HOPE

By Karen Fischer

"C'mon, Chakotay. Does she know how you feel about her?" She had prodded him, one evening.

"Yes. But she's chosen to keep our relationship professional. I think she's right."

"Pardon the expression, but that's bullshit and you know it." B'Elanna told him.

"No it's not." Chakotay tried defending himself.

"You're only saying that because that's the reason she gave you. I bet she's in love with you too, and isn't ready to admit it to herself or you."

"Do you hear yourself? You're beginning to sound like Neelix in one of his matchmaking schemes."

B'Elanna looked intently at Chakotay. "This is not matchmaking. This is getting two people who love each other together, and having them admit how they feel."

"Oh. I wish it were that simple." Chakotay said.

"So do I." She had lamented before leaving him alone.

It hadn't stopped at that conversation. B'Elanna went to Janeway and confronted her about her feelings for Chakotay. When Tom heard he was appalled.

"Are you out of your mind? Confronting the Captain about her feelings for Chakotay?"

"Do you have a better plan?" B'Elanna asked Tom, seriously.

"No. But, wasn't that pushing things a bit?"

"Sometimes you have to have to push.., no, punch your way through!"

What they didn't know was that the couple had been trying for over a year to conceive and hadn't.

"Welcome, Captain." The Doctor greeted Janeway. "Please have a seat on the bio-bed."

Janeway got up on the bed the Doctor had pointed to. "Will this take very long?" She asked him.

"If it were just a routine physical, it wouldn't. But you do want me to find out why you haven't been able to become pregnant? Isn't that why you're here?"

Janeway lowered her head. "Yes." She said quietly.

"Captain. I know how frustrated you feel right now, but I assure you I will find out what is going on."

"I know you will, Doctor. You said that Chakotay's test results showed that everything was normal with him."

"I see."

Janeway just shook her head.

The Doctor ran his tricorder over her abdomen, taking several different readings.

"Umm." He said at last.

"Have you found something?" She asked, anxious.

"I'm not certain. To be sure, Captain, I need to perform a manual procedure."

"What kind of procedure?" She asked, worried now.

"It's nothing to be alarmed about." He tried reassuring her.

"I'll need to do an Endometrial biopsy."

"What is that?"

"It requires that I scrape some cells off the Endometrial lining of your uterus."

"Is it very involved?"

"Not at all. However, you may experience some discomfort as I perform the procedure."

"What kind of discomfort?"

"Some cramping. And there might be some minor bleeding after."

"When do you want to perform this procedure?"

"It has to be during a specific time of your cycle."

"I see. When?"

Kathryn explained to Chakotay what the Doctor had told her about the procedure.

"Are you sure you want to go through with this? It sounds painful."

She shook her head. "No. If I'm going to take the day off, one of us needs to be on the Bridge. I don't want to impose on Tuvok."

"I'm sure he wouldn't object." Chakotay said.

"I know he wouldn't, but I don't feel it's fair to him."

"Does he know what's going on with you?" Chakotay asked her.

"I haven't confided in him, if that's what you're asking. But I'm sure he suspects something's going on."

"Maybe we should just tell him."

"Let's wait and see what the Doctor finds out, first." Kathryn replied.

"Okay." Chakotay said, and pulled Kathryn into his arms.

An hour into the shift, Paris turned in his seat. "Excuse me, Commander."

"Yes, what is it, Paris?"

"The Captain seems to be awfully late this morning."

"No she isn't. She took the day off."

"Oh. Is everything okay? It's just not like her to take a day off."

"Everything's fine, Lieutenant. She needed some time to take care of some personal business."

"Oh." Paris grunted, knowing he wasn't going to get any kind of real explanation, and returned to his console.

Samantha Wildman greeted her. "Good morning, Captain."

"Good morning, Samantha. Is the Doctor activated?"

"Yes he is. Although, you didn't have to come in so early..."

"I know. I just want to get this over with. I'm nervous enough about the Doctor doing it, I don't want to put it off any longer than necessary."

Just then the Doctor walked out of his office. "Ah, Captain. Am I to assume that you're ready to begin with the procedure?"

"Yes, Doctor."

"Fine. Samantha, would you give the Captain a gown and prepare her on the examining table."

"Yes, Doctor." Ensign Wildman answered quietly. She led Janeway to an anteroom and gave her a surgical gown. "Let me know when you're ready." She told the Captain.

"You'll need to get up on here, Captain, and place your feet in the stirrups." Samantha explained.

Janeway did as Samantha instructed. When she was in position, a sheet was placed over her legs.

"Please move down just a little more, Captain."

Janeway complied. Just then the Doctor walked in. "Is everything ready, Ensign?" He asked his assistant.

"Yes, Doctor."

He then walked over to where Janeway's head was positioned. "Captain, I assure you, I'll try to keep your discomfort to a minimum."

"Thank you, Doctor."

"Then let's begin." He said. "First, Captain, I'm going to examine your vaginal area and your ovaries." He told her.

"I thought you already did that with the tricorder?" She asked.

"I did. However, even tricorders aren't always a hundred percent accurate."

She felt pressure, but nothing that could be considered painful or truly uncomfortable.

"Everything feels normal." The Doctor informed her. "Now, I'm going to insert the speculum, and you will feel some pressure again."

She felt him inserting the instrument, and felt it pinching, but said nothing about the mild discomfort.

"This won't take long, I assure you." He paused to retrieve something. "I'm going to insert the instrument to scrape your uterus."

Several seconds passed, then; "I'm going to begin scraping. You'll feel some cramping. Just take deep shallow breaths."

Samantha came up beside her then, and that was when she felt the pain.

"Deep shallow breath's, Captain." Samantha reminded her.

Janeway did as Samantha told her. It didn't help ease the pain, but it made almost bearable.

Within seconds it ended. And moments later the Doctor removed the speculum from Janeway's vagina.

"You may lie here for a while if you'd like, Captain. Let Ensign Wildman know when you're ready to get up. She'll give you a sanitary napkin, in case there's any bleeding."

"Thank you, Doctor." Janeway answered. "When will you have the test results?"

"I should have them by tomorrow morning." He said and went to the other side of the Sickbay.

"Are you all right, Captain?" Samantha asked her.

"Yes. I think I'll just lie here for a few minutes. I'm still feeling a bit uncomfortable."

"Of course." Samantha hesitated for a few moments. "Captain, I'm surprised that the Commander wasn't with you?"

"He wanted to be, but I told him that one of us was needed on the Bridge, and I didn't want to impose on Tuvok."

"I see. Let me know when you're ready to get up."

"I will."

Before finally leaving Sickbay, the Doctor warned Janeway that if she had more severe cramping or there was prolonged or heavy bleeding she should notify him at once.

She admitted to still feeling some cramping, and the Doctor instructed her to return to her quarters and lie down, which she did.

About lunch time, Chakotay headed for Kathryn's quarters. She answered almost immediately when he rang the chime.

She was wearing a robe and sitting up on the sofa, with her legs stretched out, and a blanket over her, sipping a cup of tea.

"How are you feeling?" He asked.

"Not as bad as I thought I might." She answered him.

"How did it go?"

"It hurt, but it's over, and hopefully I won't have to go through it again."

"Did the Doctor tell you when he'd have the test results back?"

"He said he'd have them in the morning."

"Can you wait that long?"

"I don't have much choice, do I?"

"No. I guess you don't. So, do feel up to having some lunch?"

"Sure, if I don't have to get up. The cramping gets worse when I stand."

"Is that normal?"

"I guess so. The Doctor just told me to rest up, and unless I have heavy bleeding or unbearable pain, I just need to stay off my feet for the rest of the day and take it easy."

"You're sure you're all right?"

"Stop worrying. I'm fine. I'm hungry, how about that lunch you just promised me."

"Coming up, Captain." Chakotay said, grinning as he headed over to the replicator.

The next morning, Janeway was feeling fine, and went to the mess hall to eat her breakfast with Tuvok as she had been doing since almost the beginning of their journey through the Delta Quadrant.

"Good morning, Captain." Neelix greeted her when she walked up to the counter.

"Mr. Neelix." She acknowledged, eyeing Neelix's strange concoction of the morning.

"You were missed yesterday, Captain. I hope everything is all right."

Janeway smiled, half to herself. "Everything's fine, Neelix. I took the day off, and had breakfast in my quarters." She lied. "Is that a fresh pot of coffee, you've got over there?" She asked, trying to change the subject.

Neelix turned to the coffee maker. "Yes, it is. Why don't you have a seat and I'll bring it right over."

"Thank you, Neelix." She answered, and headed over to Tuvok.

Breakfast passed without incident, and Janeway accompanied Tuvok to the Bridge to resume her duties.

She sat in her command chair trying not to think about the test results she was anxiously awaiting.

Chakotay noticed how fidgety she was, constantly crossing and uncrossing her legs. First leaning one way, then the other. He half expected her to jump out of her seat and start pacing next.

Then her comm badge chirped.

"Doctor to Captain Janeway."

"Janeway here, go ahead, Doctor."

"I have those test results you wanted, Captain. Could you please come down to Sickbay."

"Of course. Do you require the Commander's presence as well?" She asked, looking directly at Chakotay.

"Yes, of course, Captain." The Doctor replied.

Heading for the turbo lift together, Janeway ordered; "Tuvok you have the Bridge. Chakotay and I will be in Sickbay if you need us."

"Aye, Captain." He replied, raising an eyebrow as the two most senior officers left the Bridge.

When they arrived in Sickbay, the Doctor greeted them.

"You said you have the test results of the Endometrial biopsy?" Janeway asked.

"Yes, I do, Captain."

"What did it tell you?" Chakotay asked.

"That the endometrial lining of your uterus is normal, Captain."

Janeway didn't say anything for a moment. Her mind was absorbing what the Doctor had just told her.

"What exactly does that mean, Doctor?" Chakotay asked him.

"It means, that a pregnancy can be sustained. I will need to do a few other tests, Captain. To determine if your hormone levels are normal."

Janeway nodded. "When do they need to be done?"

"Again, at various times during your cycle. I will need to test your blood to determine your FSH levels. I'll also need to test for progesterone levels as well. One way or another, Captain, I will find out why you have been unable to conceive."

"Thank you, Doctor." She said, looking at Chakotay.

"If you'll come with me to my office, I'll give you a list of the cyclic schedule so that we can take the tests at the appropriate time." The Doctor told Janeway.

Again she merely nodded.

"Perhaps I should get back to the Bridge." Chakotay offered.

Janeway gave him a hint of a smile. "Yes, of course. I'll be up there shortly."

"Okay." He said and left. He knew that there was nothing he could do. Everything now would have to be Kathryn and the Doctor. Then after the tests were over, they'd know where they stood.

Several weeks went by. Janeway paid frequent visits to Sickbay to have the tests done. If Tuvok suspected anything, he kept silent about it.

Finally, almost two months since Janeway had begun having the Doctor check her for infertility, he had an answer as to why Kathryn wasn't becoming pregnant.

The couple sat in his office. It was late in the evening. Most of the crew were either on duty, or in their quarters or on the holodeck. No one or nothing would interrupt them.

"The combination of test results that I've done on you, Captain, show a hormonal insufficiency. What has been happening is that your shedding your endometrial lining too soon. In other words, your period begins before your uterus can hold and sustain the cells of a fertilized egg. Therefore you are unable to become pregnant."

"Is there anything that can be done?" Chakotay asked, before Janeway could.

"Yes. I'm going to put you on medication that will lengthen the time between your periods. If you are unable to conceive within six months, we'll try artificial insemination. By that time I might have a better idea as to whether or not Sperm are reaching your eggs. If not, artificial insemination might help."

"Alright Doctor." Janeway said.

"I want you to come in on the fifth day of your menstrual cycle. I'll give you an injection of hormone that should regulate your periods. You will need to come in between days five through nine."

The couple nodded their heads.

"You will also need to keep track of when you surge so that you and the Commander can have intercourse. Hopefully it will increase your chances of becoming pregnant."

"All right." Janeway said.

The pair then got up and left.

As they walked back to Janeway's quarters, Chakotay noticed how quiet she was.

"You okay?" He asked.

"Yeah. I just never imagined in my wildest dreams that it would be so damned hard to have a child. Some women get pregnant so easily. It just doesn't seem fair."

"I know. I feel bad that you have to go through so much. First all the tests, now hormone treatments. And what if we have to resort to artificial insemination?"

"I had a talk with the Doctor during one of the tests. He said that if the old fashioned method didn't work, and the artificial insemination didn't work, then he would try invitro fertilization. He also suggested that I might need a stronger hormone to make me produce more eggs each cycle." She had stopped in the passageway and looked into Chakotay's eyes when she told him this.

"How would you feel about an invitro procedure, if that's what it comes down to?"

Quietly Chakotay spoke. "Kathryn, I don't care how we conceive a child. I just want you to be happy, and if having my child makes you happy, then it makes me happy. I'll stay beside you through whatever you decide to do. I love you. And I will love our child if the spirits bless us with one. I will love you, even if they don't."

Janeway leaned against Chakotay's shoulder. "Thank you." She told him.

He placed his arm around her shoulder and guided her to her, their, quarters. He hadn't been sleeping in his quarters for several months, and it was getting harder to call the cabin they were heading to, the Captain's quarters, although they still were. But now they were the Captain and Commander's quarters, together.

The crew was still unaware of their Captain's attempts to conceive a child with her First Officer. The only ones who knew anything at all besides the Doctor was Samantha Wildman and B'Elanna.

Chakotay had confided in B'Elanna when she badgered him over his concern about Janeway. He later admitted to Kathryn that he had told B'Elanna about their problem. To his surprise, Kathryn told him that she was glad that he had told B'Elanna. At least now she'd have someone besides Samantha Wildman to talk to about the situation. It was a welcome relief.

After four months without success, Janeway found herself in Sickbay, waiting for the Doctor to give her the hormone injection she would need to stimulate her egg production.

She sat patiently on a bio-bed waiting for him.

When he finally came out, he had a rather serious look on his face.

"Is something wrong?" She asked, apprehensively.

"I've been going over your last set of tests, Captain. I don't think that the present method is going to yield any results. The sperm are not succeeding in reaching their goal."

"In other words, having sex isn't going to get me pregnant." Janeway translated bluntly.

"In a word, yes. I think we should try artificial insemination at this point. I will have the Commander come in on the day of or the day after you surge, and give me a specimen. Then we'll go from there."

"I see. Is there anything else I need to do?"

"No. Basically just watch your diet. Make sure that you eat enough fruits and vegetables. Oh, and of course remember to take those supplements I gave you for calcium and folic acid."

Janeway nodded. "Yes, Doctor. I'll remember. I've been very good about taking them every day."

"Good. Trust me, Captain, I will try every means known to medical science to see that you conceive a child. I won't stop until I've exhausted every option."

"Thank you, Doctor. I appreciate your vigilance." Janeway told him.

When Janeway returned to the Bridge, she left Chakotay in charge and went to her ready room.

Chakotay stared at the ready room doors. He couldn't seem to take his eyes off them since Janeway returned to the Bridge. What was she doing in there anyway? Was she going over reports? Why hadn't she called him in to tell him what the Doctor had said? The situation worried him.

Turning to Tuvok he said; "Tuvok you have the Bridge. I'm going to talk to the Captain."

"Aye, Sir." The Vulcan replied, taking the position Chakotay had just vacated.

Chakotay rang her door chime, but there was no answer. He rang again. By the third time he was ready to just walk in, but he heard her say, "Come in."

He entered, and waited until the doors closed behind him. Then he walked up to Janeway's desk. She looked up from a Padd she was reading.

"Well, what did the Doctor have to say?" He asked her.

She leaned back in her chair and looked up at him. "He said we have to go on to the second step and need to try artificial insemination. He'll insert your sperm directly at the opening of my cervix. With luck I may be able to conceive that way."

"I see. So I'll have to give him a donation."

"Yes, but not until I've surged. I have to let him know when that happens. Unfortunately it means not having sex for at least two days before I surge, so that you have a high enough sperm count."

"I see." Chakotay said.

Janeway looked up him. "I'm sorry, Chakotay. It's just that this whole business is frustrating for me."

"I know it is. It's frustrating for me too. Remember, we're in this together." He reminded her.

She put her elbows on the desk and rested her chin in her hands. "I know you are."

"Kathryn, I'm sorry you're the one that has to go through all of this. I know it's rough on you emotionally and physically."

She gave him a half smile. "I just have to try and not think about it. I need to concentrate on work and commanding this ship."

"You think that'll help?" He asked.

"I don't know, but I don't know what else to do. If I don't concentrate on work I'll go mad worrying."

"Okay. Have you said anything to Tuvok yet?"

"No. I suppose after all this time I should tell him what's been going on. He hasn't said anything, but I know he's aware of something going on with me. He's known me too long not to read me."

"When do you plan to speak to him?"

"I suppose I should do it this evening."

"Do you want me to be with you?"

"No. It's something I need to tell him on my own."

"Okay. Good luck."

Janeway smiled. "Thanks."

After the evening meal, Kathryn summoned Tuvok to her quarters.

Standing stiffly just inside the door to Janeway's quarters, Tuvok announced himself. "You asked to see me, Captain?" He said to her.

Kathryn had changed into a caftan like gown. She felt that if she were out of uniform, it might be easier to talk to Tuvok.

"Would you like something, Tuvok?" She asked him, motioning for him to be seated.

"No, thank you, Captain. I'm fine." He said, sitting, but maintaining a stiff posture.

Sitting opposite him, on her couch, she curled her legs up and took a sip of coffee that she had. "This has nothing to do with ship's business, Tuvok. I wanted to discuss something personal with you." She began.

"Yes, Captain?" He said.

"I'd feel a lot better if you'd relax a bit. What I have to tell you is hard enough."

Tuvok allowed his posture to relax slightly.

"I'm sure that you've been aware for some time that something has been going on with me. And that Commander Chakotay is involved."

"Yes, Captain."

Damn, why did he always have to be so formal, Kathryn thought. She took another sip of coffee and watched Tuvok over the rim of her mug, and decided to push on.

"The truth of the matter is, we have been having difficulty conceiving a child, and have had to resort to medical intervention."

"I had been wondering why you and the Commander had not yet begun a family. I had thought it was because you felt your position as Captain would be compromised if you had to command Voyager and raise a child."

"Not at all, Tuvok. Believe me, we've been trying for a long time. We've finally gotten to the point where the Doctor is going to artificially inseminate me with Chakotay's sperm."

"I see. I gather conventional methods have not yielded any results."

Tuvok had a way of making everything sound so technical, even talking about sex sounded technical and cold in Tuvok's logical jargon.

"Yes. I've been having to undergo a series of tests and treatments to help increase my fertility..." Janeway began to explain.

"I am sorry to hear that you are having difficulty. I hope the Doctor is able to help remedy the situation."

"Thank you, Tuvok. So do I. It's just, I never thought I'd ever be faced with the prospect of infertility."

"I wish you all the best, Captain. I hope that you are successful in your endeavor."

"Thank you, Tuvok. I just wanted you to know what's been happening, so if I seem preoccupied or out of sorts, now you know why. "

"Of course, Captain. It also explains why you have been taking time off from your duties. Am I to assume that this is to be kept confidential?"

"Yes. Besides the Doctor, Ensign Wildman, you, the Commander and myself, Lieutenant Torres is the only other person on board who knows what's been happening."

"I understand. I will keep this information to myself unless you allow me to discuss it."

"Thank you, Tuvok. That's all I wanted to say."

"Yes, Captain." He said, rising from his chair. He turned and left.

Kathryn wasn't sure how she felt about finally telling him. She wasn't sure how he felt about her and Chakotay's efforts to have a child. Did Tuvok think she was too old? Or did he think that having a child really would interfere with her command of Voyager? She wasn't sure how to read her friends reaction.

Despite how lousy she felt, she was depressed and wanted to work so she would have something to take her mind off how she was feeling physically and emotionally.

The crew had no idea why she was off duty, only that she'd been relieved of duty by the Doctor, which meant she must have been ill. The crew had no idea what the illness was or how long it would last, and didn't give it much thought.

Janeway returned to duty the next morning, feeling much better physically, after her ordeal. How she was emotionally, Chakotay could only guess at.

Later that day they had another appointment with the Doctor.

They sat in his office, Chakotay holding Kathryn's hand as he spoke to them. "Since the artificial insemination doesn't seem to be working the way I had hoped, I think the next option is to try an invitro procedure." He told them.

"Doctor, you said that I was pregnant. For some reason I couldn't hold the pregnancy. Wouldn't that still hold true with an invitro procedure?"

"Perhaps. It could be that the reason you miscarried is because there was something wrong with the development of the embryo. That's usually the reason for a spontaneous abortion."

Kathryn looked at Chakotay.

"Doctor, do you think it's because of Kathryn's age?" Chakotay asked.

"As I explained several months ago when we began this, Captain, you have old eggs. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but we can't deny the facts. It just means that it's going to be much harder for you to maintain a pregnancy if there is a problem with the eggs you're producing."

"So, what you're telling us is that if she were younger, her eggs would be more viable?" Chakotay asked.

"Technically, yes. That's not to say that one of the eggs may not prove to be good, and you can become pregnant and maintain a pregnancy to full term." He said, first addressing Chakotay, then Kathryn.

"What do you need to do to go ahead with the invitro process?" Kathryn asked, almost as though she hadn't heard anything said in between.

"I'll need to harvest your eggs. It'll be a painless procedure. We do a transfer to a bio container, then we inject the Commander's sperm into the eggs. Once they've developed we implant them into your uterus. It'll be much like the endometrial biopsy I performed on you, Captain."

"Are you sure you'll be able to get all her eggs with the transfer process?" Chakotay asked.

"If not, I may have to do some minor surgery, but it's nothing to worry about. Hopefully it won't come to that. But if that does happen, Captain, I assure you, you'll only be off duty for two days."

"Do you want to do it this cycle?" She asked, almost emotionless.

"Actually, I think it best if you wait a month, Captain. Give your body a chance to recover from the miscarriage."

She nodded and rose from her seat. Chakotay took her hand before she was able to move away, and stood. Looking at the Doctor he asked; "Could we have a moment alone, Doctor?"

The hologram looked at the couple and nodded. "Of course." He said and left the room.

When the Doctor was gone, Chakotay took Kathryn by the shoulders and physically turned her to face him. "What is it, Kathryn? Talk to me." His eyes were as pleading as his voice.

"I know, I know." He said, rubbing his hand up and down her back. "I know how disappointed you are. I am too. But we can't give up now. We have to try again. You're not a quitter, Kathryn Janeway, that's why I love you."

She looked up at him, the hint of a smile on her lips. "You always know how to say the right things to make me feel better." She told him.

He smiled. "I try." He said.

She dried her eyes and blew her nose, and the couple left Sickbay and went to Chakotay's quarters.

Kathryn lay in bed that morning, and realized she was in so much pain she couldn't get herself out of bed. She called to the computer to tell her the time, then she hailed Chakotay.

"It's awfully early, Kathryn. What can I do for you?" He asked, the smile in his voice evident. He hadn't heard the pain in her voice when she hailed with the standard "Janeway to Chakotay" greeting.

When she spoke, he immediately became worried. "Chakotay, I can't get out of bed. I'm in so much pain." She sounded near tears.

"I'll be right there." He told her and rushed to her quarters. He had been on his way to the mess hall, and immediately changed direction in mid-step.

When he arrived at her door, without hesitating he used the emergency override and entered her quarters. The rooms were still in darkness, and he ordered lights.

As he entered the bedroom, he saw Kathryn lying on the bed, flat on her back. He went over to her and gently sat on the bed at her right side.

"What is it? Where does it hurt?" He asked.

Tears stained her face. "It's my side. It aches. I can't move or lay on my side without the pain getting worse."

"Don't worry. I'll have the Doctor come and take a look." He told her, as he tapped his comm badge.

"It feels like it could be my appendix or something." She told him.

At the Doctor's reply, Chakotay explained Janeway's symptoms.

"To be honest, I'm not surprised. It's probably her Ovary that's causing her to have such severe pain. I'll be there shortly. It could be some of the eggs are having difficulty erupting."

"Alright, Doctor." Chakotay replied, and tried to comfort Kathryn until the Doctor could arrive.

Within a few minutes, the door chime sounded. Chakotay got up and answered it.

The Doctor entered Kathryn's bedroom, and took out his tricorder. He immediately began to scan the left side of her abdomen.

"Yes, I was right. Your eggs are not completely erupting from your Ovary." He said.

"Is that bad?" Chakotay asked coming up behind the Doctor. "No, not really. However it is painful, as I'm sure the Captain can attest to at this moment."

"Can you give her something for the pain?" Chakotay asked.

"No, it's really not necessary."

"Now what?" Janeway asked.

"I'm going to have you transferred to Sickbay, and transfer the eggs that have ruptured. Then I'm afraid I'll have to use a surgical procedure to remove the rest of the eggs that have not completely erupted."

"Surgical procedure? I thought you said that wouldn't be necessary?" Chakotay asked, alarmed.

"I never said that, Commander. I said that hopefully , and I stress the word, surgical removal would not be necessary."

"How long will she be laid up?" Chakotay asked.

Looking down at the Captain, the Doctor quickly answered, "Give it about three days."

"Why so long?" Janeway asked, her left hand holding her side. "You said it might only be two days."

"It's obvious your not fit for duty today, Captain. I have no idea for certain how you're going to feel tomorrow. Perhaps slightly better than today, but not up to being on duty. As for a third day, I'd say, you may want to rest up. I'm afraid that this is a trying physical ordeal for you, Captain."

The two senior officers nodded their heads. The Doctor then notified the transporter room to beam Janeway to Sickbay.

"You seem distraught, Commander. Judging by the Captain's absence I assume something has not gone well."

You do have a way with words, Tuvok. Chakotay thought. "You're right. She's ovulating, and some of the eggs haven't completely ruptured from her Ovary. She's in a great deal of pain, and the Doctor has taken her to Sickbay to harvest her eggs. She's going to have to have surgery to retrieve the eggs that haven't completely ruptured."

"I see." Tuvok looked implacable as ever. "How long will the Captain be ill?"

"Doc said she'd need at least two more days after today."

Tuvok nodded. "Do you know what you will tell the crew?"

"I haven't got the foggiest idea. I almost wish I could just tell them the truth, but in a way I don't blame Kathryn for not wanting the word to get out about her infertility problem, especially with so many women on board that are already pregnant."

"I believe I understand, Commander. Perhaps it would be best to say that the Captain had a severe attack of Colitis."

Chakotay looked at Tuvok, then smiled. "Well, I suppose it wouldn't be too far from the truth, since it is somewhat in the same area. I thought Vulcan's didn't lie?"

"We don't. Logic dictates..."

Chakotay put a hand up to stop the Vulcan. "I know. Thanks Tuvok. I'll let you pass on the word about the Captain's, uh, illness."

"Yes sir." The Vulcan replied, and the two returned to the Bridge.

Four days later, Kathryn returned to duty. She had skipped breakfast in the mess hall, and had eaten something replicated in her quarters.

When she arrived on the Bridge, Chakotay and Tuvok along with the rest of Alpha shift were already on duty. She walked down to her command chair as though she hadn't been absent the past few days.

"Report, Commander!" She said to Chakotay, who handed her a Padd and filled her in on the past couple of days activities.

Once they were seated in their respective command chairs, Chakotay leaned over to ask her quietly, "How are you feeling?"

Janeway looked over at him and smiled. "Much better, thank you. I have an appointment with the Doctor this afternoon, after lunch. I'll need you to cover for me."

Chakotay grinned, he knew what the appointment was for. "Gladly." He replied.

The rest of the morning went on without incident. Although Harry and Tom kept giving each other questioning looks.

Janeway had gone down to the mess hall to have lunch, and was met about ten minutes later by Chakotay.

"Sorry, couldn't get away." He explained as he sat across from her. "Um, doesn't look too bad. What is it?" He inquired of the substance on Janeway's tray.

"I don't remember how to pronounce it, but it's actually very good. Either Neelix's cooking is improving, or I'm just getting used to it."

Janeway put her fork down. "I don't know how much more of this I can take." She said quietly, her eyes glistening with the start of tears.

"Just think positive thoughts. It will happen." He told her, as he reached out to take her hand in his.

From across the room, Tom and B'Elanna were having lunch together, and B'Elanna had seen Janeway's reaction to Mower's entrance.

"Tom, do you mind if we cut this short?" She asked him.

"Why? Don't you like my company any more?" He asked, jokingly.

B'Elanna smiled back at him. "Of course I do. It's just that, I think the Captain needs a friend right now."

Tom looked over toward Janeway and Chakotay. "It looks like she'd already got one. The Commander."

"I mean a girlfriend." B'Elanna said, sticking her tongue out at Tom as she took her tray over to the counter.

Tom shrugged his shoulders and was about to get up when Harry sat down.

"What happened? You and B'Elanna have a fight?" Harry asked between mouthfuls of food.

"Naw. She's been getting really chummy with the Captain lately. Something's going on. I know Chakotay and Tuvok know what it is, but for the life of me, I can't figure it out."

"Well, I don't think it has anything to do with the Captain and the Commander's love life. Their relationship seems pretty solid to me."

"It's something else, Harry, but I can't put a finger on it."

"You know what I think?"

Staring at his young friend Tom asked pointedly, "No. What do you think?"

"I think there's something wrong with the Captain."

"What are you talking about?"

"Haven't you noticed that over the last several months she's been off duty due to illness quite a lot. Until then Captain Janeway has always seemed healthy as a horse."

Tom became pensive. "Maybe that's it. B'Elanna said something about the Captain needing to talk to a friend. I wonder if it's something serious?"

Harry shrugged his shoulders and continued eating.

B'Elanna came up to the table and greeted the senior officers. "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" She asked.

"No, not at all, B'Elanna." Chakotay answered.

"Have a seat, B'Elanna." Janeway said.

Torres took a chair from a nearby table and sat between the couple. "What's wrong? I noticed Mower's entrance upset you when she walked in."

"Kathryn's going down to Sickbay this afternoon to have the embryos implanted." Chakotay explained, soto voice.

"You okay?" B"Elanna asked Janeway.

Her Captain nodded. "I don't know. After the miscarriage I suffered month before last, I'm really not sure if I can do this again. What if I miscarry again?"

"You mustn't think like that." B'Elanna said, reaching out her hand.

"B'Elanna's right. Everything will go just fine." Chakotay tried to reassure Kathryn.

Janeway then looked at B'Elanna. "Could you stay with me while the Doctor performs the procedure?"

Torres looked at Chakotay. "Are you sure you wouldn't rather have Chakotay with you?"

"No. You." Janeway sounded adamant.

"I have no problem with that." Chakotay said. "If it'll make you feel better."

Janeway nodded. "It would."

"Okay. But I don't want to end up on report because I didn't report back on duty on time." B'Elanna said pointedly to Chakotay. "I'm helping out a friend in need which is more important than anything in engineering."

Janeway gave the half Klingon a slight grin. "Thanks B'Elanna. And don't worry about missing duty. I have some pull with the Captain." She gave B'Elanna a half smile.

The two women then got up from the table and left the mess hall together.

Down in sickbay Janeway undressed and put on a surgical gown. Then lay on one of the bio-beds. Samantha Wildman raised the privacy panel, and prepared Janeway for the procedure.

The Doctor came out of his office. "Is everything ready, Ensign?" He asked.

"Yes, Doctor."

"Is it okay if I stay with the Captain?" Torres asked.

"Of course, Lieutenant. Please stay by the Captain's head or shoulders."

B'Elanna nodded. "Sure thing Doc." She said and followed him behind the panel.

Ensign Wildman was standing by with the instruments the Doctor would need, and a petri dish that was being kept warm under a special lamp.

"Captain. I'm going to have the Ensign give you a local anesthetic to numb your abdomen." The Doctor told Janeway.

She nodded. "Fine."

Samantha then injected a hypo-spray into Kathryn's abdomen.

B'Elanna held Janeway's hand. "How you doing so far?"

"Okay."

"I am making a small incision, and then you'll feel some pressure as I insert the labroscopic arm."

"I'm inserting the embryos now." The Doctor intoned.

"How many are you going to insert?" Torres wanted to know.

"Four. Just for good measure. With luck, one may attach and begin to develop."

Two hours later, Kathryn was lying on the bio-bed, groggy from a mild sedative the Doctor had given her. When she opened her eyes, Chakotay was standing beside the bed.

"How are you?" He asked.

Kathryn rubbed her eyes. "Kinda groggy." She replied.

"Are you having any pain?" He asked her.

She shook her head. "I don't know. I don't think so. At least, not at the moment."

He gave her a slight grin. "That's good. Doc says you have to stay off your feet the rest of today, and all of tomorrow."

"Okay." She said, to tired to argue or object.

"Tuvok suggested we tell the crew that your down with the flu."

Janeway nodded, and tried to roll onto her right side. That was when she realized she did have pain. She moaned.

Alarmed, Chakotay called the Doctor over.

He immediately pushed a hypo-spray into Janeway's neck. "That should ease your discomfort, Captain. Commander, she really should rest. I'm sure she's still feeling sleepy from the sedative I gave her earlier."

"Of course, Doctor. When can I take her back to her quarters?"

"Come back at about twenty hundred hours. You'll probably have to carry her, since I don't want her on her feet for the next 36 hours."

"Sure thing Doc." Chakotay said and left.

Later that evening, Chakotay went to Sickbay, accompanied by Tuvok.

Janeway was sitting up in the bio-bed, and, from what Chakotay could tell, seemed to be feeling better.

"Hi." He greeted her, leaning over and giving her a kiss. "Feeling better?"

"Yes. Why is Tuvok here?" She asked.

"It was his idea. He thinks I need help carrying you to your,..uh, our quarters."

She smiled. "By all means. Tuvok, thank you."

"You are welcome, Captain."

The two managed to get Kathryn to her quarters, and Chakotay got her tucked into bed.

"I wish you wouldn't treat me like I'm an invalid. After tomorrow I'll be back on duty." She complained.

"I know. But remember, the crew doesn't know what's been going on, and we sort of have to make it look good. I've already made arrangements with Neelix to bring you your meals, since you can't get up to go to the replicator."

Janeway sighed. "Your determined that I not get out of bed for any reason, aren't you?"

"You do want to get pregnant, don't you?" He asked her, his attitude serious.

"Yes." She said and nodded. "More than anything. I want to have your child."

"That means strictly following the Doctor's orders and staying in bed for as long as he thinks is necessary."

"Okay. But I feel kind of guilty that you have to tell the crew I'm down with the flu, when I'm not really sick at all."

"Don't worry about it. I told Neelix you had some kind of stomach flu, and that the Doctor felt you needed a couple of days off to rest. The Doctor will back me up. I should warn you that Neelix may give you soup and not much else."

"Gee, thanks. Just when I'm in the mood for Roast Beef and Yorkshire Pudding." She said, grinning broadly.

"Just be grateful if it isn't Leola Root soup." He quipped back.

Just then Tuvok entered the doorway. "Is everything all right?" He asked.

"Fine, Tuvok. Chakotay has made certain that I'm comfortable."

"Do you need anything before we leave you, Captain?" He asked.

Janeway smiled at Chakotay, it was a secret smile between them, that usually signaled their mutual desire to make love. "Almost." She said.

The subtle innuendo was understood by Chakotay, who knew that at present it was out of the question, and lost on Tuvok.

"Very well. The Commander and I will leave you so that you may get some sleep." Tuvok told Janeway.

"Good night, Tuvok. Thank you for your help." Then reaching up to put her arms around Chakotay's neck, she kissed him and said good night.

"Sleep well, Kathryn. I'll see you in the morning." He said and left.

The next week, Kathryn had trouble keeping her mind on ship's business. She kept waiting for the day she could go down to Sickbay, and the Doctor would be able to tell her if the procedure had succeeded or failed.

Chakotay and Tuvok both noticed her lack of attention, and hoped they would be able to cover enough so that the rest of the crew didn't notice that their Captain seemed preoccupied.

The day finally came, and Kathryn could hardly contain herself. "You don't want to go in this early, do you?" Chakotay asked her as she finished putting up her hair.

"I just want to know one way or the other. I need to know if the invitro process worked."

"I just don't want you to be disappointed if it turns out your not pregnant."

Janeway looked up at him. "I know. I try not to get my hopes up, but I just can't seem to help myself."

"If it didn't work this time, there's always next month."

"I know. I promised myself that if after six months of trying this way I didn't get pregnant, then I would have to accept that I can't give you a child."

"Are you sure you can do that? We've been trying for so long now." He said to her.

He nodded. "I suppose it is. It's something out of our control that we have to live with. I just hope if the time comes, I can accept it."

Janeway looked into Chakotay's deep brown eyes. "You will." She said, then kissed him.

When she reported to the Bridge, Chakotay wasn't sure he could read what was on Kathryn's face. She didn't say anything as she walked to her command chair and sat down. Once seated she asked him for his report.

"Anything new?" She asked, all business.

"No, Captain. Everything's been quiet." Chakotay told her. The look in his eyes asking her what the Doctor had said.

She turned away from him and pretended to be busy with checking readouts. Uh-oh, thought Chakotay. I guess the news was bad. She's not pregnant.

After a moment she said to him, "Commander I need to speak with you in my ready-room." Then rose from her seat. He also rose, but said nothing as she instructed Tuvok to take the Bridge.

When the doors closed behind them, he couldn't contain his curiosity any longer. "So, what did the Doctor say?"

Kathryn turned, and surprised Chakotay with a huge grin. "It worked, we're pregnant." She told him throwing her arms around his neck.

"Oh, Kathryn. That's wonderful." He said, then sobered. "It's only about two weeks. Does the Doctor think you'll be able to carry this one to term?"

"We won't know anything definite for a few more weeks. I have to wait until I miss my period to be certain."

"Okay. Until then, does the Doctor want you on light duty or anything?"

"No, not at all. I suppose he wouldn't want me lifting heavy objects, or doing anything strenuous."

"That's fine by me. Let's just keep our fingers crossed that this is it."

"I know." She said placing her hand over her abdomen. "I just hope I can hold this baby."

The time went by with a few minor skirmishes, but nothing that they weren't able to handle.

"Kathryn, give it up. You eat like a horse...."

"That's because I'm eating for two, remember." She interrupted him.

"...And your uniform is getting to tight. You need to start wearing a maternity uniform. Stop trying to be so vain."

"I'm not being vein." She said, then taking a look in the mirror she stopped. "Oh heavens!"

"What?" Chakotay asked.

"I'm getting huge." she said, putting her hands over the bulge of her stomach as she studied her profile in the mirror. "I guess your right. I do need to start wearing a Maternity uniform. Why didn't you tell me sooner?" She said turning to him.

He grinned. "I did. You just didn't choose to listen. Besides, I would think by now it's getting just a little snug." He then put his arms around her bulging waist.

She threw him a mock angry look and gently releasing his arms from around her, walked over to the replicator.

"Computer, Maternity uniform, size Janeway Alpha one. Command."

Moments later a uniform appeared. The sweater was larger and the pants had elastic to allow for additional growth. Kathryn took the uniform and went into the bedroom to change.

"Do you want me to wait for you, or should I just go ahead to the Bridge?" Chakotay called to her.

"Go to the Bridge. I should be there within ten minutes." She called back.

"Okay. See ya later." He called and left.

When she'd finished changing she looked again in the mirror. 'That looks much better, Kathryn. Your not going to be able to deny to anyone that there is a child growing inside you, finally."

As she sat reading through the Padd from B'Elanna, it happened. A severe cramp struck her, almost causing her to fall out of her chair.

Then it struck again. "Janeway to the Doctor." She said after tapping her comm badge.

"Doctor here. What can I do for you, Captain?"

"Doctor, I'm having severe abdominal cramping."

"Where are you?" He asked, concern in his voice.

"My ready room." She said when she was overcome by another attack.

"I'm on my way." The EMH said, then contacted Chakotay.

"Commander, the Captain is in distress. Please go to her in her ready room. I'll be up there shortly."

"Understood, Doctor." He said and motioned to Tuvok. The two ran into Janeway's ready room and found her doubled up on the floor behind her desk.

Tuvok managed to pick her up and carry her to the couch and lie her down. Chakotay grabbed a couple of pillows for her head and then sat with her, holding her hand.

"Just take deep breaths when you get another pain." He told her. He wanted to try and comfort her. He could see the anguish and fear in her eyes. He only prayed that his eyes didn't show the worry and fear he was feeling at that moment.

"Chakotay, I think I'm bleeding." She told him. He threw a look at Tuvok, who seemed to know exactly what was happening.

The Doctor entered and began examining Janeway.

Chakotay hadn't wanted to leave Kathryn's side, but Tuvok had pulled him away to allow the Doctor room.

The Doctor pulled out a hypo-spray and injected Janeway. Then he stood and faced Chakotay.

"I'm afraid she's loosing the baby. I need to get her down to Sickbay and try to stop the contractions."

"Why? What happened?"

"I really don't know, Commander."

"Can you save the baby?"

"I don't know yet."

Chakotay was frightened and he knew Kathryn was too. He prayed that the Doctor could stop her contractions.

"Hello, Captain. How are you feeling?" She asked softly.

"I'm not sure." Janeway answered. "What happened?"

"You went into premature labor."

Janeway tried to sit up, but Samantha pushed her back down on the bed. "Please, Captain, you need to lie flat. You've been spotting heavily."

"Spotting? The baby?"

At that moment the Doctor came over to the bed. "Captain, I hope you're feeling a little better."

"I think so." She said, still confused.

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to keep you here until I'm certain you won't have anymore labor pains."

"Was it some kind of false labor?" She asked.

"If you mean Braxton-Hicks? No. You were having premature labor. At this stage the fetus is not yet viable outside the uterus. We need to let the fetus develop for at least two more months if possible."

That was when Chakotay walked in. He noticed Wildman and the Doctor standing by Janeway's bed, and walked over to them.

"Is everything all right?" He asked.

The Doctor nodded. "I've managed to control the Captain's contractions with medication. However she will need to remain in Sickbay for several days."

Chakotay nodded, and the Doctor and Ensign Wildman walked away.

"How are you doing?" He asked Kathryn.

"So far, I guess I'm okay. Just pray that the medication the Doctor is giving me helps me hold this baby long enough for it to survive."

After a week, the Doctor released Janeway from Sickbay, but she was still relieved of duty and ordered to her quarters and strict bedrest.

"I hate this." She complained to Chakotay the next morning. "I'm not allowed to get out of bed for anything."

Chakotay grinned. "Do you want to take the chance of making the Doctor angry, and maybe loosing the baby?" He asked her.

She gave him a glaring look, then softened. "No. I just hate that I have to be laid up when I feel fine."

Chakotay went over to her and kissed her on the forehead. "Do me a favor. Just grin and bear it, will you."

Kathryn smiled back at the man she loved. "Is that an order, Commander?"

"If I have to make it one, Captain." He smiled back.

Kathryn gave him a mock salute, "Aye, aye, Sir."

"Neelix should be here in about half an hour with your breakfast. And there is absolutely no coffee on the menu." He said as he started for the door.

Kathryn pouted. "Ogre!" She called after him.

Two and a half weeks later, well into her Sixth month, and several weeks after the labor scare, it began all over again. Only this time, the pain was stronger and couldn't be stopped.

"What's happening?" Chakotay asked when he arrived in Sickbay.

"The Captain has been having severe bleeding and is in hard labor, Commander." Samantha Wildman told him.

"Does that mean she's going to have the baby?"

Wildman nodded. "I'm afraid so. She needs you, Sir."

Chakotay nodded and tapped his comm badge. "Chakotay to Tuvok."

"Tuvok here." Came the calm Vulcan voice.

"The Captain has gone into labor, I'm needed in Sickbay. You have the Bridge until further notice."

"Understood!" Came Tuvok's disembodied reply.

Twelve hours later it was over.

When Kathryn woke, feeling weak groggy, she saw Chakotay by her side. She held out a hand to him and he came closer, sitting on the bed.

"How are you feeling?" He asked her, deeply concerned.

"Like I just gave birth." She said, trying to smile.

His face remained serious. "What's wrong?"

He seemed to have trouble telling her, but he forced himself on. "I'm afraid the baby didn't make it. She was born to soon."

"She? We had a girl?"

"Yes."

Kathryn began to silently cry, the tears streaming down her face. Chakotay felt her pain and bowed his head so that they were as close as two people could be. Then she spoke to him.

"Why did I go into labor so soon?"

"From what the Doctor has told me, there was some kind of abnormality, which caused the placenta to detach and cause you to go into early labor. The miscarriage were nature's way of preventing things from going any further."

"What was wrong with our daughter?" Kathryn asked.

Chakotay just shook his head. "I don't know. I haven't seen her yet, and I haven't really had a chance to talk with the Doctor about it."

"Will I be able to see our baby?" She asked him, her eyes pleading.

"I don't know. I'll ask the Doctor. I'm sure when he feels your strong enough, physically, he'll let you see her."

Kathryn leaned toward Chakotay, wanting to be held by him. "I'm sorry. I just wish I could have carried her to full term."

"Don't apologize Kathryn. It wasn't your fault. You did everything right. It just wasn't meant to be this time, that's all."

Looking up at him, she spoke quietly. "I don't think I can go through this again. It was so hard just to conceive her. Now I've lost another baby. I don't know if I can do it all over again."

Chakotay bent down and kissed Kathryn's forehead. " I wish there were an easier way to tell you this."

Kathryn looked up at him questioningly.

Chakotay was finding it difficult to find the words. "The Doctor said that there was a complication during the labor. He had to perform a hysterectomy to save you from bleeding to death."

Kathryn's eyes grew wide with horror at his words.

"No!" She said, her voice almost a whisper.

"I want to be here for you, but right now I think you really should get some rest. You've been through the ringer, emotionally and physically. Doc said that he's putting you on medical leave for the next couple of weeks."

Kathryn shook her head. "Okay." Was all she said, crying softly now.

Samantha Wildman approached with a hypo-spray. "Commander, I'm going to give the Captain a mild sedative. You may stay with her until she falls asleep, if you'd like."

Chakotay nodded his head as Samantha injected Janeway, who didn't seem to even notice that she had been given an injection. Ensign Wildman brought Chakotay a stool and he sat next to Kathryn's side until she did finally let the sedative work on her.

Within hours the news spread through Voyager that their Captain had lost her child.

"I really feel bad that the Captain lost her baby." Harry was telling Neelix and Tom, when B'Elanna walked in.

She grabbed a mug of coffee and sat down next to Tom. Putting her elbow on the table and her chin in her hand she looked at her friends. "You all look like you just ate something nasty. What's going on?"

"Haven't you heard, B'Elanna?" Neelix asked her.

"Heard? Heard what? I've been stuck in a Jefferies Tube in Engineering for the better half of a day."

Tom turned to her. "The Captain went into labor about 16 hours ago and the baby was born premature. It didn't make it."

B'Elanna was stricken. "Oh no! Does anyone know how she is?"

"From what Ensign Wildman tells me, the Doctor has her sedated. Apparently she had some complications, and then took the news pretty hard."

"Yeah, I don't understand that." Harry said, then continued. "It seems to me that the Captain and the Commander took their sweet time before she got pregnant."

B'Elanna flashed Harry an angry look. "What the hell would you know about it, Starfleet." She yelled at him.

"Whoa." Tom said, placing a hand on B'Elanna's arm. "What Harry said is true."

"No it's not." The words then just came flooding out, and before she realized it, her mouth was ahead of her brain. "The only reason it took them so long is because the Captain had so much trouble conceiving. She had two miscarriages before she finally managed to hold a pregnancy."

Neelix sat down, heavily into a nearby chair, and Tom and Harry, along with Neelix and a few others seated nearby, stared at B'Elanna. Harry was slack-jawed, as were a few other members of the crew. The room was hushed. Then B'Elanna began to look around, and realized what she had done.

Finally, Harry found his voice. "I'm really sorry. No one had any idea that Captain Janeway was having so much trouble having a child."

B'Elanna relaxed a bit. "I'm sorry I jumped down you're throat like that Harry."

"This must be really hard on her. Especially since there's no way she can ever have any children now." Tom said, clearly sympathetic.

"And on the Commander too." Neelix added.

"What are you talking about?" B'Elanna asked Tom.

He looked at her. "The Captain's complications. Something went haywire and she started hemorrhaging, so Doc was forced to perform a hysterectomy on her."

"Kahless!" B'Elanna half whispered. "Look, if you don't mind, I'm going to go to Sickbay and see if the Captain might need a friend." B'Elanna said, and rose to leave.

"If she's awake, B'Elanna, tell her that the crew wishes her well." Neelix called after her.

"I will." She said as she exited the mess hall.

B'Elanna didn't get to talk to Janeway until the next morning. "How are you doing?"

"I still feel like I've been through a battle, but I'll be okay."

"I didn't mean physically?" B'Elanna said.

Janeway looked at her. "I know. I'm just not sure how I'm feeling right now. At times I feel numb, and at other times I can't stop crying."

Samantha Wildman approached then. "Captain, I'm sure the uncontrolled crying has to do with your hormones. They'll be fluctuating for a while, until your body returns to it's pre- pregnant state."

"Oh." Was all Janeway could manage to say.

B'Elanna flashed the Ensign an angry look. "I'm sure she didn't mean to upset you." She then told Janeway.

"I know." Then trying to be less maudlin she told her Klingon friend. "The Doctor let me see my daughter this morning. She was beautiful."

"I assume you and Chakotay are going to have a memorial service for her?"

"Yes. He's making the arrangements now. He asked me to decide on a name." She shook her head. "I just can't seem to come up with anything."

B'Elanna thought for a moment. "Why don't you call her 'Hope'?"

"Hope?"

"Yes. She was your hope, wasn't she?"

Janeway nodded, near tears for the umpteenth time that morning. "Yes, she was. Thank you B'Elanna. I'm sure Chakotay will agree with you."

B'Elanna took Kathryn's hand. "No one aboard this ship will ever forget 'Hope', you can count on that, Captain."

Janeway nodded. "Thank you, B'Elanna. I don't think that Chakotay and I could have picked a better friend, or that, that friend could have picked a better name for our child."

At that moment Tuvok entered, and approached Janeway's bed. "Captain, on behalf of the crew, I wish to express their deepest sympathy for you and Commander Chakotay's loss. May you both Live Long and Prosper in other ways."

"Thank you Tuvok. Please say a Vulcan prayer for our daughter. I plan to name her 'Hope.'"

Tuvok nodded, "That sounds like an appropriate name. I will do as you ask."

"How long will you be off duty?" B'Elanna asked.

Chakotay walked in then. Seeing Torres and Tuvok he saw that Kathryn didn't seem as depressed as she had been the night before. He approached them. "Glad to see you're up to visitors." He said.

Kathryn gave him a half grin. "Sort of."

The Doctor then exited his office. "I'm afraid everyone, but the Commander must leave now. The Captain really needs to get more rest." The last sentence was clearly an admonition to Janeway.

"Feel better, Captain." B'Elanna said as she and Tuvok left.

When they were alone, after the Doctor's examination of Janeway, she addressed Chakotay. "B'Elanna made a suggestion for a name for our daughter. I think it's one you would approve of."

"What is it?" He asked.

"I think we should call her Hope."

Chakotay hugged her. "Yes. We should. I'll thank B'Elanna."

"I already did."

"I suppose if I thanked her as well, she wouldn't mind." He said.

Kathryn nodded. "I'm sure she wouldn't."

"Do you think the Doctor will let you out of sickbay long enough to attend the memorial service?"

"I don't know. I certainly pray he does."

"I'll ask. In the meantime, you need to do as he said, and rest."

Kathryn nodded, then lay back, closing her eyes. Moments later she was asleep.

Chakotay wondered if she were dreaming, and if so, was it about their daughter. The child that was not meant to be, and he wept silently beside his wife's sleeping form, for their shared loss.