LowellLifes

Lowell Lifes.

The Next Great Thing in the History of Lowell.

LowellLifes is intended to be TV show. It is not guaranteed to be a TV show. It is however, my life's work and I intend to get this on Television. I do not have any funding. I don't own a studio. I don't have a director, a producer or any actors.

What I do have is are awesome scripts and awesome characters and an uniqueness and originality that is so distinct it cries out to be watched. For almost Ten Years I have worked on scripts for LowellLifes. I've added and changed characters. Now it is time to share it with the rest of the world.

Who am I?

I know you must be wondering. Let me answer that for you. I'm a former comedian. Actually, there's no such thing as a former comedian, I think non -practicing comedian would me a better term. Now that I just said I used to do comedy, you are either thinking one of two things. That I'm either wicked awesome or I rot bone. Neither one of these is true. Actually, I'm somewhere in between. Anyway, for four years I lived in Los Angeles, doing comedy and trying to get a writing gig as a step towards making LowellLifes a reality. While in L.A., I came to the conclusion that I didn't want a writing gig. I came to know plenty of talented people who were being wasted writing stuff that they didn't think was funny for non-offensive bland television. As for comedy, while I like it, I only see it as a means to the end, not the lifestyle I'd want to lead forever. I also came to realize that even if I got a producer who wanted to do the show, by the time casting directors, network executives, marketing directors and focus groups got a hold of it, I wouldn't even recognize it. It would be like ordering strawberry waffles at the Owl Diner and the next thing you know your puking Tequila at the Donkey Show.

So what is the solution? Simple. Create the show first, then have someone put it on Television, the same way Tom Green was on cable access before being picked up by MTV.

Interested?

A couple of disclaimers:

1. Don't apply unless you are in it for the long haul. It may take many months of unpaid practice to get where we want.

2. Don't apply unless you are willing to move to New York, Los Angeles, Montreal, Toronto, Vancouver or any place else that would want us to produce the show. While my goal would be to have the show produced in Lowell, or at least in New England, these other places are the most likely to produce our show. With what I know of the business, if we can't get it produced around here, Toronto and Montreal give us the best chance to break in. So if you cannot leave Massachusetts, don't apply.

3. The subject matter is brutal. To paraphrase from the gym teacher on Beavis & Butthead, " We're going to be talking about the penis. We're going to be talking about the Vagina. ... and we are definately going to be spending a lot of time talking about maturbation." The seven words you can't say on television will be thrown around like Madonna at a frat party. If this sounds like it would maybe offend you, bad language is just the tip of the iceberg. The subject matter will bury all remaining senses of decency. If you couldn't be associated with it, forget it. If you are thinking that you will wait and see actual scripts and maybe try to talk some sense into me, forget it.

4. This show will bash many politician, living or dead, national or local, if you can't take that, forget it.

5. It is not my way or the highway, except for the overall goal. I'll happily take suggestion on anything after you have an understanding of the big picture.

6. If you are underage, you need one of your parent's permission to even send me an e-mail. Your parent is also going to have to be open to such subject matter. Your parent is going to have to move with you as well. As long as you are under 18, your parent is going to have to stand there during shooting and watch us make fun of you as you are chin deep in cowshit wrestling Vietnamese pottbellied pigs. They are also going to have to stand there as you stick your head between pornstar's breasts as well. The kind of kid that can get his parent's permission is the kind of kid I want.

Still Interested?

If you are interested in any of the positions below, please e-mail me at robgill17@msn.com. (Or click on the Want to Apply link.)
When you send me an e-mail, send me:
1. At least one picture of yourself (Nothing Black and White). I really don't care what you look like, but it gives me an idea.
2. Also include your address and phone number, how old you are if you are under 18 and your work schedule.
3. Indicate how much acting experience you have, however, acting experience definately isn't necessary. Puppeteers indicate puppeteering experience. Directors indicate directing experience.
4. Also tell me who your 5 favorite bands are and what your 5 favorite TV shows are, regardless of whether they are still being made or if they have long been cancelled.
5. Indicate what character you are interested in.

The Characters and Available slots. Characters not necessarily in order of screen time.

Ricky White 30s... Ricky is on Disability leave from his job as head of his multimillion dollar startup mutual fund. While at his company he was the single biggest asshole ever. He was a womanizer and a terror to his employees, they shivered as he entered the room and he made their lives miserable. But then he had a nervous breakdown that leaves him in his current state, a naive, super nice guy but spineless, which has allowed ex-employees to take advantage of his situation. (This character is played by me)
Dan 18-40s... Dan is Ricky's right hand man at the Mutual Fund. While he was a closet homosexual with Ricky at the company, he has become more open with Ricky sitting at home. He enjoys having all the power and he quietly does his best to keep Ricky from ever coming back to work.
Doug 20s to 30s... Doug is the firms led attorney, although he also has his own practice which is where he stays most of the time. Doug is Dan's gay lover even though Doug is 100% in the closet. In public, Dan and Doug double date with beards. Doug is the dominant one in the relationship and he would rip Dan to pieces if he was exposed. Doug also greatly benefits from a Ricky on disability.
Angel the Dog... Angel is a female. She is Ricky's dog. (A Bull Dog preferably). Dogs talk on this show. Angel loves money and she is embarrassed at Ricky's condition. She does everything she can to get Ricky well and get more money because Ricky isn't paying himself much in disability in his current condition. Angel was purchased after Ricky's breakdown and she doesn't believe the stories of how he used to be.
Puppy Angel... Puppy Angel is Angel before she grew up. Puppy Angel is pure and love and someone who used to do everything that Ricky wanted, like go for walks, play Monopoly, etc. Current Angel is a beer guzzling, weed toking, bum. Puppy Angel did no wrong, so Ricky thinks that current Angel does no wrong, even in the face of overwhelming evidence.
Shards the Dog... Shards is Angel's sister. She is also Doug's dog. Shards and Angel hate each other. While Angel tries to get Ricky back to work, Shards secretly tries to keep him out so that Doug will benefit and Angel will suffer. This win/loss relationship is the focus of the show. While Ricky pampers Angel and lets her do whatever she wants, Doug pays Shards no attention at all, which makes Shards jealous of the attention Angel gets, even though Angel doesn't realize it. In fact, Shards spends a good portion of her time with Ricky, but she makes fun of him behind his back, while Angel retorts by making fun of Doug.
Revere the Greyhound... Revere has a wicked Boston accent. He is Angel's best friend. He is a retired greyhound racer. While he is Angel's best drinking buddy, he thinks Shards is the best looking bitch he has ever seen and when she is around all he can do is think about nailing her, and he tells her so. He is the funniest guy on the show.
Luke 10-18... Luke is Ricky's assistant. While that meant evil deeds when Ricky was working, now it means just hanging out. Luke is smart and shy, and he tries to fit in with Angel and Revere, but they do nothing but make fun of him. To impress them, he invents things and come up with ideas that would help get Ricky back to his own self, and for that they appreciate him, if only for a moment.
Mike and Mark 16-25... Actual twins, or an obvious family resemblance and no more then 5 years in between. Mike and Mark are salesmen who work at the Mutual Fund. To date, they have not made one sale. In the era of Ricky, he would torment them. Now, in the era of Dan, they still haven't made a sale, yet they have gotten raises and drive Porsches. How? They are pleasuring Dan, that's how. Offscreen of course. Make sure you can handle that.
Others ... submit yourself if you live in New England. You never know. From 2-92 I could use you. Answer the same questions as above.
Where are the women at???? Women will be in most every episode and the Angel and Shards will have female voice overs. Women please send me an e-mail. All shapes, sizes and ages.
Want to apply. E-mail me!
Director also wanted. This is your chance. Have you always wanted more? This is your chance to cash in. Any level of experience considered. E-mail me. Want to apply. E-mail me!