I am 32 years old,a wife and mother of 3. I was diagnoised with Lupus almost two years ago.

Sometimes the effect of this disease are devestating. Lupus takes alot from you. For me I think the worse is that it takes your self esteem. There are times when I wonder what my husband or children are thinking of me. Do they pity me? Are they angry at me for being sick. I don't feel sexy or useful. Somedays I wonder why I am even here. Does my husband wish he had someone more vibrant? Do my kids wish I was more active? Am I an embarsement to them?

I try to work and keep things as close to normal as possible,but there are days when I just want to lie in bed and pull the covers over my head. My body is falling apart and there is nothing I can do to stop it. My medical bills are pileing up and I feel guilty about that.

The only good thing about Lupus is other Lupies. They are the most understanding and accepting people I have ever met. We know what the other is going through and we never judge.

It's not much I guess, but it's my personal story and the way I feel.

Michelle M.