walked up to the bar.
"'Ello, lad. You look a lit'l young for a pint."
"Oh, I just wanted to ask a question."
"Fire away." He smiled.
"How long 'ave you worked here?"
"Since the dawn of time, lad." He chuckled.
"Did you know Mackenzie Savage?"
"Mackenzie Savage..." He smiled brightly. "I knew her when she went my Kenzie Thomas, and Taylor too!" He laughed. "Why do you ask, lad?"
"She was my mother."
"A fine, fine lass, your mother." He pointed to a seat. "Pull up a chair and I'll tell you a few tales of your Mum and the entire group of hooligans she called friends."
Taylor waved at Jayla and she brought their food over. "This is Jayla Elliott..."
"Aye, lass! Joe and Nat's girl! Nice to meet ya, lass!"
"And you as well, Mr..."
"Pete. Just call me Pete."
Pete proceeded to tell them stories of the girls... the guys... the three blondes... he even told them how Kenzie got the whole group to order their shots five at a time so that there was less running back and forth to the bar.
"That's why they all freaked out." Jayla smiled at him.
"Figures." He huffed.
Later, they walked back to the house and Taylor was once again quiet.
"You didn't find the answers you were lookin' for, did you?" She took his hand.
"No." He stopped and looked at her. "There's somethin' I want you to see."
"What is it?"
"I found a video that Uncle Phil was tapin' the night she died."
"Why would you want to watch that, Tay?"
"Because... just watch it." He led her into the house and turned on the VCR.
She wrapped her arms around him and watched. Kenzie was so beautiful.
And it was apparent that Taylor had her eyes. They looked so happy. That was until...
"Wait a minute." She pointed. "Stop the film."
"What?" He handed her the remote.
"Standing by the door. That's that guy from the show the other night... Jason B..."
"Bonham." He thought about the reactions of the group upon seeing his face. "Jason Bonham."
"What are you thinking?" She watched as he stood and paced.
"Mum died from a reaction to the Narcon. That means that from the time that the first part of the film was shot and the last part......”
“……someone slipped her something."
"The beer." He rewound the tape further.
They watched as Kenz disappeared to the bar. In the background, they saw Jason and a blonde girl sneak up to the bar.
"Who's that?" Jayla pointed.
"That would be my Aunt Rory." He huffed. "They killed me Mum, Jay!" He walked to the bar and finished off the vodka bottle he had started on earlier in the day. He then pulled two other bottles from the shelf.
"Where did you find those?"
"Can't give away all of Mum's secrets." He smiled at her.
With each drink, Jayla was growing more concerned. Sure, she was just as tipsy as he was. But he drank from that bottle with a vengeance. As if there were answers waiting at the bottom and he had to empty it out as soon as possible.
"I'm going to look for him."
"Who?" She whispered.
"Jason Bonham."
"TK..."
"I'm going to find him and ask him why he did it. Why did he felt the need to kill my mother."
"Why don't we sleep on it, okay? You'll be thinkin' a little more clearer in the mornin'."
"No, I..."
"Please." She kissed him. "For me?"
He sighed heavily. "Fine!"
She helped him up the stairs and into the room where they spent the rest of the night, together.
The next morning Sav opened Taylor's room to see that his bed hadn't been slept in. He ran a hand through his hair and began to worry. They had dropped a lot of information on him lately and he'd seemed to handle it all in stride. Then the thought struck him. He'd been handling it so much like Kenzie would. Putting on an appearance on the surface.
"Damn!" He ran in to his den to grab the phone and stopped dead in his tracks. The pictures of Kenzie were still scattered around the room and the television was still on. Sav noticed the VCR was on and decided to see what he had been watching. There was no tape in the VCR. He began to rummage through the office to find the tape… the tape… the tape was gone. He quickly dialed the phone.
"What!" Joe grumbled.
"Did Jayla ever come 'ome?" Sav gasped.
"Sav?" He sat up.
"Did she?" He began to panic.
"I don't know." He got up out of bed. "Let me look." He walked down the hall and opened the door. Her bed had not been slept in either.
"She's not there is she?"
"No." Joe rubbed his face. "What do you think they're up to?"
"I'm not sure I want to know. Tay is gone and so is the tape in my den."
"Oh shit!" Joe closed his eyes. "Let me dress and we'll be right there."
Within a half an hour Joe, Nat, Phil and Paige stood in Sav's kitchen.
"Where do you think they went?" Nat looked around the group.
"I don't really know." Sav sighed. He smiled as Paige walked around and refilled their coffee cups.
"Don't smack me on the back of me head for this but, I think we need to approach this as if we were talkin' about Kenz herself." Phil commented.
"He's right." Joe slumped into the chair. "What would she 'ave done?"
Almost as soon as the words were out of his mouth the same thought struck them all.
"Check the liquor cabinets." Sav walked over to his own. A small amount of relief came over him when he noticed nothing missing or opened.
"Phil, you're best when it comes to this. Where do you think they went?" Nat turned to him.
Phil took a deep breath. "I did see Jay scopin' the house yesterday mornin'. I didn't think anythin' about it then." He rubbed his face. "Most of the time Kenzie and Steve just went to one of their other homes?.."
"London!" Sav grabbed the phone book.
"The house?" Joe watched him.
"I'll run home and check the keys." Nat started to stand.
"Don't bother. He made a set whilst we were there before."
Sav made a few phone calls while the others searched the den and Taylor's room. Finally, around noon, Sav hung up the phone.
"They boarded a plane for London." He looked at Joe. "Told the counter they were to fly there and meet us."
"I'm gonna ground her till she's thirty!" Joe gritted his teeth.
"I'm kinda glad she's with him." Sav ran a hand through his hair. "At least he didn't up and leave alone."
"True."
Jayla woke up the next morning to an empty bed. She sat up and looked around the room. Maybe he already went downstairs so she quickly dressed and headed for the kitchen. She peeked in the other bedroom on her way down and didn't find him. He wasn't in the kitchen either. Quickly searching the house she found that he'd left.
"Dammit, TK!" She huffed. She spun around as she heard the front door open. Instead of Taylor she watched as Sav, Phil, Nat and Joe walked through the door. "Oh, shit!" She crossed her arms. She was gonna have to kill Taylor for this. He should have woke her and took her with him.
"Jayla." Joe looked furious. She just rolled her eyes.
"Where is he?" Sav looked at her.
"Gone." She huffed.
"Don't take that tone with us." Nat stepped up.
"Well, I'm a litt'l pissed right now." Jayla proceeded.
"Gone where?" Sav jumped in.
"I can't honestly say for sure." She smarted. "He was gone when I woke up."
"Jay, it's important that we know where he is." Phil pleaded.
"Ugh! You don't understand! He needs his space!" She turned and walked out the back door.
Phil looked at the others. "Let me give it go. I've been in the position she's in now."
"How so?" Joe looked at him.
"She's doin' her best to be a loyal friend. Obviously, whatever's happened so far, she feels that Tay told her in confidence."
"Dammit!" Sav looked around the room. There were still empty bottles on the tables. Empty vodka bottles. "I 'ave to find him."
Phil found Jayla sitting on the edge of the pool. Silently, he sat down beside her and stuck his legs in the water. They sat there for a few minutes without saying anything.
"I've been in the spot you're in now." He spoke in a soft low voice.
"How so?" She kept her eyes on the water.
"I can't tell you the number of times that I kept a secret for Tay's Mum." He closed his eyes. Jayla noticed that every time he talked about her that he seemed so sad.
"So you understand why I can't tell you what I know."
"That's your decision." He looked at her. "I just came out here to let you know somethin'."
"What?" He had her attention.
"Right now you think you are doin' what's best for 'im. Keepin' his secrets." He shook his head. "Sometimes....sometimes it's best if you tell what you know."
"I can't." She huffed. "He's goin' through so much right now. He has to know that he can trust someone."
Phil watched her for a minute. He looked as though he was trying to read something in her eyes. He then continued in the same voice he had been using.
"Sometimes you 'ave to follow your heart and do the right thing. Believe me." He left her there to think about what he'd said.
They sat around the living room while Sav paced the floor. Every once in a while one of them would look out the door to see Jayla still by the pool.
"I'm loosin' me mind!" Sav jumped as his phone rang. "'Ello?"
"Hi." Paige spoke softly. "Any luck?"
"We've found Jayla but she won't tell us where Tay ran off to." Sav was near tears. He would die if he lost his son.
Jayla watched him from the window and realized what she had to do. Phil was right. Sometimes you had to follow your heart and right now hers was breaking. She was worried about what Taylor might do to Jason if he found him. She worried most of all what he might do to himself. She walked in the house and stopped in the doorway to the living room.
"I've gotta go." Sav looked up at her.
"Keep me informed." Paige sighed.
"Yeah." He hung up. He didn't make a move.
Jayla let her eyes fall to Phil's as she took a deep breath. "He went lookin' for Jason Bonham."
"Oh, God!" Nat covered her mouth.
"Joe!" Sav yelled as he headed for the door. Joe followed Sav to the car as they raced for Jason's house.
Taylor looked at the address from the telephone book and then stared at the tiny, run down apartment. He took a deep breath and knocked on the door.
When it opened, he lost all of his train of thought. He was standing face to face with a woman that looked nearly identical to his mother.
"Yes?" She held a two-year-old in her arms as she spoke.
"Um... I'm lookin' for Jason Bonham."
"He doesn't live here anymore." She huffed. She couldn't help but notice his resemblance to... nah. Couldn't be. "Who are you?"
"Could you tell me where I could find 'im?"
"If you tell me who you are."
His face reddened as he looked into her eyes. Those eyes. They pierced through her just like her sister's used to.
"Look Rory, I don't 'ave time for your shit! Where is he?"
Her eyes widened as her suspicions were confirmed. "Taylor?" She whispered as tears rolled down her cheeks.
"Where the hell is he?" He yelled as he hit the frame of the door with his hand.
"The house across the street." She pointed. "I'm so sorry, Tay..."
"You're fifteen years too late." He turned and ran across the street.
Jayla fell to the floor and cried. She knew she'd done what had to be done for Taylor's sake but she also knew that she'd defied his confidence. Nat sat down next to her daughter and held her as she cried.
"He's gonna hate me, Mum." She cried.
"Shh." She rocked her back and forth. "You did the right thing."
"Oh like Uncle Sav and the others did?" She pulled away. "My, God! She wasn't even my Mum and I was horrified at what I learned last night."
"Jay...."
"He's angry, Mum! And he has every right to be!" She ran up to her room.
His heart was racing as he pounded on the door.
"Bloody 'ell, man!" The door flew open. "What the fuck is it?"
"Do you know who I am?" Taylor clenched his fists.
"Not a fuckin' clue!" He huffed.
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a photo of he and his mother. He then grabbed Jason by the back of the neck and pulled him out into the sunlight. "See that? Huh?" He pushed his head down to his hand.
"Bring back any memories Jason?"
Jason frowned as he looked at the photograph. "Kenzie..." He gasped.
"You killed my mother, you son of a bitch." He pulled the picture away and punched him in the face.
"You don't understand." He backed away. "It was an accident."
"Oh, and I suppose you accidentally dropped cocaine into her drink." He smacked him across the face.
"She wasn't supposed to die!" He cried. "You've gotta believe me, Taylor. I loved your mother."
"Then why?" He stopped and stared at him. "What on Earth possessed you to do what you did?" He waited for an answer.
"Rory and I thought... if she relapsed, Sav would 'ave left her. Rory could move on to be with him and I could finally 'ave her."
"You're a sick bastard!" He pushed him against the house.
"Taylor!" Sav yelled as he walked toward them. "That's enough!"
He stopped and turned to them. "This is none of your concern!"
"You're our concern!" Phil followed.
"We'll drag your ass back if need be." Joe walked toward them.
He shook his head and turned to Jason. "Seems to be your lucky day." He huffed and walked past the men without looking at one of them.
"What the hell were ya doin', huh?" Sav yelled as Joe drove back to the house.
"Somethin' you apparently didn't 'ave the balls to do!" He shot back.
"Trust me, I wanted to. But I realized that killin' Rory and Jason wouldn't bring her back!"
"You knew!" He glared at him. "You knew and you lied to me!"
"I didn't lie to you!"
"Bull shit, dad!"
Phil and Joe looked at one another and sighed. This was worse than they could have possibly imagined.
"I'll tell you anything you want to know! Anything!" He pleaded as they stepped out of the car.
"It's a bit too late for that, don't cha think?" He stormed up the steps and into the house where he began to pace.
Jayla ran out of her room and to the top of the stairs. He quickly looked up at her and glared. "Tay..."
"Save it." He huffed.
"Tay, you need to talk to us." Phil took a deep breath and started.
"Fuck you! I asked you all for the truth and you sat there and lied!"
"We just wanted to save you from the hell that we all lived through."
Joe reached for his shoulder, but he pulled away.
"Hell? And what do you call not knowin' anythin' about my mother for 15 years? Only to find out that she was this... depressed alcoholic drug addict!"
"Taylor!" Sav had just about reached his tolerance. "That's not who she was!"
"Well fuck you! You had your chance and you blew it. I don't believe a damn word that comes out of your mouth!"
"Son, please."
"I can't be around you and I certainly can't trust you." He looked up at Jayla. "Any of you!" He turned and walked out the door.
"Taylor!" Jayla ran after him. She caught up and grabbed his arm. "Taylor, please!"
"I trusted you!"
"It was me against the rest of them! You left me all alone to face them! I buckled! I'm so sorry!"
"Whatever!" He huffed.
Taylor stormed up the driveway to Roger's house with Jayla following behind him. He didn't know where else to go at the moment. He rang the bell and waited.
"Taylor....Jayla.." Roger opened the door.
"Hey, grandpa." Taylor whispered. "I didn't know where else to go."
"Come in." He ushered them into the living room. What were they doing in London alone?
"Hi, Mr. Taylor." Jayla tried to smile.
"'Ello, las. What are you kids doin' 'ere?" He sat on the sofa.
"Ask Jay. I'm sure she'd be more than happy to share." He glared at her. Roger looked over at Jayla.
"I don't 'ave a clue why he came here." She choked. His anger towards her cutting straight to her heart.
Taylor shot up off the couch and walked behind the bar. Finding a bottle of vodka, he tipped his head back and poured the liquid down his throat.
"Taylor!" Roger yanked the bottle away. "What the bloody hell has gotten into you?"
"Everythin'!" Taylor shot back. "People I thought I trusted lied to me! About me own Mum!"
"What?" Roger looked between Taylor and Jayla.
"They all knew what happened. They knew! Hell it took them fourteen years just to tell me about her life!"
"Jayla...what's he talkin' about?"
"He found the video from the night she died." Jayla cried.
"Oh, Tay." Roger reached out and pulled his grandson into his arms.
"I just wanted to know. I want to know." He pulled back and looked his grandfather in the eye. "I want to understand why Mum did what she did."
Roger took a deep breath. "Sit down then." He pointed to the sofa as he returned the bottle to the shelf.
Sav sat at the table with his head in his hands as the others sat in the living room.
"Where do you think they went?" Joe looked at Phil.
"All their stuff's here. Couldn't be far." He looked into the kitchen.
He then stood and walked in. "We'll get 'im back, mate."
"Can we?" He looked up at him, his eyes red from crying. "It's like goin' through rehab all over again. Only this time, he's been angry 'is whole life."
"We can't give up on him."
"I'd never give up on him. That's what Cindy did to Kenz. And I'll be damned if he ends up like his mother."
Jayla kept her distance for the time being as Roger began to tell them about Kenzie from the beginning.
"Your Mum grew up in LA. I've already told ya about her Mum taken her away and hidin' her from me."
"Yeah."
"I didn't meet up with her again till 1984." He smiled as he remembered that day. He brought him up to the night that Nat learned he was Kenzie's father. "I wanted to tell her then but Nat was right. She needed to hear it from Cindy."
"What a bitch." Taylor angered.
"When she did learn that I was her father and that everythin' her Mum had been tellin' her all her life was a lie....it only made her problem worse. Cindy hated the rock world and took every chance she could to cut down your dad and me. But, your Mum, she was feisty. She never let Cindy 'ave the last word."
Jayla looked over and saw the tears in Taylor's eyes. She laced her fingers through his and gave them a gentle squeeze. She had to smile when she felt him squeeze them back.
"All of this was goin' on while your Mum and dad were just started to progress their relationship to somethin' more than friendship. When it began to get serious Kenzie got scared and took an assignment in Japan. Queen was on that tour so we got to spend a lot of time together."
"Monsters of Rock." Jayla whispered.
"Yes." Roger looked at her. "It was while she was on that assignment that Steve died."
"Aunt Nat says she blamed herself for it happening."
"She did. She was devastated at the loss. Steve's life resembled her own in so many ways. The two of them were like to peas in a pod. They understood each other better than anyone else."
"He died of an overdose of vodka and painkillers. I mean, that's what I've read. Is it true?" Taylor waited.
"He did. He and Kenzie would binge together. Go off for a week or so to anywhere they felt like and just be themselves. Most of the time Phil was the only one who knew where they were. He helped arrange them so no one would become suspicious."
"He still carries so much guilt." Roger sighed. "It was the second time your Mum was in rehab. She called him on Steve's birthday and against what he knew in his heart he should do, he checked her out and she disappeared for the afternoon. When they found her and your dad took her back,....the clinic put her back on the Narcon."
"What?" Taylor sat up straight. "But....."
"He knows. He's had to live with that fact for fourteen years. And, knowin' Phil the way I do, I know he's never forgiven himself for that decision."
"Sometimes you 'ave to listen to your heart." Jayla repeated Phil's words.
Natalie walked up the stairs to straighten the beds. It was definitely going to be a long night waiting up for the kids, and she needed something to do.
She walked into her old room and noticed Jayla's things. She smiled when she thought about her daughter staying in her room. She changed the bedclothes and made her way down the hall to Kenz's room. She took a deep breath and walked in.
The bed looked as if it hadn't been slept in. Maybe Taylor didn't want to stay in his mother's room. She walked down to the guestroom and looked around. His bags were there, but the bed hadn't been slept in either.
She leaned against the wall and thought a moment. "Joe! Come here, please!"
He quickly ran up the stairs. "Yeah?"
"Tell me, out of three rooms, why has only one bed been slept in?" She crossed her arms and looked at him.
"Maybe someone slept on the sofa?"
"In a house with three beds?"
"You don't think... Jayla and Taylor?" He chuckled. "Not my lit'le girl!"
"Joe! She's like you in every other way!"
"She's never had a boyfriend, Nat! She's never really shown interest in boys!"
"What world are you livin' in, Elliott? Have you not seen the posters in her room lately?"
"Wh...no. I think you're paranoid that’s all. You miss her. So do I."
He wrapped his arms around her.
The three of them sat there for the next three hours as Roger told them about Kenzie's life the seven years he knew her.
"So, who owns the house in LA now?" Taylor asked.
"Your dad."
"Somethin' else he never told me." he began to pace again. Jayla looked at Roger and he excused himself.
"When you kids are ready for bed, Tay knows where the guest rooms are." He walked up to his bedroom.
Jayla watched Taylor pace. She knew he was still angry at her and she couldn't blame him.
"I'm so sorry, TK. I wanted to be the last person to ever betray you." She sniffed.
"I don't know who I can trust anymore." He angered. "It seems as though grandpa is the only one willin' to tell the truth about her."
"It was Phil that got me to tell them." She admitted. "'Ave you ever noticed the look he gets whenever he talks about her?"
Taylor thought for a moment. "Yeah, I guess I 'ave." He calmed down. He knew Jayla had done what she thought was right. And even with the way he'd yelled at her, she was willing to stick by him. To be here for him to lean on.
"I think Phil was in love with your Mum as well." She spoke softly.
"She seemed to 'ave that affect on men." He sat beside her. "I'm sorry, Jay." He hugged her.
"Just let me stay with you. I don't want you to be alone right now." She cupped his face in her hands.
"Ok." He sighed as she leaned in and kissed him.
Roger stared at the phone. He needed to call Sav and let him know that the kids were here and ok.
"You've reached the Savage's. Leave a message and we'll call you back." The machine picked up.
"Sav, it's Rog. The kids are here and ok. Give me a ring when you get in." He hung up and crawled in bed.
He led her to a small room that contained a pool table.
"Pool?" She looked confused.
"No." He pulled her into his arms. "I need you, Jay." He kissed her. She could feel her body instantly respond to his touch. Her heart raced and a warm feeling took over her entire body. After removing their clothing, he placed her gently on the pool table. His hands caressing every curve of her body. His fingers slipping between her legs, he brought her to the edge of her first orgasm.
"Tay." She threw her head back.
"More?" He gave her that boyish smile. He could feel his own body throb with need.
"Yes!" She moaned as he slipped his way inside her and began to move.
He felt the frustration of the day melt away as he quickened his pace. He poured all the pent up energy he was feeling into bringing them both to climax.
"Jayla!" He pushed as deep as he could. He held her close till their breathing returned to normal then pulled her over to the couch. They held each other as they lay there in silence.
He woke up an hour later. Jayla still curled up in his arms. He watched her sleep and wondered if this is how his dad felt for his mum.
He got up and dressed before waking her up.
"Jay. Wake up." He gently shook her shoulder.
"Mmm." She blinked her eyes.
"C'mon. We're leavin'." He held out her clothes for her.
"Where we goin'?" She dressed.
"LA." He buttoned his shirt. "I'm gonna learn everythin' I can."
"Let's go then." She stood and grabbed his hand as they walked back up the stairs.
Paige walked in the house from visiting her parents. She saw the light flashing on the machine and pressed play expecting to hear Sav's voice. Instead she heard Roger's message. Quickly she picked up the phone and dialed Sav's cell.
"Taylor?" Sav gasped.
"It's Paige." She listened as he exhaled. "There was a message from Roger."
"And?"
"He's says that the kids are at his place and that they're alright." She listened as he cried in relief.
"Thank you, hon. I'll head over there now." He hung up and looked up as Joe and Nat came back downstairs.
"What?" Joe read the look on his face.
"They're at Roger's." He grabbed his keys.
"Let's go." They all headed out the door.
"That was the longest bloody flight in history." Jayla complained as they relaxed in the cab.
"Our Mums used to do it all the time when they worked." He smiled. "It is beautiful 'ere, though. I can see why they liked it."
"Me too." She smiled.
They walked up to the door and stopped.
"Please tell me you 'ave a key. I need a shower in the worst way."
"Where would Mum keep a spare?" He looked around. The flowerbed would be too obvious. Above the door? He felt around the top of the door jam and chuckled when he found it.
"Okay, you're startin' to scare me with this shit."
"Relax. Anyone could have gotten it."
"Then why is the house still here?" She raised her eyebrows as they walked in.
They stopped and looked around.
"Wow. There's another picture wall." She pointed.
"Cool." He walked over and began to look at all of the photos.
There were many more people that they didn't know this time. A few movie stars he recognized... the three blondes... a photo of Uncle Rick, dripping wet, with a T-shirt that read 'I Love Dick'. He had to laugh at that one.
"Look at your Dad!" Jayla laughed.
He laughed as well to see his father in a tiny blue bathrobe, and a very unhappy look on his face. "Mum must 'ave caught all of the touring jokes on film." He pointed to a photo of Phil and Steve and their glow-in-the-dark smiles.
"Apparently, she wasn't exempt!" She pointed to the photo of Kenz and Nat with red hair.
"They had so much fun together." He sighed as he looked around. "Why don't you take a shower whilst I snoop?"
"Have fun." She kissed him and headed upstairs.
He quickly began going through drawers. All he ever seemed to find were photos everywhere. He then walked down to the film room and went through the drawers there. Not even one bottle to be found. They really did clean the house during his mother's second rehab.
He looked up at the CD player and decided to turn it on. What kind of music did his Mother listen to? Out poured the sad, melodic voice of Patsy Klein. He closed his eyes and imagined her sitting there, working diligently over a photo spread of the Leps.
"That music is so sad." Jayla walked down the stairs.
"But it suits her." He opened his eyes. "I can see why she liked it."
"Did you find anything?"
"Not really." He sighed. "This is where they all stayed."
"What exactly are you looking for?"
"Well..." He paused as he moved the cushions of the sofa. "They all talk about her first rehab. But she never mentions it in her diaries."
"Maybe she didn't write..."
"Oh, Mum wrote. I think she talked to the bloody pen more than she talked to my Dad." He huffed. "I just know there's a missing book."
"Well….tell me where to look."
"Upstairs." He smiled at her.
Jayla went from room to room, looking in drawers and under the mattresses. She stopped when she reached the nursery. She smiled and leaned against the door.
"Where are you?" Taylor walked up the stairs.
"Your room." She giggled.
He walked in and looked around. "Wow." He smiled. "I must've been one spoiled baby."
"Obviously." She grinned.
He then walked past her and began digging through drawers. He looked in the closet, under the furniture...
"Maybe she didn't, Tay." She sighed.
"I know she did." He walked into the last room. He looked around and noticed the photo of he and his parents on the nightstand. He walked into the closet and began to go through the old shoeboxes on the top shelf. There were receipts, old photos, but that was it.
"Look what I found." Jayla walked in with an old briefcase that had a 'Rolling Stone Magazine' ID tag on it.
"Where was that?" He took it from her.
"The hallway closet." She spoke as he opened it.
There were photos of Steve and Phil, and a book. He quickly opened it and began to read. His interest took a different turn when he came to the entries written during the Hysteria tour. He read a few out loud to Jayla. They pertained to the jokes the played on the group. In a way they were listening to his mother tell the stories about the pictures on the wall. It was when the entries began to turn more personal that he read to himself again.
'Last night was amazing. I never thought I'd agree to anything like it. Phil and Steve were so gentle yet i could see an animal hunger in Phil's eyes. The excitement I felt was only heightened by the vodka and cocaine. What a powerful combination.' She wrote.
He continued to read. "I can't wait till this tour is over! If I hear the question "Are you and Sav an item now?" one more time I think I'll scream. Why can't everyone just leave us be and let us move at our own place?"
Taylor ran his hand over the pages. He thought his mom sounded depressed in the last diary he read. This one was much worse.
"How could everyone expect me to commit to Sav when he can't himself? I caught him today with Joe and the others checking out a group of women in their bikinis."
"TK?" Jayla didn't like the expression on his face.
"What?" He looked up from the book.
"What is it?"
"The Hysteria tour was brutal on her." He sighed. "I'm surprised she didn't fall apart then."
"I've heard she was a strong lady. Very good at hidin' her feelin's too." She sat down beside him.
“Listen to this one.” He began to read. "Geeze. Yesterday I was shooting the Leps, today I'm on a jet headed for Japan. At first I was completely pissed at Tim for sending me to the Monster's of Rock tour. But the more I think about it, the better I feel. Sav was getting entirely too intense for me. He's like a huge 'L' word time bomb waiting to explode and that's exactly what I don't need right now.”
"About the only thing I regret is leaving by boys hanging. We didn't even have a good-bye bar crawl. Steve will probably give me hell over that one the next time I see him, but we can definitely make up for it when we all get home next year. I'm looking forward to it all ready.”
Roger woke up to pounding on the door. He grabbed a shirt and walked down the stairs.
"Just a bloody minute." He peered through the peephole. "Sav?" He opened the door.
"Where are they?" Sav sounded frantic.
"I left them talkin' in the livin' room. By now I assume they are in bed though." He followed them all in the living room.
"I'm gonna go look." Sav ran up the stairs and searched the rooms. After a few minutes he ran back down. "Not 'ere!"
"I can't blame him." Roger thought back to the conversation earlier in the night.
"Excuse me?" Sav huffed.
"All of you." Roger pointed to the group. "I thought you told him about her a long time ago."
"We were waitin' till he was old enough to understand." Joe jumped to their defense.
"He's torn apart by everythin' he's learned." Roger cornered them. "Damn! It was like talkin' to Kenzie twenty years ago."
"Don't say that!" Sav began to shake. It was happening all over again.
Taylor waited until Jayla was asleep and then resumed reading his Mother’s diary. "Well, Rog and I had our first father/daughter fight today. Wasn't so bad. He doesn't like it when I get up and leave and I don't like him butting into my private life. Simple as that. So, now I check in with him, tell him what he wants to hear I'm a good little girl... and voila! Happy Daddy!”
"Talked to Nat today. She seems pretty stressed. My boys are wreaking havoc on the entire crew. She says that Steve spends all his time drunk and Phil spends all his energy coverin' for him. To me, that's normal. But for some reason, the rest of the band has a bug up their ass about it.”
"Steve called me today. He sounded so sad and distant. He won't even open up and talk to me, which scares the hell out of me. He wants me to drop everything and come home. Doesn't he know I have a job to finish. And even if I were, I'm not exactly ready to see Sav just yet.”
"I called Phil and as usual, he denied anything was wrong. That boy is so programmed to cover for us that he's even shutting me out. I shall have to remedy it when I get back home. Maybe we just all need a trip. Me and my boys, away from everyone and everything. And plenty of vodka. I'm so sick of sake, I could scream.”
He sat back and rubbed his eyes. He had to take in all of this new information. It was apparent that the three blondes were secretly more than friends. But why? Why would she do that if she was in love with his Dad? Or was she? Exhausted, he turned out the light, wrapped his arms around Jalya, and went quickly to sleep.
Sav hoped that Roger was right. That they headed to LA to check out the house here. They grabbed their bags then haled a cab to the house.
"Deep breaths." Phil placed his hand on Sav's shoulder.
"Yeah." Sav stared out the window.
"Jayla!" Taylor yelled at her from the pool.
"What?" She tipped her sunglasses up.
"C'mon in. The water's great." He smiled. She giggled as she walked over and joined him in the pool.
"I'm glad to see you in a better mood today." She wrapped her arms around him.
"Thank you for stickin' with me." He kissed her.
"Always." She sighed as he moved to kiss her neck.
"Someone's been here." Nat looked around the house.
"Then let's find them." Sav and Joe headed for the back. Phil took the downstairs as Nat took the upstairs.
"Tay!" Jayla screamed as he pushed inside her.
"Ugh!" He pushed deeper. His hand coming up to cup her breast.
"Oh!" She giggled as he hit a ticklish spot.
"What the bloody hell!" Joe's voice carried over the back yard.
Nat ran to the balcony to see Phil looking up at her. She immediately ran down and they both headed toward the back.
"Dad!" Jayla reached for her swimsuit.
"Fuck!" Taylor pulled his shorts on and jumped out of the pool.
"He's your son alright!" Joe glared at Sav. The situation was not funny but Sav was having a hard time hiding his smile.
"Aye." He cleared his throat.
"Daddy!" Jayla saw his face.
"You're grounded!" Joe pointed to his daughter. "Till you're forty!"
"Joe!" Nat yelled from the doorway.
Taylor walked to his father's side as quickly as possible. Sav had to turn his back to Joe as he tried to regain a serious face.
"At least you're not as mad as him." Tay looked up at his dad.
"Wait to go." He held out his hand. Taylor gave him a high five and smiled.
"'Ere we go! The whole 'No daughter of mine is goin' to be shaggin'…..' speech…" Jayla huffed.
"Young lady!" Joe walked towards her.
"Don't even go there, dad! I know you and mom were both my age when you lost your virginity!"
"Jayla!" Nat gasped.
Taylor noticed that Sav turned his attention back to the situation at hand. He took the opportunity to signal to Jayla to meet in the basement and ran off.
"Bite me, dad!" Jayla ran off through the house. She reached the basement door and locked it behind her.
"TK?" She walked down the stairs.
"Yeah." He smiled up at her.
"You know that they are really gonna be pissed now." She searched for a towel to dry off.
"Fuck them, Jay." His anger returned. They found them before he was ready to see them. Why couldn't they just back off and leave him alone?
"What are we gonna do now?" She sat beside him on the couch.
"I'm not comin' out till I finish readin'." He picked up her diary. Jayla sat quietly as he read.
"At least they can't leave with out us knownin' it." Sav ran a hand through his hair.
"He shagged me littl' girl!" Joe huffed.
"Oh, get over it." Nat giggled. "She's followin' in your footsteps like she does with everything else."
"Oh!" Phil chuckled.
"Piss off!" Joe grumbled.
"This can't be happening. Nat called today and told me that Steve died. They're wrong. Maybe he just left on a binge and didn't come back. They're mistaken, I know it. I shouldn't get myself all worked up. I'll get to London, and he and Philly will be waiting to go out and catch a game of pool. I just know it.”
"Phil would have called me if something was wrong. I could have talked Steve out of his depressed mood. I was always good at that. God, I'd even sleep with him again if that would do the trick. That's what I'll do. He was always a sucker for a quickie.”
"Well, everyone's hell bent on taking this seriously. I'm still having a hard time believing that he's really gone. Sav came back with a new girlfriend named Juli. As an extra little stab in the back, he slept with me last night and then told her this morning that he missed her. It's definitely time to move on and forget about Mr. Savage.
"Philly called me yesterday. He's a complete mess. We went to Steve's and gathered all of the things that the group might want. I swear it looks like he just picked up and went on a trip. His boots were lying on the floor, his guitars were set up... like he's going to be home any day. I honestly think it's the hardest thing I've ever done, pretending to be interested in Steve's things. He'd be extremely pissed if he came home and his shit was gone.
"Anyway, we ended up watching old videos and going through a bottle of scotch and we woke up together this morning. I don't even remember getting undressed, but there we were! And he acted so crazy about it this morning. Like he was nervous. He told me not to tell anyone, especially Nat. Well duh! I've never told anyone. Maybe the Rick Savage syndrome is spreading."
"Okay, it's quite apparent that my friends have all lost their fucking minds. All I want to do is sit in my office with a bottle of vodka and be left alone. They, however, want to run me all over God's green Earth. Rick's getting pretty good at developing, though. Phil's snooker game has completely improved. Joe... well, Joe's Joe. And then there's Sav.
"That man is driving me crazy. He's shacking up with his little wife, but he always seems to find time to come over and... well, I'm not sure how to describe it really. Are we fucking? Making love? All I know is that I'm powerless against it. And I think he knows that, damn him! The only way I'll be able to move on with my life is to leave London."
"Well, this is it. The final straw. Knowing the guys, there will be a party tonight for my birthday. That's fine, I can probably handle it. But tomorrow, I'm flying to Vancouver for a while. I just need to be alone. I can no longer stand around and watch Sav with Juli. I love him too much and I'm not going to torture myself any longer.
"That's right, folks! I've finally admitted it. I'm in complete and utter love with Mr. Richard Savage. There. I said it. Too bad that it's completely too late."
"Wow. This has been one hell of a weekend. Plans have definitely changed. I'm now in Dublin with the Leps and Nat. Go figure that one, huh? Rick and I are together and he loves me. Someone pinch me! After all this time, he really loves me.
"I wonder how long it will last, though. I mean, we've completely jumped into this feet first. And now we're living together at Joe's. Just like that. Poof. Kenzie has a boyfriend."
He skipped through a few entries.
"Well, Joe had to open his damn big mouth again. Honestly, I don't know how Nat's put up with him for so damn long. Our little holiday get-together turned out to be a game of truth or dare. And in true Elliott style, he got Phil and Viv to let the rest of the group know that I've slept with them. The nerve of that man! It took a lot of persuasion and a quick shag for Sav not to get pissed over that one. And even then, I'm not sure he's okay with it. I probably wouldn't be if the tide was turned.”
"God, it's only been a few weeks, but I already feel a spree coming on. It's days like these I miss Steve the most. I think Phil's ready to bail on me. I think they all will eventually. They didn't put up with it in Steve, and they won't with me. It's only a matter of time before they see the real me and leave.”
He decided to skip through a few more.
"Phil tried to lecture me when the group went out last night. Telling me that the shit I'm snorting will fry my brain. Like he's one to talk. I remember many a party that old Phil joined me and Steve on."
"Phil came to visit today. Tried to give me a guilt trip over Steve. Telling me that what I was doing was the same thing Steve had done. How would he know? He had a good life. He wasn't stuck with a family that didn't care or a job you hated in a town you hated more."
Taylor found it harder to read as the entries went on. It was almost as though he could feel the pain his mother was feeling at that time.
"I got arrested last night for a DUI and lost my job at Rolling Stone. Phil ratted me out to dad so now he knows. He's taking me in for therapy sessions. What's next? The group abandons me like they did Steve? I'll never let that happen."
"Sav called yelling at me. He was furious. Phil told them about Steve and me. About our trips. All the things he promised to keep secret he told them at a drop of the hat."
"I know I'm going to hell, there's no sense in kidding myself. But I guarantee Steve will be waiting for me with open arms, ready to party like never before."
Taylor dropped the book to the floor. His face was white as a ghost and his body began to shake.
"Tay?" Jayla ran to his side. "Tay?" She shook his arm. He looked over at her as the tears fell down his cheeks. When he still wouldn't speak she picked up the journal and read the last entry on the page.
"Oh, God, Tay." She hugged him. He fell into her arms and cried uncontrollably.
"What the hell could they be doin' down there?" Sav paced.
"If he's shaggin' her again I'm gonna kill him, Sav." Joe ran a hand through his hair.
"Roger was right. We should 'ave told him a long time ago." Sav leaned against the counter.
"Yes, you should 'ave." Jayla stood at the top of the stairs. She closed the door to the basement and walked on in the kitchen.
"Jay?" Joe started.
"Not now, dad." She spoke calmly. "There are much more important things that need to be addressed right now." Joe was taken aback by her sudden maturity. Jayla stopped in front of Sav. "He needs you right now."
Sav briefly hugged her and took a deep breath before heading down the stairs. He found Taylor on the couch staring at the wall.
"Tay?" He sat down beside him.
"All I wanted was to know about her." He cried.
"I know, son. And I truly am sorry. I thought I'd be savin' you the pain we've all been through already if I left the really bad stuff out."
"I had no ideer that I'd learn so much." He looked his father in the eye.
Sav could see the all to familiar distance in those green eyes. "You've always told me that she was this exceptional woman. What I've learned over the last week is that she was terrible depressed." He stood and began pacing. "It took me talkin' to grandpa, Pete, and readin' Mum's own words to figure that out."
"Tay…. Your Mum, she was all those things I told you about. They were all the reasons I loved her."
"She felt so alone! Especially after she lost Steve. She almost killed herself once before, did you know that?" He cried out in anger. His voice full of pain.
"In New York." Sav dropped his head. His mind flashing with memories of that night. The argument on the phone, her lying on the floor of her apartment with blood running down her face, and then lost in the white sheets of the hospital bed. "Who told you that?"
"I know I'm going to hell, there's no sense in kidding myself. But I guarantee Steve will be waiting for me with open arms, ready to party like never before." He recited his mother's words. "Ring a bell?"
"You found her journal." Sav's face froze. He could only imagine what the first one contained. They had been unable to find it before and figured that maybe it had been lost.
"She was so damn concerned with what all of you thought of her! The things she wrote." He shook his head wildly. "I just can't!" He ran up the stairs.
He needed time to digest it all. As he passed through the kitchen his eyes connected with Phil's.
"Phil checked her out on Steve's birthday…." Roger's words echoed through his head. Taylor stopped. "Phil and Steve were so gentle yet I could see an animal hunger in Phil's eyes." His mother's words were next.
"Tay?" Phil raised an eyebrow.
"I need to talk to you." He turned to Jayla.
"I hid it well." She smiled. Taylor nodded his head and followed Phil to the back yard.
"I read somethin' rather interestin'." Taylor watched Phil. "I found one of Mum's old diaries. Seems she told it everythin'."
Phil swallowed hard.
“Where did he go?” Sav ran up the stairs.
“Out back with Phil.” Nat pointed. Sav walked to the back door and stopped as he heard his son talking.
“The three blondes were pretty close from what I’ve read.”
“Aye. Best of friends we were.” Phil tried to play it cool. He was the last one living with the true secret they all kept.
“Did you love her?” Taylor spoke bluntly.
“Huh?” Phil was caught off guard. “Of course. She was me best friend.”
"Let me rephrase. Were you in love with her?”
Phil looked away as he searched for a way to answer that question.
“I know you slept with her. You and Steve. She wrote about your threesomes.”
"It’s best you keep that information buried.” Phil returned his eyes to Taylor. “That was a secret the three of us vowed to take to the grave. Two held up their end and I will hold up mine.”
Sav closed his eyes as his body fell against the wall. How could he learn something new about her fourteen years after she’d gone?
“I also know about Steve’s birthday and how she got put back on the Narcon.” Taylor couldn’t stop. He had to let it out. Phil felt the familiar ache slam through his chest. The one day of his life he’d give anything to repeat.
“Tay…” He could hear the tears in his voice. “Please….”
“What? Don’t I ‘ave a right to be angry?”
“Taylor.” Sav finally stepped out on the deck. The others gathering behind him.
“No! You all talk about how painful it is to talk about her life. Talk about the times that were bad! Well, what do you think I’ve been goin’ through? My whole life I’ve wanted nothin’ but me Mum. If nothin’ else to know about her life. In one week I’ve learned more than anythin’ you’ve ever told me!”
“Call the lads. ‘Ave them join us ‘ere.” Joe whispered to Nat.
"Believe it or not...it's just as hard for us to talk about it." Sav crossed his arms. He was now at the end of his tolerance. He could understand his son's pain, he went through it after Kenzie died. Every time Taylor called out for his mother, every time he woke up in the middle of the night and reached for her only to find her not there. It was pure hell and he'd been there.
"You are goin' to calm your arse down!" Sav gritted his teeth.
"Fuck you!" Taylor yelled back. "The Narcon killed her! The Narcon she was put back on because of what he did!" He pointed to Phil.
"No!" Sav could see the pain return to Phil's eyes. He'd forgiven him a long time ago for that day. He knew Phil never meant to hurt Kenz. He'd never do that. "It was your Mum's choice to stay on the Narcon. Even after I begged her to stop!"
"It killed her!" He fell to his knees. "I didn't even get to know her!" He covered his face.
"I know." Sav dropped in front of him. "Son, I'd give my own life to 'ave her 'ere now. Believe me."
Sav talked Taylor into taking a hot shower and going to bed. He then walked out and climbed into the hot tub and tried to relax.
"Aye." Joe climbed in.
"Aye."
"I had Nat call the lads earlier. They're on their way 'ere." Joe watched him.
"I don't know if it will work." He sighed in defeat.
"Don't give up." Joe pointed a finger at him. "Don't make me whack ya on the back of the head like I used to."
Sav had to chuckle. "So how pissed are ya?"
"She's fifteen, Sav." He leaned his head back and rested it on the edge.
"The same age you and Nat both were just like she said."
"But, she's my littl' girl." He groaned.
"In case you 'aven't noticed. They're not so littl' anymore." Sav smiled.
"They were in the bloody pool for Christsake! You know as well as I do they couldn't 'ave been usin' protection."
"I thought of that. There's not much we can do about it now, though." Sav cranked up the heat.
"Hell, I'm surprised Taylor wasn't conceived in a fuckin' hot tub." Joe huffed.
"He was." Sav smiled. "In Spain."
"Fuck!"
Nat wondered around the house while the guys were in the hot tub. It had been a long time since she'd stepped foot in this house. It was the first place she and Kenz had lived together and also the last place they had stayed at together. God, so many years gone by. She smiled as she came across a picture of the two of them with Taylor and Jayla. She could hear her now. She'd be laughing over the situation at hand. That's just the way Kenz was.
Maybe she should get out some extra blankets if the others were going to be staying here as well. She walked up the stairs and into Kenz's old room. She knew there were extra blankets in there. As she entered the phone began to ring.
"Hello." She sat on the edge of the bed.
"Aye, Nat." Rick huffed into the phone. "We're in Denver so we should be there in about three hours."
"Sounds good."
"Got a pen? I'll give ya our flight info just in case you need it."
"Just a second." She opened the drawer to the nightstand. She grabbed a pad of paper as she noticed a single white envelope with Taylor's name on it. "Go ahead." She scribbled down the info and said goodbye. Then she grabbed the envelope and headed out to talk to Sav.
Taylor tried to sleep but couldn't. His mind kept replaying the things he'd learned. There was not a drop of liquor in the house. Nothing to calm his racing mind. He knew the hell he'd catch if he went to Jayla's room but now it seemed to be the only thing that could possible ease his mind. He climbed out of bed and tiptoed down the hall. He heard his dad and Nat walk in the living room below and quickly jumped into the bathroom.
"I found it in the nightstand." Nat handed the envelope to Sav. He flipped it over and noticed it was sealed.
"I'll put it in his room so that he can read it in the mornin'." He climbed the stairs. He opened the door and found the room empty.
"What?" Joe looked up as Sav walked out with the envelope still in his hand.
"Empty."
"Dammit!" Joe ran up the stairs in time to see Taylor walk out of the bathroom.
"Aye." He looked at his dad.
"Nat found this in your Mum's room." He held out the envelope.
"What is it?"
"Don't know. That's your Mum's hand writin' though."
"I'll read it later." He walked in his room and shut the door. He laid on the bed and stared at the letter.
Dear Taylor,
Where to begin. I have so many things I want to tell you. It seems in the past that I've been better at writing down my thoughts then actually saying them out loud so this is the reason for the letter. I am however learning how to tell others how I feel and what is on my mind so maybe when you're older I won't need it. I'll be able to tell you this myself. But, just in case. I'm writing this during my second round in drug rehab. It seems that the first round didn't work and I am the reason why. I was angry with everyone for putting me in there and I still carried my guilt over Steve. I told them all what they wanted to hear and it worked. I got out in just three weeks. I did fine with my problem till after you were born. I found letters from Steve where he told me how he felt plus your father started touring again. I felt as though I was being left behind. Then, one night your father and I had an argument. To ease the pain and fear I felt I did what I'd always done. I resorted to cocaine and vodka. Then I did the most hurtful thing I've ever done in my life I cheated on your father. I slept with another man and he found us together. It was during that argument that I realized that if you had needed me I wasn't in any condition to take care of you. It would have killed me had I ever lost you for any reason. I ran off and took time to think. Then I did what I knew I needed to do. I called Phil. He met me at the house in LA and I confessed to using again. He checked me into the rehab clinic for the second time. And that's exactly what I knew he'd do. At that point I'd thought I'd lost your father for I couldn't see how he could forgive me for what I'd done but he did. He stuck by me through the whole ordeal and this time I was able to truly heal myself. The rest of the group was there as well. They truly are the best friends I've ever had and I love them dearly. Especially, your father and you. Taylor, you are the best thing to ever happen to me. It's the unconditional love you give me as a mother that fills my heart with a joy I've never felt.
Love,
Mom
Taylor cried as he folded the letter again and ran for the door. He looked around until he found his dad standing in the living room talking with the others that had just arrived.
"Dad!" He ran down the stairs and into Sav's arms.
"Wow." Sav wrapped his arms around him as the others stood in shock.
"I'm so sorry." He cried. Sav wondered what the letter had said to bring on such a change in him.
"Did you read the letter?"
"Yes. It was a letter where Mum was tellin' me about it herself." He handed it to him. Sav grabbed his glasses from Paige and then began to read the letter. When he was finished he looked up at Taylor.
"I realize now that she wasn't perfect." Taylor spoke softly. "That she admitted that it was her problem with no one to blame for but herself." He looked over at Phil. "Uncle Phil, I'm so sorry. How can I blame you when even she didn't?"
"It's ok." Phil hugged him. "You 'ave finally realized though all the reasons your Mum was special to all of us."
"Yes, we all 'ave." Sav looked at Phil. Phil knew by his gaze that Sav knew everything. "If you get some sleep we'll all sit around tomorrow and fill in the remainin' gaps." He wrapped an arm around Taylor's shoulders.
"Ok." He let his father walk him back to his room.
When Sav returned downstairs he found Phil in Kenzie's den by himself.
"Can we talk?"
"Sure." Phil slowly met his gaze.
Sav took a deep breath. Would Phil even answer the questions he was about to ask? The Three Blondes were tight and everyone was certain that they still didn't know everything that happened between them.
"Sav?" Phil waited.
"I overheard Tay talkin' to you earlier." He rubbed the back of his neck.
Phil swallowed hard.
"They were Kenzie's words, Phil. I know it's true about her, Steve, and you. What I want to know is the answer to your feelings for her."
Phil hesitated. So many emotions running through him he was sure he couldn't hide them. "Why does it matter? That was a long time ago."
"Because she was my wife. Because she was Taylor's mother." He looked him square in the eye. "Because I want to know."
"The Blondes committed to secrecy. Even though I'm the only one left, I can't go against that."
"This has nothin' to do with the Blondes, Phil. It's about you and Kenzie. How did you feel?"
"What will it bring you to know?" Phil shot up off the couch.
"Phil..."
"What do you want to hear me say? That I fell in love with 'er sometime durin' the Hysteria days? That she was the best friend I’d ever had next to Steve? That everythin’ about ‘er made me melt inside? That I hated the fact that Steve was there during those threesomes because I wanted her all to myself? Or was it that it hurt so bloody bad to see ‘er with you?”
“Phil….”
“No. You asked. I loved ‘er unconditionally and wanted only for ‘er to be happy. It tore my heart to pieces every time I’d watch her walk out that door to binge! So much that a part of me died with ‘er that night.” He collapsed on the couch and covered his face with his hands.
“Wow, I never…did you ever tell ‘er?”
“No. Never. She loved you and after everythin’ she’d been through I wasn’t about to add to ‘er problems.”
The next day the entire group plus Jayla and Taylor gathered in the living room. A circle was formed and everyone was quiet for a few minutes.
"For the two of you who 'aven't been here the last week, ...it's been hell. He's learned quite a bit about Kenzie and what she went through." Sav looked around the group. "I want to fill the gaps in for him today."
"We makin' a holiday out of it?" Rick chuckled. "We could be 'ere weeks tellin' Kenzie stories."
"How true." Viv followed.
"I think my favorite ones were the when she'd put Sav through hell for pissin' her off!" Joe laughed.
"She did have a hell of a way of doing it." Nat giggled.
"Sounds like he did it pretty often." Taylor smiled.
"Aye. And the back of me head has a flat spot from your Uncle Joe smackin' me all the time over it too." Sav chuckled.
"It was his favorite pastime." Viv smiled. "Always given ya pointers on how to finally shag her."
"If he would 'ave listen it wouldn't 'ave taken him two years either." Joe sipped his beer.
"How many times did she pass out in your bed at the house in Sheffield half naked?" Rick looked at Sav.
"Three."
"That was his problem. He either gave her alcohol or pissed her off."
"I remember you ending up on the payback list at one time." Nat smiled at Joe.
"Woah!" Jayla held up her hand. "You didn't shag TK's mum, did ya?"
"Not for lack of tryin'!" Rick fell over laughing as he remembered that night.
"She left him standing at the door." Nat smiled at her daughter.
"Pete said she had the greatest times at the pubs." Taylor jumped in to change the subject.
"We all did." Sav leaned back.
"Did she 'ave a thing for Irish toasts?"
"Aye. She always had to correct Phil over there too. He got tongue tied on damn near everyone he said." Joe pointed out.
"She loved the damn things." Phil laughed. "And she waited till I was drunk of me arse to 'ave me give one."
"What was her favorite?" Taylor gained interest.
"It’s easy to be pleasant when life flows by like a song. But the man worth while is the one who can smile when everything goes dead wrong. For the test of the heart is trouble and it always comes with years. And the smile that is worth the praises of earth is the smile that shines through the tears." Phil spoke softly.
"Then there were the soccer games." Viv commented.
"Kenzie and Nat were real....well let's just say soccer wasn't really their game." Joe patted Nat's hand.
"Till Kenzie came back from LA after her first rehab." Phil smiled. "She kicked Sav's arse."
"And you let her!" Sav pointed a finger at him. "You'd seen her play in LA before that."
"It was worth the look on your face."
"How did you meet Mum?"
"We met in London. The girls were coverin' the Rock Fest in 85." Sav closed his eyes and thought back to the day in London when they saw the girls jogging down the road.
"Yeah, the girls were takin' a run right down the street from the house while we were playin' soccer." Joe added.
"I think I fell in love with your Mum at that very moment." Sav looked at his son. "She was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen."
Before they knew it they had talked all day. Taylor had laughed and cried but they left him with an overall better feeling than he'd ever had about his mother.
"We fly out early so let's get some sleep." Nat suggested.
"Fine." Jayla and Taylor huffed at once.
"I say we re-aquaint ourselves with the bed upstairs." Joe nibbled on Nat's ear.
"Mmm. Sounds like the best idea I've heard in days." She giggled. They followed each other to bed.
Jayla laid in bed tossing and turning, unable to sleep with all the noise.
"Fuck!" She sighed.
"Can't sleep?" Taylor smiled from the doorway.
"You'd think they'd keep it down with a house full of people." She smiled.
"I think they're used to it. Besides, let them make all the noise they want." He slid down beside her. Their lips met and they both felt that spark of electricity again. "Do you feel that, too?" He rubbed his nose against hers.
"Yeah." She smiled for him.
"What?" He watched her eyes dance around.
She took a deep breath. "I love you, TK, you know that."
"I love you too, Jayla."
"I know. But, it's like.....the feelin's changin'. Like it's different than how I've felt growin' up with you." She tried to explain her feelings.
"You're gettin' mushy on me." He kissed her neck.
"I guess I am." She closed her eyes as his mouth moved lower. His hand gracefully, pulling her nightgown off her shoulders and down the frame of her body. Pushing his body against hers, his heart beating in his chest against hers. He knew what she meant, he felt it too. But, they were young and he didn't want to think about those things now.
"Oh!" He moaned in her ear as he pushed his way inside her. Slowly catching her rhythm with his.
"Tay!" She dug her nails into his shoulders. "Ugh!"
"Oh!" He released himself. After a few moments they cuddled up together and drifted off to sleep.
Sav laid in bed with his arm around behind his head. He was about to doze off when he heard Taylor talking.
"No, Mum....please! Wait!" He tried to stop her from walking out the door. He flipped over on his back and flung his arms.
"Ow!" Jayla sat up as she was hit. "TK, wake up." She shook him as Sav walked in the room.
"Taylor." He shook his arm.
"Wh...What?" Taylor sat up.
"You were havin' another nightmare." Jayla pushed a lock of hair away from his eyes.
"Oh." He rubbed his eyes. Sav looked between the two.
"I think you better get your arse back to your room before Joe catches ya." He threw his son's boxer shorts at him.
"He's to busy shaggin' Aunt Nat to notice anyway." Taylor grinned.
"Go!" Sav pointed to the door as he tried to hide his smile.
Taylor walked out in the hall as he pulled his t-shirt over his head and ran into a brick wall. As he pulled the shirt on down he looked up to see Joe staring down at him with his arms crossed.
"What the bloody hell is goin' on?" He grumbled. Taylor swallowed hard.
"Usin' the loo." Taylor lied.
"In Jay's room? I think not." Joe grabbed his arm. "Jayla darlin' get your arse dressed. I wanna talk to the two of ya." Joe noticed Sav walking out of the room.
"She's already decent." Sav chuckled.
"Piss off!" Joe huffed as he walked Taylor back into her room. Sav stood in the doorway as Nat walked up to see what was going on.
"This ought to be good." Sav whispered to Nat.
"Oh yeah." She giggled.
Joe sat and glared at the two of them for a minute. Taylor was obviously squirming under the immense pressure.
"I don't like what you're doin', but I've been there and you're gonna do what you're gonna do. And I'm not ready to be a grandfather, so... 'ere." He threw a pack of condoms at them.
"Ah!" Nat covered her mouth.
"Your dad had the same problem." Joe looked back at Taylor as he walked out of the room. He pulled Natalie along with him all the while tugging at the sash of her robe.
"He's just jealous." Sav spoke loud enough for Joe to hear. "His hot tub saw more action from me and your Mum than it did from him." Sav chuckled.
"Piss off, Sav!" Joe slammed his door.
"Even after we moved out."
Taylor looked at his dad as he waited in the doorway. "Looks like I'm stayin' here." He shut the door. Sav stared at the door and minute then walked back to his room shaking his head.
The group stopped in London to get the kids things then headed off to Sheffield to do a concert. Phil walked down one morning and stared at the picture wall. So many memories came flooding back. So much pain. Here he was the only one left. Why was that? Was he destined to live forever with the memory of how he’d helped them? Or was he just living on borrowed time till it was his turn?
“Mornin’.” Joe descended the stairs.
“Aye.” Phil sighed.
“How are you?” Joe’s voice was laced with concern. He could only imagine what he was going through these last few days. The pain of loosing his best mates and dealing with the anger Taylor had towards him.
“I’ve been better…..and I’ve been worse.”
They stood in silence a minute as they looked over the pictures on the wall.
“She was amazing, wasn’t she?” Joe stared at a picture of Kenzie.
“Taylor reminds me of ‘er so much.” Phil smiled.
“Aye.”
“For that reason I think Jayla’s good for him. She’s grounded, compassionate, and still has that tad bit of a wild side to ‘er. It’s exactly what he needs.”
"As much as I hate to admit it, I think you're right." Joe sighed.
Sav stood in the doorway of his son's room and watched him sleep. He chuckled to himself as he thought about what he was doing. He hadn't done it since Taylor was a baby. He surveyed his features. You could tell he was his son just by looking at him. Everything about his looks were identical to his except the green eyes.
Those green eyes that were so much like Kenzie's. They were a deep green that sparkled when he was happy and deepened in color with his temper. He chuckled again. His personality was pure Kenzie as well. All spit fire and un-predictable. Add the Savage charm to that and you had Taylor. He was certainly a combination of his parents.
He stood a while longer just watching him. Thinking about everything they'd been through the last weeks. He felt a huge weight lift off his shoulders that it was finally out. That his son finally knew everything there was to know about his mum. They only thing he wished was that Taylor could of had more time with her. To know her firsthand. Hell, he still wished everyday that she was still here. How would life have been the last fourteen years if she had been? He sighed heavily. No sense in wondering about the "what ifs" in life. He had plenty to be proud of in real life. His son was just a teenager and he was already turning out to be quite a man. Kenzie would have been very proud.
Taylor closed the book and ran his hand over the cover. He had so many memories from that time. The anguish he felt from never knowing his mother. Staring at her diary he felt as though he’d gotten to know her in some way. It wasn’t only the diary but the videos, pictures, and stories that everyone had shared with him over the course of his life. He’d taken what he’d learned during that time and set out to make his parent’s proud. He’d finished school and even went on to college before following in his father’s footsteps and forming his own band. They’d signed their first recording contract just the year before and he was on his road to success.
He had never forgotten how Jayla stood by him all those years either. Always offering a shoulder to cry on or a just a friendly ear for him to vent to. She’d grown into a beautiful woman and two years ago he’d made her his wife.
Now he stood overlooking the crib as his daughter slept. His and Jayla’s daughter. He gently leaned in and placed a kiss on her head.
“One day, when you’re older, I’ll tell you all about your grandmum. She was a very special woman and that’s why you’re named after ‘er.”
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