Chapter Eight
Nick made his way downstairs later in the afternoon and found everyone in the kitchen. As he entered, everyone
stopped talking and looked up at him. He stopped short of the table and looked the group oddly.
“Yeah? Do I have something on my face?” he asked patting his cheek. When he found nothing he looked down at his
clothes...yup, they matched. “What?”
“What? Nick...this morning you and Gianna were together, we thought that this whole “depressed anti-social Nick”
was gone. Now he’s back.”
“What do you guys mean?” Nick asked as he leaned up against the island in the middle of the kitchen. He grabbed
an orange and tossed it up in the air.
“You broke up with her.” AJ said softly.
“Who told you that? Gianna’s been up in her room for the last few hours listening to her music.” Nick
said.
“Nick, she’s listening to Sarah McLaughlin.” Elise said.
“Stating the obvious.” Nick muttered. “What does that have to do with anything?” he asked as he started to peel the
orange.
“She only listens to Sarah McLaughlin when she’s depressed. She did when she lost her job two years ago, when she
broke up with the boy she had been dating for three years last year, and when she practically bombed her English Essentials
final.. She’s listening to it here which mean that it has to do with you.” Elise explained.
“So I’m automatically to blame?!”
“Nick..did you break up with her?” AJ asked.
“Yes, well no, I don’t know. We had a talk and I told her that I need time.”
“Time for what?! Nick you moped for three months then zapped back to normal, now you meet this great girl and you
and her are “something” for like 12 hours. What gives?” Brian asked.
“Brian, you don’t understand.”
“No, Nick I don’t understand. Why? Because I don’t know what happened. Nick, you used to tell me everything, and
now I have no idea what happened with you yesterday, much less six months ago.” Brian exploded. He stood up and walked
out onto the patio in a huff. Leighanne stood up to follow but Nick stopped her.
“I’ve got it Leigh. He and I need to talk.” Nick said as he followed Brian outside. “Brian.” Nick said walking
across the lawn to the sand where Brian was sitting.
“What?”
“Brian, don’t be an ass.” Nick stated sitting down next to him. “You wanna know why I didn’t tell you what
happened six months ago?”
“Yeah, actually I do.”
“Because it hurts. It still hurts. I didn’t tell anyone until Gianna. She was the first person to hear the entire story.
Then AJ, then Kev. And I told them because they were there when I was going through a hard time.”
“And I wasn’t?”
“Brian, I don’t want you to take this personally. They were at the right place at the right time. They were the only
one’s there when I needed someone to talk to, so I talked and they listened.”
“When were you planning on telling me?”
“When you asked.” Nick said simply.
“Nick, I’ve been asking you for six months.”
“I know, but I wasn’t ready until now.” Nick said softly looking down at his feet. He dug his toes into the soft grains
and then pulled them slowly up, watching the sand cascade off of the skin.
“What happened, Nick?” Brian asked.
“I found her in my living room with another guy the day I got home from the “Millennium Tour”.
“What were they doing?” Brian asked.
“Jeez, B, are you blond? Let’s put it this way...couch, minus the clothes, with her on top of him.”
“You’re kidding! She did that to you?” Brian sputtered. He has assumed that Anglea and Nick had gotten in a fight
over how little time they spent with each other. Or maybe the telephone bill. But never Anglea cheating on Nick.
“Yeah, Bri. She had been cheating on me since we started. She met this guy, Josh, who coincidentally was my best
friend growing up, and they hooked up while I was recording in Sweden for the first album. When I came home, she spent a lot
of time out with one of her “friends”. Man, I was sixteen and she was already playin me. She hid him from me and hid me from
him. It worked in her favor that I was gone 7 months out of the year. It gave her reign of my house..which by the way, she told
Josh was hers. Bitch.” Nick said shaking him head as he pounded a fist into the sand, spraying the grains over
Brian.
“Hey!” Brian said swatting at the air, trying to clear the tiny particles. “So what happened with Gianna??” Nick
looked up at him again with a sad look on his face.
“All these feelings keep coming back to me. Everytime that Gianna does anything remotely romantic I freeze up. I get
all nervous. I remember what happened with Anglea and I get scared that it’ll happen again. B, the only difference between the
time I went out with Anglea and now is that BSB is bigger, which means even less time to spend with a girl.”
“Yeah, true, but Nick, Gianna isn’t Angela.”
“That’s what she told me.”
“You believe her right?”
“Sure, but I still get afraid. What if I’m not good enough?” Nick asked quietly, looking back down at the
sand.
“Nick, I worry about that with Leighnanne, Kev worried about that with Kris...every guy worries that he’s not good
enough. Maybe Gianna feels the same about you. Maybe she thinks that you’re too good for her, that she’s not up to
par.”
“I never thought of that. But how do I stop that feeling?”
“Face it. What did she do last time that made you feel uncomfortable?” Brian asked watching Nick’s ears turn red.
“Nicky?”
“Man...she kissed me.” Nick said apprehensively.
“That’s it?” Brian asked surprised. He figured more than a kiss would make Nick feel weird.
“Not JUST as kiss. The first time that we..uh..french kissed.” Nick finished softly.
“Oh.”
“It was just the advance in the relationship. I was fine holding hands, hugging her, giving her small kisses, but when
I felt her in my mouth..it was too much for me, too quick.”
“Yeah, I understand.”
“The thing is...the more I think about it, the more I think I was wrong letting her go so soon. Maybe I could have just
explained that I wanted to go slow and she would have understood.”
“Well, Nick, that’s something you might want to reconsider. I know Gianna, maybe better than you because I was I
got to know her before now...and I know that she will listen to you. She’s not going to stop caring about you in that way just
because you don’t want to make out, or jump into bed with her.”
“She’s not like that Bri.” Nick said looking up quickly.
“I know, Nick. I was just giving you an example. Think about it Nick. She cares about you, and obviously you care
about her. I’ve seen those stolen glances.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about Brian.” Nick said smiling innocently.
“Nick, you gawk at her. It is totally obvious that you want her.”
“Then why did you act so surprised when we told you guys we were dating?” Nick asked raising an
eyebrow.
“Hey, I don’t want you to think I analyze your every move.”
“Do you?”
“No!” Brian said whacking Nick’s arm.
“So what should I do? Rethink this thing with Gianna and then sit her down and have a long talk with
her?”
“Decide if you really are ready. Nick, it’s okay to be afraid of getting involved. It’s normal.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. Tell her the truth. Nick, never try to hid anything from her. Okay?”
“I haven’t and I won’t.” Nick said nodding his head.
“If you really care about her, and you want to try the relationship thing...again, then tell her.”
“Right.”
“Nick?”
“Huh?”
“Don’t make a habit of breaking up with her and then changing your mind.” Brian said cracking a smile.
“Of course not.”
“I’m glad you finally told me.” Brian said in a soft voice.
“I am too. I missed having a best friend to tell everything to.” Nick said smiling again. He had his best friend back
again. He stood up in the sand and waited for Brian to do the same. The two headed back into the beach house together and
were met with a kitchen full of wondering eyes.
“Uh..hi?” Brian said as everyone looked up at the two men.
“Hey, guys.” Nick said waving slightly.
“Well?” Leighanne asked eyeing Brian.
“We’re cool.” Brian told his wife. The table heaved a sigh of relief.
“Good.” she said standing to give Brian a kiss.
“I’m gonna be in my room, if anyone needs me, just yell.” Nick said as he headed upstairs to do some heavy
thinking. He reached his room and closed the door. Laying down on his bed he began to go over his relationship with Gianna.
On one hand, he was ready, more than ready to move on from Angela. She controlled his life when he was dating her, and still
managed to control it though they had broken up. It infuriated Nick that someone who had become so unimportant to him in
the last year had the power to hold his attention so much when she was completely out of it. He cared about Gianna so deeply.
She was new and different, and fresh, compared to Angela. She cared about him so much, that it did scare Nick at times. On
the other hand..there was the cheating. Was it written somewhere how long it took for someone to recover from a relationship
like Nick had had with Angela. There had to be...some psychological journal about relationship patterns. How could someone
jump into another relationship after being hurt so badly by a loved one?....
Hours later, Nick had thought and rethought and rethought his rethoughts and was still in the same place. Confused.
He closed his eyes, exhausted from all of the comparing he had been doing that afternoon. Sighing deeply he began to drift off
to sleep. He drifted deeper and deeper into darkness, but was pulled out of it suddenly by a soft sound, almost too quiet to be
detected. He opened his eyes and strained to hear the sound again. There it was. It was soft crying coming from Gianna’s
room. Nick closed his eyes, guilt washing over him as he sat up. He froze and listened again. He could hear Gianna’s quiet
sobs and sniffles through the bathroom. She had left her door open a crack, as Nick had. He stood slowly and went through his
bathroom and peered into Gianna’s room through the opening. Gianna was oblivious to the fact that Nick was watching her as
she lay on her bed, clutching her pillow, tears pouring out of her eyes. It all came suddenly to her. She thought that everything
was going great between her and Nick. She had fallen hard. When he had said that he loved her too, it was like everything was
right in the world. The 12 hours that they had been something were that out of a fairytale. Having him hold her, kiss her, tell
her how much he cared about her. It was a dream come true. Something that she had never imagined would ever happen to her.
But it had, and she never wanted to let it go. But then Nick had broken down, he had backed away. It hurt so bad. She blinked
her eyes in attempt to clear them from the salty water, but she was unsuccessful. More tears fell. She couldn’t help but feel that
she had done something wrong to make Nick run.
“I moved too fast.” She whispered to herself rolling on to her back. She reached off the bed and snatched the teddy
bear that she had tossed in her bag. It was hers from childhood. That teddy bear had heard more depressing stories about
Gianna’s life, it was only right to inform him about this one. Gianna planted her socked feet on her mattress giving the teddy
bear her legs to lean against while it sat on her stomach. “Well, it looks as if I have screwed up yet another potentially great
relationship.” She said softly to the bear. “I pushed him, Cuddles.” she said using the name she had picked as a young girl. “I
knew he wasn’t ready to go that fast, but I just wanted to feel him. I want him so bad...why can’t I ever do anything right?” she
asked covering her eyes with her hand. She shook her head. “I always mess up what is going good in my life. Nothing ever
works out the way that I dream. You should see him, Cuddles. He’s beautiful. Tall, muscular..he has the greatest smile.” she
said closing her eyes. A vivid picture of Nick entered her mind. She went on. “Cuddles, his eyes are so blue, I get lost in them
sometimes. When he looks at me, I get all nervous, but it feels so good. You know? Or course you don’t.” Gianna sighed
deeply. This day had been going so well until she kissed him the way that she wanted to. Tears welled up in her eyes again.
“Cuddles, he was so perfect, and I ruined everything. He said that I should wait for him...but I don’t know if he really means
that. Maybe he just said that to make it easier for him to let me down.” She quickly wiped the trickle of water from her cheek.
Nick watched her intently from the bathroom. He listened to every word that she said, letting them sink in. He felt so
bad. He wanted to rush right into her room and pull her into his arms, and never let go. She had become his everything in the
last few days, and he wanted nothing more than to be able to care about her and let her care for him, but..Anglea. He shook his
head and glanced back up at Gianna. She was still crying. The sight became to hard for him to watch so he retreated back into
his room. Laying back down on his bed he faced upwards. Though he was in the other room, he could still hear the silent sobs
of Gianna, and it hurt. Everytime he heard her intake of breath, he pleaded with the heavens that it would be the last one, but
yet another ragged sob followed. Nick turned over onto his stomach, covering his head with a pillow to drown out the sounds
shooting pains of guilt through his body. It was useless...he couldn’t take this anymore. He couldn’t just lay there, listening to
Gianna cry because of what he did, he had to help her. He tossed the pillow onto the floor and stood up. Taking a deep breath
he walked through the bathroom and into Gianna’s room. She looked up at him startled as he barged through her
door.
“Nick!” She said surprised, quickly wiping the tears from her face.
“I’m so sorry I did this to you.” he said softly, making his way towards her bed. He sat softly on the edge and looked
at Gianna with sad eyes.
“Nick, this wasn’t you.”
“Yes it was, Gianna, I made you cry.”
“Nick...” Gianna said softly, looking into his eyes. “I understand your reasons for not wanting to be with
me-”
“I want to be with you. But I can’t.”
“Nick, I know that.”
“Why are you crying? Tell me what hurts, I want to fix it.” Nick said reaching for her. Her eyes welled up with tears
again. “No, please don’t cry again. It was too hard the first time.”
“What do you mean?” Gianna asked. “It hurt?”
“I could hear you in my room, I just sat there and listened to you cry, and talk to Cuddles, and I kept thinking about
how I did this to you. I hurt you enough to make you cry like this.”
“Nick..this is my problem.”
“But I caused it!”
“Stop blaming yourself for this. It was my fault I fell in love with you, not yours. You didn’t even want this in the
first place. How can I blame you. You told me to stop what I was feeling before I got hurt. I didn’t, and I got hurt.” Gianna
said turning on her side to she didn’t have to look at Nick anymore. The sadness in his eyes was hurting her more than she
need right now.
“Gianna, let me help you.” Nick said running his hand through his hair. He held back the tears that were fighting to
fall. This was the last thing he wanted to do, hurt Gianna. She meant so much to him, and it hurt him just as much as it hurt
her to turn away from her.... and her feelings..... and his feelings.
“No Nick!” Gianna said sitting up suddenly. She snapped her head towards him. “You,” she said pointing at him,
“can’t help me with this. You did it!” Gianna said. She suddenly changed her mind. The shitty way she was feeling was all
Nick’s fault. Why was she trying to deny that? Just blame the guy and let him deal with it.
“But I thou-”
“Nick, I know what I said, but the truth is....you hurt me, and now you’re here trying to comfort me? It doesn’t work
that way.” Gianna said laying back on her bed. “Please leave.”
“Gianna, I don’t want to leave.” Nick whispered, his voice shaking with emotions.
“Please..” Gianna murmured. Nick opened his mouth, but no sound came out. He was on fire he hurt so bad. This
was all his fault. He stood up without another word and headed for the bathroom door. Gianna, laying on her bed watched him
through her tears. He left her room without looking back.
Chapter Nine
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