Sleeping Peacefully
by Charlotte
“ Spike?” Xander mumbled sleepily
Xander reached out across the bed, his hand reaching
into space.
“Spike?” this time more clearly as he sat up and
wearily opening his eyes.
Xander was exhausted, Buffy had kept him awake for the
past week with her non-stop crying for Anya. But as he
kept telling her she wouldn’t be coming back and that
she only had him now.
The moment Anya saw Xander and Spike locked in each
others embrace in Spike’s crypt whispering how much
they loved each other she had packed up and left,
saying if this wasn’t enough to get her old job back
nothing was.
Everything was fine, but it meant Xander had to look
after Buffy by himself.
Xander sat up and swung his legs out of bed, he wanted
to know where Spike was.
The day after Anya had left Spike had moved out of the
crypt and into his apartment, They had barely spent an
hour apart since.
Their affair had started soon after Spike had got
badly injured protecting him,
They had been fighting a Fharl demon joking that maybe
Giles knew him. But as Xander turned to laugh at what
Willow had said, the demon struck at Xander with a
hammer he carried. Only Spike’s vampiric speed had
saved him, but it also caused Spike to be hit instead
of him. He went down with a thud, his head smacking on
the road as he landed. Xander carried him to his crypt
and fetched everything to make him more comfortable.
He even phoned Angel in L.A to ask what he could do to
help Spike recover more quickly, the phone call itself
had not been at all pleasant, Angel shouted and
lectured Xander about not being able to look after his
childe while injured, but Xander gave as good as he
got and accused Angel of not caring for Spike in the
past so why should he start now they'd made up.
Angel backed down and apologised to Xander, then gave
him a list of things he could do for Spike, saying
that he was sure Xander could take care of Spike much
better than he could. Xander got the impression he had
sent Angel off into a brooding session about his
childe, well good, he didn’t do enough for Spike,
maybe now he would start.
Xander spent a long time looking after Spike, feeling
guilty that it was his carelessness that had got Spike
nearly killed and Anya didn’t notice his absence
because she was too busy looking after Buffy and the
magic shop.
Spike spent weeks just laid out in the crypt, drifting
in and out of consciousness Xander feeding him blood
as and when he woke, talking to him when he was awake,
making sure he was comfortable and happy.
After a while Anya did notice and asked about it.
“ Why do you look after him so much?, you never look
after me that much”
“ He’s injured Anya” Xander replied with a sigh.
“ Yeah but.. He’s evil”
“ He’s not any more, he saved me, it’s MY fault he’s
injured”
“ and that’s why you look after him?”
“yes..” and that’s where the conversation ended.
Xander told himself this for weeks, he was guilty that
was all. It wasn’t because he cared for Spike in any
way, Nope , no feelings for the poor defenceless
vampire who had saved his life and kept giving him
smushy feelings as he muttered his name as he slept.
It took three months for Spike to get better, and
Xander didn’t mind.
He spent more and more time with Spike as he
recovered, providing for him, listening to him whine
about Passions and arguing with him when he became
ungrateful. Xander came to enjoy Spikes company more
and more, burying his feelings for Spike under a cover
of quick remarks and quips.
And then the day came, the question that he had been
dreading was asked.
“ Oi whelp” Spike threw one of the natcho's that
xander had brought to eat at his head.
“ Yeah ?”
“ Why are you still here?”
“It’s only three o’clock, I got bout an hour till
Anya wants me to pick up her and Buffy from the Magic
Shop”
“ I know that, I meant why do you still come here?
You’ve done your little deed for the good, I’m all
better…the big bad’s fit and healthy now”
“ uhhhhh…” Xander replied hesitantly.
“ I know you only looked after me because you were
guilty” Xander sensed a
Tinge of sadness in Spikes tone before the british
cockiness came back full force. “ Well you can go
now..”
“ Do you want me to go?”
Spike turned his head away.
“ …Yeah, go...”
“ Well I’m not going” he spoke clearly as he walked
over to where spike stood.
He placed his hands on Spike’s shoulders, the same
ones he had been looking after for three months. He
griped lightly and turned Spike to face him. He saw
Spikes face as he thought he never would.
Spike had tears running down his face.
“ Spike…What’s wrong?”
“ Why the bloody hell do you care?” Spike shouted as
he rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand.
“ You think I don’t care? Are you fucking insane? Why
the hell do you think I’ve looked after you for the
past three months?”
“ You’re one of the good guys, it’s what you do” “ Oh
plus the fact you felt guilty…mustn’t forget that”
Spikes voice was full of pain and rejection. He
shrugged Xander’s hands off and walked over to the
other side of the crypt, leaning against the wall
lighting up a cigarette.
“ Oh yeah that’s right, You’ve figured it all out, the
genius Vampire says that Xander felt guilty, and as
his duty as a 'good guy' he cared for the Big bad, Oh
yeah that must be right, Spike says its so. So I guess
it could have nothing to do with the fact I’ve fallen
in love with you..you big blond idiot” Xander stopped
mid babble and took in a big gasp of air, in his big
rant against Spike he’d just admitted something to
Spike, that he hadn’t even admitted to himself.
“ I mean… uhhhh…” Xander looked over to Spike, both
their faces in complete shock.
“ What?” Spike whispered. Oh god Spike wished it to be
true, for months he had been in love with Xander, from
the moment he saw him in danger he knew. And with
Xander taking care of him as he recovered just
confirmed those feelings. Never in his wildest dreams
would Xander return those feelings, the guy was
married for fuck’s sake.
“ I...uhhh… ummm” he stuttered in reply.
“Just as I thought, well you better be running along
to Anya and Buffy” Spike spoke clearly, but Xander
could see fresh tears well up in his eyes. Spike knew
it was too good to be true.
Xander took a deep breath.
*Okay I can do this, I love Spike, but Anya.. she
doesn’t need to know yet, just let me sort it out with
spike first, then I’ll think about what to do about
her.*
“ Spike”
Another deep breath
“ I love you”
As soon as the words were out of his mouth he had an
arm full of Spike,
“ You mean it pet?”
“ yeah, yeah I mean it” and he really did.
“ Good, I love you too” and then there was kissing,
lots of kissing.
They carried on their affair for about another month
before Anya found out, Spike understanding that Xander
had to lie to Anya for Buffy’s sake, and that soon he
would tell her, and they could live together.
So Spike waited and they spent their new love found
days exploring their love and how they could express
it. Something Spike loved to do, especially if Xander
was nekkid during those times.
When Anya found out, things had been awkward, but then
she left. And Spike got his wish and moved into
Xander’s apartment.
Which is why Xander was wondering where Spike was, he
had never left Xander alone, even when he was dealing
with Buffy, Spike was with him. Watching and talking
to him but never helping with her.
“ Spike?” Xander checked the bathroom, No Spike
He checked the living room, kitchen, hall, still no
Spike.
“ Where is he? “ Xander mumbled to himself. “ might as
well check on Buffy”
Xander crept across the living room and peeped his
head round the door of the nursery. He gasped at what
he saw. Spike sat in the chair rocking Buffy to sleep,
His hair sticking up every which way from sleep, his
chest and pants covered by the blanket wrapped around
Buffy.
Those art pictures of guys with those babies are
nothing compared to this Xander thought.
“ Spike?” Xander whispered. When Spike looked up
Xander saw he’d been crying.
“ God spike what’s wrong?” Xander whispered as he made
his way over to his side.
“ How could that heartless bitch leave her only
child?” Spike looked like he was going to cry again.
“Spike.. you know Anya’s not like…she doesn’t know how
to love little Buffy like I do”
“ We do” Spike corrected quietly.
Spike looked at Xander and then looked at Buffy, he
brushed a lock of hair off her forehead. She was
sleeping peacefully for the first time in weeks.
“ She looks a bit like the slayer y’know”
“ Why do you think we called her Buffy?”
“ cause she was blond?”
“ you’re an idiot” Xander replied with a smile.
“ An idiot in love” and with that Spike kissed him.
Xander looked down at his child in his lovers arms, he
was wrong, Buffy didn’t just have him, She had Spike
too.
END
