Uncertainties
by Dani
Chapter 1 - 10
********************
CHAPTER ONE
"No. No, it can't be. This can't be happening. It just can't be... This is wrong. That's it. It's wrong. I can't be - "
"Meg? Meg, are you still in there?" Ben called from outside the bathroom door.
"Yes. I'll be out in a minute," she answered.
She quickly shoved the pregnancy test into the trash can and walked into the bedroom.
"There you are," Ben said as he walked over to meet her. "I was beginning to worry about you." He looked into her eyes. "Maybe I should still be worried about you," he continued when he saw the look on her face. "Is something wrong, Meg?"
"No, no. I'm fine. Just tired, I guess," she lied, and forced a fake smile.
"I suppose you would be tired after everything that's happened in the last few weeks... Meg, I'm so sorry about Derek. I'm so sorry that I couldn't protect you from him," Ben said as he hugged Meg tightly.
"No, Ben. It's not your fault. How could you help me when you were locked up in that warehouse?" When she mentioned the warehouse, horrible memories ran through her mind. She shuddered and quickly continued. "It wasn't as if you could do anything, Ben."
Ben was having the same memories as he listened to Meg. "You're right, but I am sorry, Meg. I wish I could have done something. I just wish that you hadn't had to go through what you did." He kept thinking about the same horrible incident.
Meg was beginning to cry a little. "Ben, I really need to tell you something. It's really important."
Ben knew what Meg wanted to tell him. However, he didn't want her to have to relive that awful day. "Meg, I know what you're going to say and you don't have to say it. I know..."
CHAPTER TWO
"You know? Ben, how could you know?" Meg asked through tears.
"Meg, I was there. I saw the whole thing," Ben replied quietly as he took her in his arms and held her tightly.
"Ben, how could you - "
"Meg, it isn't your fault. You didn't know," Ben interrupted.
"But, Ben, I don't think - "
"Meg, you don't have to explain. How could you have known that it was Derek?"
Meg then realized what he was really talking about. She had planned to tell him about Derek, but not yet. Not until she found out... "Oh, Ben... I SHOULD have known. I had the worst feeling about the whole situation, but I - "
"Meg, you don't have to go through this. You don't have to explain this to me. I understand, and I don't blame you for what happened."
"But, Ben, when Derek was with me, I felt like we had lost our connection. I thought that you and I were falling apart, and I didn't want that to happen. I thought that if I slept with you - well, Derek - that everything would be different. I thought that it would make things better, but it has only made things worse."
Ben looked at her and gently wiped her tears away. "Meg, you don't have to do this. I know that you would have never been with Derek if you had known that he wasn't me."
"That's just it, Ben. I thought that it WAS you. When he was... making love to me... I wasn't thinking about Derek. I was thinking about you, Ben. But, when it was over, I knew. I knew that something was different. Something had changed, and I was scared."
"I was scared, too, Meg. I was scared for you being in the clutches of Derek and what that awful incident would do to you. I'm sorry, Meg. I shouldn't have let it happen."
Meg continued crying as she looked into Ben's eyes. She remained silent as she thought about the wonderful man she had in her life. The wonderful, generous, loving, forgiving, understanding, gorgeous man...
"I love you, Meg. No matter what happened or happens, I love you. I will ALWAYS love you... It's over now, Meg, and we can put it behind us."
"Oh, Ben, if you only knew..."
CHAPTER THREE
"If I only knew what, Meg?" Ben asked curiously.
"Nothing, Ben. I was just thinking out loud," she replied nervously.
"Oh... Meg, you should probably get some rest. I can see how tired you are," Ben said, concerned for her well being. "And, correct me if I'm wrong, but you still look a little upset about something, Meg."
"Ben, you worry about me too much." She smiled weakly. "I'll be fine as long as you promise to hold me in your arms all night long."
"That's a promise I'd be glad to keep," he smiled and kissed the top of her head as he held her closely.
"I love you, Meg. I love you no matter what."
"I love you, too, Ben," she whispered.
They spent the night wrapped in one another's arms. Ben slept soundly, but Meg couldn't sleep at all. She felt comforted in Ben's arms, but she couldn't stop thinking about what she had learned earlier.
How could she be pregnant? After everything she and Ben had gone through with Derek, it couldn't be happening now. Yes, she wanted to have Ben's baby someday, but not now. And what if it wasn't even his? What is the baby was Derek's? She could never tell Ben that it was his child when she knew that it could be Derek's. All it took was once for something like this to happen, and she had feared the worst when she saw that the test had turned blue. And she just couldn't tell Ben that she was pregnant now. Not until she found out the truth. If the baby was Derek's, she couldn't live with the reminder of that one horrible incident. If it was his, she could never tell Ben about it. Her only choice was abortion, but how could she do that? She couldn't take away the life of an innocent child, but she couldn't lie to Ben either. She couldn't spend her entire life letting Ben believe that the child she bore was his. Meg wanted to believe that the child growing inside her was Ben's, but she had to face the harsh reality that it could just as easily be Derek's. In fact, she was beginning to believe that the baby WAS Derek's. If it was Ben's, she would have known that she was pregnant before now, wouldn't she? She and Ben hadn't been together in quite a while, and it hadn't been long ago that she and Derek had... She just had to know the truth...
CHAPTER FOUR
"Sara, could you come over some time this afternoon? I really need someone to talk to, and you're my prime choice. Please..." Meg pleaded. She simply had to tell someone about her dilemna, and who better than her sister, someone she could trust?
"Sure. I'll be there in an hour, Meg. See you then," she replied.
"Oh, thank you, Sara. Bye." Meg placed the phone back onto the receiver.
"Meg? Why didn't you wake me?" Ben asked as he walked down the stairs, fully dressed, into the living room.
"Oh, Ben. I thought you could use the rest," she smiled as he sat down beside her. "Besides, you're too handsome when you're sleeping. I couldn't wake you."
"Right." He placed a kiss on her lips. "I was worried when I found you missing."
"Worried? Ben, you don't have to worry about me," she assured him.
"I can't help it. It's a force of habit. I care about you too much not to worry about you," he answered sincerely.
"You always say the sweetest things," Meg smiled.
"What are you up to this morning?" she asked, hoping he was planning to leave the house for the morning.
"Well, I need to go over to the Deep and take care of some paperwork and then I've got to check out some things at the Java Web, so I'm gonna be rather busy... Would you like to tag along?" he asked, hoping that she wanted to stay close to him.
"No, I think I'll let you handle that. Sara and I are going to catch up a bit later, so I've got something to keep me occupied."
"Are you sure? I just want to watch out for you, Meg."
"I know. I'll be fine. I've got Sara to keep me company, so I won't have time to think about anything else."
"Well, I hope you'll be thinking about me," he replied, grinning.
"Of course, sweetheart. I'm always thinking of you."
"And I, you, Meg," he whispered. "Well, I'd better get going. I'll call later to check on you." "Alright," she responded as she stood to walk him out. They kissed, and his lips lingered on hers for a moment longer than she'd expected.
"I'll be looking forward to that again this afternoon," he smiled when they broke the kiss. "I love you, Meg."
"I love you, too. Bye," she called after him.
"I'm coming," Meg called as she walked to the door. "Hi, Sara. I thought it was you."
"Hi," Sara replied. "How've you been?" she asked as Meg led her into the living room.
"Oh, I'm alright," she said as they both sat down. "There's just something that I need to tell someone, and I'm scared."
"Scared? Meg, what's wrong?" Sara asked worriedly.
"Sara, I'm pregnant."
"Pregnant?"
"Yes, pregnant. I took a test last night, and it was positive. I haven't told Ben yet."
"Why not? Isn't that good news?"
"Well, it depends on how you look at it," Meg frowned.
"What do you mean, Meg?
"Well, if the baby is Ben's, it could be wonderful news, but if the baby is Derek's..."
"Oh, no. I hadn't even thought of that. But wasn't it just one time?"
"Yes, but one time is all it takes, Sara, and if I was carrying Ben's child, I should have realized it before now, shouldn't I?"
"Not necessarily, Meg. I've heard of women that don't know they're pregnant until they give birth."
"Yeah, but I do know, and I'm scared. How am I going to tell Ben?"
"Well, first of all, you could be wrong about this, Meg. Sometimes those home pregnancy things don't work - so I've heard."
"But, more than likely, it did work and I'm pregnant. Sara, I just don't know."
"You need to see a doctor for one thing. And as far as telling Ben goes, I'd just say 'Hey, Ben. I'm pregnant,'" Sara teased.
"Sara, that's not funny," Meg replied. "I can't just tell him like that. And, to top it all off, he already knew that Derek and I slept together."
"He knew? How'd he know that?"
"He was there. In the warehouse. Sara, it must have killed him to see that."
"And it didn't kill you to be doing that with that psychopath?"
"Of course it did, and now it looks like I could be living with a reminder of it forever."
"Meg, try to think positively. It's very likely that the baby could be Ben's, right?"
"It's possible."
"Then just make an appointment with a doctor soon and find out what's going on. Everything's gonna be fine, Meg."
"I hope so, Sara. I hope so..."
CHAPTER FIVE
"That would be great, Tyus. Thank you for squeezing me in. I'll be there as soon as I can." Meg hung up the phone and headed up to the bedroom. She walked into the bathroom to wash her face and noticed the test in the wastebasket. "I'd better do something with that before Ben sees it," she said aloud. She removed the evidence from the wastebasket and walked into the bedroom.
"Meg? Meg, are you here?" Ben called as he climbed the stairs. He had managed to finish his work early and had decided to come home to surprise Meg.
"Ben! What am I going to do with this?" she asked herself frantically as she looked around the room for somewhere to hide the test. She quickly shoved it into a dresser drawer and closed it just as Ben entered the room.
"There you are," he smiled when he saw her. "I was beginning to think you were gone."
"No, no. I'm here," she smiled nervously.
"Actually, I was just about to leave, though."
He could sense that she was nervous about somehing. "Leave? Where are you going?" he asked.
"Um... Sara. Yeah, Sara's taking me out to lunch. I'm supposed to meet her in a few minutes, so I'd better get going." She walked over and grabbed her purse from the dressing table.
"Oh." He wasn't buying her story for a minute.
"Meg, is there something wrong?"
"Wrong?" she laughed. "Of course nothing's wrong. Everything is just wonderful." She kissed him.
"Well, there was nothing wrong with that, but I still think there's something you're not telling me."
"Don't worry about it, Ben. I've really got to go now... I love you."
"I love you, too... Have fun," he called as she left.
"What are you up to, Meg?" he said aloud and walked over to the dresser. "It looked like you were trying to hide something from me... No, I shouldn't invade your privacy, Meg. If there's something you want me to know, you'll tell me... But..." He slowly pulled out the drawer and moved some things around until he caught a glimpse of something interesting. He picked it up.
"Oh my God... This is a... a... a pregnancy test... She's pregnant!" he said excitedly as he looked at the object in his hand. Suddenly the news really hit him and the reality of what she was hiding sunk in.
"Oh my God. She's pregnant..."
CHAPTER SIX
"Meg, I'm glad you came. I've got a few minutes, so we can talk about why you're here," Tyus said as he led her into his office. They both sat down. Tyus could see that Meg was nervous. "Meg, what is it that you needed to see me about?"
"Um... Tyus, I think I'm pregnant."
"Pregnant? Congratulations!" he smiled. He then noticed that she wasn't smiling. "Isn't that good news?"
She shook her head. "I don't know. That's why I needed to see you."
"How can I help you, Meg?"
"First of all, I need you to promise me that everything we discuss will be completely between us. I don't want anyone to know about this right now."
"Not even Ben?"
"Especially not Ben."
"Alright. Doctor/patient confidentiality. You don't have anything to worry about. Now what can I do?"
"Well," she began nervously, "I don't know if this is Ben's baby."
Tyus looked shocked. "Excuse me?"
"When Derek was pretending to be Ben, he managed to fool a lot of people for a long time - including me." She was beginning to cry softly.
"Oh, Meg. I'm sorry." He handed her a tissue. "So you think that the baby might be Derek's?"
She nodded. "I'm afraid so. I need to know, Tyus."
Tyus contemplated the situation quietly for a moment. "Well, considering Ben and his brother were identical twins, that means they would have the same DNA, so the only way we could know who the father is would be the baby's due date."
"So what do you have to do?"
"I need to run some blood tests and examine you, and then we'll know."
"Oh, thank you, Tyus. Thank you so much."
"Oh my God. She's pregnant..." Ben stared at the test in his hand and he was haunted with the same flashback of Meg and Derek.
"She's pregnant... No, she can't be. She can't be pregnant. Not now. Not with... Oh my God. I don't believe this... No wonder she hasn't said anything. It's Derek's baby..."
He sat down on the bed and just stared into space, becoming more and more angry with his deceased brother. "No!" he screamed. "Derek, you can't do this to her. No, you can't. I won't let you. You can't ruin Meg like this. She doesn't deserve this. She doesn't..."
Ben began crying, not for himself, but for Meg. She didn't deserve to be put through this and right now she was out there somewhere scared to death of what was happening to her. Of course Ben was upset that she wasn't carrying his child, but he wasn't angry with her. He was angry with his brother for being so cruel. He knew Meg had to be in pain over the ordeal. "No, Meg. I won't let this destroy you. I won't let it destroy us. I won't..."
CHAPTER SEVEN
"I'll be with you in just a minute, Meg," Tyus said as he went to answer a page. Meg sat quietly in the exam room, anxiously waiting to get the whole ordeal over with. She had to know who the father of her child was, and the sooner, the better.
She placed her hand over her stomach and started crying. "I'm so sorry. I wish that you didn't have to be caught in the middle of this, sweetie. You don't deserve this. I should be happy to have you, but I - "
"Meg, I'm really sorry, but I have to go down to the ER. I don't think I'm going to have time to do the exam this afternoon. Can you come back first thing tomorrow morning?"
"But, Tyus, I - "
"I know, Meg. I'm sorry, but I have to do this. I'll be sure to take care of you first thing in the morning, alright?"
"Of course, Tyus. I understand... Thank you."
"Good. I'll see you in the morning then." With that, Tyus was gone.
"I won't let this destroy you, Meg. I won't let it destroy us. I won't..." He continued staring at the object in his hand, still in disbelief. "Derek, how could you do this to us? This is the worst thing you could have ever done. But I guess that's what you wanted, wasn't it? To do whatever it took to destroy me. Well, I won't let it. I won't..."
Meg arrived home, tired and scared. She entered the house to find Ben on the sofa.
"Hi, Ben," she smiled weakly.
"Hi... How did your lunch with Sara go?" he asked as he tried to find the right way to tell her what he knew.
"Sara? Oh, yeah. It was great," she lied.
"Good. I'm glad you had a good time."
"Yeah..." Meg sat down beside him and they both sat in silence for a minute.
"Um, Meg?"
"Yes, Ben?"
"Is there anything that you want to talk about?" he asked.
"I don't think so... Why do you ask?"
"Oh, I was just worried about you. You haven't been acting like yourself since last night, Meg."
"I'm just tired, Ben. I'm fine. I told you to stop worrying."
"I can't, Meg. And you're not just tired, and you're not fine," he said as he rubbed her shoulders.
"Ben, I just told you that I was and I meant it. Now just forget about it, okay?"
"No, it's not okay, Meg. There's something wrong with you, and I think we should talk about it. Whatever it is, I want you to know that you can talk to me. You can tell me ANYTHING, Meg. Anything."
"Ben, there are some things that you just don't need to hear. Now, please, Ben. Stop."
"I'm not stopping. And I think it would be better if I could hear it from you rather than discover it in a dresser drawer..."
CHAPTER EIGHT
"What did you say?" Meg asked, frightened and almost angry. Ben just looked at her; she could see the pain in his eyes. "Ben?"
"I said that I'd rather hear it from you than discover it in a dresser drawer," Ben answered quietly.
"Dresser drawer? Oh, Ben. You didn't..."
"I did, Meg... I know."
Meg could still see the pain in his eyes, but now she heard it in his voice. She began crying again. "Ben, I - "
Ben took her into his arms and held her tightly. "Shh... I know. I know, darling. It's alright. It's - "
Meg looked up at him. "No, Ben. It's not alright. You don't understand." She was crying hysterically now. "Ben, the baby may not be yours." Ben knew that this was true, but hearing it from Meg was like a knife through his heart. He knew it wasn't her fault, but it hurt him all the same. "I know, aMeg."
"But how can you be so calm? I could be carrying another man's child... Ben? Ben, are you listening to me?" she asked when she heard nothing but silence.
"Yes, Meg. I heard you," he answered simply.
"Ben, the baby might be Derek's. I betrayed you and now I have to live with it for the rest of my life."
He raised her chin. "Look at me, Meg. Look at me and listen." She looked into his eyes. "You DID NOT betray me. You didn't know. We've been through this already, Meg. It wasn't your fault."
"But it's different now, Ben. I'm pregnant. Before I could forget about it - or try, at least - but now I'll have a reminder of it with me for the rest of my life."
"I know that, Meg. I know, but it's still not your fault. Hey, it could be my child, couldn't it?"
"I don't know. I hope so, but it's more likely that the baby is Derek's, isn't it? If I was carrying your child, wouldn't I have known before now?"
"Well, I'm not exactly an expert on a woman's biological clock." He smiled weakly and saw a tiny smile shine through Meg's tears. "There. That's what I needed to see," he whispered as he brought Meg back into his arms. "We'll make it through this, Meg. I know we will."
"I hope so, Ben. I just pray that the baby is yours. I couldn't live with myself if I had to carry Derek's child."
"Meg, you'll be fine. However this turns out, we're going to make it through together."
"Ben, I've been thinking all night about this and if the baby isn't yours, I don't think I could have an abortion."
"Hey. Let's not even talk like that, okay? I wouldn't want you to do that. It's not the baby's fault."
"No, it isn't. It's mine," Meg said quietly.
"What? Meg, I told you that it isn't your fault and I meant it. Now stop blaming yourself."
"I don't think I can, Ben. I'll never be able to forget."
"I wish you could. I wish there was nothing to haunt you, but I promise you that I'll do anything and everything I can to help you through this. You're not alone, Meg. We're in this together."
They sat in silence for a few minutes as Meg rested on Ben's chest. "Ben?"
"Yes?"
"I have an appointment with Tyus in the morning."
"Would you like me to come with you?" he asked.
"I don't know, Ben."
"Meg, you know you can count on me through this, don't you?"
"Ben, I just don't want to put you through something like this."
"Meg, we're in this together, and if you'll let me, I want to be there for you."
Meg thought about it for a moment. "If you really want to do this, I'd like for you to be there. I need you."
"I need you, too, Meg. That's why I'm always gonna be there for you..."
CHAPTER NINE
Meg woke early the next morning. She had hardly been able to sleep the entire night because of the great anxiety she was facing about learning the truth.
"Meg?" Ben groaned when he rolled over and discovered her missing.
"I'm here, Ben," Meg answered and walked back over to the bed. "I couldn't sleep."
"Neither could I," he admitted. "The only thing that gave me any comfort last night was holding you in my arms," he continued.
Meg smiled slightly. She then began walking into the bathroom hurriedly.
"Meg, are you alright?" Ben asked concerned as he got out of bed and walked to her.
"Yeah, I'm fine," she replied weakly.
"You don't look fine," he said as he brushed a stray hair away from her face.
"I'll be alright. It must be morning sickness," she said quietly.
"Oh. Morning sickness." Ben had begun to forget about their worries for a brief moment until Meg showed one of the clear signs of pregnancy. He sighed. "Well, let's get dressed so we can get this appointment over with," he said as he helped her back into the bedroom.
Soon Ben and Meg arrived at the medical center.
"May I help you?" the nurse asked.
"Yes. Tyus is expecting me. Meg Cummings."
"Just a minute." The nurse walked into the office and soon returned. "He's waiting for you," she called and led Meg and Ben into the office.
"Well, this is a surprise," Tyus said when he saw Ben holding Meg's hand.
"I changed my mind," Meg stated simply.
"I understand... Well, I'm ready for you; if you'll just step into the examining room and change."
He opened the door for her and let her inside. "I'll be with you in a minute," he said and closed the door.
"Tyus?" Ben said when Meg could no longer hear him.
"Yes, Ben? What is it?"
"Could you answer a question for me?"
"I can try, but I'm not making any promises," Tyus answered.
"How likely is it that this is my child?" Ben asked.
"Well, I can't give you an answer to that until I've done some tests and examined Meg. But, like I've already told her, the only way you'll know is the baby's due date," Tyus answered.
"I see," Ben responded. "Then let's get it over with."
"You can get dressed now, Meg. I'll be in my office."
Tyus reentered his office to find Ben waiting impatiently.
"Well?" he said when he saw the doctor.
"Well, what?"
"What did you find out?" he asked.
"Ben, you'll have to wait for Meg. I haven't told her anything yet either."
"What?! All that time and you can't tell us anything?!" Ben said, upset.
"I didn't say 'I can't;' I said 'I haven't,'" Tyus retorted.
At that moment, Meg came into the room and nervously sat down beside of Ben. He took her hand and kissed it. "Are you okay?" he whispered.
"I'll be fine as soon as Tyus tells me what's going on." She looked up at the doctor. "Tyus?" Tyus looked at them both, then at Meg's chart, and back to them once more.
He took a deep breath and began. "Well..."
CHAPTER TEN
"Well, I've done several blood tests as well as a physical examination. When I put the things I've discovered through these tests and the exam with what Meg has told me, I can only come to one conclusion based on the facts I've been given."
"Out with it, Tyus. Just tell us," Ben demanded.
He hesitated. "I'm sorry, Meg, but according to all of these things, it appears that the baby is Derek's," Tyus said, sincerely sorry about the news he had to break.
Meg just stared at him in total shock. "Tyus, you have to be wrong. It can't be," Meg cried softly as Ben took her in his arms.
"I'm really sorry, Meg... Listen. I'll leave the two of you alone for a while. Take your time," Tyus said and exited the room.
"Thanks, Tyus," Ben said as he began to weaken.
"Oh, Meg. I'm so sorry, darling. I'm so, so sorry," he whispered as he stroked her hair gently. He knew he should be upset, - not with her, but with Derek -but he knew that he couldn't be. Not now. Not when he could see how much Meg needed him.
Meg cried harder as she listened to the voice of the man she thought she had betrayed. "God, Ben. I'm having Derek's baby? I can't. It just can't be," she cried.
"Meg, it's okay. It's okay, Meg. It's gonna be alright. We'll make it through this. You'll see."
"No, Ben. We won't. I can't ask you to raise another man's child with me. I just can't."
"You don't have to ask, Meg. I'm here no matter what. You should know that. I've said it a million times."
"But this is different, Ben. I'm carying the child of a maniac - as a matter of fact, that maniac is your brother - and you're telling me that everything's gonna be alright? Well, it's not, Ben. It's never gonna be alright," she cried, hurt and angry.
"Meg, please don't do this. Please..."
"Ben, just stop it, okay? I've got to go. I can't stay here with you anymore, Ben." Meg stood to leave.
"Meg, wait just a minute... Do you remember when you first came to Sunset Beach?"
She slowly turned, looked at him, and nodded.
"Well, if you remember, then you know how I always tried to shut you out of my life in the beginning. But you got to me, Meg, and I've been able to open up to you about things I never thought I would. Can't you see that you're doing the same to me now? I want you to talk to me, Meg. I want to be there for you, but I can't if you won't let me."
"Ben, I just can't. You shouldn't have to worry about a child that isn't even yours. I don't want you to have to live your life helping me raise a child that isn't yours. This baby is Derek's, and I'll never be able to forgive myself for letting what happened happen," she cried.
"Meg, it wasn't your fault. I've told you that. Derek is to blame for what happened, not you. If you had known that it wasn't me, you wouldn't have... You wouldn't have slept with him, Meg."
"And I've told you that I should have known, Ben. If I had listened to my gut instinct about that incident, I wouldn't be in this position right now - YOU wouldn't be in this position right now. It IS my fault, Ben. Stop saying that it's not, because it is!"
"Meg, I - "
"Ben, I asked you to stop. Please..."
"Alright, alright. Let's at least go home now. You need to calm down a little. I know this is very difficult, but - "
"Difficult? Ben, are you kidding? This is horrible! This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me and I wish I could just end it!" As soon as Meg spoke those words she regretted it. "Oh, God, Ben. What did I just say?" she cried.
"Shhh... It's alright. You're upset, Meg. It's understandable," Ben soothed.
"It's not understandable for an expectant mother to wish for her child's life to end!" she exclaimed.
"I'm not fit for this. I'm already a horrible mother!"
"Meg, don't say that. You're upset. You'll be a wonderful mother to any child, Meg."
"Any child? No, Ben. This isn't just any child. It's Derek's..."