Transcribed by DMG

Scene 1

(Credits role…. The Shrink is in starring Courteney Cox etc)

Samantha (in a car with her boyfriend, talking very fast) Honey don't take the freeway, it's a mess this time of day. Ok, lets take third to Broadway, to Jefferson, to Princeshaw, to Stocker, to ? (couldn't catch this she was talking too fast), to ? (Ditto).
I wish you were coming with me, Paris is so romantic this time of year. (strokes her bf cheek) You know maybe we should cut down to fifth to San Pedro, (she continues to list of a load of routes that I can't make out) I can not wait to get on this plane and just relax! Do you realise that I've been in thirteen countries in the past six months? Not that I'm complaining, cause how many people get to see the world AND get paid for it. But, oh I just hate being away from you so much (she hugs him)

(the car pulls up at the airport, they get out and get Samantha's stuff from the boot)

Samantha Well, I miss you already.

Boyfriend I'm not happy

Samantha I know but it's only for six days (she kisses him)

Boyfriend I mean with the relationship, I'm moving out. I've accepted a job in New York; I'll be gone when you get back. I just don't love you anymore. Try to have a nice trip.

(he leaves, Samantha just watches him go, speechless)

(Cut to the interior of the plane)

Tannoy Ladies and gentlemen, this is the captain speaking to you from the flight deck. We have a stack up out on the runway so we're gonna have to sit tight for 20 or 30 minutes. I've instructed the cabin crew to break out the refreshments so that you can enjoy a cocktail or cola on us. We apologise for the delay….

(cut to Samantha who is sitting in her seat pressing the assistance button repeatedly. She is having a panic attack)

Steward Hi, what seems to be the problem M'am

Sam I have to get off

Steward The plane?

Sam (sarcastic) No the planet. YES THE PLANE!

Steward I'm afraid that's not possible, we're about to take off

Sam IN THIRTY MINUTES!

(everyone turns around because of her shouting)

Steward I'm going to have to ask you to keep it down

Sam I need to speak to the pilot

Steward I'm afraid that's against regulations, how about a glass of water

Sam (sarcastic) Ohh, okay water. That'd be great

(As soon as the steward turns his back she jumps up and tries to run down the aisle but a refreshment cart is blocking her way)

Sam (pushing the cart) Move it, move it. Come on!

(it doesn't budge so she cuts across the middle row of seats and runs down the other aisle. On her way a stewardess tries to stop her but Sam just throws her out the way. Sam reaches the eject door and pulls the lever, in doing so she activates all the emergency inflatable stuff. Looking on in horror she screams and slides down the inflatable slide that has emerged from the door. The camera zooms in on her scream and more credits appear. Behind the credits a montage of clips showing Samantha getting arrested, tried etc for 'destruction of an air vehicle' are shown.)

Scene 2

(A large truck drives by, on the verge of the road are the ' LA volunteers' (community service brigade!) amongst them is Sam who is having trouble staying standing whilst picking up garbage)

(Cut to Sam's shrink's office)

Dr Louise How are you feeling today?

Sam (shrugging her shoulders) I finished my last hour of community service

Dr Congratulations. In our last session we talked about your fear of elevators and enclosed spaces, how's that going

(Sam shrugs her shoulders again)

Dr What are you thinking about right now?

Sam I dreamt I was running from a tidal wave last night

Dr Ohhh…. (the buzzer goes) Well I'm afraid our time is up.

(cut to Sam exiting her shrink's office, she walks down the corridor to the stairwell. There is a sign that reads ' Wet paint, please use elevator'.)

Sam (panicking and rattling on the door handle) SHIT! (she walks nervously towards the elevator)

Man Going down?

(Sam gasps, turns around and tries the stairwell door again, it doesn't open. She turns back round to the elevator and reaches out tentatively for the button. Someone beats her to it.)

Henry May I?(rubs his hands on his trousers and presses the button) It's heat activated.

(the elevator dings)

Henry This is us

(Sam hestitates)

Henry All aboard !

(Sam enters the elevator very nervously and immediately huddles in the corner)

Henry Lobby?

(She nods and he rubs his hands on his pants and press the Lobby button.)

Henry (starts singing 'Let your love fly') There's a reason for the sunshine skies, and there's a reason why I'm feeling so high, Must be that season where that love light shines all around me

(Sam is distracted and stops panicking. Unfortunately, at this point more people get on the elevator and she starts panicking again)

Henry (singing very loudly) Let your love flow like a mountain stream, just let your love grow and you know what I mean…

(The other people in the elevator look on bemused. )

(The elevator stops and Sam practically runs out, leaving Henry still singing)

Man in Elevator I don't blame her

Scene 3

(Sam is driving along in her car with a self-help cassette on)

Cassette The absence of love is devastating. It can leave you numb and paranoid. You feel the world is against you and all your possessions will be stolen from you…

(She parks the car, ejects the tape, enters her building and starts looking through her mail, she stops and stares for a minute at a junk letter addressed to her former boyfriend (Jonathon Hartley) then goes up to her apartment.)

Sam (to her dog is jumping up at her) No, no, no Murray. No jump, no jump! (The dog ignores her, she throws her mail on the coffee table, that is littered with sleeping pills and self help books)

(Cut to night. Sam is sleeping on the couch. Gasping, she wakes up from a nightmare. Trying to compose herself, she picks up a bottle and takes 2 pills. She picks up the letter from her ex and stares at it for a while then picks up the phone)

Sam (on the phone) Hi it's me…Samantha… It's one am here, that's four o ' clock in your area. Well 4.01 to be exact…umm…I've a piece of mail for you and I didn't know whether you wanted me to forward it….It's a credit card offer, you've been pre approved for a 5.9 apr introductory offer…..I'm fine, how are you?……Oh, you're not. I'm sorry I didn't realise…I'm sorry I woke you, both…oh ok….bye.

(She hangs up the phone and starts crying)

Sam (to her dog) Murray, Murray come to momma. (He doesn't move, she starts crying more) Murray come to mommy, come on! (He still doesn't move, she starts crying even more)

Scene 4

(Sam and her best friend are walking Murray down the street)

Sam If it's meant to be the right guy will find me, until then I'm perfectly happy being alone

Robin Is that why you're sleeping on the couch?

Sam I happen to like the couch

Robin Samantha, you haven't slept in your bed since Jonathon dumped you.

Sam Is this a pep talk?

Robin I'm just saying, it was right after the break up that you had that 'little' airplane incident and all your difficulties began…

Sam What is your point?

Robin Time to get back into life put a find on your butt. Get dressed up, go out on a date.

(Cut to Sam's apartment, they're still debating)

Sam I appreciate your concern but I am fine, my life is fine, everything is fine. (she is in her study where there are clocks all in different time zones lining the wall. The phone is ringing and the camera rests on the clock marked Belise (where Sam is meant to be working))

Sam (Referring to the phone) It's my boss shhh (she puts on a CD of exotic music and picks up the phone) Hello….Gerald! Yes Hi…no, no that's the band…yes I'm having a gorgeous lobster dinner on the beach….it's absolute paradise down here, wait till you see the pictures…. Well you should be jealous…Okay Gerald; I'll see you next week…Bye

Robin You're a travel writer, who for the past year only pretends to travel and you can stand there and tell me everything is fine (pulls a photo of a man out of her pocket) Drinks, that's all I'm asking.

Scene 5

(Sam's office, she is writing on her laptop)

Sam (reading out loud) As I stood on the silky white sands of Belise, the sun setting like a ball of fire in the sky, I was deeply moved by the turquoise blue Caribbean sea that sparkled before me like the eyes….

(The apartment begins to shake as a large truck pulls up in front off the building. Sam goes to the window to see what's going on. A car pulls up behind the truck and a FIT man gets out)

Sam Oh my God! (a blonde bimbo gets out of the other side of the car) OH MY GOD!!

(The phone rings)

Sam Hello…Dino (her photographer) where the hell have you been! I need those Belise pictures by Thursday…No I know, but I promised my editor a spectacular cover (the doorbell rings) Please do not let me down (Sam answers the door, it's Robin who has had a fight with her husband)


Robin I can't take it any more, Nick's driving me crazy

Sam (not listening) We've got new neighbours (leads Robin to the window) Cute, huh?

Robin So's his girlfriend. Oh well, you're set tonight for drinks with Richard, eight o'clock at The Wave.

Sam All the way in the valley!

Robin At least you can drive there, you're lucky you don't have to fly

Sam I don't think I can make it.

Robin Time to get back into life, get dressed up. Besides it's too late to cancel, I've already confirmed, you're going.

Scene six

(Sam is pulling up at The Wave)

Cassette I have known people who walk into a room and believe a wave of hostility greets them. They are so overcome…. (She ejects the tape as a valet comes up to the car)

Sam I'd like to park it myself

Valet (ignoring her and getting into the car) Yes, yes!

Sam No, no. I'd want to park it

Valet (in broken English) Yes, yes park The Wave.

Sam Okay, umm all right look, would you please be very careful it's a classic car.

(The valet looks confused as Sam gets out the car)

Sam (handing him a car lock) Here you go, use that (she walks away, the valet gets into the car, throws the lock away and drives away haphazardly)

(Cut to inside the bar. It's very crowded and Sam is having another panic attack, she fights her way to the exit)

Sam (To Valet) Excuse me, excuse me! I need my car back, please. I'll give you your money, thank you. (Picks up her cell phone and rings the bar)


Bartender Good evening, The Wave

Sam Hi, I'm supposed to be meeting someone at the bar and I'm not going to be able to make it

Bartender All right

Sam (peering in the window) He's a, he's got brown hair and is wearing a dark jacket (the bar tender walks up to a man) No, no, no, no. Not him, not him it's the other guy. (The bartender looks outside and sees Sam directing her) To your left, that's him

(The bartender goes to her left and hands the phone to Richard)

Sam Yeah can you please tell him I can't make it (sees the bartender handing the phone to Richard) NOOO! Richard…

Richard (waving out the window) Samantha!

Sam (She waves back) Hi. Look, I know this is short notice but I can't make it.

Richard (understandably confused) You can't make it?

Sam No, I'm really sorry maybe some other time…

(At this point Sam's new neighbours storm out the restaurant, pushing the door right into Sam and knocking her over into a nearby rose bush)

Michael What did I do?

Isabelle (who has a very bad French accent) What did I do? Give the man the ticket (referring to the valet who is sitting in Sam's car honking the horn. Sam tries to go to her car but her skirt is caught on the bush)

Isabelle You are so insensitive!

Michael Would you keep your voice down please?

(At this point Sam manages to get free of the bush, unfortunately her wrap around skirt does not and she walks to her car with only her panties on. Doing a double take she realises what has happened and crawls back to the bush, ripping her skirt free she crawls to her car where the valet is still honking the horn)

Isabelle Will you stop honking that horn!

(Cut to Richard who is watching all this in the bar)

Bartender Are you ready to leave sir?

Richard No, no bring me another drink.

(Just as Sam sorts her skirt out the valet drives away. Turning around she sees Richard laughing at her in the bar. He raises his glass in a mock toast and she sticks two fingers up at him)

Scene 7

(Sam's apartment, Robin is angrily waiting for her return)

Sam (enters, sees Robin) SURPRISE!

Robin And how do you explain cancelling from your cell phone, outside the restaurant?

Sam I don't know, but guess who was there?

Robin (exasperated) Samantha.

Sam Come on, guess

Robin (sarcastic) I don't know, the idiot police come to take you away?

Sam No, our new neighbours and they were having a HUGE (the neighbours door slams) fight

(Cut to next door)

Michael I'm sick of your behaviour

Isabelle My behaviour! What about you with that waitress?

Michael What about her?

(Sam and Robin listen in, they can hear every word because off the air conditioning vent running through both apartments)

Isabelle Michael I was not born on a bus

Michael I was just being nice!

Isabelle You were flirting with her.

Michael I was not! Look, I had to talk to her to order food.

Isabelle You might as well of screwed her right there in the restaurant (as she says this she takes off her dress and throws it at Michael)

Michael Don't be ridiculous.

Isabelle And God knows what you are always doing at that bank till all hours of the night

Michael I'm Working!

(Cut back to Sam and Rob)

Sam (sniffing the air coming from the vent) Is that…

(Cut back to next door, Isabelle is smoking pot)

Michael Do you have to get high?

Isabelle It relaxes me.

(Suddenly Murray barks)

Isabelle What was that?

Michael It was just the dog next door. Isabelle, I love you, you're the only woman that I want. What do I have to do to prove it to you?

Isabelle Make love to me (she jumps into his arms and he carries her to the bedroom) Wait, wait take me from behind like the farm animal. Oui, oui!

(Cut back)

Robin Farm animal!

(As they start going at it Sam runs and switches off the air conditioning so that she can't here them)

Robin What are you doing?

Sam I've heard enough

Robin Well I haven't!

Sam Please! She's repulsive

Robin You're jealous

Sam Jealous of what? Being screwed from behind like (in a mocking French accent) 'the farm animal'

Robin You're sweet on him

Sam I just don't think it's ethical to eavesdrop on people.

Robin Really…. (Imitating Sam) 'Well hello Gerald, yes it's absolute paradise down here in Barbados.'

Sam Belise!

Robin Whatever

Sam (in a fake French accent) Whatever

Robin (walking towards the door) Maybe I can get Nick interested in a game of 'Old McDonald had a farm'

Sam (sarcastically) Good luck!

Scene 8

(Late at night, Sam wakes up from another nightmare. She walks out onto the balcony)
Michael (from the other side of the fence, they can't see one another) Warm out here huh? (Sam screams) I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you.

Sam That's okay.

Michael I'm Michael, you new neighbour

Sam I'm Samantha

Michael My first girlfriend's name was Samantha. So what brings you out on the balcony in the middle of the night, rendezvous with Romeo?

Sam (looking around) Not that I'm aware of

Michael Trouble sleeping then

Sam Always

Michael Me too, well I'm gonna give it another shot. Goodnight Samantha

Sam Goodnight Michael

Michael I still think Samantha is a beautiful name

Samantha Well thank you

Michael Sweet Dreams

Scene 9

( Outside the Medical building Henry gets off bus, leaving all the passengers singing 'let you love fly')

Henry That's great, keep it up! (to bus driver) Later Latisha

Latisha See you tomorrow Henry


(Henry gets off the bus, just as Samantha power walks past him)

Henry Hey! (she ignores him and continues power walking into the building where she starts to run up 12 flights of stairs)

(cut to elevator, Harry and a Doctor are exiting)

Henry We offer every magazine under the sun to cater for any and all of your patients diverse needs and interests

Dr I don't have time for this right now

Henry Well I'm gonna be in the building all day, maybe I can stop by your office later (the doctor slams the door in his face) Okaaaaay then.

(At this point Samantha runs down the corridor, towards her shrink's office)

Henry Good Morning!

(again she ignores him and enters the room)

Henry (looking at his list of Doctors) Room 1221, Dr Louise Rosenberg, psychologist.

(cut to inside the room, Dr Louise is answering the door)

Sam (entering) I'm sorry I'm late. I overslept if you can believe that! (pauses for a moment) Well I'm in love! I know it sounds silly and don't ask me how I know, I just know but he is the one, I knew it the minute I saw him. The only problem is he has a model, I mean a girlfriend, who I think is a model because she is gorgeous and dumb as a post. Of course she's French so not only is she and idiot but she's and arrogant idiot, who I think is a pot head and maybe, MAYBE has a bestiality thing. Well, anyway he is a dream, he really is. He's a cross between Ken and GI. Joe, except he's definitely not fake like Ken is, he's more of a Harrison Ford, Indiana Jones. He's even got a Porsche, talk about gorgeous!

(whilst Samantha rambles Louise gets a cardigan from her closet and puts it on inside out, she sits in her chair and suddenly starts crying)

Sam (noticing something is wrong) Are you okay ( Louise falls out of her chair and crawls under the coffee table, sucking her thumb.)

(cut to corridor, Louise is being taken away on a stretcher and is acting like a 3 year old)

Louise Mommy, MOMMY!

Sam All right, all right. Mommy's coming.

(Louise takes Sam's thumb and puts it in her mouth)

Sam No, no, no. Oh God!

(the stretcher is wheeled into the elevator)

Sam Okay, Mommy's gonna take the stairs (Louise grabs Sam's hair, forcing her into the elevator with her) Oh God, Oh God!

Scene 10

(A psychiatric hospital)

Louise (singing) Insy, winsy spider…..

Doctor (to Sam) She seems to be suffering from aggressive dissociate disorder but I hesitate to make a definitive diagnosis at this time. She doesn't have anyone listed to notify in case of emergency, do you know of any family or friends who can see to her affairs while she is indisposed?

Sam No

Doctor Well, at the very least someone's got to cancel her appointments or she'll loose her practice.

(cut to Dr Louise's office)

Sam (on the phone) Hello Mrs Coleman, umm this is Laurie I'm Dr Rosenberg's assistant….Well I'm part time…. No, I have no intention of telling the whole world you're in therapy…..I'm calling because Dr Rosenberg had a personal emergency and won't be seeing any patients for a while…Well it's personal, I don't think she wants the whole world to know. I'm sure you can relate to that…No, I'm not making fun of you!…..Well why don't you talk to Dr Rosenberg when she gets back…..I don't know when that will be….Like I said, it's personal….Look it's non of you damn business!!!….Hello? Hello? (she hangs up the phone) No wonder Dr Rosenberg went crazy! (the buzzer buzzes) Oh great.

Sam (opening the door) Hel….(she is struck speechless because Michael is on the other side)

Michael Dr Rosenberg? Am I early ?

Sam Nnnoo

Michael Michael Coleman (offers his hand to shake) Hi. Should I come in?

Sam Come in?

Michael Thank you (indicating to the couch) Do I sit here?

Sam Ummm

Michael I thought you'd be older

Sam (fake laughing) Older?

Michael Not that it matters, Jeffery gave you a glowing recommendation.

Sam You see I'm not umm (she goes to sit on the desk but knocks over a pot of pencils and bends over, picking them up)

Michael In any case, I really appreciate (he is distracted by the view he is getting of her butt) I uh appreciate uh you seeing me on such short notice. Like I said on the phone (Sam tries to put the pencils back in the pot but it has no bottom and they just fall through, she starts picking them up again) this is my first time in therapy and frankly I'm not exactly sure why I'm here, it was Jeffery who suggested I come here, we work together as you know.

Sam (still picking up pencils) At the bank (she gives up picking up pencils and stands up)

Michael I guess what it comes down to is, I'm not happy

Sam You're not (she takes a step forward and stands on all the pencils)

Michael I mean there's nothing obviously wrong. I have everything I could possibly want yet I have this underlying sense of (he pauses)

Sam Discontent?

Michael (clicks his fingers) Exactly! Its like, I don't know, I feel restless and I'm having…

Sam Trouble sleeping?

Michael Well yes, I do have trouble sleeping. I guess deep down I'm just..

Sam Lonely?

Michael No I'm not lonely, I'm in a relationship (Samantha steps back and nearly falls on the pencils) What?

Sam Nothing

Michael Please

Sam No it's really not any of my business

Michael Just say it, whatever it is, I need your help.

Samantha Well, it's just that you can be in a relationship and still be lonely (she goes over to sit in the chair but it swings backwards so she is stuck in it. After a couple of attempts she manages to get it upright again)

Michael You can?

Sam Sure if you're not with the right person

Michael (thinks about this for a second) Maybe I should com every day for a while. I don't see this as being a long process, a week or two should straighten me out. Is this a good time

Sam (hesitating) W..Well…..sure

Michael Great (he shakes her hand) I have a lunch meeting today, see you tomorrow.

Sam See you tomorrow

(Henry is sitting in the waiting room and jumps up when they exit the office)

Henry Dr Rosenberg (they shake hands) Henry Pope

Sam Hi

Henry (offering his hand to Michael) Henry Pope

Michael Michael Coleman (to Sam) See you tomorrow

Sam Ok (To Henry) Well come on in

Henry I really appreciate you seeing me, a lot of doctors won't give me the time of day. Now I don't wanna take up too much of your time (Samantha bends down to pick up the pencils and Henry enjoys the view ) Umm I have some complimentary magazines for you (he hands them to her)

Sam (bemused) Thank you. Okay, what seems to be the problem?

Henry The problem?

Sam That brings you here today.

Henry Well I sell magazine subscriptions to doctors offices

Sam Is that a problem?

Henry (humouring her) Well it's not easy, but I shouldn't complain. I saw you this morning with your patient (referring to Louise) It must be very stressfull to have to deal with other people's problems all the time.

Sam It's a job!

Henry Well I could never do what you do (indicating to the couch) Do you mind?

Sam Oh please (she indicates for him to sit down, he does)

Henry Um, can I tell you a little secret. I'm scared of people. That's part of the reason why I'm doing this job to get back into the world and talk to strangers, to get back into life.

Sam What made you get out of life?

Henry Well I think I got disillusioned with a lot of things, people and politics. The whole world seems off kilter lately, I just can't seem to trust anyone, you know what I mean?

Sam Uh huh

Henry Anyway, one day had this terrible anxiety attack. I was on my way to Manhattan on the Long Island railroad when I suddenly just had to get off or I was sure I was gonna die. So I yanked that emergency cord and you'd be surprised at how fast that whole train just screeched to a halt and anyway I just pushed my way off like my butt was on fire. I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm telling you all this. I bet no one asks you how you're doing for a change. So, how are you doing Dr Rosenberg?

(cut to sometime later, Sam is now on the couch with Henry)

Sam (crying) I guess the truth is we really weren't right for each other and you know in hindsight he was probably the stronger one for leaving. Excuse me.

(Henry hands her the box of tissues)

Henry It doesn't take a strong man to walk out on a wonderful woman like you Dr. Rosenberg, it takes a fool. But if it's any consolation I've been there and it's true what they say, time heals all wounds.

Sam (really crying) Can you come everyday for a while?

Henry For what ?

Sam For therapy!!!

Henry Ohh…

Sam But don't tell anybody, okay? We can work something out, you can pay me in magazines. How's that sound?

Henry That sounds great

Sam Great. Is this a good time for you

Henry Perfect

Sam All right Henry, I'll see you tomorrow.

Henry Tomorrow it is.

(there is a very fat lady waiting in the waiting room, she has scoffed down all the complimentary toffees)

Lady Your not Dr Rosenberg

Sam (scared) I'm not?

Lady I thought you'd be much older

(Samantha gives a sigh of relief)

(cut to inside office)

Lady I'm just not happy. I'm just…well….I'm

Sam Fat.

Lady What?

Sam You're fat and you hate yourself for it. I mean, I bet your husband is on your back about it all the time too.

Lady Yes he is

Sam Well screw him! You can't help your metabolism

Lady Well to be honest I do binge

Sam Okay, well at least you don't purge!

Lady That's true! Of course I've tried every diet there is.

Sam Okay. You're rich right?

Lady (confused) Well yes

Sam Okay, here's what you do, you hire a food slapper.

Lady A what?

Sam A food slapper! Someone who literally follows you around day and night and slaps the food right out of your hands. I guarantee you no matter what it costs, it will be worth it.

Scene 11

(Sam is running up the stairs towards her apartment. Just as she is opening her front door a lorry passes, causing the building to shake)

Isabelle (running out of her apartment with no clothes on) Oh my God! Oh my God!

Sam What? (sees she is naked and shields her eyes) What?

Isabelle Did you feel that? I think we just had an earthquake. Brace (she braces herself against the wall whilst Sam tries not to look and opens her apartment )
Sam I don't think so (murray runs straight out the apartment) Murray!

Isabelle @#%$! Oh my God, @#%$!

Sam I beg your pardon?

Isabelle My cat, you idiot

(they both run into Isabelle's apartment where Murray is chasing the cat around, knocking over various things)

Sam Murray!

Isabelle Come @#%$, come! (to Sam) Don't just stand there! Get your stupid dog! (picking up her cat) Oh my poor little @#%$.

Samantha (picking up a photo of Michael iin tennis gear) I'm terribly sorry

Isabelle You shouldn't have a dog if you can't control him

Sam He's just a puppy (picks up a tennis trophy) Hey wow, is this you're boyfriends? What is he, a tennis pro?

Isabelle Just take your little Nazi dog and get out!

Sam Okay, okay. You don't have to be so pissy about it.

Scene 12

(Sam and Robin are at her apartment)

Robin Are you insane?

Sam Am I going to hell?

Robin Try jail

Sam Jail?

Robin You remember, Jail. It's illegal to impersonate a doctor, isn't it?

Sam She's just a PHD

Robin Samantha, what were you thinking?

Sam I wasn't! There he was, the one!

Robin You don't know that.

Sam Yes I do. The minute I saw him something snapped
Robin You can say that again!

Sam All right

Robin You have to tell him your not Dr Rosenberg.

Sam Right, what about my other patients?

Robin Your other patients! Samantha!

Sam Okay, okay. I'm gonna march right in there and tell them the truth (off Robin's look) I promise!

Scene 13

(It's the next day, Michael is waiting in Dr Rosenbergs office)

Sam (entering, wearing full tennis gear) Hi, sorry I'm late

Michael You play tennis?

Sam Since I was a little girl! I used to compete

Michael Me too.

Sam Really? I'd have to say tennis is my grand passion (she swings her racquet and hits a glass lamp, breaking it) Ooops. No big deal, no biggie. (she picks the shattered lamp up) Okay it's fine. (she runs over and sits in the chair, that collapses backwards again) Oh God! (she straightens the chair) I can't believe it! (there is a heated pause) I have a little confession to make.

Michael Me too

Sam Oh good, you go first.

Michael Well I have to admit I've never really thought much of your profession, but yesterday the way you just cut right to the quick…I really think you zeroed in on my problem.

Sam Well, you know it's just so clear to me that you're not happy with Isabelle

Michael Did I tell you her name was Isabelle

Sam Didn't you? I mean, you must have. How else would I know? So why don't you tell me a little bit about her.

Michael Well she was a Victoria's Secret model but now she wants to get into acting.

Sam Well that's what she does, thanks to a lucky role of the gene pool dice. Why don't you tell me who she is, inside.
Michael What do you mean?

Sam Is she loving, nuturing, affectionate

Michael We have great sex

Sam Define great

Michael Hot.

Sam Intimate?

Michael What do you mean?

Sam Imean, do you make love or do you just screw? (as an afterthought) like a farm animal!

Michael Well…

Sam Cause meaning less sex can just get boring after a while, don't you think?

Michael Well…

Sam Which might explain your dissatisfaction, you're yearning for something deeper, more emotionally rewarding.

Michael Huh

Sam What do the two of you have in common?

Michael Like?

Sam (indicating to herself) Tennis, for instance

Michael No, she really isn't athletic

Sam (pulling her chair closer) You see common ground is very important, especially considering someday soon she's going to loose her looks. I mean, her skin is gonna sag and wrinkle, she'll probably blow up like a balloon. Well you know the French, with all the Brie ad the cream

Michael Did I tell you she was French?

Sam Didn't you?

Michael I don't think so

(the buzzer buzzes)

Sam (ignoring it) Okay so what else?
Micheal Um, well, work's been stressfull

Sam Okay lets stick to the subject. Are there any drugs involved?

Michael Drugs?

Sam Well it's no big secret that models do drugs

Michael She smokes pot

Sam I had a feeling

(the buzzer goes again)

Michael Do you need to get that?

Sam No, that's just my next patient. Have you ever asked her not to get high?

Michael Well, uhh yes

Sam And did she honour your request or act with hostility and anger?

Michael Well she said it…

Sam ….relaxes her

Michael Yeah

Sam And then did she wanna have sex?

Michael Yes! How did you know that?

Sam (she moves so she's nose to nose with him) Michael, you see it goes back to or discussion about intamicy. The addict, Isabelle, prizes her pot above all else, she's incapable of real intimacy with you because in a sense pot is her true lover. And you (she touches him on the nose) you are just the guy she screws (starts stroking his cheek) Do you know what I mean?

(the buzzer goes again and again and again)

Sam (to Michael) Hold on just one second (opens the door) WHAT?!! (stops still because there are 2 policeman outside her door)

Policeman Are you Dr Rosenberg?

Sam Is that a trick question?

Scene 14

(Sam and the policemen are emerging from the stairwell onto the top floor of the building, the policemen guide her to a window. On the window ledge is a man about to commit suicide)

Policeman We just need you to stall him until we get the air bag blown up below

(Sam peers cautiously out of the window, she looks down and starts to panic. Suddenly Henry pops out from the other side of the suicidal man)

Henry (waving) Hi Dr Rosenberg

Sam Henry, what are you doing?

Henry I'm just keeping Bob company until you got here. I told the police about how you helped that woman in your office.

Sam (sarcastic) Oh Great

Henry (pointing to the suicidal man) This is Bob, his wife left him.

Bob I can't live without her

Sam How long were you married?

Bob Three weeks

Sam Can you excuse me for a moment (turns round to the police officers) Is that bag coming?!!

(Cut to ledge)

Henry So like I was saying, I was involved in the computer business but I'm taking a break now. The pressure just started to get to me, you know what I'm saying (looks at Bob) I guess you do

Sam (sticking her head back out the window) Sorry about that. So, Bob what do you do?

Bob I'm a judge

Sam Really! Wow, that must be interesting work.

Bob No, it's a drudgery

Sam What about kids, you have any?

Bob Miriam wanted kids but I'm sterile

Sam Oh. How about friends?

Bob I don't have any

Sam Parents?

Bob Dead

Sam (running out of ideas) Okay then! (ducks back inside)

Henry I'll be your friend Bob

Bob I don't think so

(cut to inside)

Sam (to the police officers) I really gotta go

(a camera crew enters)

Reporter Can we just get a quote from Dr Rosenberg?

Sam On second thoughts… (she starts to climb out the window)

(Cut to ledge)

Henry So you're sterile huh?

Bob Yeah, I have a problem with my lower trajectory

Henry (sees Sam climbing out of the window) What are you doing Dr Rosenberg?

Sam I just thought I'd give you guys some company

(To Sam's horror a News Helicopter flies in and starts to film them)

News reporter If you've just joined us, as you can see from our sky cam, we have three people out on a ledge on the 14th floor of a medical building downtown

Ground reporter Ah Jim, this is Kelly from down on the street I count 13 floors

(cut to the psychiatric hospital, all of the ward are gathered around the TV)

All of the ward (chanting) Jump, jump, jump

(cut back to skycam)

Jim Well we're being told it 14, Kelly

Kelly Well whatever it is it's pretty high up. Jim, we're being told that the woman you see on your screen is Dr Louise Rosenberg a former tennis pro turned psychologist who works in the building and is apparently employing unusual tactics by actually climbing out on the ledge herself, in an attempt to talk the jumpers back inside the building

Jim Do we know anything about the jumpers Kelly?

Kelly Well Jim, we're being told that the heavy set man you see in the middle is some sort of judge and the young man to his right is possibly a male prostitute.

(cut back to ledge)

Henry I've got an idea! My life sucks too Bob, why don't we all jump!

Sam WHAT?!!!

Henry (taking Bob's hand) Grab Bob's hand Dr Rosenberg (she does) all right isn't this fun, isn't this exciting? Here we come! One…two…three (he pretends to step off the ledge)

Bob NOOO! I don't wanna die

Sam That's the spirit Bob, lets all live!

Bob (starting to Panic) ARGHHH! OH MY GOD WE'RE GONNA DIE!

Henry We're not gonna die Bob!

Bob I WANNA LIVE!!

Sam Everybody's living

Bob ARGHH!

Sam and Henry BOB!!!

Bob I WANNA LIVE, I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!

Sam and Henry BOB!!

Sam SHUT UP!!! Now, nobody is going to die. However, if you start screaming again I'm gonna personally push you off this ledge! Are we clear? (Bob nods his head) I can't hear you!

Bob (Quietly) Yyyeess

Sam I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!

Bob Yes, we're clear!

Sam Okay, now we're all going to inch our way to the left on three. One…two…three (they start inching)
Bob I can't

Sam Bob!

Bob I'm right handed

Sam Meaning?

Bob I have to go to the right.

(cut to inside)

Policeman They're coming to the other window (everyone rushes through to the next room where a person is in the middle of getting a filling)

(cut back outside, where everyone is inching to the right)

Henry (to Bob) We're almost home baby!

Bob (to Sam) We're almost home baby

Sam Okay

(the policemen start pulling Bob through the window but he starts panicking again and won't let go of Sam's hand)

Sam Let go of my hand, let go of my hand!

(he does so but grabs Henry instead)

Policeman He's stuck!

Henry Push! PUSH!!

Sam (pushing) Get in there

(Bob finally gets through the window but Samantha is left with only his suit pocket to hang onto, the pocket starts to rip off the suit and Sam looses her balance)

Sam (falling off the ledge) Oh God!

Henry (grabbing her just in time) I got you Dr Rosenberg

Sam That was a close…..(they both lose there balance and fall off the building)

(They fall all 14/13 floors to the air bag below, with Henry's head landing between Sam's legs, they role over so Sam is on top of Henry)

Henry You Okay?

(Sam looks up at the building, then down at Henry. They stare into each others eyes then Sam remembers something)

Sam Michael! (she gets off the airbag and runs to the office)

Henry (as she runs off) My name's Henry!

Scene 14

(Back in the office)

Sam (running in) I am sooo sorry, okay where were we (she positions them exactly as before, with her hand on Michaels cheek)

(cut to the waiting room, Henry bombs onto the couch. Sam and Michael exit the office)

Sam Don't forget your assignment

Michael I won't. Thank you so much Dr Rosenberg.

Sam Please, call me Louise

Michael Bye, Louise

Sam (turns round) Henry! Come on in

Henry You were incredible out there Dr Rosenberg, you saved Bob's life

Sam You weren't so bad yourself

Henry What a rush, I want to go again

Sam Okay, don't know about that!

Henry You don't remember me do you?

Sam No

Henry (singing) Let you love flow like a mountain stream,

Sam Okay I got it, the elevator

Henry (still singing) And let your love show with the smallest of dreams

Sam Do you always sing in elevators

Henry Yeah, it relaxes me

Sam And you don't care what people might think?

Henry No. You should try it some time, what's your favourite song?

Sam I don't have a favourite song, and if I did I can't sing

Henry Sure you can. What about (starts singing 'I'm a Believer') I thought love was only true in fairytales…You know this one

Sam Yeah I do, and I don't wanna sing it

Henry (singing) Meant for someone else but not for me.. come on

Sam No,no,no

Henry Don't be shy, don't be shy (singing) Love was out to get me….come on…..that's the way it seemed. Come on sing along

Sam No!

Henry Here comes the chorus…. And I saw her face! Come on give it all!

Sam I don't want to!!!

Henry (singing) I'm a Believer! Not a trace…

Sam You've got to stop

Henry (singing quietly) …of doubt in my mind

Sam Have you ever tried medication?

Henry (very quietly singing) I'm in love…

Sam Huh?

Henry No, why, what for?

Sam Depression! Anixiety!

Henry No

Sam Well you should! You can't just go around your life, singing at the drop of a hat. There are certain situations where it's just not appropriate. If life were just so simple where you could sing away you anxieties and you fears…well it's just not that simple, at least not for most people!

Henry (hurt) Well I guess you're right Dr Rosenberg, but I'm not like most people. Here these are for today, I just took a guess on what might interest you (he hands her some magazines) but there's no magazine called meanie. (he leaves)

Sam (feeling guilty) Henry wait (she runs after him but bumps into Robin)

Robin Are you all right?

Sam Nooo (hugs her)

(cut to a stairwell)

Robin You fell off a building

Sam I saved a man's life

Robin But you fell 14 floors off a building

Sam (changing subject) Don't you see? Fate has so obviously brought us together. Destiny moved Michael in next door, delivered him to Dr Rosenberg's on the exact day she had her breakdown, so she would think that I was her, so I could help him break up with Isabelle and he would know that we were meant to be. Do you just think that's some crazy coincidence?

Robin Yes!

Sam There are no accidents

Scene 15

(Sam is in her apartment, waiting for the post)

Sam (on phone) Yes this is Samantha Crumb, I'm calling to check on Louise Rosenberg. If you could have Dr Mark call me back, I'd like to know how long I have (checks herself) I mean she has, until she's better. Okay? (hangs up as doorbell rings)

Sam (to postman) Am I glad to see you (she signs for the package, meanwhile Murray is barking in the back round)

Isabelle (taking a bag of trash to the trash chute) You keep that dog away from my @#%$!

Sam (off the postman's look) Her cat

(Sam steps out of her apartment and signs, the postman leaves. Sam opens the package which contains beautiful pictures of Belise)

Sam Wow

(she goes to the stairwell to get a better look at the negatives)

Sam Good boy Dino

(Just then she sees Michael getting out of his car and heading for the stairs. She runs towards her apartment but finds the door has shut and locked behind her. She runs down the corridor as Michael climbs up the stairs. Left with no option she tries the elevator but it doesn't work. Looking for an escape route, the only option left is down the trash shoot. She throws the photos down and follows them close behind)

Michael (reaching the top of the stairs, seeing the trash bag Isabelle left) Ohh

(he picks it up and drops it in the trash chute)

(cut to the wheely bin underneath the chute, Samantha is emerging with spaghetti in her hair, just as she stands up the bag of garbage hits her on the head, knocking her out)

Scene 16

(Isabelle and Michael's apartment, Isabelle is looking in her pot box, which is empty)

Isabelle Where is it?

Michael I flushed it

Isabelle How dare you flush my pot in the toilet!

Michael I did it for us, so we could be intimate.

Isabelle Intimate?! Have you gone mad?

Michael You love your pot more than you love me.

Isabelle What did you say?

Michel Pot is your real lover, I am just the guy you screw.

Isabelle Are you having an affair?

Michael I'm seeing a therapist

Isabelle A therapist?

Michael Dr Rosenberg

Sam (who is listening through the vent) Uh oh

Michael She's a psychologist

Isabelle Is she attractive?

Michael No!

Sam (thinks about this) He has to say that

(Isabelle starts laughing hysterically)

Michael What? Why are you laughing?

Isabelle Because it is!

Michael I'm dissatisfied

Isabelle It is human nature to be dissatisfied! Grow up Michael, be a man not a mouse.

Michael (shouting to her closed bedroom door) And another thing we don't make love, we just screw!

Scene 17

(Sam is visiting Louise at the psychiatric hospital)

Louise It can be very stressful listening to other people's problems all day long

Sam Tell me about it!

Louise But I am feeling so much better now

Nurse (entering) Time for your medication Louise

Louise Goody!(she downs it like a shot) I so appreciate you looking after my affairs while I'm having this wonderful little rest.

Sam How long do you think you will be resting?

Louise (shrugs her shoulders)Gosh I don't know.

Sam There's no hurry, I mean I wouldn't rush back to work, you surely don't want to risk the chance of a relapse.

Louise (not paying attention) Hello Kittie! (Sam turns round, there's nothing there) It's Suzanna, she's a Persian

(cut to outside Sam is talking to a doctor)

Dr I think she'll be back to work in a week or so

Sam So soon?

Dr She's feeling much better

Sam Um, do you know about the imaginary cat?

Dr Hallucinations are a common side affect of her medication, I'll keep you posted.

Sam Please do

Scene 18

(Louise's office, Sam is dressed very sexily and opens the door for Michael in a sultry way)

Michael (the effect is lost on him, he walks straight in) I have never been so miserable in all my life (he flops down on the couch)

Sam (sexily) It's always darkest before the dawn (she pulls his head onto her shoulder and starts stroking his hair) It's gonna be alright. There, there (she pulls his head down in her chest) There. You know there is one thing that I have learned, it is that I a man who can't express his emotions is a mouse

(Michel isn't paying too much attention (understandably) Suddenly he grabs her and they both fall to the floor, making out. Clothes are flung everywhere and they have sex on the floor)

(Cut to outside where Henry is flicking through a magazine, he gets up and presses the buzzer)

(Cut to the office where Michael and Sam are on the floor, under the throw from the sofa)

Sam (hears the buzzer) It's my next patient (they both get up and start dressing frantically)

Michael I should go

Sam I don't want you to think I do this with all my patients

Michael (hurrying to get out) I don't

Sam Do you want to talk about this

Michael NO! (he heads towards the door)

Sam Wait (she blocks his path) It's natural that you should feel confused, guilty even.

Michael (leaving) Okay

Sam So I will see you tomorrow then?

Michael (sees Henry staring at him) Yeah, yeah okay sure (with that he runs out the building)

Sam Hi Henry (pulls her shirt straight) Come in. I'm sorry I'm running a little late today

Henry That's okay

Sam How are you?

Henry I'm fine, how are you?

Sam I'm fine. (awkward pause) Look about yesterday…

Henry You seem a little flushed

Sam I do?

Henry That's a nice outfit, you going dancing?

(she laughs)

Henry Do you believe in love at first sight Dr Rosenberg?

Sam Yes, in some cases

Henry Me too. I recently met this woman and the moment I saw her I knew she was the one.

Sam The one?

Henry Fate brought us together. Do believe in fate Dr Rosenberg

Sam Yes I do

Henry Me too. I think the problem is most people think with their heads instead of their hearts, don't you?

Sam Actually I do, I do.

Henry So do you think I should tell this woman how I feel

Sam Well, sometimes honesty, right away is not always the best policy. I think that it could scare her off, I think you should probably wait till you get some indication that she feels the same way.

Henry Right, you're right. Well I have to leave early today I have an appointment

Sam Oh.

Henry Are you sure you're not coming down with anything? (he brushes his hand across her cheek)

Sam Yeah I'm sure, it's just a little warm in here.

Henry Yeah, right it's warm (hands her some magazines) these are for today. Call me if you need a dancing partner

Scene 18

(Sam drives her car up to her real workplace. She parks and grabs a sombrero out the back then enters the building)

Sam (rushing into the office) Hi, sorry I'm late I overslept. Must be the jetlag. (she hands the sombrero to her boss, Gerald) For you.

Gerald Great tan.

Sam Thank you

Gerald Where'd you get it

Sam (confused) Belise

(Dino comes round the corner)

Dino In a bottle you mean

Sam Dino, what are you doing here?

Dino Claiming the throne darling.

Gerald Your fired

Scene 19

(Sam and Robin are walking Murray)

Sam I got fired

Robin Fired?

Sam Yeah and I've had sex with Michael

Robin You had sex with him?!!

Sam I know, I know. I slept with a patient, I violated my ethics I'm a hypocrite!

Robin (speaking very slowly) Your not really a Doctor Samantha

Sam He doesn't know that!

Robin Exactly!

Sam He's the one who initiated the sex

Robin Samantha, the man is vulnerable. His head is in your hands and you twisted it to your advantage

Sam I'm helping him!

Robin You're helping yourself!

Sam You're jealous

Robin What ?

Sam Um hmm, you're not having sex so you don't want anyone else to.

Robin I'm married, it's perfectly normal not to have sex

Sam I hope I'm never married like that

Robin Don't worry, there's not a man on this planet crazy enough to marry you

Sam Well maybe I could find a lazy actor like Nick to support!

Robin (storming off) Nick and I have our problems but we've been together for ten years and you know why? Cause in spite of it all we love each other for exactly who we are, no ones pretending to be something they're not. That's how successful relationships work in the real world Samantha; you should try it some time (she stalks off leaving Samantha all alone)

Scene 20

(psychiatric hospital, Henry is visiting his friend Charles)

Dr Henry, how are you today?

Henry Top of the world doc (he offers his hand) put it there (they shake)

(in the ward Charlie and Henry are talking)

Henry I sold 3 Field and Streams today and 2 Playboys. I'm pretty sure the Playboy's were for the doctors.

Charlie Well I really appreciate you filling in for me Henry, I really do

(a patient comes and sits on Henry's lap and has to be moved by the nurse)

Henry Well, I appreciate the opportunity.

Charlie I think I'll be outta here soon, I'm feeling much better

Henry Really, well take your time there's no hurry on my account

Charlie Hey, hey how long have I known you Henry?

Henry Since MIT

Charlie What's her name?

Henry Louise Rosenberg, she's a doctor from the Walshaw building

Charlie Really?

Henry I think I'm in love

Charlie Yeah

Henry (smiling) Yeah

Charlie What does she think about you?

Henry Well that's the problem, I think she likes another patient.

Charlie Does she know about you

Henry No, do you think I should tell her?

Charlie No, no I'd wait until she falls in love with you, then she won't care what you've done

Henry Well how do I get her to fall in love with me?

Scene 21

(A pier, Henry is at the end eating a hotdog)

Sam (running down the pier towards him) Henry! Henry! Henry

Henry Dr Rosenberg, hey! (holding up hotdog) Want a bite?

Sam (doesn't look impressed) What are you doing?

Henry Well I got hungry

Sam On the phone you said you were gonna jump

Henry I kinda changed my mind

Sam Henry I'm very busy, I don't have time for boys who cry wolf. I haven't had the best day…

Henry (he starts to climb over the pier) Bye, bye cruel world

Sam No, wait. Henry don't (she pulls him back)

Henry Why? You don't care do you? Do you care?

Sam Of course I care

Henry You do?

Sam Yes!

Henry How much do you care?

(cut to the fair, Sam and Henry are on a children's ride)

Sam (obviously scared) Aghhh!

Henry Try not to yell, you're frightening the children.

(the ride stops, Sam gets off in a dazed state)

Henry Okay lets go again

(he pulls towards the big wheel)

(Cut to a montage of clips at the fair including Sam winning at skeeball and hoopla and winning a giant teddy)

(cut to the pier, the sun is setting in the back round)

Henry I have a confession to make

Sam You do?

Henry Yeah, I was never gonna jump off the pier. I just wanted to see you. I know that there are patient/doctor rules and I sense that you're a very ethical person and I was afraid you were going to say no, so I lied. I'm sorry, I hope you can forgive me.

Sam I forgive you

(later that night, Sam is in her car)

Henry I really had fun

Sam Me too. Are you sure you don't want a ride home?

Henry No thanks, I love walking (they stare at eachother) Goodnight Dr Rosenberg

Sam Goodnight Henry (she drives away)

Henry (picking up the giant teddy) Hoe about a goodnight kiss (he kisses it)

Scene 22

(the psychiatric home)

Louise Thank you so much for bringing my purse. I just always feel naked without it

Sam Well you have everything there apart from the kitchen sink

Louise That's true

Dr Hamberg Hey Louise!

Louise What's up Dr Hamberg! (she smiles at Sam) You want to sit down for a minute?

Sam Sure (they sit on a bench)

Louise How have you been?

Sam Fine

Louise I seem to remember that in our last session you said you were in love. How's that going?

Sam Well, umm I sorta met this other guy, Henry. He's a…well…he's really….he's different.

Louise How different

Sam Well, he's not really my type.

Louise Could be a good sign

Sam It is?

Louise Well sometimes our type is someone who perpetuates unhealthy behaviour patterns.

Sam What do you mean?

Louise Well we're often attracted to someone who reinforces our dysfunction. In your case I'd say someone who's unavailable, basically narcissistic like your father or someone who's critical and doesn't really understand and appreciate you for who you are, like you mother. Or someone who, assuming you even show your true self, will ultimately abandon you, like your mother and your father, therefore proving your greatest fear that you're un loveable. (Sam listens in amazement) Of course you haven't really shared much of your history with me so I'm just guessing

Sam Well, it's an interesting theory and perhaps in the past that may have been somewhat true, but Michael this guy that I'm in love with…

Louise Has a girlfriend, didn't you say?

Sam Well yes, but he's…

Louise Unavailable

Sam Not for long, we had sex

Louise so he's unfaithful

Sam Well, umm…

Louise Let me ask you something, what makes you think that if he cheats on his girlfriend he won't eventually cheat on you?

Scene 23

( Louise's office, Isabelle is pressing the buzzer)

(Samantha is driving towards the building)

(Michael is in the elevator)

(Henry is leaving the elevator, headed for Louise's office)

Isabelle (entering the office) Dr Rosenberg. Hello Dr Rosenberg (she knocks on the cupboard door, then realises it's only a cupboard) S.hit! She spots a pile of business cards and takes one.

(Isabelle is leaving the office when she bumps into Henry, who is entering the office with flowers in his hand)

Isabelle Urghhh! (She looks Henry up and down) Have you seen Dr Rosenberg?

Henry No

Isabelle Hmm!

Henry (imitating) Hmm!

(cut to Samantha running up the stairs)

(Michael is travelling up in one elevator whilst Isabelle is waiting on his floor for an elevator to come down.)
(Samantha opens the stairway door and is horrified to see Isabelle. She is even more horrified when, barely missing each other, Isabelle enters one elevator whilst Michael exits the other)

Sam (relieved) Oh thank God!

(cut to Isabelle in the lobby, phoning the number on the business card)

(cut to the psychiatric hospital, Dr Hamberg and Louise are playing Badminton when Louise's cell phone rings)

Louise Time out! (picks up phone) Yes, this is Dr Rosenberg…

(cut back to Louise's office, Michael is fidgeting with his Porsche keys )

Henry Did you ever hear that joke, what's the difference between a Porsche and a porcupine? (Michael ignores him so he continues) A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

Sam (rushing in) Hi (to Henry) You're early (to Michael) and you're late

Michael (standing up) Well I guess that would make me first then (he swaggers into the office)

Sam Henry do you wanna come back?

Henry No, I'll wait

Sam Okay (walks into 'her' office. To Michael) I didn't think you were coming

Michael I broke up with Isabelle

Sam You did?

Michael I told her about us, well she asked. I mean she guessed, she said she could smell you on me

Sam You didn't take a shower?!!!

Michael She didn't mean it like that!

Sam Oh

Michael It's like she has this sixth sense you know? She's always accusing me of having affairs, she's insanely jealous

(Henry starts eaves dropping at the air vent)

Sam Does she have reason to be jealous (thinks about this) I mean did she, before?

Michael No, hardly ever

Sam HARDLY ever?!!!

(Henry knocks at the door)

Henry Hey, sorry to interrupt. I forgot to tell you, there was a French woman looking for you earlier

Michael French!

Sam Yes, yes, yes ummm Dominique. I saw her Henry, thank you. (she shuts the door in his face, he stands on a chair next to the vent so he can hear easily)

Michael Who is that guy?

Sam He's a patient

Michael Are you sleeping with him too?

Sam Nooo!

Michael Well he's got a major bone on for you.

Sam I beg your pardon?

Michael He brought you flowers

Sam He did?

Michael That guy's a serious head case if you ask me.

Sam He's not a head case, he's very sensitive

Michael Sensitive? So he's a fag

Sam No! He's in love with some…..woman (she suddenly realises who 'some woman' is)

Michael Yeah, his mother

Sam Oh please, you know men like you always think men like Henry aren't manly because they happen to be gentle and considerate

Michel Looser!

Sam (imitating) He is not a looser. He's fun and kind and interesting.

Michael Really? What's he do for a living?

Sam He sells magazine subscriptions

Michael (sarcastically) Woah, that is impressive.

Sam It is impressive! He's very sexy too.

Michael (taking off his shirt) I wanna @#%$ (Henry nearly falls off his chair)

Sam (Michael is lifting her onto the desk) Okay no, no. Stoppit

Michael Shhh

Sam NO

Michael No?

Sam I can't

Michael You already did

Sam I can't….again

Michael (frustrated) You women are all the same, you control, you manipulate, you're just like my mother (Sam starts to have a panic attack and falls to the floor) She ground my father into mush and he just sat there on the couch, reading the paper.and one day he just dropped dead on the crapper (notices Sam's condition) What the hell's the matter with you?

Sam HENRY!

Henry (bursting through the door) Dr Rosenberg!

Michael I can't handle this

Henry Dr Rosenberg, are you okay?

Sam I….can't…..breathe

Henry Here, here, here breath into this paper bag (he hands her the bag)

Sam I have to tell you….

Henry Just breathe, breathe, breathe

Michael Talk about peas in a pod!

Isabelle (running in) Michael!

Michael Isabelle!

Isabelle (pointing to Sam) She is not Dr Rosenberg

Michael What?

Isabelle She is an impostor, this is the real Dr Rosenberg

Louise Hello

Michael Then who's she?

Isabelle Our next door neighbour, she was just pretending to be a shrink so that she could break us up and have you for herself!

Louise Samantha…

(Samantha just stares at Henry who gets up and runs out the room)

Sam Henry, Henry, Henry! (she gets up to run after him but two policeman stop her)

Isabelle Arrest her!

Louise Wait a minute, she's my patient

(amidst all the confusion Samantha faints)

Scene 24

(A familiar lorry drives by, Sam is on the grass verge, again picking up litter for the LA Volunteers)

(Cut to Louise's office)

Sam I dreamt I was running away from a tidal wave last night

Louise What do you think the tidal wave represents

Sam (sarcastic) 856 hours of community service? It was a good thing I talked that judge off the ledge or I'd probably be in a woman's prison right now, making licence plates

Louise So what are your plans?

Sam Well, I lost my job, I lost my best friend and I lost the one who really was the one.

Louise You haven't heard from Henry huh?

Sam (shakes head) I tried to find him at the place where he supposedly worked and they said they'd never heard of him so either he never existed or he just doesn't want anything to do with me.

Louise What do you want?

Sam Umm, I want him.

(the buzzer goes)

Louise Time is up

Sam Thanks for seeing me, again I'm really sorry for everything

Louise (taking her hand) I know you are

(cut to the waiting room where a slightly less fat woman is having candy slapped out of her hand)

Lady Samantha!

Sam Hi Mrs Dubatty

Lady I haven't seen you since the trial

Sam How are you?

Lady I've lost 30 pounds, thanks to my food slapper here. I left my husband, Ralph and I are getting married as soon as the divorce comes through.

Sam Congratulations

Lady And I owe it all to you

Scene 25

(a big bow of flowers is being carried by a delivery man to Robin's apartment. )
(Cut to Robin knocking on Sam's door)

Robin You don't happen to know anything about 2 first class trips to Hawaii, in first class accommodation by any chance?

Sam I thought you and Nick could use a vacation and since I had all those frequent flyer miles and hotel coupons going to waste….

Robin So this is a bribe?

Sam Yes

Robin Okay!

Sam I didn't mean all those things I said about you and Nick.

Robin Yes you did, but I needed to hear them. Nick and I are in couples therapy.

Sam Really?

Robin And we had sex last night!

Sam Get out!! That's great!

Robin Yes it was!

Sam I'm so sorry for everything

Robin Shhh, bribery means never having to say you're sorry for anything

Sam Come here! (they hug)

(later that day, Sam takes her bedclothes off the couch and goes and sleeps in her own bed for the first time since Jonathon left)

Scene 26

( Sam is going into her building and sorting through her mail. Amongst it is a postcard from Belise that reads 'wish you were here love Henry')

(Cut to outside where Charlie is walking down the street , towards the postvan)

Charlie (slaps the hand of the postman) Thanks man.

(cut to an airport. Samantha is sitting alone with her luggage)

Tannoy Attention please this is the last boarding call for all passengers on flight 104 to Cancoon with connections to Belise

(Sam gets up slowly)

Sam (singing to herself) Must be a reason why I'm feeling so high, must be the season when the love light shines all around us, so let that feeling grab you deep inside and send you reeling where you love can't hide

Flight attendant Better Hurry

(cut to the plane taking off)

Sam (singing VERY loudly) Let your love fly. Like a bird on the wing and let your love…..

(cut to the plane landing in Belise, a row of people get out the plane followed by Samantha, she's walking along a makeshift runway when she spots Henry getting on a private jet with)

Samantha Henry! Henry (she climbs over the barrier and is immediately stopped by 4 guards) No he's expecting me, me amigo, amigo (they won't let her through so she tries different tactics) Look over there (pointing to the sky, all the guards look and she runs away, only to be stopped by a huge tank. Before she is taken away she is able to read ' Go fish – Popopolis entertainment' on the side of the plane)

Scene 27

(Samantha is marching into the Popopolis offices)

Office worker Um excuse me, you can't go in there

Sam (ignoring her) Where is he?

Office Worker Who?

Sam Henry Popopopoo (she can't pronounce his surname so instead marches over the bridge of the pool that leads to his office)

Henry Popopolis (Henry looks up and sees Sam)

Office Worker Sorry Mr Popopolis, she just ran by

Sam How dare you?!!

Henry What?

Sam What?!!! Mr 'Father of the Goldfish Internet browser and multi billionaire' otherwise known as Mr ' honesty, integrity and I never lie I swear!'

Henry Calm down, you're scaring the fish. I never lied.

Sam You told me you sold magazines!

Henry Well I did

Sam Do you have any idea what I've been through? I 've been on 5 planes and 6 elevators in the past 48 hours, not to mention being fondled aggressively in a Central American jail.

Henry Why?

Sam Why!!! (pulls postcard out of her bag) ' Wish you were here, love Henry' Does it ring a bell?

Henry (looking at the postcard) I didn't send this, it's not even postmarked.

Sam (snatches the postcard away from him) Give it to me

Henry Oh, I think I know who's behind this, my friend Charlie! The one who sells magazines, the one I was filling in for while he was…on vacation

Sam What? So you're also a temp

Henry Listen, I'm sorry. You went all the way to Belise?

Sam (defeated) Yeah, yeah. Listen, I'm sorry I barged in on your empire, have a nice life. (she walks away)

Henry Wait, you came all this way

Sam (turning round) Well I just, I wanted to say to you that … I know I lied and I know what I did was wrong but you weren't exactly who you were pretending to be either (she starts crying) and I was so much angrier on the plane. I just think that, like you said, people think with their heads too much and not with their hearts and I think, I THOUGHT that you and I should think with our hearts. That was when I thought you sent the postcard and you didn't, so as you can see this is as moo point. (she turns to leave)

Henry (grabs her arm) wait, wait (he leads her into his office) I wish I did send it

Sam What?

Henry But I was scared. I went to Belise because I read your article, you're such a great travel writer and you made it sound so good. I needed somewhere to think, but once I got there I couldn't stop thinking about you and wishing you were there.

Sam Really? (he nods his head) Oh good…you can kiss me now

(Samantha and Henry kiss which fades into their first kiss as a married couple. Their wedding is in Belise and the band is playing ' Let your love fly'. They dance together as the sun sets in Belise and then the credits role)

The End!