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The Balanced Woman
February 2000
Issue 10
JA Hale, Editor
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By subscription only! Welcome to another issue of:
"THE BALANCED WOMAN".
Thanks to all of you who have encouraged your friends to subscribe!
You are important to us. So rest assured we will NEVER sell or give
away your email addresses to anyone!!
We realize that not all of the email programs available can accomodate our size. So you can also find this issue of The Balanced Woman at: http://angelfire.com/sd/BalancedWoman/issue10.html
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IN THIS ISSUE
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=> Welcome
=> Feature Article: "Valentine's
Day"
=> Household Tip
=> Guest Column: "The
Top 10 Ways to be Happy"
=> Parenting Tip
=> Keeping Romance Alive
=> Pampering Yourself
=> Guest Column: "Strictly
My Opinion...and Yours"
=> Classified Ads
=> Subscribe/Un subscribe
information
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WELCOME
To quote Gary Foreman from The Dollar Stretcher "there's too much good stuff to keep you here!" So read on and enjoy! And when you're finished don't forget to visit our website:http://www.betweenfriends.org.
We've recently made it easier to navigate and we've added a message
board. We update regularly, so check back often!
jackie
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FEATURE ARTICLE, Valentine's Day
by Jacqueline McLaughlin Hale
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February-Valentines Day-A day when we are encouraged to express our
love freely and openly to those who matter the most in our lives.
And every year, we put a lot of time and effort into planning for this
one event. We wonder what we can do to make this a special day for
our partners. We question what we can give them. WE buy gifts;
we choose cards; we select special flowers. Finally, we prepare for
a romantic evening out. We may buy a new dress or search for new
shoes or look for something special to help celebrate and share all the
love we have in our lives and in our hearts. But every year, we leave
someone out!
Each Valentine's Day, we forget ourselves! On a day dedicated to joyously celebrating love we neglect to honor and acknowledge the love we have for us. We just don't think about it! For some, the mere thought of it causes embarrassment. Why do we generally harbor a feeling that self-love is wrong? Why do we believe it to be vain or self-centered? Or worse yet, why can we find no reason TO love ourselves? Maybe it's because we can see our flaws so clearly. And so we believe that others must be able to see them too. Maybe it's these horrible imperfections that cause us to feel unworthy of our own love. Yet if we can't love ourselves, how can we love anyone else and how can we expect anyone else to love us in return, including our families??
So often I hear women complain that their spouses and their children take them for granted. These women do EVERYTHING around the house without asking for help, without complaining, without seeking anything in return. They GIVE and give and give, continuously and silently. Sooner or later all that they do catches up with them. They tire and become tired of all the chores, of all the responsibilities of all the giving. They get angry with their family for not helping out and for EXPECTING them to do all that they do. But why shouldn't the family expect it? They know no different.
We set the tone for how we will be treated by our families, our employers, our friends and even strangers. We do this by the way in which we treat ourselves and by the way in which we ALLOW others to treat us.
The people in our lives will respond to us in the same manner we respond to us. IF we treat ourselves without respect, without appreciation, and without gratitude then others will do the same. Conversely, if we treat ourselves with dignity, love and honor, than others will do the same. WE set the example.
In the same way, it is our belief in our own worthiness that creates the limits for how we will allow ourselves to be treated. If we ALLOW our families to EXPECT and to take us for granted, then they will! If establish limits and boundaries for how we will allow ourselves to be treated, our families will come to respect those too. It all starts with us!
So this Valentine's Day do something a little bit different. Put some time and effort into planning to make this day special for you. Question what you can give yourself and make sure you give yourself the gift of time. If only for a few minutes, take this day and HONOR you. Love yourself in spite of your imperfections. It is NOT vain. It is NOT self centered. It IS respectful and I can't think of anyone who deserves your respect more…
Jacqueline McLaughlin Hale is a CPA and the editor of a monthly ezine, “The Balanced Woman”. She is also the author of "100 Ways to Pamper Yourself" and "Don't Mess with the IRS!" All of these publications are available at http://www.betweenfriends.org
Webmasters and publishers may use this article in their ezine or website,
as long as the *entire*
article is used, and the *copyright notice* and *resource box* are
left in tact, including this notice.
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HOUSEHOLD
TIP OF THE MONTH:
If your shower head is covered with mineral deposits, here's an effortless way to clean it in two hours or less. Remove the shower head and soak it in a 50/50 solution of humidifier cleaner and water. (You can buy humidifier cleaner at full-service hardware stores.)You need only enough of this solution to cover the face of the shower head. After letting it soak for a couple of hours, rinse the shower head well and reattach it.
Excerpted from Tipomatic at http://www.emazing.com. EMAZING delivers FREE greeting cards, tips, news, comics, and horoscopes to your email box daily.
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Guest Column: The Top 10 Ways
to Be Happy
by: Kathleen
A. Clancy, M.Ed. LWMC
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How do you know if you are truly happy? What does it mean? Happiness
is a compound and complex emotion, but its broad definition is what makes
it accessible to everyone. Check through this list and consider how frequently
you experience each of these sensations.
There is a positive correlation between that frequency that you feel those things and your perception of how 'happy' you are. If you're not feeling so great, choose one item at a time and put yourself in a situation where you're bound to encounter it.
1. Relaxation
When you are truly relaxed, you are receptive
and calm. Disappointments and challenges are not a threat to your peace.
Relaxing can be as simple as three deep breaths at your desk, or as deep
as meditation or yoga.
2. Achievement
To set your sights on a goal, persevere past
obstacles and setbacks, and finally see the goal to fruition is a powerful
act. Start with small, easily attainable goals.
3. Health
Health of body, mind and spirit. When all
systems are running smoothly and in harmony, life looks pretty darn good.
4. Fun
Doing things that make you laugh actually
has a chemical effect on your mood. Play with your kids or pets, watch
a funny movie or just go out and whoop it up.
5. Expression
Learn how to get your point across--even if
it may never be heard by anyone else. Paint it, say it, sing it, write
it, lift it, twirl it, jump around about it. Think your thoughts, feel
your feelings, but be free from them.
6. Wisdom
Educate yourself. Wisdom and knowledge are
two very different things, but you should collect as much of both as you
can. Spend time with wise and educated people. Go places where you will
learn things.
7. Exhilaration
There is an implication of a tiny bit of fear
with this word. Exhilaration comes with an extreme experience, where a
fear has been faced, conquered and thoroughly enjoyed.
8. Inspiration
This may come from above, from within or from
another mortal like yourself. Be in awe of something or someone. Know that
there is always something bigger than you out there and strive to be closer
to it.
9. Energy
Do something with gusto and enthusiasm, even
if it's a little out of character. Vim and vigor are not a couple of circus
performers. It's hard to be down with a spring in your step.
10. Fulfillment
What do you do that makes you feel whole?
Do it more often.
About the Submitter: Kathleen A. Clancy, M.Ed., LWMC, can be reached
at tglconsult@capecod.net
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PARENTING TIP OF THE MONTH
Beginning in the primary grades, encourage young children to keep an assignment notebook. Both parent and child need to read it daily. Help children be aware of long-term assignments by keeping a calendar at home just for their assignments. Let them write down assignment dates so you can encourage them to start on long-term projects well before they're due. Both parent and child will be less frustrated because assignments won't be forgotten or rushed in an attempt to complete them the night before they're due.
Excerpted from Tipomatic at http://www.emazing.com. EMAZING delivers FREE greeting cards, tips, news, comics, and horoscopes to your email box daily.
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ON KEEPING ROMANCE ALIVE
Do somthing creative for your loved one on Valentine's Day...
Write a poem, or copy one out of a book of poetry. Write a love letter, enclose it in a card with coupons redeemable from you for...well whatever you can think of that would make HIM happy <grin>
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ON PAMPERING YOURSELF
Many cosmetics counters, such as Clinique, will give you a free makeover to entice you to buy their products. Valentine's Day would be a perfect day to take advantage of that. Make an appointment in advance, try some new makeup and walk away with a more confident you!
excerpted from: 100 Ways to Pamper Yourself, by JA
Hale, copyright 1999 http://www.betweenfriends.org
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"Strictly My Opinion . . .and yours"
Paula Henderson Lewis
lew238@bright.net
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When my daughter was born they said she had a small hearing loss that
could escalate as she got older. From the time I brought her home from
the hospital I began showing her the vowel sounds. You know, a - e - i
- o and u. I would press my lips to hers and say the different vowel sounds
in a very slow methodical way. Dragging out each letter for about five
seconds. I was thrilled when she mimicked me and did it back.
The first thing I made sure she saw from me when she awoke every morning was a big smile to let her know that I was thrilled to see her. I even did this if she awoke crying. When I spoke I made sure it was in a very quiet pleasant voice.
I touched her often, hugging her and stroking her hand, back or hair. What I did not do is make her hug, kiss or be held by me or anyone else if she did not want to. This was the beginning of my teaching her that you do not have to do or allow anything to happen to you that you don't want. I did not want to teach her that this is rude. There are others ways of showing appreciation to someone or saying thank you.
When she began crawling I did not give a three strikes and your out rule. If she touched or did something she should not she was reprimanded the first time. This may seem strict to some of you but I wanted to take advantage of these early years for teachings that would remain in her subconscious and not in her vivid memory. She is now fifteen and I know from the past fifteen years that this has worked well. She knows that when I expect a rule to be respected that she should, but she does not remember why. If you were to ask her if I am strict she would say no, but that I rather, allow her to think and make decisions on her own.
I have through the years repeated to her, "think before you do anything and pay attention to your conscious." I believe now that by being so strict, up until she was five years old, helped create this "conscious" that gives her a certain amount of fear and hesitation before doing something she knows is wrong. Supplementing that with the repetitive message of paying attention to her conscious from the age of six and up has assisted her in thinking things over first. I did have to give her an example of what your conscious is when she was young. I used an example from my own life such as speeding is against the law, but I have had times when I am in a hurry and my initial thought was to go faster if I did not see a police officer. When I would start to do this I would get this feeling, hard to explain but a bad feeling perhaps in my stomach and this was my conscious telling me this is something I should not do.
Through the years I stay aware of situations that might be going on in her life that I can ask the question, "how do you feel? ". Especially if she has done something she shouldn't, I will ask her if she had a bad feeling prior to doing it. This kept her thinking and helped her tune into herself.
One thing I have never done is tell her no without explaining why. Parenting should not be a dictatorship. I do not want to teach her that she should be submissive. Having an interactive conversation with your child about why they cannot do something or why they should do somthing does not have to be an argument. If you have prepared your children in the early years of their life on how to speak and interact with you in a respectful way, most of your disagreements will be conversations and not arguments.
I have taught her that it is very important that we know where the other is at. When she was a mere one to two years old I would tell her if I was going to move into another room (because I would be out of her sight) and that I would be doing "this" or "that" and how long I would be gone.
If I would take the trash out to the garage I would tell her that I was taking the trash out to the garage and be right back. This was an early way of teaching by example. I knew that when she reached the age of spending more time with her friends than me, I needed to know where she was.
When she reached the age of being able to go home after school alone for the hour and a half until I got off work I would have days where I was going to run to the store before going home. I would not simply tell her that I was going to the store and that I would be late. I gave her a specific time I would be home by or before and made sure I stuck to it.
Now I was getting ready for those years that she would have friends who drove and it was up to her to get herself home by the appointed time. This has all worked well. She tells me where she will be and what time she will be home. If my plans ever change and I end up going to a different location than I originally told her I call and let her know, even if I have to use a telephone booth. She does the same. This was something I did not have to announce as a rule. She simply learned this behavior by years of seeing and hearing me treat her and others the same way.
It has been said for years that we can teach our children best by example. Most parents take that as to what they "don't do" rather than what they do. Yes, this takes time, and you will feel at times that you are back in the years when you were reporting to your parents, only this time you are reporting to your child. Please don't think of it that way. You are not reporting to your children. You are simply teaching them by example.
Paula Henderson Lewis is the publisher of: Endeavors
Single Parent NewsPublication at http://www.endeavor.risingltd.com
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Disclaimer
The appearance of advertising in The Balanced Woman should not
be interpreted as an endorsement by the editors of the service, product,
business, or program being advertised. We take no responsibility
for claims or representations made in any ads. The Balanced Woman
is for informational and entertainment purposes only. The ideas and
information expressed in it have not been approved or authorized by anyone
either explicitly or impliedly. In no event shall Jacqueline McLaughlin
Hale be liable for any damages whatsoever resulting from any action arising
in connection with the use of this information or its
publication, including any action for infringement of copyright or
defamation. The opinions expressed by our columnists are not necessarily
the position of The Balanced Woman.
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Copyright 1999, 2000 JA Hale
Editors Comments:If any of you have any ideas,comments and suggestions
on how we can improve this e-zine please let me know. Just send an email
to:jahale95@yahoo.com
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