Redneck Jokes

Here's some funny redneck jokes I found. That I wanted to show to everyone. So have an good time reading these jokes. I know i shure did.

You just might be a Redneck if:...

1. You've ever tried to drown a fish.
   
2. You can yell to your mom, "Hey, Aunt Betty!"
   
3. Your kids fight with the dogs for their dinner.
   
4. You've ever stood in line to have your picture taken with a freak of nature.
   
5. More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.
   
6. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
   
7. Your mother has been involved in a fist-fight at a high school sports event.
   
8. None of your shirts cover your stomach.
   
9. You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
   
10. You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
    
11. You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap.
    
12. Your family tree does not fork.
    
13. Your baby's first words are "Attention K-Mart shoppers."
    
14. You have a Hefty Bag for a passenger-side window.
    
15. The fifth grade is referred to as " your senior year."
    
16. Three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.
    
17. Your gene pool doesn't have a "deep end."
    
18. You have the taxidermist's number on speed-dial.
    
19. Your dog and your wallet are both on a chain.
    
20. The UFO hotline limits you to one call per day.
    
21. Your two-year-old has more teeth than you do.
    
22. You have ever been accused of lying through your tooth.
    
23. Your underwear doubles as your bathing suit.
    
24. You let you kid pee in the parking lot at K-Mart.

1. 
   Q: What has 132 legs and 8 teeth?
   A: The front row of a Garth Brooks concert!


2. Q: What do you call 32 Rednecks in one room?
   A: A full set of teeth.



3. 40 Things Never Said By Southerners
   40. Oh I just couldn't. Hell, she's only sixteen.
   39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
   38. Duct tape won't fix that.
   37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.
   36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
   35. We don't keep firearms in this house.
   34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
   33. You can't feed that to the dog.
   32. I thought Graceland was tacky.
   31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
   30. Wrasslin's fake.
   29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
   28. We're vegetarians.
   27. Do you think my gut is too big?
   26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
   25. Honey, we don't need another dog.
   24. Who's Richard Petty?
   23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
   22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
   21. Spittin is such a nasty habit.
   20. I just couldn't find a thing at Walmart today.
   19. Trim the fat off that steak.
   18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
   17. The tires on that truck are too big.
   16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
   15. I've got it all on the C drive.
   14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
   13. Would you like your salmon poached or broiled?
   12. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
   11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
   10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
   09. Checkmate.
   08. She's too young to be wearing a bikini. 06. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
   05. I don't have a favorite college team.
   04. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
   03. I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
   02. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
   01. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin tonight.
   




4. A Letter From A Redneck Mother To Her Son
   Dear Son,
   
   I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved. Won't be able to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived here took the numbers with them for their house, so they wouldn't have to change their address.
   
   This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven't seen 'em since.
   
   It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days the second time.
   
   The coat you wanted me to send to you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
   
   We got a bill from the funeral home, and it said if we didn't make the final payment on Grandma's funderal bill, up she comes.
   
   About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether if it is a boy or a girl so don't know if you are an Aunt or Uncle.
   
   Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to get him out, but he fought them off playfully, so he drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.
   
   Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup. One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out. He rolled down the window and swam to safery. The other 2 drowned. They couldn't get the tail gate down.
   
   Not much more news this time. Nothing much happened. If you don't get this letter, please let me know and I will send another one.
   
   Love, Ma