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IN THIS ISSUE
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=> Welcome
=> Feature Article: Surviving
the Holidays
=> Household Tip
=> Guest Column: "Problems
are Fun and
Finacially Rewarding"
=> Parenting Tip
=> Keeping Romance Alive
=> Pampering Yourself
=> How to be a Guest Columnist
=> Guest Column: Don't
Keep Your Dream in a
Box-Part I
=> Classified Ads
=> Coming Up Next Month
=> Subscribe/Un subscribe
information
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WELCOME
Happy Thanksgiving! We have a lot to be thankful for, starting
with you, our subscribers. If it weren't for you, we wouldn't be
here!
With all of the upcoming holiday activities we will soon be launching our newest ebook "100 Ways to Pamper Yourself!" If there was ever a time of year you needed to pamper yourself the most, this is probably it! "100 Ways to Pamper Yourself" should be available within the next 2 weeks so look for that upcoming announcement. (Note: an ebook is just like a regular book; however it can be downloaded immediately upon purchase!)
And if you're an entrepeneur this is the perfect time to take a look at "108 Things You Need to Know About Record Keeping for Your Business" at http://www.betweenfriends.org/taxtips.htm.
Finally, don't forget to visit our website: http://www.betweenfriends.org and check back often. We're updating all the time!
This Month's Sponsor:
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women. http://www.whispersmagazine.com
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FEATURE ARTICLE, SURVIVING
THE HOLIDAYS
by Jacqueline McLaughlin Hale
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The holidays are here again! That time of year for joy and happiness
and an appreciation for all that’s “right” in the world. Unfortunately,
the holidays are also a time of year when many of us don’t FEEL joyous
or happy. Instead, we often FEEL stressed out and overwhelmed.
The “joyfulness” of the holiday season, it seems, comes with a price. And that price is more: holiday cooking, holiday parties, holiday shopping, holiday housecleaning (after all, it’s got to be clean for the parties) holiday decorating, holiday wrapping, etc., etc., etc.! It never seems to stop! YOU never seem to stop. The demands on your time are enormous. You’re tired, exhausted and stretched to your limits. All in all you’re less “joyful”. And some of you, although too embarrassed or ashamed to admit it, may even hate the holidays! Do they HAVE to be this way?
NO THEY DON’T! And this year, you can take control. With a few suggestions and a little planning you can make them far less stressful and a lot more fun!
1. Understand that you are normal! I don’t know any woman who actually enjoys the holidays. So relax. It’s not just you!
2. No matter what make sure you get enough sleep every night! All of this extra activity is hard enough so how can you expect to feel good without adequate sleep? Seem impossible? Keep reading!
3. Start your Christmas/Hanukah shopping now! Believe it or not the stores and the parking lots are significantly less crowded BEFORE Thanksgiving. And who needs crowds to add to the stress? Besides if you finish your shopping before Thanksgiving, you can go to the malls just to enjoy the decorations!
4. Go shopping ALONE! Get a babysitter for your kids, ask your neighbors to help with them, do whatever you have to do. The time you save by shopping more efficiently will be well worth the price, whatever it is.
5. Shop Monday through Friday between 8am and 5pm (except for lunch hours). If you have to take a vacation day from work to do it—do it! Once again, the time you save and the efficiencies you’ll gain by shopping when the stores are less crowded are worth it.
6. Shop from catalogs and from the Internet as much as possible. And if you’re purchasing gifts for those outside your city or state have the gifts shipped directly to the recipients. It will save you even more time from standing in line at the post office to ship holiday packages out. Believe me, Toys R Us.com can be a real lifesaver!
7. Wrap as you go. When you purchase gifts, come home and wrap them immediately. Don’t wait until the last minute to do all of your wrapping at once. It’s too overwhelming.
8. Just say no. Say no to parties that you don’t want to attend. Say no to commitments that you’re not excited about fulfilling. Say no to decorating that you don’t want to do. Say no to baking. Say no. You’re entitled to take pleasure in the holidays too. So begin by saying no to those activities that do not bring you joy! You and your family come first.
9. Don’t do it the way your mother did it! So often we try to make our holidays just like they were when we were kids. But our mothers lived in a very different time. So think about what you’re doing before you do it. If it works for you and your family and you enjoy it, then do it. If not, don’t. You don’t have to entertain with the good china and crystal if it’s more work than it’s worth to you! It’s okay, really!
10. Create your own family traditions. Traditions are an important part of our lives. They’re ritualistic, ceremonial and consistent, year in and year out. They can help create some stability in an ever-changing environment. Family traditions are one thing that can always be counted on. So create your own. They don’t have to be elaborate. They can be as simple as reading “The Night Before Christmas” every Christmas Eve or watching a certain holiday movie as a family on the same night ever year. It doesn’t matter what they are. It doesn’t matter how small or how large, how elaborate or how simple they are. All that matters is that THEY ARE! Create some family traditions this year and you will create memories for a lifetime!
Whatever you do,however you celebrate, remember that the holidays are
not about parties and food and shopping and gifts. They’re about
the people in your life. They’re about your family, your friends,
and your loved ones; they’re about those who have made a difference to
you. So whatever your faith, whatever your beliefs, the holidays
are really about sharing your love, being thankful for all you have, giving
without the expectation of a return, and hope for the future. They’re
about the very best in humanity…
Jacqueline McLaughlin Hale is a CPA and the editor of
“The Balanced Woman” a monthly ezine. She is also the author
of The Woman’s Guide to Resumes and Interviewing, Lessons From a Toddler
and 77 Ways to Pamper Yourself. All of these publications are available
through AJAY Publishing at:
http://angelfire.com/sd/jobsearchforwomen.
Webmasters and publishers may use this article in
their ezine or website, as long as the *entire*
article is used, and the *copyright notice* and
*resource box* are left in tact, including this notice.
HOUSEHOLD TIP OF THE MONTH:
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If you cannot get the bottom of your pots or pans cleaned because food
has been burned inside of them or because you've cooked a sauce that just
won't come out, try this. Pour liquid diswashing soap and water into
the pot or pan that's giving you trouble. Put it on the stove and boil
it for 5 to 10 minutes. Afterward, wait for the water to COOL ENOUGH
so that you can start scrubbing (CAUTION: BE CAREFUL NOT TO BURN
YOURSELF!). The pan should clean up quickly and easily!
Guest Column: "Problems Are Fun and Financially
Rewarding"
by: Kathy Williams
-------------------------------------------------------
You're probably saying to yourself: "The person that wrote this
must be a lunatic!" But you are reading my words - I'm a woman who
has been through more catastrophes in her lifetime than most people experience
in 5! This is not to say that there are not other people who have
lived through bad times also, but everyone should learn the benefits of
problems!
Problems help you to find and follow alternate methods, which may lead you to bigger and better things. If the typewriter ribbon breaks in the middle of a report that's due in 30 minutes, the boss may understand the situation is not your fault and grant you extra time to complete it. This extra time may be what you need to take off the pressure and help you relax to do a better job. Problems are also the first step in a new invention. Dr. Scholl's foot medications would not be around if people had not had problems with corns, calluses and other ailments.
We wouldn't have automobiles today if people had not had problems getting from place to place quickly. Every single invention was created because people had problems with something, so problems can really be motivational!
Problems also help you to meet new friends. If you are recently divorced, you may join a group and meet some wonderful friends that will bring you into a better life than the life you were living previously. If you have a problem getting back and forth to work, you may decide to join a car pool and save money while meeting others. Problems also are always a learning experience. You don't actually realize that fire burns until you get burned with it! Unless a problem occurs, you do not learn why something happens the way it does. You cannot change your viewpoints and opinions unless you experience problems first hand.
Problems also cause you to become active in helping others. The organization M.A.D.D. (Mothers Against Drunk Drivers) would have never been born if the founder didn't lose her daughter in a car accident caused by a drunk driver. That one death has literally changed all the drunk driving laws throughout the United States and saved MILLIONS of lives! Without problems, we couldn't solve a lot of future turmoils and save people a lot of money in business. A company that introduces a new product will hire people to try it out before it is introduced to the market. These people report the problems they find and the company refines it until it's right. Without problems developing early in these tests, the company could never improve and fine tune their productto perfection.
Problems and mistakes are also a blessing in disguise. For instance, Post-It Notes would never have been made possible unless the guy at the factory didn't mess up mixing the glue recipe. Sure, this is an isolated incident, but it shows just how important mistakes and problems can be. However, most people have some perceived notion that making a mistake or having a problem is "bad." Instead of looking for ways to SOLVE the problem, they try and live with it, cover it up and conform their life to accept it. This is silly! There is no problem that can't be solved. There is a solution to every single problem you can think of. The solution may not always be what you want it to be - but it's a solution just the same. And covering it up is like putting a piece of foil over a piece of spoiled meat and expecting it not to draw maggots. You have to dispose of the entire thing before you are finally rid of the problem.
Attack the core of the problem! Dig until you uncover it! Face facts! Admit you have problems! Stop trying to make people think you are problem-free. It's unnatural!! Where the recognition comes in from people you are trying to impress is when you SOLVE problems by facing them and inventing a solution. So, next time you have a problem, look at it logically and with enthusiasm. That may sound a little strange but most problems can be dealt with this way. Love the fact that you have problems because they will give you something to work on and solve. They also will give you a way to invent new ways of doing something - new ways that will save you time and make you happier with your life. And when you solve problems, you not only gain experience in solving other problems as they occur, but you build respect for yourself. Then you can have the admiration of all those people you originally started out trying to impress and gain recognition from - if you still care about having it.
You also will find that when you look at problems with a POSITIVE mind, you will accomplish more, relieve stress and combat fear - which is the worst enemy and destroyer of all!!
Kathy Williams is the owner of K.D.W. SERVICES
(http://www.kdwservices.com,) editor & publisher of BUSYMOM EZINE
(Get your free e-book when you subscribe,) writer and author of her own
articles, and her new just-releasedE-book, "I Survived."
(http://www.kdwservices.com/book/book.html)
PARENTING TIP OF THE MONTH
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If I Had My Child to Raise Over
Again
If I had my child to raise all over again, I'd finger-paint more, and
point the fingers less. I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes. I would care
to know less and know to care more. I'd take more hikes and fly more
kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play. I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars. I'd do more hugging and less tugging. I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later. I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.
I'd teach less about the love of power, And more about the power of
love. By Diane Loomans
Submitted by one of our subscribers! Thank you!
ON KEEPING ROMANCE ALIVE
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Create your own holiday toasts, one for public use and one for private!!!
Toast any time you drink wine, and champagne or even juice and soda.
Pull out your nicest wine glasses and toast away!
ON PAMPERING YOURSELF
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Set aside one night a week or one night a month to be together, as
a family. Do not allow any kind of interruptions. Let the answering
machine pick up the phone, leave the TV off. Play games, talk, plan
for the future, and listen to each other’s hopes and dreams. It doesn’t
matter what you do as long as you’re together.
excerpted from: 100 Ways to Pamper Yourself, by JA
Hale, copyright 1999
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How to be a guest columnist instructions
We LOVE receiving articles from our readers, or
anyone else. Please submit your articles to
jahale95@yahoo.com by the 15th of the month for
inclusion in the next month's newsletter.
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Don't Keep Your Dream in a Box-Part I
By: Staci Backauskas
fifthgoddess@sprynet.com
© Copyright 1999
-------------------------------------------------------
Bob Fosse once said, “Don't bring me dancers who want to dance.Bring
me dancers that have to dance." Well, I don’t have to dance, but
I do have to write. I was born to be a writer. I just didn’t
get around to accepting it until I was thirty-five.
I’ve been writing since I was a kid – poetry, short stories, and non-fiction
pieces for newsletters and an occasional magazine. But growing up,
my dream had been to live in Manhattan and work in advertising. I
wanted an office on Madison Avenue. I got there in a very roundabout
way, but I wasn’t working on the creative side the way I’d imagined.
I was a media buyer. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a very important job,
but not filled with the glamour and recognition I thought I wanted.
I worked for two very well known advertising agencies, but after four years, was feeling overstressed and underpaid. Friends of mine convinced me to try sales. “You’ll make so much more money,” they promised. So I pursued several of the rep firms and got myself hired by one of the top two companies.
The company I worked for represented television stations all over the country and I sold their commercial airtime to the media buyers for their clients. I’ve joked plenty of times that it was the perfect job for a co-dependent because you had to please the buyer, the station and your management and they rarely wanted the same thing at the same time.
During the summer of 1996, I was on a sales call and stopped at my favorite Manhattan bookstore, Coliseum Books on 57th and Seventh Avenue. As I stood browsing through the hundred of books on display, I said to myself, “I want to have a book on one of these tables.” I went back to the office and put an ad in The New York Press to start a writer’s group.
I received a half-dozen phone calls and the Writer’s Roundtable of Manhattan was born. I knew it would give me incentive to write, because my ego was too big to show up to a writer’s group that I had started without something to present. I also signed up for a Continuing Ed class in novel writing at NYU. I had been working on mostly short stories and poetry, but I knew I had a book in me. The class forced me to come up with an outline and I started my spiritual fiction novel, “The Fifth Goddess.”
I worked on it off and on for the next few months. My job was very stressful and often involved after work activities with clients. Many nights I’d get home from work by eight and want to do nothing but grab something to eat and vegetate in front of the television. It’s tough to be creative on demand. Then my mother called one night and told me about a writer’s conference that was taking place in Maui in August.
Even though she wasn’t making a lot of money, she offered to pay for my conference registration if I’d go because she knew how much writing meant to me. Now that I think about it, she probably was more aware of it than I was. We both registered and decided to take advantage of the program they developed for the conference where, for a small fee, you could send a synopsis of your book to them and they would have it reviewed by legitimate agents and editors who were associated with the conference.
I forced myself to complete the forms by the deadline, knowing on a gut level how important it was. Several weeks later, I was on a sales call at an advertising agency and checked my voicemail. In between questions and crises was a message from a literary agent who’d read my synopsis. She wanted to meet with me while she was in town. I wanted to do cartwheels back to the office.
Christine and I hit it off immediately and she agreed to represent me, even though I had barely written a hundred pages. I had started a new job that spring in the same business, but for a lot more money. How was I going to write while trying to prove myself to my new employer? When I returned from Maui, I applied for and was accepted into an advanced novel writing class at The New School. Again, knowing I had deadlines to turn material into the class was a great motivator for me.
By the spring of 1998, I had been in advertising for almost ten years and selling for five. I was miserable. I had silently threatened to quit plenty of times during my sales career. I hated having to put on a happy-bouncy-perky face for people I didn’t like. And I didn’t care for the lying that is inevitably involved in any sales job. I especially didn’t like the back stabbing-front grinning that was rampant. But I needed a plan.
One of the stations I represented held a fourth quarter sales contest and I received a check for several thousand dollars in April 1998. I opened a money market account, earmarking that money for living expenses after I resigned. For the next six months, I added to it whenever I could, knocking the total up to almost ten thousand. I had wrestled with the thought of resigning for years, but one morning in October of last year, I woke up and decided that today was the day.
After our sales meeting that morning, I tried to catch my boss, but
she had appointments outside the office that morning. At lunchtime
her office was still empty and I was upset because I was anxious and wanted
to resign before I changed my mind. Instead of panicking, I returned
to my office and put to use a technique I learned in a prosperity class
I had taken at the Unity Center.
I wrote a letter to the angel of everyone who was to be involved in
my resignation. My boss, my director of sales, the president of the
company, the human resources manager and my important clients. I
thanked them for releasing me from my position with love, abundance and
acceptance. And then I grabbed lunch and waited for my boss to return.
When I told her, she offered complete support. I was a vertebra in the backbone of her sales team, but she found it within herself to recognize the importance of this decision for me. I got the same reaction from everyone who’s angel I had written to. There was nobody telling me I was crazy. There was no one saying, “I can’t believe you’re walking away from six figures to write a book.” There was only encouragement.
I found a place to live outside Manhattan in an area of New Jersey that is near the beach but also surrounded by horse farms. I worked in the city until November of 1998, the last two weeks on a freelance basis at a stipend that allowed me to add to my money market. I gave myself permission to spend two weeks at home in Pittsburgh over the holidays, enjoying the company of family and friends like I’d not been able to before. I had no job to rush back to. No crisis to deal with. No angry client to appease.
At the beginning of 1999, I found myself floundering. I hadn’t realized how much of my identity was tied up in being a sales rep. The first question people ask you after you’re introduced is, “What do you do?” It was a process learning how to answer, “I’m a writer.” During that process, I opened a business making gift plaques and writing personalized short stories. I worked on a horse farm. I trained and became a certified teacher for The Princeton Review. And finally, toward the middle of February, when I could no longer deny that it was my destiny, I began to write.
I knew my agent was coming to New York before Easter. So I promised myself I would finish the book before her trip. I know how much easier it is to sell something in person as opposed to the telephone or mail. And I wanted her to see it before she arrived so if there were any changes she wanted made, I could do it before she met with any publishers. I went into hibernation for six weeks. When I started I had 240 pages written. The book ended up being 520. I wrote more than half of it in six weeks. The first part took me over two years.
I met with my agent while she was in New York during the spring of this year. I played the waiting game trying to relax while New York editors decided my fate. I tried to remember that I did my job. I walked away from a career that was making me miserable, even though it paid a lot of money because I needed to finish my book. Now all I had to do was be patient and I would be rewarded – right? But sometimes things don’t work out the way you want them to – they do, however, work out the way they need to. After several months of miscommunication and no results, I decided to let go of my relationship with my agent. Not because she was a bad person, but because she wasn’t the person I needed to represent me. I was then faced with deciding whether I wanted to search for another agent, find a small press on my own, or try to publish myself.
Check out next month’s issue of The Balanced Woman to find out which path I chose – and what the results are!
Staci Backauskas is a writer, speaker, teacher and author of The FifthGoddess.
The Fifth Goddess ~ a spiritual fiction novel for every woman ~ noprophecy
from Machu Pichu; no mutant message; no one surfing the Himalayas. Just
four goddesses overseeing an ordinary woman's path of self-discovery.
To order an advance copy, contact Staci at fifthgoddess@sprynet.com
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COMING NEXT MONTH: Y2k!
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Disclaimer
The appearance of advertising in The Balanced Woman should not
be interpreted as an endorsement by the editors of the service, product,
business, or program being advertised. We take no responsibility
for claims or representations made in any ads. The Balanced Woman
is for informational and entertainment purposes only. The ideas and
information expressed in it have not been approved or authorized by anyone
either explicitly or impliedly. In no event shall Jacqueline McLaughlin
Halebe liable for any damages whatsoever resulting from any action arising
in connection with the use of this information or its publication, including
any action for infringement of copyright or defamation. The opinions
expressed by our columnists are not necessarily the position of The Balanced
Woman.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Copyright 1999, JA Hale
Editors Comments:If any of you have any ideas,
comments and suggestions on how we can improve this
e-zine please let me know. Just send an email to:jahale95@yahoo.com
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