Xiao Yan Zi, desperate, tried to make up her mind as she stared at the swirling, murky waters of the Jing River. It looked dark, dirty and unwelcoming. She placed her hands on the bridge, shoulders hunched, as if she were about to jump.

It was bleak winter’s night so there would be no one to stop or save her if she went ahead with her decision. Still she looked around furtively, as if she wanted to make sure she was completely alone. She took a deep breath, leaned forward and looked down again. She looked at the dark waters with a mixture of horror and fascination.

Suddenly, something flew past her and landed in the water with a loud splash.

"Help! Help!" A feminine voice cried from the river.

Without a second thought, Xiao Yan Zi plunged into the icy waters and began swimming towards the floundering figure in the water. Fortunately, the woman was dressed in white so Xiao Yan Zi easily found and dragged her ashore.

Seeing that they were both wet, Xiao Yan Zi decided their first priority was to get warm and dry as it was currently the worst part of winter. Looking around her, she saw a booth near them. She helped the woman to her feet and they made their way to the booth.

The booth was not occupied but was well supplied with dry firewood, tea and utensils. In spite of her violent shivering, Xiao Yan Zi managed to start a fire. She also found some spare men’s clothing and was about to hand some to the woman.

"Thank you," the woman suddenly spoke. "But as you can see, I’m dry and comfy. You put on those clothes first."

Xiao Yan Zi looked at the woman, surprised. She rubbed her eyes and looked again. The woman was completely dry from head to toe. The floor was dry too. But hadn’t they just come out of the water?

"Please, my good lady. Put on the clothes now or you’ll catch a cold." The woman’s voice was soft but radiated veiled power. Xiao Yan Zi found herself obeying.

As she changed, the woman added more firewood and put the kettle on to boil. Soon the aroma of tea filled the little booth. Xiao Yan Zi gratefully accepted a cup of hot tea from the woman.

She examined her companion closely and decided that she was about the same age as her. Her most striking features were her light brown hair and blue-gray eyes. Xiao Yan Zi had never seen such strange colouring before in people and could not help staring. Although Xiao Yan Zi had seen Westerners, namely the Jesuit priests who worked in the Imperial Courts, they all had dark features. They could have passed for Chinese if it were not for their height and distinct facial features. She had heard of the Lo Sha (Russia) people to the north of Manchuria who had hair ranging from gold to fiery red, and eyes the colour of the sky, or even like jade.

The woman gave no indication of being uncomfortable at being stared at but sipped her tea politely. "Too bad it’s not Darjeeling tea. Oh how rude of me! I haven’t introduced myself properly. I’m Belldandy."

"Bao? Bao-Dan-Di (Wrapped Eggs)?"

"That’s right. Belldandy."

"By the way, how did you fall into the water?" Xiao Yan Zi noted the strange blue diamond-shaped birthmark on Belldandy’s forehead.

"Oh, no…no….no," Belldandy smiled gently. " I didn’t fall in the water. I * jumped * into the water to save you, Xiao Yan Zi."

"What? You jumped in…to save me?"

"I had too. Otherwise you would have carried out your plan."

"What plan?"

"Suicide."

Belldandy said it very casually but it was like a thunderclap to Xiao Yan Zi’s ears. She nearly dropped her tea and stared at Belldandy incredulously.

Belldandy went on as if she were discussing the weather. "Seeing you there, I had to act quickly. I knew if I jumped in, you would save me. And so, in a sense I saved you by delaying your plan."

"Your logic is…unique." Xiao Yan Zi said tactfully. The cold must have affected Belldandy’s sanity. Then she was suddenly suspicious. "Just a moment, I haven’t told you my name yet. How’d you know my name?"

"I know everything about you. I’ve seen the story of your life, how you became a Princess, how you dared to defy even your Huang Ah Ma, how you met your brother Xiao Jian…"

"Are you a shaman or something?"

"I’m actually a First Class Goddess, Second Category, Unlimited. I’ve been sent by God-sama to help you."

Xiao Yan Zi just smiled politely. Being an Ah Ge’s Fu Jin had somehow rubbed off on her. However, she decided that as soon as her own clothes were dry, she would get Dr.Hu, the imperial physician to check over Belldandy.

"Xiao Yan Zi, don’t you think it’s a bit too much? Killing yourself over a vase?"

"Yes…but how’d you know about that?" Xiao Yan Zi looked at Belldandy in disbelief. "Did Yong Qi send you?"

"No, God-sama sent me. So will you let me help you?"

"Help me? Then help me fix the vase! Clean up Lao Fo Ye’s tea-stained holy Buddhist scriptures, make me as smart, graceful and lovable as Zi Wei…"

Belldandy held up her hand and Xiao Yan Zi stopped her tirade. "I could do that but isn’t that going to be too easy for you?"

"And you call yourself a Goddess?" Xiao Yan Zi snorted.

"I’m not here to fix your mistakes or turn you into a replica of Zi Wei. Mortals all make mistakes but what matters is how you deal with them. The point is, I’m here to show what a big mistake you would be making if you decided to jump into the river tonight. A mistake you would have no chance to regret, much less correct."

"Too late. I’ve just found out that everyone would be better off without me. Huang Ah Ma, Yong Qi, Ling Fei Niang Niang…"

"Now, now, Xiao Yan Zi, you mustn’t depreciate your own worth," Belldandy looked distressed. "You don’t know how much you’ve accomplished…"

Xiao Yan Zi interrupted her. "If it hadn’t been for me, Yong Qi would have a beautiful priceless vase to give to Huang Ah Ma, Huang Ah Ma would be as happy as a mouse, Lao Fo Ye would have her precious Buddhist scriptures in tip-top condition. Best if I had never been born at all."

"What?"

"I said I wish I had never been born."

"Dear me, you mustn’t say things like that!"

"I’m illiterate, coarse, bad-tempered, a big liar, a trouble maker, uncouth, tactless. Next to Zi Wei and and Jing Er, I’m nothing. I can’t even compare to Jin Suo and Liu Hong. I’m a constant embarrassment and a burden to Yong Qi." Xiao Yan Zi sounded miserable.

Seeing that she was not making any progress with Xiao Yan Zi, Belldandy sighed deeply. "Very well. As you wish."

"Huh?"

"Your wish has just been granted. You have never been born."

Xiao Yan Zi looked at her but said nothing. Poor girl’s really gaga. The water must have affected her more than I thought.

Belldandy went on. "You don’t exist. No obligations or restrictions to worry about as an Ah Ge’s Fu Jin, no broken Italian vase to worry about, no ruined Buddhist scriptures."

"Oh, my clothes are dry now. I’m feeling hungry and I know a great restaurant. I’ll treat you, alright?" Truth was, Xiao Yan Zi wanted to get Belldandy to see a doctor now. Perhaps Liu Qing, Liu Hong and Jin Suo would know a good doctor in town. Hopefully, they could put her up for the night. She didn’t feel like staying in the palace tonight as the atmosphere there could be so…suppressive.