Title: Bye-Bye Love

Author: R.Solo56

Category: Romance, Alternate Universe

Rating: PG-14 for mild adult situations and dramatic scenes

Date: 12/27/99

It was late on Coruscant and the whole Imperial palace was asleep. That day had been a productive and successful one. Each meeting went by in relative peacefulness and the whole Arigaha system had joined the New Republic. Everyone was satisfied. Well, almost everyone. The Solos’ quarters were quiet.

Han had planned a romantic night for two after hearing of his wife’s success. But, when she did get home, she did no more that greet him, take a bath, and go to bed. Han’s initial irritation faded away when he snuck a glimpse of her face right before it hit the pillow; she was utterly exhausted. After eating alone and locking up, Han joined his wife and, with many attempts, slept.

A few hours later, Han was startled out of sleep by a sudden, almost intense, heat on his shoulder. Looking down, he found his wife, flushed and moaning, sleeping against his arm. Worried, he ran the back of his hand alongside her cheek--and was taken aback by how hot it felt.

Pushing her gently off of himself, he went to the ‘fresher and found the thermometer. He murmured to her, trying to keep her still as he put the thermometer just inside her ear and pressed a button on the side. He read the results: 106.1 degrees; that was way too high for a human. Now, he was terrified.

He tried to awaken her so as to check her state further. “Leia...” he whispered. “Honey, wake up.” Her eyes remained closed. Stroking her head, patting her cheek, he kept up his attempts. “Sweetheart listen to me.... How do you feel? Do you feel okay? Leia c’mon....”

Finally, her eyes opened. Just as he feared, they were glazed over and she did not seem to register her surroundings as she squirmed about, trembling and whimpering. Han knew he had to get her to the Med. Center--Leia’s breath caught; she tried hard to get it back, with little success--fast.

Han Solo paced about the small waiting room in the Med. Center, anxious and annoyed. Leia had been put on a respirator as soon as he arrived the week before. It took many tries, but the doctors eventually got her fever down to normal, and after a couple days, she was able to breathe on her own again. She would have been able to go home, except for one problem. She had slipped into a coma. No one knew why, or at least no one would tell him why.

Chewbacca barked softly from behind him and he turned around. Luke was there too. “Hey pal. Hi kid.” His voice was tired and sad.

“Hi Han,” said Luke. “We heard what happened. I’m sorry.”

Han smiled sadly. “So am I.”

Chewie barked again.

“No, not yet, Chewie. They’re runnin’ a test or somethin’.”

“General Solo?” a voice interrupted.

“Yeah?” he asked, hopeful.

The doctor smiled. “Your wife is waking up. You can come in now.”

Han’s grin spoke volumes as he ran into Leia’s room and to her bedside. Luke and Chewie followed suit. “Leia?” Han inquired softly, holding her hand. Her eyelids fluttered in response.

Luke laughed quietly. “Yes; he’s here.”

Han looked at the Jedi strangely. Luke laughed again. “She wanted to know if you were here.”

Finally, Han understood, and he smiled broadly. “Yeah, sweetheart; I’m here.” He stroked her head. “Wake up and be among the living, will ya?”

Luke chuckled at something, and when Han asked, he didn’t say what. Han just grunted and turned back to his wife. Slowly, her eyes fluttered open. She smiled as she found her husband leaning over her. “Hi,” she whispered.

“Hi, yourself, sweetheart,” Han replied, his eyes clouded with tears. “How do you feel?”

“Like I can breathe again,” she answered, squeezing his hand. She turned her head and saw that Luke and Chewie were there too. “Hey, guys.” Chewie grunted a greeting and Luke said a soft hello. “How long have you all been here?”

“I just got in from Yavin,” Luke answered first. “But, I think Han’s been here a while.”

Leia raised an eyebrow at her husband. “How long is that?”

Han pretended to look sheepish. “About...the whole time.” He gave her a mock innocent grin.

Leia looked exasperated. “And the whole time is...?”

Han hesitated for an instant. “A week.”

Her eyes widened. “A week?” she inquired. “Was I that bad?”

His eyes turned a sad shade of silver. “You’ve been in a coma since last Tuesday.”

“What...happened last Tuesday?”

Han was worried again. “You don’t remember?” Leia was silent. Luke and Chewie left the room to give Han and his wife some time alone. “Don’t you recall getting sick?”

Leia thought hard. “I remember...I was tired...and I had a headache.... Why would that put me in a coma?”

Han brushed her cheek with his fingers. “Leia...that night...you had a fever of 106.1 degrees. I tried to wake you up, but you looked as though you didn’t know where you were...who I was. And then....you stopped breathing....”

“I remember that,” she said meekly. “I remember I couldn’t breathe. It was like a nightmare.”

Han squeezed her hand. “I thought I was gonna lose you, honey,” he whispered. He kissed her forehead tenderly.

Leia hugged her husband. “I’m indestructible too, remember. It takes more than a fever to get rid of me.” She smiled at him.

Han grinned. “Boy, do I know it.”

“So...when do I get out of here?”

“That’s a good question,” Han said. “I’m gonna go find out, okay?”

She nodded. “Okay.”

“General...we, uh...we have some bad news,” said the doctor in his office.

Han sat erect. “What? About Leia?”

The doctor smiled sadly. “Yes.... Um, we tested her for A.N.D. this morning and...I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but...the results were positive.”

Han’s jaw dropped and his face turned pale. A.N.D....Acute Nerijada Disease. It started in the Nerijadanian system some two hundred years ago. It was a strange illness that no doctor anywhere could find the cure to. No one even knew how it started. It was a slow, painful process which included, destruction of the immune system, fever, migraines, paralisis of the lower body, blindness, destruction of the nervous system, and heart failure. Translation: a slow, sure death.

Han could scarcely believe what he heard. How could this happen? “Does,” he croaked, then cleared his throat. “Does Leia know?”

The doctor shook his head. “I thought...you should be the one to tell her.” The doctor stood up. “She can go home tomorrow. Call us when she gets worse. I’m really very sorry, General.” The doctor left.

God dammit, Han thought as he strode through the field behind the Imperial palace. Why? Why does it always happen to us? What the hell did she ever do wrong? Fuck, fuck, fuck! He had heard from Luke that Leia had been spending time in that field for a few days now. Finally, when he had time, he decided to meet her there. To tell her. Somehow. Now, he couldn’t find her. Fuck.

Walking over another hill, he spotted her at the foot, sitting alone, watching the afternoon sky. Quietly, he strode to the bottom. Putting his hands on her shoulders, he whispered, “Hey sweetheart.”

She jumped. “Han! God, don’t scare me like that.” She grinned.

Han sat beside her and she leaned against his warm body. “What are you doing out here all alone?” he murmured to her.

“Enjoying the scenery,” she breathed. “Thinking.... It’s so much more peaceful here. It’s like...you wouldn’t think there was a war going on from this perspective.”

He nodded. Dammit, he thought again. How can I tell her now? She looked so happy for once. At peace. He ran his fingers tenderly over her face, her closed eyes, her smiling lips, as if he were a blind man, trying to engrave a picture into his memory. Exactly like.

“You’ve come to tell me something,” she said suddenly. “You’re afraid.... Why?” She hugged him.

Han sighed. Man, that Force stuff worked good. “Because.... Well, it’s bad news, honey.”

Leia suddenly smiled at him. “What, is it the medical bill?” Seeing as he didn’t so much as grin back, she realized he really did have bad news. “I’m sorry.... What is it?”

“One of the tests they took...it’s...it’s....” He just couldn’t get the words past the lump in his throat. How could he tell her?! It just wasn’t fair! They’d been through a lot together, but things have always turned out right. But, this time.... This time there wouldn’t be any last-minute, unplanned, dramatic rescues. This last time....

“Han?” Leia’s soft voice brought him back to reality. She was stroking his cheek so tenderly, so lovingly. “Han...please tell me.”

Han’s mouth worked. “It was a A.N.D. test,” he finally blurted out.

Leia paled. A.N.D..... “...It--it was...positive...wasn’t it?”

Tears streaming down his cheeks, he nodded.

She was silent for a long time, trying to think of what to say...and wondering how she would get it past the constriction of her throat. Finally, she managed one word; though small it might be, it spoke volumes. “H...H--Han....”

Han gathere his wife in his arms, hearing her fast breathing. She was just as shocked as he had been. “Shhh,” he attempted, though he was still crying. “Just calm down a little, honey...shhhh. That’s it....” Slowly but surely, her trembling subsided and her breathing returned to normal.

“A-are they sure?” Leia inquired so quietly that he almost didn’t hear her.

He nodded. “They double-checked.”

Leia looked up at him. “How long?”

“They don’t really know,” he explained. “But, the usual time span is six to eight months. Maybe a little longer.”

She had only months to live.... Live. Leia suddenly reached up and brought her husband’s lips to hers in a bruising kiss. Han’s reaction was imediate, and she could feel his need pulsing against her belly. If that was all the time she had left, she was definately going to take advantage of it.

“Make love to me,” she sobbed. “Please...please I need you!”

Han kissed her again and again, faster and faster...Everywhere. He needed her too. Together, they made promises in the grass....

“Y-you’re crying....”

“Leia!”

Afterward, they clung to each other, Leia still quaking from the aftermath of their love making. The sun was setting and she was kicking herself for her recklessness. “God...I shouldn’t have.... I’m going to be late...oh no....” She started to get up, but Han wouldn’t let go. “Han...please!”

He kissed her. “Leia, I already talked to Mon Mothma and General Rieeken. They know. They gave you the evening off.”

“But I....”

“Leia...do you seriously think you’ll be able to concentrate in there? After what happened?”

She sighed, falling back against his chest. “I suppose not...But I’ve been through worse.” Han raised an eyebrow. “Well...you know what I mean.”

He nodded solemnly. “Yes, I know what you mean.”

She smiled suddenly. “So...now what do we do?”

Han grinned, glad that the mood had brightened for now. “Oh, I’m sure we can come up with something, baby....”

The weeks went by relatively peacefully in the New Republic and in the Solo household. As far as Han could tell, Leia was taking the news as well as could be expected. She was taking things as they came and living life to the fullest. She was born strong and willfull, and she hadn’t cried once since the day of the horrible news. He admired her for that. Things seemed nearly perfect...until one night five months later....

Han entered his quarters, expecting to be alone until his wife came home some three hours later. As he set his coat down on the couch, he noticed Leia’s coat was there as well. She’s home? he thought. So soon? He grinned. Their night had been gracefully extended by hours. But, the apartment was quiet. Perhaps too quiet....

Wary, Han searched through their quarters. The kitchen, the study, and the main room were empty. His last stop was the bedroom and to his relief, he found his wife asleep in bed, hugging his pillow. Why...? he began, then suddenly snapped to attention and rushed to the bedside. Relieved to find her breathing alright, he took her hand. “Leia?” he whispered. “You feeling alright, honey?”

Leia peered at him through half-lidded eyes. “Another headache,” she mumbled, closing her eyes again. Tears began to seep through her lashes.

Han stroked her head, concerned. Her headaches were never bad enough as to make her cry before.... “Should I call the doctor?”

She shook her head. “It’s not bad...it’s just....” Her voice caught on a sob, and she buried her face in the pillow.

“Sweetheart?” he coaxed. “What’s wrong?” He rubbed her back, feeling her tremble beneath his hand. “Please, talk to me honey....”

She shook her head again. “I--I can’t....”

Han squeezed her shoulder. “Of course you can, princess.” He kissed her hair tenderly. “You can tell me anything. What makes you think otherwise, hmm?”

She was silent for a long time. “I...I promised myself I’d stay strong for you...that I wouldn’t cry.... I just...I didn’t know it would be this hard....” She struggled against a sob for a moment. “I’m sorry...I’m sorry....”

Han climbed into bed beside her so as to hold her more comfortably. “Leia...I never expected that you wouldn’t cry.... In fact, I’d be worried if you never did.... I...I want you to cry sweetheart! I want you to be able to share your feelings with me! Don’t you understand? You’re sick...you’re dying! Who wouldn’t cry if it happened to them?” He took his wife’s face in his hands. “I don’t care what you were taught about strength! It doesn’t apply here! Forget about what you were told; they’re wrong! Don’t ever be afraid to let your feelings out infront of me! So, go ahead and cry, dammit! Cry!” For an instant, he was afraid he had gone to far, but then quickly reminded himself about who he was talking to; nothing less would have gotten through to this Alderaanian.

Leia couldn’t hold back any longer. She wrenched her face out of her husband’s hands and buried it in his chest. From the core of her very being the sobs came, soundly and ragged. Han held her tighter, for some reason realizing that her lower body hadn’t moved at all. Could it be...? He didn’t want to believe it...but, he knew it had to happen sooner or later. “Honey...” he whispered, rubbing her thigh and getting no response from it. “Is that why...?” He knew he needen’t go into detail; she knew what he was talking about.

Unable to speak, she nodded, holding him tighter.

Over the months, it seemed he and his wife aquired some sort of telepathic ability. They could tell what one another was usually thinking. Right now, Han felt as though she were holding back. As if she thought he would regect her now. “Princess, I don’t care about that.... I love your spirit just as much as your physical self. I couldn’t care if you had no legs at all. I love you, Leia, and nothing will ever, ever change that.” She seemed to believe him, so he let that go for the time being.

Han continued to comfort her, letting her release her feelings while at the same time letting her know things would be alright, that he would be there for her, always in her heart. At least an hour later, the room was quiet again. “Feel better?” Han inquired in a murmur.

“Yes,” she answered huskily, her throat raw from the weeping. “But....” She hesitated.

“Leia...” he said. “Anything, remember?” He began planting little kisses all over her face and neck.

She tensed up. “No...” she started in a weak whisper. Han, please...I c-can’t....” She seemed set to cry again.

“I know,” he soothed, not stopping. “There are other ways, you know, sweetheart.... Lemme show you....”

And he did indeed show her.

Over the next few months, Leia’s condition deteriated steadily. She could no longer walk, she no longer ate, and she mostly slept--so deeply sometimes that Han feared she would never wake up. The medics were prepared for the her to die any day now and allowed her to go home to be with her husband as there was no more they could do. Luke and Chewie backed off, feeling it was only right to give Han some time alone with his wife during her last few hours. Han was watching over his sleeping wife one night, when the inevitable finally happened....

Han jumped at the feel of Leia’s body quaking. He raised his eyes to study her. She convulsed violently atop the bed, hands spasming, head jerking from side to side. His first hopeful notion was that she was having another nightmare, but when she woke--her dark eyes expressing absolute terror from sunken sockets--and her breath caught, Han got the feeling that this was the end.

Stifling a cry, he lifted his wife from the bed and adjusted her in his lap. After a few seconds, she got her breath back, and the shuddering that had rocked her frail form subsided. She looked up at her husband, struggling to find her voice, managing in a ragged whisper, “It’s time.”

Han’s eyes filled with tears and, not trusting his voice at the moment, nodded. They both sat silently for a time, Han rocking his lover rhythmically in his arms, stroking her hair, touching her, kissing her...for the last time.

Leia abruptly pulled free of him, enough to watch the ceiling in awe. She was seeing something he couldn’t. “Daddy...” she whispered weakly as he looked up as well. “Mother?” she said, even more amazed. Although he saw nothing, he knew what she was. She was seeing spirits--her mother and father to be precise. This is definitally it, he thought sadly.

“Go to them, honey,” he murmured in her ear. Finally, she turned back to him, staring at him with eyes that no longer saw anything.

“But...what about you?” she asked.

“It’s not my time, sweetheart,” he croaked. “You have to go. Go be with your family.” His tears finally fell and Leia’s eyes seemed to fill with sympothy.

“Y-you...are my...f-family...t-too,” she strained, her lungs contracting again.

“I know, love, I know. And I don’t want you ever to forget how much I love you.” Leia nodded. A mournful version of his lopsided grin appeared on his face. “I’ll be with you again some day, so I don’t want to find out you’ve been beddin’ some hunk angel.” She giggled, but was just as soon sent into a fit of dry coughing. Unable to speak, she only shook her head fervently at that idea. Han’s heart wrenched.

When she was able to breathe freely again, she raised a trembling hand and caught one of his tears in her palm. She closed her fingers around the salty bead of moisture and brought her fist to her heart. “Oh, princess...” was all Han could think to say.

Leia struggled to sit up. Han helped her. She leaned up just enough to kiss her husband softly on the lips. Though she did not let on her imense sorrow and fear, he could feel her lips tremble, and was sure that when she pulled away there would be tears in her eyes as well. He was right.

Leia sniffed, then gulped and she reached around her neck, trying to free the clasp of the necklace she received from her mother some twenty-five years earlier. She looked back up at the ceiling for what Han guessed was confermation of her actions. She nodded once, then returned to the task of removing the chain. Her weakened fingers fumbled over the lock. Han undid the clasp for her. Leia reached for his hand. He held it out as she instructed, and she placed the necklace in his hand, closing his fingers about it. Han let out a small sob, and watched her, wondering at her strength. “K-keep,” she said. “For y-you...Han....”

Han smiled tearfully at her. “Thank you...Leia.” He opened his fist and observed the pendant briefly. It was a gold, miniature replica of the palace on Aldera, Alderaan. Leia’s home.

“I...g-go...there...” she explained, fighting to keep breathing for a space longer. “I...b-be...al-alright....” Han nodded. “H-Han?”

“Yes, my love?” he inquired, stroking her brow.

“Y-you...be...al-alright?”

Suddenly, Han realized she wasn’t afraid for herself; she was afraid of leaving him. Oh, my brave little princess... he thought. “Yes. I’ll be alright.” He gazed up at the ceiling, pretending to see the angels. “They want you to go with them, honey.”

Leia looked up. Her vacant eyes pleading with them, seeming to talk with them, but no sound escaped her lips. She gazed back in Han’s direction. “N-no...more...p-pain...” she whispered to him.

Han smiled, crying. She would not feel pain in Heaven. “No more pain.”

She was still a little unsure. He nodded again, encouraging her. “Go, sweetheart. Go home.” She continued to stare blankly at him for a few more seconds, then her eyelids began to droop wearily. Han forced her eyes closed by kissing them, tenderly. Her head fell softly against his shoulder. “I...love...you...” came the barely audible whisper. And then, she was gone.

Han sat like that for a short time longer, letting the fact sink in. Leia, his love, was gone. Forever. With no warning at all, surprising him more than a little, he began to sob. Open, racking sobs that came from the very core of his being. His breath heaved in his lungs as he clung to his wife desparately, hands frantically touching her grey, cold face, her neck, chest, back...hoping for a sign of life. Never before had he felt such sorrow. Even when Bria had left him. he would never see his sweet, soft, beautiful Leia again...in the physical world, anyhow. How he would miss their heated arguments, their playful teasing, their blazing, erotic bouts of love making warming them in the cold of the night.

Han suddenly lifted his head. He stared at that face. That face.... No longer the face of his wife. Just part of another broken shell. A corpse....

His breath caught.

He stood and placed his lover’s body on the bed, appearing frantic. The idea of holding a dead body made him feel ill. Even if it was the body of his wife.

Was. Used to be. But not any longer.

He fled the room, and rushed onto the balcony. The cool air would do him some good. As he watched the stars, he heard a voice. Leia’s voice.

“Han...please, do not be sad....”

“Leia?” he called. “Leia, I love you!”

“I know....” Han smiled at that. “I’ll always be in your heart Han.... I’m always watching over you....”

The voice left as fast as it had come. Han wasn’t sad though. He knew she was still with him. She always would be. And one day they would meet again. For now, she was his guardian angel, and she would always hold a place in his heart.