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By subscription only! Welcome to another issue of:
"THE BALANCED WOMAN".
Thanks to all of you who have encouraged your friends to subscribe! You are important to us. So rest assured we will NEVER sell or give away your email addresses to anyone!!
We realize that not all of the email programs available can accommodate our size. So you can also find this issue of The Balanced Woman at: http://angelfire.com/sd/BalancedWoman/issue13.html
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IN THIS ISSUE
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=> Welcome
=> Feature Article: "Mother's
Day"
=> Household Tip
=> Column: " Running a Home
like a Business (part 2)"
=> Parenting Tip
=> Guest Column: "Healing
Through Journal Writing"
=> Pampering Yourself
=> Can You Help this Reader?
=> Classified Ads
=> Subscribe/Un subscribe
information
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WELCOME
Last month I began a series on how to run your home like a business. As promised I have included the second part of that series in this month's newsletter. However, those of you who have been subscribed for a while probably guessed that I just couldn't pass up a chance to write about Mother's Day. So this month I was more prolific than usual and wrote two articles for this issue <g>.
Many thanks to those of you who responded to our reader's question last month about how to keep whites white. As you know from the special edition, we received lots of wonderful replies! I know I learned a thing or two.
Quick site update for you…We now have two new features: 1. Our monthly (or weekly, I haven't decided yet) site poll (http://www.betweenfriends.org/poll.html) and 2. A quick and delicious recipe from Minute Meals.com (http://www.betweenfriends.org/househol.htm)
We'll post the results of the site poll both in the newsletter and on the site. And as far as the new recipe goes…well, I haven't tried this one but I have tried others and they're not kidding when they say "minute meals". Their recipes are easy, quick, good and nutritious. Just the thing to help you "balance your lives"!
Well, that's it for now. I hope you enjoy this issue!
jackie
PS: Please visit our website often at: http://www.betweenfriends.org
It's full of articles, tips and links to help you bring more balance into
your life.
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Feature Article: Mother's Day
By: Jacqueline McLaughlin Hale
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With Mother's Day just around the corner, I caught myself thinking about and questioning what being a mother means to me. I found I could not get it off my mind and so I spent many days and restless nights thinking of nothing else. When all was said and done I was left with many answers to questions I never even asked. What I discovered was startling.
Motherhood, I concluded, is really all about me!
Surprising isn't it? It surprised me too. After all motherhood is about putting aside your needs for the needs of others. Motherhood is about nurturing others. Motherhood is about cooking for others; it's about laundering for others and chauffeuring others. Others, others, others! Where in all of this is ME, ME, ME?
The "me" in motherhood began before my son was even born, when I dreamed about the kind of person that I wanted to raise. I knew I wanted to raise a "good boy" but what did a "good boy" mean to me? Did it mean someone who would be considerate of others or did it mean someone who would stay out of trouble? Did it mean someone who would excel at academics or someone who would excel at athletics? Did it mean someone who would be a leader or someone who would march to his own drum? Did it mean someone who would put the needs of others before his own or someone who would honor his own needs as much as he would honor those of others? Would he be raised in the religion in which I was brought up or would he be raised without religion at all? Raising a "good boy" isn't easy. Defining a "good boy" is even harder. But I knew I couldn't "raise" until I had defined. So, I had to question my own beliefs and values. I had to define them and become more familiar with them than I ever had before. Me, me, me.
The "me" in motherhood continued as my son grew, when I discovered that he would learn more by watching me than he would by listening to what I said. I came to realize that I had to set the example. As a result I began to analyze my own behavior constantly. I made a habit of asking myself if what I did was consistent with what I said were my beliefs and values. I questioned if I would want my son doing whatever it was that I was doing. I had to change my behavior to truly "walk my talk".
If I wanted my son to be caring, I had to be caring. If I wanted him to be respectful of others, I had to be respectful of him. If I wanted him to be compassionate, I had to show compassion. If I wanted him to be open to others, I had to stop being judgmental. If I wanted him to take risks, I had to take risks. If I wanted him to be courageous, I had to show him courage. If I wanted him to be loving, I had to be loving. Me, me, me.
The "me" in motherhood will continue as he grows and pursues his independence. Once again, I'll have to take a look at my own past experiences and the fears I acquired. He'll make sure I do this every time he gets into trouble, every time he breaks the rules, every time he makes choices that I would not make. Which broken rules will upset me the most? Which choices will I have the most trouble with? Which infractions will result in the greatest punishment? Only my own insecurities, fears and experiences will hold the answers.
Finally, the me in motherhood exists everyday in the whole buffet of emotions that motherhood invokes. It has caused me to feel great frustration, unbelievable fear, incredible anger, indescribable joy, infinite happiness and pure, unconditional, and amazing love. It has prompted me to know myself better and more deeply than I ever have before. It has caused me to make great changes. It has brought out both the best and the worst of who I am.
Who I am is the child who was molded and shaped by my parents. Who I am is the adult who determined who I would be. Who I am is a mother who evaluated who I became.
So you see, Motherhood really is all about me. It's about continuously improving myself to set the right example for my son. If I do my job well, he'll be a better person than I could ever hope to be. And someday, he will be part of this same process. Darwin called it evolution. Some call it progress. Others call it the circle of life. I call it love…Happy Mother's Day…
Jacqueline McLaughlin Hale is a CPA and the editor of Between Friends: Living Life Your Way (http://www.betweenfriends.org) Between Friends is a website dedicated to helping women balance their responsibilities so that they can make more time for themselves. It does this by providing tips, tricks and tools for household hints, parenting, budgeting, self-improvement and more! It also offers a FREE monthly ezine: The Balanced Woman. Visit today!
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as long as the *entire*
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HOUSEHOLD HINT OF THE MONTH
Use clothespins to re-close plastic food packages such as cereal bags, snack bags, cracker packages, etc. Children can manage clothespins more easily than zip-top bags, twist ties, or rubber bands. If you have wire shelving in your pantry, clip clothespins to the shelves so they're always handy. You can buy wooden clothes pins at hardware and discount stores; 50 sell for about $2.
Excerpted from Tipomatic at http://www.emazing.com. EMAZING delivers FREE greeting cards, tips, news, comics, and horoscopes to your email box daily.
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Running Your Home like a Business (part two)
By: Jacqueline McLaughlin Hale
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Last month I began a series on how to run a home like a business.
I covered the similarities between the two and I mentioned that the keys
to a successful business are 4th Grade Math and Systems. If you missed
that article you can find it in the April issue at http://angelfire.com/sd/BalancedWoman/issue12.html.
This month, I'll cover 4th Grade Math in greater detail.
4TH GRADE MATH
Fourth grade math simply means that when you subtract your expenses from your income, you better get a positive number! That's all there is to it. It seems easy enough, but in fact, it may not be. That's because most people don't really know what their expenses are.
How often have you heard someone say, "I just don't know where my money goes!" They're not kidding. They really don’t. Oh sure, they know where part of their money goes. They know what their mortgage or rent is, how much they make in car payments, the cost of their auto insurance and maybe even the monthly grocery bill. But there's a lot more to running a household than that. Without determining what those missing expenses are there is no way to calculate the profitability of your home. So the first step to 4th grade math is to define and to quantify your monthly expenses.
HOW TO QUANTIFY YOUR MONTHLY EXPENSES
Create a Worksheet
Start by creating an outline for an expense worksheet. The outline should have many labeled columns with categories such as the following:
Check number
Payee
Amount
Mortgage (or rent)
Car Payments
Auto Insurance
Utilities
Groceries
Toiletries
Credit Cards
Gifts
Any other expense you might incur
Use Your Checkbook
One of the easiest ways to begin is to examine your checkbook for a one-month period. List out each check written within the appropriate and relevant expense worksheet categories. Be sure to include the check number, the check amount, and the payee. When this has been completed you should have a pretty thorough understanding of all the bills you pay by check. However, you'll still be missing information from cash and credit card purchases.
Cash
Get receipts! When you pay cash for anything, no matter how small it may seem, ask for a receipt. Don't worry; you won't have to start asking for receipts for all cash purchases ever made. Just for the cash purchases made during the month you're performing this analysis. I know it's a pain in the neck and it's hard to remember to ask for and to save your receipts, but believe me, the effort will pay off. You CAN'T make your home profitable if you don't where you're spending your cash.
Once you've collected your cash receipts for the month, add them to your worksheet.
Credit Cards
Credit card purchases are easier yet. Just save your credit card statements for one month and go through them in the same way you went through your checkbook. Add credit card purchases to your worksheet too.
Remember, the amount you charge each month may, and often does, differ from the amount of credit card payments you make each month. When you went through your checkbook you listed the payments. In going through your credit card statements you are isolating the charges.
When you're finished total each category of expense and add all category totals together. You will then know exactly how much you spend on groceries, how much you spend on utilities, gifts, toiletries, etc. You will also know the total of ALL your monthly expenses. Your worksheet has become a comprehensive, all encompassing analysis of EXACTLY where your money goes. Hopefully you can now see that creating this was a MUST.
Once you know the total of ALL your monthly expenses, you can perform 4th grade math. Subtract total monthly expenses from total monthly, net income. If the result is a positive number, CONGRATULATIONS! You can begin to focus on saving! If the result is a negative number there are only two possible solutions:
1. Increase income.
2. Decrease expenses.
Unless you're prepared to get a second job or a newer job that pays more, decreasing expenses is usually the much easier solution. Stay tuned next month. We'll cover HOW to do this.
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PARENTING TIP OF THE MONTH
Even though children are influenced a great deal by peer pressure, there are things a parent can do to combat the negative messages some of their friends may be giving them. One key element in helping your teenage children is to spend time with them: Take them shopping, out to eat, fishing, to a concert, etc. The more time you spend with your teenager, the more opportunities will arise for conversations that will help your teen open up to you. These occasions also give you a chance to practice and encourage the values you want your children to live by, without seeming to lecture, which teens usually resent. Find something you enjoy doing together and keep your relationship strong. Enjoying the company of your child will benefit you both.
Excerpted from Tipomatic at http://www.emazing.com. EMAZING delivers FREE greeting cards, tips, news, comics, and horoscopes to your email box daily.
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Healing through Journal Writing
By Anne Ramstetter Wenzel
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We’ve all experienced emotional pain in our lives -- unkind words, rejection, emotional or physical abuse, loss of a loved one. Some of us keep a journal to help cope, and after a decade of medical research, James Pennebaker, Ph.D., professor of psychology at the University of Texas at Austin has found that this method of coping is right on the money. Journal writers experience less anxiety, depression, and stronger immune systems than those who keep their experiences to themselves.
Novelist and freelance writer Denise Turney (www.chistell.com) intuitively understands the benefits of journal writing. “I think journal writing is emotionally beneficial because it helps you get deep feelings out,” she says. “Having a journal is like having someone to talk with. There is never any fear of ridicule or shame when you write in your journal. It's very freeing.”
Kathy Lindberg, owner of The Gift Basket Gallery (giftbasketgallery.com), has kept a journal regularly since high school. “It was most beneficial to me during my college years. I find that journaling helps me to not only express my feelings, but to process through the issues and situations in my life.”
Researchers have found that Ms. Lindberg’s approach -- writing about difficult situations and your feelings associated with them -- is most beneficial. In a 1986 study, Dr. Pennebaker and S. K. Beall asked students to write about traumatic events. One group recorded only the facts regarding the personal trauma, a second group recorded only the emotions and feelings experienced during the trauma, and a third group wrote about the facts and their emotions and feelings. Only the third group – those who wrote about the facts and their emotional response to the trauma – experienced long-term improvements in mental health and fewer visits to the doctor.
Medical benefits occur when you write about traumatic, rather than routine, events. In a 1996-97 study at the Stonybrook School of Medicine, State University of New York, a group of volunteers was asked to write about upsetting events. They wrote about the death of loved ones, relationship problems, serious problems of close friends or relatives, and witnessing serious accidents. Half of this group (47.1%) had significant declines in asthma and arthritis symptoms four months after the writing exercise. Another group was asked to write about their daily plans as an exercise in time management; only 9% of this group experienced reduced symptoms.
April Rogers, author of A Teen Yearbook: My Life in My Own Words, says, “It IS very healing to keep a journal. It's kind of like when a person has a cold and feels congested. Once they are able to get the congestion out of their head, throat, etc., they begin to feel so much better. ” Mrs. Rogers gives several journaling tips at her web site, www.journalwriting.com, a few of which are essential for healing. First, don't be concerned with grammar, spelling, or punctuation. Write so that you get your thoughts out as quickly as possible. Second, write for yourself and no one else. This is your journal. Third, find a place where you will feel comfortable and at peace while you write. Fourth, write regularly (especially during crises), but don't feel pressured to write on a daily basis. Fifth, write with a comfortable pencil or a pen with ink that flows smoothly. You may even feel more comfortable typing your entries on a computer. Finally, find a safe place to store your journal.
Debbie Williams of OrganizedU.com calls her journal her “Marriage Saver- when I journal I don't unload on my husband as much, harping on the same thing until I resolve the problem. It's a silent partner in my conversation.”
COPYRIGHT 2000, ECONOSYSTEMS. Anne Ramstetter Wenzel is owner of Econosystems (http://www.econosystems.com), a virtual economics research and business writing firm headquartered in Menlo Park, CA. Specializing in customized economic outlook and market research reports; information brokerage; and promotional business writing. Our mission is to help you create, use and share business information to insure the success of your firm or organization in the 21st century.
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Pampering Yourself
When you find yourself in situations in which you are upset, try to get into a habit of "stepping outside" yourself and becoming an observer. Getting outside yourself is referred to as reaching the "Alpha Level." In this place, you are using your right brain.
Here's one way to get there:
Sit down, close your eyes, relax, and take a couple of deep breaths. Then just breathe quietly and naturally for a few minutes, listening to your breaths and the sound of the beating of your heart. (You may want to count your heartbeats, counting backwards from ten to one.) You'll begin to notice a shift in your level of awareness - this is when you'll know you're in the right brain mode. You will feel much more peaceful and will feel as if you have enough space to come and go as you please.
Excerpted from Tipomatic at http://www.emazing.com. EMAZING delivers FREE greeting cards, tips, news, comics, and horoscopes to your email box daily.
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Can You Help this Reader?
I have ruined so many tops by getting cooking oil down the front, either by cooking or eating. Please tell me what to use to get it out so I don't have to throw them away. thanks, California
Please send responses to jahale95@yahoo.com with "oil" in the subject
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Disclaimer
The appearance of advertising in The Balanced Woman should not be interpreted
as an endorsement by the editors of the service, product, business, or
program being advertised. We take no responsibility for claims or
representations made in any ads. The Balanced Woman is for informational
and entertainment purposes only. The ideas and information expressed
in it have not been approved or authorized by anyone either explicitly
or implicitly. In no event shall Jacqueline McLaughlin Hale be liable
for any damages whatsoever resulting from any action arising in connection
with the use of this information or its publication, including any action
for infringement of copyright or defamation. The opinions expressed
by our columnists are not necessarily the position of The Balanced Woman.
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Copyright 1999, 2000 JA Hale
Editor's Comments: If any of you have any ideas, comments and suggestions
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