Zander leaned back on the bench. The varnished wood was just as cold and bitter, as his days had seemed to be lately. He had been sitting in the bench all night, not bothering to figure out what time it was, mainly because he never liked the invention of watches. He continued to fiddle with the June’s rose in his hand. He was never fond of flowers either, mainly because they died away so fast; but he had given them to Carly because she had always liked them. Two years ago, he would’ve thought that being with a woman just had its kicks, but girls like Emily and Carly changed that. They lifted his spirits, gave him comfort, and just like a perfect rose—they faded away. Gripping the stem of the flower tightly, he didn’t even notice the blood beginning to exceed on the palm of his hand. His eyes were just as occupied as his mind was at the night sky. So peaceful. So elegant.
Heartbeat pounding so hard it keeps me wide awake at night
I wait alone in the dark for you to make the moment right
If I could only show you all that might be lost
Then you would never wonder what the secret was
And this is what I’d tell you
He tilted his head sideways at the sound of soft footsteps nearby. The figure came out of her silhouette. Zander studied her for a moment. Her eyes seemed fatigued and rather forlorn. He noticed how she hugged herself with her arms like a frightened little girl. But he knew that she wasn’t afraid, at least not of him. “Hi Elizabeth,” he whispered.
“Hey Zander,” she whispered back as she moved towards his direction. Elizabeth put her arms across eachother. She wasn’t cold or apprehensive, but as pitiful as it was the only sense of console she felt lately was knowing that she was still there. Still alive. He noticed that she was observing him, but he didn’t care. In another time, he might have even liked the attention. “What are you doing here, Elizabeth? It’s probably the middle of the night.”
Elizabeth sighed. “Don’t you think I know that. I’m not a little girl who has to get back home before dark, Zander. I’ll be fine.” This time Zander looked up to see her entire face, not just her eyes, but her silky scenic hair, her cheeks. He wondered why she didn’t just go her own way. Why was she still here, standing next to him?
The lonely heart you see tonight
Will not give up without a fight
And I’m never gonna let it fade away
“If you’re going to look at me for this long, you mind as well sit down,” he beamed and gestured toward the bench. She gave half a smile, knowing that he had a point. Another day she might’ve even laughed. She sat down on the bench a few inches away from him—not too close, but not too far. Elizabeth looked down at the flower he held and the blood combing with it. “Zander, you’re bleeding!” She shrieked, loud enough to get his complete attention. Zander’s eyes finally dropped down to his hands. “You wouldn’t happen to have a first-aid kit with you?” Elizabeth searched her jeans pockets and pulled out one diminutive napkin. “This is all I have,” she said wrapping the napkin around his hand. Zander discarded the flower aside, and felt the warmth of her hand over his. “You should probably put some iodine on that when you get home.”
“I don’t have a home,” Zander whispered, “I have a place to live. But it’s not home.” She hadn’t released her hand from his yet. They collided together gently, and neither didn’t seem to mind. “I understand,” Elizabeth whispered back.
“Do you really? Because I don’t think you do.” Zander said callously.
“Fair enough.” Elizabeth swallowed. Zanders eyebrows rose up in slight astonishment. He had expected her to refute. “I used to judge you and I hardly knew you. But believe it or not the Brownstone is not a place I like to call home.” They both looked at eachother as a way of apology. Despite the fact that Zander could feel the cut straining him deep inside his skin, he could’ve avowed for a quick second that he saw a twinkle in her eye.
Oh, you can look in my eyes and see that you’re the only one
I would break down and cry if you became the lonely one
I’d rather play the fool and try and hold a star
Than never know if you were going to break my heart
And I can see it shining
“Are you going to be okay?” Elizabeth asked, slowly removing her hand from his.
“I’ll be fine.” Zander nodded reassuringly. “Uh, sorry I got blood on you,” he said gesticulating to his bloodstains on her hand.
“Oh.” Liz looked down at the same hand that was on his. She wouldn’t have even noticed the blood unless he had mentioned it. “It’s okay. Red’s my favorite color anyway.” Her voice was soft but sarcastic.
Zander breathed in the Port Charles air and sealed his eyes for a minute before reopening them to look at her. “Thanks,” he alleged so silently that she had to read his lips to understand him. “You should go now. It’s getting really late.”
“I’m fine where I am, thanks. Besides, I’m not the one bleeding, Zander,” she snipped.
“This is just a paper cut. It doesn’t even hurt that much,” he asserted. Elizabeth looked at the ground, noticing the yellow rose flowing around the cement, with petals that look as if they were about to fall. Zander looked at her, and realized that she obviously wasn’t making any motion to leave. “Maybe I should take you back to the Brownstone?”
Elizabeth slipped back and shook her head. “I’ll be fine!” She snapped grimly at him. “God, I’m tired of people thinking that I’m so fragile and can’t take care of myself.”
“Well then damnit Elizabeth, stop acting like you are!” He shouted back, so they would be at the same level. But the look on her face made him suddenly regret what he had just said. Elizabeth could almost feel tears forming around her eyes. Tears of truth. Zander’s words were mainly the truth, whether or not she wanted to believe it. “Your right,” she sighed imperceptibly. Zander shook his head and began to apologize but she had already cut him off. “No, you’re right,” she reiterated. “All my life I always needed someone to help me pick up the pieces. First it was Sarah, then Lucky, Jason. I couldn’t survive on my own. Have you ever felt so bad one morning when you wake up and then you go outside and it seems like the people you care most in the world are all after you and all you can do is complain?”
Zander nodded. “Is that a rhetorical question?” Liz shook her head. “Then, yeah. I’ve felt like that. But I don’t like to complain.” He shrugged. “I’d rather just throw and beat the shit out of things.” They laughed a little.
No matter what I say to make you understand It’s all up to you to take the future in your hands So please don’t keep me waiting
“I’m sorry,” she mumbled but Zander heard. “For what?”
“For thinking that you weren’t good enough for Emily.”
Zander waved a hand. “It’s long forgotten. You wouldn’t have ruined our relationship, me and Emily did that ourselves.”
Elizabeth turned and looked at him directly once more. His eyes were filled with pain from past memories. “Have you been hurt allot, Zander?”
“One too many times,” Zander said elastically.
“Is that why you’re here?”
Zander’s eyes met up to hers. “I think the better question is, ‘Is that why we’re here?’”
“Carly?” Elizabeth guessed and Zander nodded. “She’s used to hurting people.”
“No,” Zander protested. “She’s actually great at times. Maybe even wonderful. If you knew her better, I think you’d make good friends.”
“Maybe in another lifetime,” Liz chortled.
It was Zander’s turn. “Jason?” Elizabeth shook her head, “Lucky.”
“You’re a good person, Zander. You don’t deserve to get hurt,” she whispered.
“Neither do you.” Zander slowly moved his clean hand and slid it under hers, putting an empathetic yet sweet kiss on her knuckles. “You truly don’t.”
“Thank you.” She gave a weak smile said a few more pleasant words. He gently released her hand and she moved away from him. He had asked to take her to her apartment, but she refused. For once, she was going to rely on herself; it might even turn out to be a good habit. He had watched her disappear into the park. Then leaned his entire body back, massaging his injured hand, and stared at the entire view of the stars. This time he was able to enjoy it, feeling much less lonesome.
No matter what I say to make you understand
It’s all up to you to take the future in your hands
So please don’t keep me waiting
**Richard Marx: Lonely Heart