The Depths of Heck

Yes. I know we should be doing a new Depths of Heck this edition, but we're giving this feature an overhaul. Expect the new-look DoH ready for issue 10.

Spam Depths of heck!

Key ----- = No! ----- = Yes! ----- = What?

I got an offer to take part in a prize draw. I wasn't really interested, and when I spotted the disclaimers. I worked out it would not be worth my time responding. I didn't mind though, the company making the offer were kind enough to pay for the paper, envelope and postage. It cost me the space in my bin, which wasn't worth much anyway.
A similar offer arrived in my email box today. I was just as uninterested, but this time it cost me money. That is why junk-email is different, and deserves to be vast down in the Depths of Heck.

Let's have a look at some junk email, picked entirely at random from my mail box;

Subject: $ Earn money taste-testing chewing gum $

Research company seeks individuals to evaluate chewing gum samples.
Make $10 per sample evaluated, and up to $1000 a week.
Questionnaires take 3 minutes to complete. No experience is necessary.
All materials are mailed to your home, free of charge.

For more information, send a large self-addressed, stamped envelope to:

SNIP

Or, check us out on the Internet at [SNIP] for more information and to apply electronically.

Wow! A job tasting chewing gum! If I can earn a maximum of $1000 a week, that's 100 samples! A lot of chewing. I wonder if they know that international postal laws do not allow the mailing of food stuffs?

Subject: Your Water could be Killing You!!

Do you have or are you considering a traditional water softener for your home or business?
Your good health is at risk!!

The American Heart Association indicates that water softened with salt, and other chemicals, has Sodium TOXIC Residue in Water and can cause an elevated sodium level, which has been linked to a variety of other health problems, including high blood pressure, water retention, gall bladder disease and goiters.

What is your alternative?
You gotta see this!!

For a FREE report, Hit reply and replace subject with [ more info ].

Offended?? Sorry,
This is not a SPAM! We are a member of Universal Remove-Me, and have duly removed all who do not wish to receive unsolicited emails. If you feel that this is a mistake, please remove yourself from all future mailings either from us, or from other Responsible Direct Email Marketers, by sending an empty email to remove@remove-me.com. Do not reply to this email, as you will then only be removed from our personal mailing lists and therefore will continue to receive mailings from others. If you are yourself a Direct Email Marketer, please download the Universal Remove Me list from www.remove-me.com. and subscribe to Responsible Direct Email Marketing!"

First of all, I doubt that there are people who remove water chalk by adding salt. More likely, they use a filter.
Besides, if anyone is interested, no simple pre-prepared reposnse method for them! If you want more info, you have to reply, and change the subject to a "[", followed by three (that's three) spaces, the words "more info", another three (that's three) spaces and a "]". Simple eh!

Now we see the delights of name removal. This is not a SPAM! Yes it is!
It may interest you to know that I have created myself an email address and the only thing I did was to mail as many removal addresses as I could find. That address would not be on any of the junk mailer's lists, because it had never existed before. Guess what... I got junk mail.

So, to all junk mailers everywhere, welcome to the Depths of Heck motel, room 15. If you do not wish to be here, just send a blank email to remove@depths-of-heck.org and we will ignore you.

Voting for this and last month's depths of heck has closed. The results of this vote will be coming here soon.
Yes. Microsoft are the depths of heck.	78%
No. Microsoft are cute, fluffy bunnies who deserve to be loved.	8%
Who are microsoft?	14%