Chapter Six

“Nick?” Gianna asked softly as she knocked on Nick’s door. She heard a muffled reply and slowly opened the door. Nick was in the dark, curled up on his bed with his pillow in his arms. “Nick? Are you alright?”

“What the hell do you think?” he replied in a quiet voice.

“Nick.” Gianna said as she made her way into the room, closing the door behind her. Darkness enveloped her but she made her way over to the bed. The moon outside splayed over Nick’s bed and she could see the silhouette of him. “Nick, talk to me.”

“I don’t want to talk.” He said taking a deep breath. He moved over so that Gianna could seat herself next to him.

“What happened down there?” She asked him softly. She was completely clueless to the fact as to why Nick had harped on AJ for sleeping with Elise.

“It’s a long story.” Nick said sniffling.

“Are you crying?” Gianna whispered. She saw Nick’s head nod. “Oh, Nick.” Gianna said placing her hand lightly on Nick’s arm. She felt him lean towards her.

“Why did he have to say that?” Nick asked curling against Gianna.

“Nick, come here.” She said opening her arms to him. He immediately moved over to her and fell into her open arms, his head resting in the crook of her neck. She felt the hot tears fall from his face and trickle over her skin.

“Do I really seem like the type of guy that wouldn’t be there for his girlfriend, wouldn’t be able to satisfy her? I tried to be there for Angela, but she hurt me anyway.” He said more tears falling from his eyes.

“I know Nick, I know you loved her. I know you wanted to be there for her. It wasn’t your fault.”

“Yes it was. What if I had just been home more? Called her more than twice a day? Emailed her three instead of two times a week? She would still be here. It was all my fault. The only reason she found someone else to satisfy her is because I wasn’t doing a good enough job.”

“Nick. Stop this now. What AJ said was out of anger. He had no idea how complementary his words were to your situation. He is clueless to the reason why you and Angela aren’t together. He didn’t mean them.” Gianna said running her hand through Nick’s soft hair.

“He knew what he was talking about whether or not he knew what happened between Angela and I. I’m a bad boyfriend, I can’t do anything good enough in a relationship. I’m never going to find anyone because I’m never there. I am incapable of maintaining a relationship in every aspect.”

“Nick, don’t say that.” Gianna said getting upset. She felt tears form in her eyes from the pain that Nick was experiencing.

“Name one person who would want to be with someone like me. My personality, my ways, my job.” Nick said lifting his head off of her shoulder to look into her eyes. The moon illuminated her face. Her eyes sparkle with unshed tears. His breath caught in his throat as he gazed down at her, laying beneath him.

“Me.” She whispered.

“You?” Nick asked in astonishment.

“Me. Nick I want to be with you.” she said laying her hand against his damp face.

“But...why?” he asked still suffering from temporary shock.

“What do you mean why? Why not? Nick you are so special.”

“No I’m not.” he said in disbelief. Gianna wanted him. It just didn’t make sense.

“Nick, you are special to me.” Gianna said gazing into Nick’s eyes. She saw confusion and amazement. “I fell for you the first day I was here.” She whispered brushing a strand of blond hair out of his eyes.

“That’s impossible. No, you’re wrong.” Nick said sitting up, moving off of Gianna.

“Nick, I know what I feel.” She standing up and moving to the foot of the bed where Nick sat looking across his dark room.

“You can’t, no one loves me.” he said watching as she knelt in front of him and moved between his legs.

“Nick, I do.”

“Stop saying that.”

“Why?” Gianna asked hurt.

“Because you don’t mean it.” Nick said looking anywhere but at her.

“Nick, look at me.” she ordered raising her hands to is face in attempt to get him to look at her.

“I can’t” he answered, his voice cracking as more tears threatened to fall.

“Yes, you can.” Gianna demanded. Nick stalled, but seconds later his eyes met hers.

“I love you.” Gianna stated. She saw the tears begin to fall from Nick’s eyes. “I love you, Nick.” she repeated. Nick gazed down at her through his teary eyes. He brushed Gianna’s hair behind her ear and looked at the ceiling before meeting her gaze again.

“I am so afraid.” he said in a voice barely above a whisper.

“I know, but you have to believe that I won’t hurt you.” Gianna insisted. She ran her fingertips lightly over Nick’s cheek as he searched her eyes for truth.

“I love you too.” He whispered, his heart pounding in his chest as the words left his mouth. He watched in amazement as Gianna’s eyes widened and spilled over with the tears she had been containing. She looked up at him and smiled as Nick pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her in a tight embrace. “What if I hurt you?” he whispered in her ear as she ran her hand up and down his back.

“Nick, I love you and I want to be with you. I have to take the chance at getting my heart broken if I want to be with you.”

“I don’t want to hurt you, I don’t want to be the one to make you feel the way that Angela made me feel. I never want to put anyone through that pain.”

“Then love me.”

“I do, more than you know.” Nick said pulling back to look at Gianna’s face again. He slowly wiped the tears from her cheeks as she smiled up at him.

“What?” he asked quietly as he saw the amused look in Gianna’s eyes.

“Will you hurry up already?”

“Hurry up with what?” Nick asked confused.

“Will you hurry up and kiss me?” Gianna asked him smiling brightly. Nick smiled back as he took her face in his hands, bending it up towards his.

“You sure?” He asked. It had been over a year since he had kissed anyone. Anglea had stayed home while Nick went on the eight month tour of the U.S., and it had been six months since he had found her in his house with Josh. He hadn’t dated anyone. He hadn’t wanted to date anyone since.

“I have never been more sure of something in my life.” Gianna said gripping his shirt in her hands, pulling him down to her. Nick’s eyes met hers as he lowered his face till his lips were centimeters from hers. Closing his eyes he leaned forward and touched his lips softly to hers. Electricity flowed between the two and Nick. He gently and softly moved his lips against hers, somewhat nervous about kissing her...letting himself move on. His stomach flopped as he let himself go, kissing her harder, momentarily, then pulling back and giving her small, light kisses, repeatedly. Gianna wove her fingers through Nick’s hair before Nick pulled away breathless.

“Finally.” he whispered.

“What?” Gianna asked.

“I’ve wanted to do that since...”

“Nick.”

“I was so afraid of making a move. I didn’t know whether I was ready or not, or if that’s what you wanted.” Nick rambled.

“Nick.”

“Before, I wouldn’t have thought twice about kissing you, but since Angela, I’ve been self-conscious about everything.”

“Nick.” Gianna said louder.

“What?”

“Shut up!” she said standing up in front of him. His eyes followed her movements.

“I’m sorry, was I rambling?” he asked looking up at her.

“Yes.”

“Sorry.” Nick said smiling shyly at her. Her face broke out into a smile, looking down at him. “What did I do now?” Nick asked.

“You are so cute.”

“Cute? I’m cute? Thanks a lot, make me feel like I’m in grade school again.” Nick said dropping his hands around her waist. He slowly pulled her further between his legs, and slid his hands around her waist and under the back of her shirt to rest on her lower back.

“Okay, okay, you are dead sexy.” Gianna said doing her best impression of Austin Powers.

“That is so old!” Nick said laughing.

“You are driving me nuts.” Gianna said resting her hands on Nick’s shoulders.

“MmmmHmm...you’ve been driving me crazy since the first day you got here.”

“Crazy in a different way, right?” Gianna asked moving her hands to the back of his neck.

“Oh yeah.” Nick whispered as he closed his eyes.

“Nick?” Gianna teased. He opened his eyes and looked up at her.

“Oh! Yeah, um..crazy for you?” he asked.

“Such a lair.” Gianna muttered lowering her mouth to his in a quick kiss. Nick went to kisser her deeper but she pulled away.

“Hey, you left me hanging.” Nick said whining.

“Yeah, yeah.” Gianna said. “What are you going to do about AJ.”

“Nothing, he’s an asshole.” Nick said flopping back on his bed.

“Nick, you have to talk to him.”

“Like hell I do.”

“He’s one of your best friends. You can’t just forget that.”

“Not after what he did to you.” Nick said.

“Did to me?” Gianna asked confused. “What are you talking about? You weren’t there.”

“I was sitting on the stairs.” Nick said sitting up again. “I saw and heard everything.”

“Nick, he was upset.”

“Gianna, he swore at you, threatened you, hell, he grabbed your face. I don’t want to forgive him.”

“Nick, why did you get so mad at him?” Gianna asked walking over to Nick’s bedside table, flipping the lamp on. Nick squinted momentarily.

“I’m just sick of AJ.” Nick said pulling Gianna down on the bed next to him.

“Why?” Gianna asked lacing her fingers with Nick’s.

“Ever since he broke up with Amanda, he’s been...a player. He meets all these girls, gets what he wants, and then leaves them. I’m sick of it. When he starts in on my friends, I’m gonna say something.”

“Then tell him that. He’s hurting, just like you were when you broke up with Angela, meeting girls is his way of making himself feel better.”

“Yeah, but it’s not right. I watched him break hearts left and right.”

“You have to talk to him, Nick.”

“I know I do.” Nick said running his hand slowly through his hair.



*****



Elise fell on her bed in tears. For years she had believed herself to be in love with AJ. Sure she didn’t know him all that well, but she knew in her heart that she loved him. Now he did this.

“Lee?” AJ whispered as he knocked on her door.

“AJ, I am not speaking to you.”

“Baby, I-”

“Do not call me baby. You lost that right.” Elise whimpered.

“Elise, let me in.” AJ said turning the knob on her door, finding it locked.

“No.” Elise screamed, her voice semi muffled by her bedspread.

“Elise, we have to talk about this, I need to tell you a few things.”

“Alexander James McLean, If any of those things have anything to do with you and cheating on me, then get the hell away from my door and leave me alone.” Elise said sitting up.

“Elise, I feel really bad about what happened with Nick and Gianna, I can’t lose you too. Please.” AJ said leaning his head against her door, tears threatening to fall from his eyes. “Please, baby. Open the door.” he whispered. Elise stared at the door. She could hear him outside her door. She heard the scared and desperate sound in his voice. She couldn’t take it anymore.

“What?” she asked opening the door quickly to be almost crushed by AJ falling into her.

“You opened it!” AJ said looking at her surprised.

“Duh. What do you just have to tell me?” Elise asked sarcastically making her way back over to her bed. She sat on the edge and looked intently at AJ as he began to pace her room.

“I don’t know what to say for myself. What Nick said was true, in a sense.”

“In a sense? How could sleeping with numerous girls be put in a certain sense?!” Elise asked beginning to seethe again.

“Elise, calm down, hear me out.”

“Talk fast, I’m not sure I can stand to hear you speak for very long.” she said crossing her arms.

“I did sleep with a lot of girls, before you and I got together.” he said watching Elise’s face fall. “Amanda broke up whit me, and it hurt a lot. And the only thing that made me feel better was to be potentially loved by other girls that were not Amanda. So I did sleep with women, many, because it made me feel loved. That’s the only reason. You came here and I realized that I had to stop that and concentrate on one person, you. Elise you have to believe me, I haven’t lied to you. I do love you, and I do want to be with you. Elise?” AJ asked watching her face, unchanging. “Baby?”

“AJ...”

“I love you Elise, don’t do this to me!” AJ said falling to his knees before Elise. “Please don’t break my heart. You fixed it, please don’t break it again.”

“Why were you so violent with Gianna. How do I know that I’ll be safe with you? That you won’t hurt me?” Elise asked in a soft, scared voice.

“Lee, I didn’t mean that. I am just so upset that Nick didn’t tell us what happened with he and Angela, but he told Gianna. I don’t know why he didn’t trust us.”

“AJ, you...”

“Elise, please forgive me. I will never hurt you, physically, emotionally. I want to be with you.” AJ said clutching Elise’s hands in his. She glanced down at their interlocked hands and shook her head. Raising her eyes to AJ’s he saw her tears. “I don’t want to be the one making you cry. Elise.”

“AJ..”

“Please.”

“I love you AJ.”

“Elise.” AJ whispered as he rested his head in her lap, relieved that he hadn’t lost everything.

“AJ, you have to talk to Nick.”

“I can’t, he was right.”

“All the more reason to talk to him. Oh, and please apologize to Gianna. Nick trusts her, he’s comfortable with her, I don’t know what’s been going on between them, but you should be glad that Nick’s told at least one person what happened whit him and Angela.” Elise said lifting AJ’s head from her lap to look into his eyes.

“I am. I was really worried about him for awhile after his relationship fell apart. I am just hurt I guess.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Hey, I’m gonna go talk to him now. Okay?”

“Sure.” Elise said letting him stand. He headed for the door. “AJ?”

“Yeah, baby? I can call you that again right?”

“Of course, I love you.”

“Love you too.” AJ said smiling as he left the room. He headed straight for Nick’s room. “Nicky? I mean Nick?” he asked as he softly knocked on Nick’s door.

“Yeah?” Nick asked clearing his throat. Gianna gave him an encouraging look as she quickly gave him a peck on the lips. She retreated to her room through the connecting bathroom as Nick got up to let AJ in.

“Nick, can we talk?” AJ asked when he was face to face with Nick. Nick nodded his head and moved out of the way for AJ to enter his room. “Look, Nick, I was way out of line down there. Everything you said was right. It needed to be said.” AJ let out in one breath. Nick looked at him from his place standing against his closed bedroom door.

“That hurt AJ.” Nick said quietly. “There was a reason I didn’t tell you about Angela, and that was because I wasn’t ready. What she did hurt me a lot, and I’m still not quite over it, but I’m trying to move on. You picked the right words to say and it hit me right here.” Nick said pointing to his heart.

“Nick, I’m so sorry.” AJ said sitting down on his bed placing his head in his hands. “I was upset over what you said. I don’t want to lose Elise. I’m just not used to a relationship. Everything I’ve had since Amanda was a fling. I’m afraid to commit.”

“I know the feeling.”

“Nicky, I’m sorry. I’ll apologize to Gianna. I don’t know if she told you but I was pretty upset when you left and I kind of took it out on her. I was wrong.”

“I know what you did. Yeah, you will apologize.”

“I will, as soon as I leave here.”

“See, AJ, we have something in common. We are both afraid to move on.” Nick said sitting next to him.

“Who do you want to move on with? Gianna?” AJ asked, already knowing the answer.

“Yeah, she’s great. She understands me, knows my past with Angela, lets me confide in her. AJ, I love her.” Nick said quietly.

“Does she know that?”

“Yeah, she was just in here, she told me that she wanted to be with me, that she would be there for me, that she loved me. J, she said that she loved me.” Nick said in awe.

“That’s great Nicky.” AJ said patting his friend on the shoulder. “Are you sure you’re ready?”

“More than ready. I need to move on, forget about Angela.” Nick said sighing. “It’s time.”

“Nicky? What exactly did happen with Angela? Obviously I was pretty close.”

“Yeah.”

“You don’t need to tell me, I just want to understand where you’re coming from.”

“No, it’s okay. I think it’s time I told you and the rest of the guys. It’s just been really hard.” Nick said running his hand through his hair nervously. “She...uh..she cheated on me.”

“Did she really? Wow, Nick I had no idea. How did you find out?”

“I walked in on them.” Nick said quietly.

“Holy shit.”

“You’re telling me. J, it hurt so bad. I thought I was gonna die. They were on my couch when I got home from the Millennium tour over in Europe. I walked in and it was like my life was over.”

“What did you do?”

“Stood there and gaped until she realized I was standing there watching them. She immediately told me it wasn’t what I thought. It kills me that she thought I would have been stupid enough not to realize she was cheating on me.”

“How long had it been going on?” AJ asked apprehensively. He could see Nick getting upset again, and he didn’t want to push it, but Nick had to let it out.

“Five fucking years.” Nick said standing to pace. AJ saw stunned. Angela had been cheating on Nick for five years. How come no one noticed. Wouldn’t five guys plus crew notice something fishy going on with Angela eventually?

“I’m sorry Nick. I..God, I wish I had paid more attention. Maybe we could have figured it out before you and Ang got too serious.”

“It’s no use. I’ve gone over everything, how could I have not known, not noticed, realized that she used excuses to leave the house for hours at a time when I was home, notice her talking privately on her cell phone while she didn’t think I was watching. For the last few months I’ve been blaming myself.”

“No Nick. None of that is your fault. She was a bitch. She would have done that regardless of who she was with. It was not you. Don’t think that.” AJ demanded standing, moving towards Nick. He gripped Nick’s shoulders and shook them as he spoke.

“I know Age. Gianna has instilled that in me since I told her about Angela. I don’t blame myself anymore, at least I didn’t think I did until today. All the guilty feelings came back when you said what you did.” Nick said lowering his eyes to his feet.

“Nick, I’m sorry. I don’t want you to think that because you’re wrong.”

“It’s okay AJ, you didn’t know. Gianna came in here when she left you downstairs and made sure that I knew what a bitch Angela was.”

“Yeah.” Nick said looking back up at AJ.

“Do you forgive me?” AJ asked.

“Of course I do. You’re my brother.” Nick said.

“Thanks Nick.” AJ said pulling Nick into a hug. Nick returned the hug smiling.

Chapter Seven
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