Written by Mark Allen

It's like trying to get everything done in a hurry. There is no time to waste.
It is realizing that every moment counts.
It is a time for tremendous emotional and spiritual growth.
Fear of rejection every time I meet someone I am interested in.
Incredible frustration that builds up because you cannot do for yourself and the seeming constant drain of asking others for help.
It is the overwhelming emotions of watching one person after another waste away before you and wondering, am I next?
It's wondering, will I have time to meet someone and have a relationship?
It is the frustration of friends who still won't get tested.
It's observing the tremendous amount of healing that has occurred between the straight and gay communities.
Friends that seem irritated that you are too tired to go out.
Embarrassment at not looking "normal" anymore.
Doctors who don't know or lie to you.
How many more pills and needle sticks?
Why is my throat swollen?
My skin is so dry; what is that spot?
I need to be loved and held.
I hate it when people disappear and later you hear that they have died: no chance to say good-bye.
AIDS is shame and anger because a relative won't see you or let you near their kids.
Should I bother going to school?
Are the medications helping or hurting and which ones should I take?
Will I be around for the "CURE?"
I DO NOT want to read another update!
A hospice is a frightful place.
Denial; in and out of it for years, yet knowing on some level I have "it."
Sometimes there is a deep awareness of how much energy it takes to keep going and wondering how long I can do it.
AIDS is many things to me, both positive and negative. The only thing that I know for sure is that it is part of my human experience And just to take it one day at a time.