There's No Place That Far

CATEGORY: Voyager, J/C, P/T

RATING: PG-13

AUTHOR: Writing by LadyChakotay. Story idea and outline by Judy Morrow. Song in the last chapters by Sara Evans and Vince Gill.

SUMMARY: Captain Janeway and her crew discover a path that leads to home. But they receive a visit from our favorite super being, who warns them that the Alpha Quadrant may not be home, after all. What if the life that awaited them on Earth was worse than anything they endured on Voyager? Best of all, Seven doesn't save the ship or the day. Not even once!

DISCLAIMER: Paramount owns all of it; the ship, the crew, even Janeway's lucky teacup. But somehow they ended up in my toy box. So dance, my little puppets, dance.

Author's Note: This story was written in response to a contest held on my Yahoo story list called, "If you were at the helm…" Participants submitted a story outline explaining their own vision of Voyager's finale. I chose two winners. This outline was written by Judy Morrow, a dear friend of mine. I chose it because it has all the components that I think make Trek outstanding in the first place: action, moral dilemma, imagination, beloved characters and deep friendships all seasoned carefully with comedy, angst, and some heart pounding romance. Well done, Judy! It was a pleasure to write your story.

There's No Place That Far

Chapter One

Kathryn Janeway slowly lowered her weary body into the steaming hot water. Not 'warm bath' hot, it was more like 'lobster boiling' hot. The kind of wonderfully torturous bath a person takes when her fatigued muscles finally reach their breaking point and ache furiously with every movement, every breath. Janeway had pushed her body too far this time, and she knew it. She was hoping that, once her skin stopped burning, the heat would radiate to her muscles and force them to relax their spasms.

She rested her head against the back of the tub, a gentle sigh escaping her lips as the heat enveloped her. There was absolutely nothing more relaxing than a good old-fashioned water bath. The sonic showers were efficient, of course. And they were perfect when she was in a rush, which was most of the time. But Kathryn believed that if a person had some time to spare, nothing compared to a soak in the tub.

"Didn't realize just how tired I was." She mumbled to herself. Her eyelids became heavier with every blink as the drowsiness washed through her body. She had no intention of falling asleep in the bathtub. This was her evening off. She planned to lounge on the sofa with a romantic novel and a steaming hot pot of coffee. There would be no reports read by her this night. No nebulae to explore, no orders to issue. She planned to just rest her weary bones. In fact, after she read for a while, she just might consider calling…

"Damn!" she cussed as she reached for her towel. "This better be good, or Mr. Kim will be busted to crewmen before the end of gamma shift." She knew even as she hastily pulled on her uniform that it, whatever it was, wasn't Harry's fault. He just happened to be the one in command of the bridge at that particular moment. Too bad for him.

Well, so much for an evening off. She stepped into the turbolift and was about to state her destination when she spotted her first officer running down the corridor. She held the door open and grinned at him as he approached. "Let me guess. You were summoned too?"

"Bridge." He ordered as he stepped into the lift and stood beside her. He returned her smile, panting slightly from his jog down the corridor. "Of course. At least it's only Yellow Alert. That must mean we're not under attack."

"Not yet anyway." She smirked. "But Ensign Kim might find himself in the line of fire for interrupting my off duty time."

"Catch you relaxing in your bathtub, Captain?" he grinned.

She eyed him suspiciously. "How did you know that?"

"I see a lot with that security camera I had installed in your quarters." When she folded her arms and glared menacingly at him instead of laughing, he reached out and took a lock of her red hair between his fingers. "The ends of your hair are wet."

The turbolift doors whooshed open before she had a chance to reply. "Report." She ordered as she strode onto her bridge, wet hair and all.

Harry glanced at her only briefly, and then returned his focus to the view screen. "Sorry to disturb you, Captain, but…" He motioned to the image on the viewer.

Harry watched his captain's face as the expression of surprise made way for a look of comprehension, and then a mixture of anger and anxiety as she took in the image before her. There, in the blackness and vacuum of space, was Q. He was … floating? … on his back, doing a passable impression of the backstroke as he pretended to be swimming through a small accumulation of colorful gases. He grinned obnoxiously and waved in their direction as a tourist would at the beach.

"Full stop." Janeway uttered, barely above a whisper. This was not the entertainment she had in mind for this evening. In that instant, every muscle she had relaxed in the hot water contracted. Her hand moved immediately to her temple in an effort to stave off the approaching headache that always followed the sight of Q.

"Aye, all stop." Answered Paris, as he slid into his seat, relieving the night duty officer. He grinned slightly as he gazed at Q on the screen. "And I thought I was in for a boring evening of watching cartoons on my old television set."

"I wish I shared your amusement, Mr. Paris." Janeway shot a questioning glance toward Chakotay as she put her hands on her hips. "I wonder what the hell he wants this time!"

With a flash of blinding white light, Chakotay disappeared. In his place stood Q, wearing his customary Starfleet uniform and sporting a ridiculous-looking version of Chakotay's tattoo on his temple. "Well if you really want an answer to that, you should be asking me, not him. Even in your primitive culture, it's considered rude to speak of someone in third person when they're standing right in front of you." He narrowed his eyes and gave her a scrutinizing stare. Then he reached up and took a lock of her hair in his hand. "Why, Kathy! How modern you're looking! I dare say provocative even! Tell me, dear, who finally convinced you to get rid of that dreadful bun? It wasn't the least bit fun, and frankly, it made you look like an old school mistress."

Janeway's eyes darted around the bridge looking for Chakotay even as she slapped Q's hand away from her face. "I'm in no mood to play games, Q. Where is Commander Chakotay and why are you here?"

The super being pouted like a petulant three-year-old. "Now, now, Madame Captain. I pay you a compliment, and what do I get in return? Insults! You treat me like old, chewed tobacco, yesterday's scrambled eggs. Is that any way to treat a guest?"

"The term guest is normally used to describe an individual who is here upon invitation." said Tuvok. "I do not recall anyone inviting you."

Q rolled his eyes, pointing his thumb in Tuvok's direction. "Vulcans! Honestly, Captain, don't you ever tire of surrounding yourself with such painfully dull people?" She ignored him, of course. But he didn't pause long enough to care as he turned his eyes on the Vulcan in question. "Tuvok, you dusty old fossil. You need to learn how to cut loose and have a good time once in a while. Mr. Paris could show you, couldn't you?" He grinned ominously at the pilot. "Tom here used to be quite the… oh, what is that expression you humans use again? … Party animal, isn't it?"

"Well, I…" Tom started to say. But before he could finish, he disappeared from the conn and reappeared next to Tuvok at the tactical station. Both men held a beverage, alcoholic no doubt, in one hand and a burning cigar in the other hand. Tuvok noted that his vision was suddenly blurred and he felt liked he'd been nipping at the Vulcan Brandy. Much to his dismay, he was wearing a bright green and silver party hat with streamers. Paris hiccupped loudly as confetti rained down on them from … well from nowhere.

"This is ridiculous, Q!" Janeway snapped, wrinkling her nose at the stench of cigar smoke. "I will not tolerate…"

"Uh, Captain?" interrupted Harry. "You might want to take a look at this."

She moved quickly to his station. "What is it, Ensign?"

"It's Commander Chakotay. I'm picking up his life sign." He tapped away at his controls. "I'm trying to pinpoint his location."

Thank God! "Where is he, Harry?"

Harry's eyes were wide with amazement as he read the data on his console. "If these sensors are working, he's directly ahead of us." He met Janeway's eyes. "In space."

Janeway arched an eyebrow in surprise. She was about to say that wasn't possible, but with Q aboard, nothing was impossible. "On screen." She said, her voice cracking a bit more than she would've liked. How could Chakotay survive in the vacuum space?

The viewer was immediately filled with the image of Voyager's first officer, his arms and legs flailing helplessly as he floated in empty space. He looked stable enough, his dark eyes wide as he turned his head from side to side, taking in the sights he was never meant to see from such a position.

"See, Kathy?" Q mocked. "Your darling Chuckles is perfectly fine. In fact, if you ask me, he looks like he's having fun." He turned his gaze to the viewer. "Say hello to your comrades, Chuckles."

Chakotay's hand moved mechanically, obviously not of his own volition. He waved, an idiotic grin on his face, at people he couldn't even see.

"Enough!" Janeway fixed an icy stare on their tormentor. Her velvety voice was low and deadly as she spoke. "We will not perform for your amusement, Q. I demand you return my first officer to this ship immediately."

Q's face lit up with delight. "You demand? Well, you are a tough task master for such a little thing aren't you?" He patted Janeway patronizingly on the head. "But you give me too much credit. Your intellectually deficient friends don't need my influence to perform. Take Chuckles there for example. He doesn't perform for me, Madame Captain. He performs for you. In fact, I can see why you'd miss him. It must be quite fulfilling for a mere humanoid like yourself to have such a Yes Man at your beck and call. Why, that ape Chuckles is nothing but your favorite bridge-puppet. But… since you demand it, I'll be gracious enough to return him."

In another flash of light, Chakotay appeared on the bridge. Unfortunately, he was only about 15 inches tall, made of wood, and had strings attached to his body like a marionette. The strings led to a small wooden controller that had appeared in Janeway's hand. The commander's uniform was replaced with a pair of short pants and a bright red tee shirt that read Property of Kathryn Janeway across the chest.

Janeway failed to hide her surprise at the sight. She felt her cheeks flush as the blood rushed to her head. Though whether it was from anger or embarrassment, she couldn't say. She distinctly heard Paris attempt to stifle a giggle and resisted the urge to reach over and smack him in the back of the head. He was obviously intoxicated, thanks to Q, and couldn't help himself. She took a deep breath and tried to regain her command senses. It was obvious that the no-nonsense approach was useless with the likes of Q. Time for a little diplomacy.

"All right, Q." she began calmly. "You have my attention. You obviously came here for a reason, however well hidden or absurd it may be. If you'll be kind enough to return my crew to their normal conditions, I will be more than happy to listen."

"Yes," slurred Tuvok. He held his hand in front of his face and looked at it studiously, as though he were seeing it for the first time. "This state of intoxication is most … disconcerting."

"Come now, Kathy," Q chided, "Do you honestly think that just because I have somewhat of an affinity for you, you can win my favor so easily?" He shook his head at her as if he were talking to a toddler. "You people have terrible manners. If you want me to do something for you, you'll have to say please."

Captain Janeway rolled her eyes and tried to get a big enough gulp of air to swallow what was left of her pride. She could think of a million things she'd rather do than plead with Q in front of her crew. Like get an appendectomy from a Vivian, for example. "Fine. Q, return my officers to their normal conditions … please."

"There. Was that so hard?"

The words were barely out of Q's mouth when the bridge disappeared. The senior officers found themselves seated in their usual places around the table in the conference room. All except Janeway, who was seated not in her chair, but rather on Q's lap as he sat in her chair.

"Very amusing, Q." she snapped as she jumped to her feet. She noted with relief that Chakotay had been fully restored and seemed to be back to his usual self, though he looked a little bothered by the sight of his captain in Q's lap. She gave him a reassuring pat on the shoulder as she passed him, and took the empty chair.

"What the hell is he doing here?" snarled B'Elanna. She rose to her feet, looking as though she were contemplating tearing Q's omnipotent heart out through his ears… if he even had a heart. She and Seven of Nine had not been on the bridge to witness the unfortunate spectacle of Q's arrival.

"At ease, Lieutenant." Janeway held up her small hand to calm Torres. "Q apparently has something to discuss." She turned her attention to him, trying to ignore the fact that he was perched rather arrogantly in her chair. "We're listening."

Q leaned forward, his elbows resting on the table. "It's quite simple really. You narrow-sighted humans are about to make a monumental mistake. Oh, I know you make mistakes all the time. I suppose you can't help it, what with such limited brains and all. But this time, you're about to do it with abandon. I mean you mortals are about to really…"

"Are you planning to actually inform us of this alleged error, or do you intend to simply stand there spouting offensive phrases?" Seven raised an arrogant eyebrow at Q as she spoke. Her conceited attitude was a formidable match for his own.

Q stared at Seven, realizing for the first time that Voyager had recruited a new crew member since he last paid them a visit. He noted her cybernetic implants and curled his upper lip in disgust. "Oh, Kathy! What is this? Your resident Vulcan wasn't haughty and cold enough for you? You didn't get enough stoicism from your tiresome tactical officer so you went out and started drafting Borg drones?"

"Ignore him, Seven." The doctor looked as offended as a hologram could possibly be. "He is obviously brusque and extremely rude!"

"Oh, you wound me with your criticism, Doctor. Such words are especially painful coming from a walking light bulb."

Janeway leaned forward, resting her chin on her fist, a blasé expression on her face. "I thought you had something astounding to tell us. But I'm starting to believe that you just came to annoy me and amuse yourself. Really, Q, your insults aren't the least bit exciting.

"Very well. I'll spell it out for you." He walked over to where Janeway was sitting and leaned down beside her, bringing his face only centimeters from hers. "You, my dear Captain, are about to discover an interspatial flexure three light years off your starboard bow. That's a wormhole incase we lost you there, Chuckles." Q ignored Chakotay's glare and continued. "That anomaly leads straight to Federation space. That's right my dim-witted friends. You are about to make the big journey home."

Janeway's eyes narrowed as she eyed Q suspiciously. "Really? And just what do you have to do with all this?"

"Don't you see?" Q stood and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Why, it's obvious, Madame Captain. I am here to stop you."

Chapter Two

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