Author:            Charmed4-ever

 

Email Address:            Flyer0133@aol.com

 

Letting Me Go

 

Part One

Phoebe

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“How are you doing today Pheebs?” Prue asked me as she walked inside, carrying a tray with toast and a glass of orange juice on it.

 

“Prue, I’m dying,” I reminded blandly, not in the best of spirits.  I’d had a rough night and my whole body ached and screamed in exaustion.  I wanted so bad for the pain to go away.  Everything hurt and I wanted to let go, to quit fighting, but I knew I couldn’t, not yet.

 

“Phoebe don’t be ridiculous, you’re not going to die,” Prue said, shrugging off the comment.

 

“Yes Prue,” I sighed, she just couldn’t accept it, “I am.”

 

My older sister fell silent then, she wouldn’t face it--couldn’t.  I’d been sick for over six months and she’d ignored the fact of my inevitable death the whole time.  But I guess I could sympathise, in a way I knew I was all she had.  Piper and Leo had moved out of the manor and to a house down the street.  They were at the manor almost everyday to visit, but they were so wrapped up in each other and their new baby, Melinda, that they barely comprehended the real distress in Prue’s situation.  I could understand though, they were newlyweds with a young baby and I was so happy for Piper.  She’d given me so much in the years in my life that I was thrilled she finally found all the bliss she deserved so much.  On the other hand, I was worried about Prue.  She worked less and less and stayed in my room more and more.  Although she still refused to believe that I really didn’t have much longer on this Earth.

 

“Phoebe don’t talk like that.  You have to stay positive,” Prue suddenly spoke up, “Life is a battle!”

 

“And what happens Prue,” I asked softly, tears springing to my tired eyes as I stubbornly held them in, “when you’re tired of fighting?”

 

Her face crumbled then, the tears flowing over her crystal blue eyes, “Oh Phoebe,” she muttered, setting the tray down and crawling into my bed next to me.  She put her arm around my shoulder and sighed again, “Phoebe you won’t leave me.”  Her statement was followed by a childish laugh.  I sighed, she was drawing into that safe little world where she only believed what she wanted to see.

 

“Prue I don’t want to leave you, but I have to,” I replied gently, taking my sister’s hand, “and I need to know you’ll be okay when I go.”

 

“Well I won’t be,” Prue snapped, “Piper has Leo and Melinda, it’s not the same for her.  Phoebe do you know if you go, I won’t have anyone left? Andy is already gone too.  All the people I need the most, always leave,” she whispered. 

 

And right then I felt I could practically see inside her soul.  I saw a Prue that I had never seen when I was growing up, a Prue she’d locked deep inside after mom died.  I saw that lost little girl still so scared of death, something she could never understand.  I gently wiped away the tear that ran down her face.  She smiled at my touch and cupped her hand over mine, pressing it against her cheek.

 

“Please Phoebe,” she begged, “just eat.  I hate it when you talk like this.”

 

“Okay,” I agreed, leaning back against the headboard. 

 

This was hurting her too much, and I could see that.  She wasn’t ready for me to go yet, but I was reminded by the dull aching in my body that she didn’t have much of a choice.  It hurt to move, everything hurt.  Prue sensed that and she threw herself into her favorite role, protector.  She helped me sit up and then insisted on spoon feeding me my cereal.  I let her, because it soothed her and because I didn’t have the energy or strength to do it myself.   Suddenly from downstairs, the doorbell rang.  Prue’s perked up.

 

“Piper’s here,” she announced with a happy smile.  I tried to smile too, but my lips twisted akwardly, although she didn’t seem to notice, “I’ll be right back,” she promised as she slipped quietly out of my room.

 

Part Two

Piper

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Prue opened the door and smiled at me, but her smiles weren’t the same as they used to be, they were forced and small.  I picked up the baby carrier at my feet and walked inside.  The manor was in a desperate need of cleaning.  That thought sent a stinging ache into my chest, Phoebe usually cleaned.  But I knew Phoebe would never clean again, because she up in bed, in pain and dying.  My precious baby sister who was so strong and free, was now weak and hurting.  It was everything I could do to keep the tears down each time I visited the manor.  They threatened constantly, everytimes I heard the name Phoebe, or saw a college student, or even hear someone who laughed like her. 

 

I shook myself into reality as I looked over to Prue.  She was peaking in the baby carrier at my eight month old daughter.  Melinda, my baby, who would most likely never be fortunate enough to know her Aunt Phoebe.

 

“She’s sleeping,” I volunteered, breaking the silence, “she should nap a few more hours.  I just got her down.”

 

Prue nodded and gently laid a kiss on Melinda’s forehead and then she put the carrier on the living room couch.  She took my hand and pushed me toward the stairs.

 

“Go on, I’ll keep an eye on Melinda,” she encouraged, “but Phoebe is pretty tired today and a little negative,” Prue warned. 

 

Well of course she is, I thought to myself as I climbed the stairs, she’d dying.  Phoebe and I often talked bout Prue’s denial, Phoebe was worried, afraid that Prue would break down completely if she left.  I had a feeling it was the reason she’d held on so long, she was afraid for Prue.  I pulled open Phoebe’s door and took a deep breath.  I was never prepared to see her like that.  Her strong, atheletic body was frail and bony through the thin sheet that covered her, but her glow was as strong as ever.  She smiled at me and her eyes shinned and I was once again reminded that this was my Phoebe on that bed, dying or not.

 

“Hey Pippy,” she teased, she still hadn’t lost her sense of humor.

 

Hi sweetie, how are you feeling today?” I asked tentavily, as I sat down across from her on the bed.

 

“Tired,” Phoebe admitted.  Over the months she’d given up on pretending to be okay, we saw right through it, “how’s Leo?”

 

“We’re doing good,” I assured, “I’m happy.”

 

“I’m glad.  You deserve everything you’ve gotten,” Phoebe smiled.

 

“Not you,” I whispered.  Phoebe looked curious and I continued, “I could never had done anything important enough to deserve to be blessed with you.”  Phoebe’s eyes welled up in tears at my words, but she looked brighter than she had  in a long time.

 

“Piper, you were more to me than you could ever know.  I never had to be scared when you were around.  I didn’t think about not knowing mom because I got to know you and Prue instead,” Phoebe said quietly.  I smiled, tears now filling my own eyes.

 

“You’ll get to know her now,” I choked out.

 

“Yeah, but I have to lost you too,” then Phoebe perked up, “but I always said the only way I could lose you guys was if I was the one leaving.”

 

I sighed, “Oh Phoebe.”

 

“It’s okay Piper,” Phoebe smiled, “It’s meant to be.  It all makes sense now.  I didn’t ever fit in anywhere except with you guys.  Being a sister was the only thing I was ever really good at,” Phoebe said, “and being a witch,” she added.

 

I knew what she said was true, everyone has a purpose and my baby sister’s had been a simple but cherised one.  To show us what real love meant.  She’d been the one to get Prue to finally saw the magic words and she’d supported my relationship with Leo through everything.  She understood the need for everyone to be loved and she showed it everyday.  Phoebe had been such a vital part of our lives for so long, that was why it was so hard to let her go.

 

“But your jobs not done yet,” I insisted, praying somehow my words could keep her in my arms a little longer.

 

“Yes it is,” Phoebe said with a light smile, reaching out and pulling me near her.  I laid my head against her chest and listened to the faint beat of her heart, “you have a wonderful husband and a beautiful daughter who love you as much as you love them.  And Prue, well Prue just has to find the love for herself I know she carries inside her somewhere.  And she has you, that will keep her going.”

 

I had tears pouring down my face now, I couldn’t help it.  I was going to miss her, moments like this, so much. 

 

“I don’t know if we can do this without you Pheebs,” I whimpered.

 

“You don’t have to,” Phoebe said, using what strength remained to brush away my tears, “I’ll always be there, helping, watching, and always...always loving.”

 

“Oh Phoebe,” a voice said from the doorway.  I looked up and saw Prue start toward us, her face red from tears.

 

Part Three

Prue

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“How long have you been there?” Phoebe asked me as I started toward her and Piper on the bed.

 

“I heard you,” I replied, “everything.”

 

I craweled onto the bed and pulled both my sisters near me.  We laid as we had when we were little kids, Phoebe sandwiched between me and Piper on either side, our arms tangeled around each other.  I savored the moment, wishing it could last forever, but now I knew it couldn’t.  I had to do the impossible, let Phoebe go.  She was in pain and it was clear she was only living to prolong our pain of losing her.  I knew it wasn’t fair to keep her there, she deserved to be at peace.

 

“I’ll probably cry for months when you go,” I said cautiously.  Phoebe smiled, seeing what I was doing and she nodded.

 

“That’s okay,” she soothed.

 

“And I’ll probably wonder what the use of living is,” I added.

 

Phoebe chuckeled a little, “then you won’t be any different than any other human being on the planet.”  I smiled at the sound of her laugh, knowing I probably wouldn’t have many more chances to hear it.

 

“You know, we had a lot of years together.  Twenty five with the three of us,” Phoebe started, “that’s the part that counts.  All those memories, the good times.”

 

“You remember the first day we got our powers?” I volunteered, “I was so mad and all those bottles flew off the cabinet.”

 

Phoebe’s face erupted in a huge smile and I laughed.  Piper looked a little puzzeled but kept quiet.  I laughed, watching Phoebe laugh as well and still relishing it. 

 

“We all mastered our powers though,” Phoebe reminded, “it just took awhile.”

 

“Yeah,” I sighed, as tears flooded my eyes, “but our powers couldn’t save you.”

 

Phoebe sighed as she looked at me, “I wasn’t meant to be saved,” she said simply, “I lived my life, and it was a damn good one.”

 

“Oh Phoebe,” I whispered, “it isn’t fair, they can’t take you yet.”

 

“They’re not taking me anywhere,” Phoebe said firmly, “We’re the Charmed Ones, the Power of Three will set us free.  Nothing could keep us apart, not even death.”

 

“But death is a change,” I objected.

 

“Death is a new beginning,” Phoebe replied simply, “just another adventure in the Halliwell legend....now, I’m getting kind of tired, will you guys stay until I fall asleep?”

 

“Sure,” Piper spoke up, “anything you want as long as you open those eyes again later.”

 

Phoebe smiled thoughtfully, “In the words of Cupid, don’t mourn me, remember me, love me.”

 

“I’ll always love you,” I whispered.  She snuggeled deeper in my arms and her brown eyes shown as she smiled.

 

“Good, because I’ll always love you too.”

 

“Me too of course,” Piper added, holding tight to Phoebe’s hand.

 

Phoebe shut her eyes.  I could tell she was tired.  And it struck me that she might not ever open those big, bright brown eyes again.  I tucked her hair behind her ears and kissed her gently on the cheek.  Piper also leaned over and brushed a kiss against Phoebe’s cheek.  Phoebe cuddeled close to us and took a deep breath.

 

“I’ll wait for you,” she mumbeled in her sleep and slowly she let out the breath she’d taken.

 

Phoebe Halliwell never took another breath that afternoon or ever again here on Eath.  Piper and I cried for hours, just holding her and feeling her warmth slip away like grains of sand through our fingers.  My sister died that day, but she will never die in my heart.  She will be cherished in my memories until that beautiful day when I can be with her and everyone else I love forever.  I will always love her and I know she’s waiting for me.  She assured us of that with her last breath.  I’m glad she never said goodbye, because that word doesn’t apply.  She told us she’s waiting for us, and I can’t wait to go to her.  However, as she showed me everyday of her life with her gentle love, I have some living left to do first.

 

The End!!!