Chapter Thirteen


“I didn’t lie to you.” Gianna explained. How could he accuse her of lying about love, especially to someone in his position. How cruel did he think she was?!

“Then what’s going on? I mention a long term relationship and you back down...like you don’t want it. What do you want from me?” he glared at her, his arms crossed tightly in front of him... What was she supposed to say?

“I never considered what would happen to us after we left. I-I was just thinking about helping you feel comfortable with caring for another. Caring about me. I didn’t even stop the imagine what a relationship with you would be like outside of this house.”

“So you want to date me here...but not out there?” he asked, his voice raising an octave.

“Nick...I..” she was stuck. Of course she wanted to date him! But...would a relationship work when they wouldn’t see each other. “it’s going to be hard if we continue to date...”

“Of course it’s going to be hard! I thought you were aware of that already. You know what happened with me and Angela...because of how HARD it was to be with me, she found someone else! “

“Calm down, please.” she asked, sighing deeply.

“I can’t. Jesus, I finally admit that I’m starting to feel okay with all this shit, and you go and tell me that you haven’t even planned to stay with me!”

“Nick! We aren’t even together!” she remarked, her hands flailing in the air.

“I know! But I thought that the entire reason I’m trying to become comfortable with a relationship was because you wanted one!”

“I do!”

“But nothing serious....right? Just a month and a half and then we say good-bye?” the volume of his voice lowered as he looked at her, waiting for her answer. He pleaded, silently, that she would tell him she wanted something, anything with him. He’d worked so hard to get where he was...able to begin again. He wanted to love her...he thought she wanted to love him.

“No, Nick. I don’t....I don’t want to say good-bye.” she reached for him again, coming into light contact with his hand. He didn’t pull away, rather, he let her grasp it.

“Tell me what you want...the truth.” he whispered, looking down at their hands.

“I want you...I want to be able to see you, see your smile, hold your hand,” she paused, squeezing his hand gently, “I want to hold you, and love you, and know you feel the same about me.”

“What happens when the two months are up?” he asked, closing his eyes uneasily awaiting her answer.

“I don’t know, Nick. I want to be able to tell you that we’ll be fine. But...how can that happen when I’m at Harvard and you’re somewhere across the country for months at a time. We’ll barely see each other. It’s going to be hard....”

“Gianna....” he stated, pushing her to finish her thought.

“But...I want to try.” she finally said. Nick looked up at her, relief covering his face.

“Really?” he asked, making sure she was serious.

“Really...Nick, in the last few weeks, you’ve become really important to me. I want to try.”

“I’m sorry..” he apologized, guilt washing over him. He felt stupid for second guessing her feelings....he knew she was honest.

“Sorry for what?” she asked him smiling.

“I accused you of lying to me. You’ve been so good to me since we’ve gotten here...”

“Because I care about you Nick.” She said moving closer to him.

“I know.” he heaved a frustrated sigh. “It’s just that...you know I’m scared, I know I’m scared, hell, everyone else knows I’m scared! No one, not even I, think that I can move on without Angela. I want to prove all of us wrong. You know?”

“That’s good, Nick. You’re doing fine...just keep doing what you’re doing, and you’ll make it.”

“You keep doing what YOU’RE doing. Without you, I’d still be pining over Angela.” Nick sighed. He released her hand and lifted his arm over her head, pulling her closer to him. She situated herself against him and relaxed as he closed his eyes and rested his head against the back of the couch. “You must think I’m pathetic.”

“Why?”

“I know girls are always ready for a huge relationship, or at least that’s what it seems like. Here I am, afraid of commitment. Figures.”

“Nick, please stop tearing yourself up over this. I told you I’ll wait, and I mean it.”

“I’m sure everyone around here is thoroughly annoyed because of my antics. I know I am.”

“I’d be lying if I told you that I wasn’t a little annoyed..” Gianna said smiling when Nick gave her a side-ways glance. He shook his head as he smiled too. “But, I understand...besides, what an I gonna about it huh? Force you into this?”

“Maybe you should, It’d probably be a lot easier on the both of us.” he played with her hair, absent-mindedly.

“Nah, this is...nice, actually.” Gianna reasoned. She straightened slightly, realizing that there was actually a bright side to the slow pace her and Nick’s relationship was taking off at.

“You say that like you just wandered into the idea.” Nick said nudging her a bit.

“I did...blindly wandered in. Seriously, think about it.” she said curling her legs underneath her body, sitting towards Nick. “These days people meet at, say, a nightclub. Right?” Nick nodded, not quite sure where she was leading him. “Right. So they meet, have a couple, or....more than a couple drinks and bam! They wake up the next morning laying next to someone whose name they have momentarily forgotten.”

“Not everyone.” Nick reasoned.

“Well, sure. Not everyone...but you have to admit that some people do.”

“Alright...keep going.”

“Okay, so they’ve just come too and they find themselves tangled up with some..stranger! Well, they shared this moment, and figure that, they’ve already gotten past the hard step, that being the time in the relationship before sex...why not just keep going as if we’ve known each other all along.”

“What?!” Nick asked, his face showing complete confusion.

“Ugh...okay, what I’m trying to say is this: most relationships start off really quick, and the people involved don’t really know each other as well as they could. They THINK that they are perfect for each other because of some spark they felt the first time they saw each other. They figure that means they’re meant for each other. But, they don’t know each other! You see!” she exclaimed, hands flailing in the air as she spoke.

“No.” Nick scratched, an eyebrow raising in confusion.

“In other words, most couples who rushed into a relationship don’t think ‘maybe I made a mistake’ until after they hit the rough spot, the point of no return. But...in the time it takes for them to ruin everything, you and I are still like this.”

“Doing nothing?”

“Getting to know each other...the real us.”

“So...you and I are figuring out if we are really meant to be, while everyone else who jumped right into a relationship they aren’t meant to have are paying for it with heart break?” Nick guess, finally finding Gianna’s train of thought.

“Exactly. So you see, what we’re doing...it’s actually a good thing. It’ll save us a lot of problems in the end.”

“Well, at least this problem caused some good.”

“I wouldn’t call it a problem.” Gianna said tapping her chin in thought. “More of say....debris.”

“Debris?” Nick laughed. “Only you, Gianna, would call my inability to begin a relationship with a girl like you debris.” he shook his head, smiling.

“A girl like me? What’s that supposed to mean?” Gianna asked defensively, her eyes still sparkling playfully.

“I mean...a girl like, well, you!” Nick said gesturing towards her.

“What am I like?” she questioned.

“Perfect.” Nick stated after a moment of thought. It was the only word he could think of to defend his statement. Gianna’s face softened.

“You think I’m perfect?” she smiled.

“Yeah.” Gianna was speechless. She was as far from perfect as she could imagine. For a guy like Nick to think that, say that...it was pretty remarkable. “What? I caught you off guard with that one?” Nick teased.

“Yes! Nick, I’m not perfect. There are so many things that I hate about myself...I mean, no.” she shook her head rapidly. She was in no way perfect.

“Aw, come on. Don’t be so judgmental of yourself.” Nick said placing his hand on the back of her neck. “I mean, sure, you have some flaws..you talk way too much, you’re not an expert on video games like myself, you can’t tell a good joke to save your life-”

“Hey! Watch it buddy.” Gianna squealed, smacking Nick in the arm. He laughed.

“What I really meant was...you’re perfect for me. Everything I want is right here.” he gently squeezed her shoulder as he spoke.

“Thank you.” she whispered. His words were powerful, very powerful. She was knocked off her feet, so to speak...

“I just said what I felt.” he shrugged his shoulders, blind to the fact that she was very touched by what he felt.

“I know..but.....” she turned her gaze away from him, no response coming. She shook her head and sat silently next to him.

“What did I do?” he asked suddenly.

“Nothing...I, uh....”

“I mean what I said.” he pressed. Her reaction was amazing. Since his feelings had left his mouth, she hadn’t completed a full sentence. He ducked his head to make eye contact with her. “I do.”

“I know, it just took me by surprise. I didn’t know you felt that way.” she finally got out. Finally words! Nick laughed and pulled her into a hug.

“I didn’t know how to say it.” he ran his fingers through her hair as she hugged back, wrapping her arms around his middle.

“You did just fine, babe.” she said smiling against his chest. He was so self-conscious! When was he just going to relax and realize that he could be himself...take a deep breath and memorize every detail of the wonderful feelings swarming around them?


Chapter Fourteen
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