Hating the 2nd Amendment
Spoilers: Anything through Season 3’s Finale
Summary: Post-Ep for Finale Josh reacts to the news of another gun death
Pairing: J/A, J/D
Notes: ‘ means quotes from the show
/ means thoughts not spoken aloud
Also this was written in about a half hour so i apologize if it doesn't make sense
Feedback: Greatly appreciated
Hating the Second Amendment
1/1
By Mer
‘Simon Donovan was just shot and killed.’
/Shit/
My tirade against Amy suddenly stopped. I ran to the phone and yanked it out of her hand. My heart started pounding wildly. I could barely speak to Donna on the other end.
“Was C.J. hurt?” I cringed as I asked.
I had this vision of C.J. lying on an operating table fighting for her life. I knew that I wasn’t ready to deal with that right now. Amy had no idea of my PTSD and I worried I would freak out in her living room if Donna’s answer was yes.
/Please let the answer be no. Please let the answer be no/
“No she wasn’t hurt. He walked into a grocery store robbery.” Donna finally said tearfully.
/C.J.’s okay. C.J. wasn’t hurt/
“Do they need me to come in?” I asked.
“I don’t think so. You might want to go to C.J.’s before you come in tomorrow though.” Donna answered.
/She’s going to be devastated. She’s going to be angry at the world. She’s going to be angry with me/
“Kay.” I replied as I hung up the phone and sunk down to the floor.
/I lived but he didn’t. I lived but someone trained to deal with these things died/
“J you’re shaking are you okay?” Amy asked.
/Do I look like I’m okay? What was I supposed to jump for joy at the news? Of course I’m not okay/
I couldn’t answer her. My thoughts became filled with images of the night that I was shot and what Agent Donovan’s death might have looked like. Why do things like this have to happen, I thought to myself. Why the hell are guns so important to people, I asked myself silently.
I was the one who placed the phone call that brought Agent Donovan to C.J.’s aide. I was the one who didn’t think C.J. should take her threat likely. It was my fault that he died. It was my fault that he was even on the trip in the first place. I had a whole new understanding of what Charlie went through after I was shot.
“J, is there anything I can do?” Amy asked softly.
/Yeah, you can get rid of all the guns in this world. You can make me turn back time and un-report C.J.’s death threat/
“No.” I replied a little too quickly.
“Tell me what to say to make you feel better. Tell me what I can do to comfort you.” Amy pleaded.
/Only Donna knows how to do that properly. Only Donna knows exactly what to do/
“I need to be somewhere…else I think.” I replied shakily as I got up from the floor.
/Somewhere not there, somewhere with people who knew what the aftermath felt like/
“Josh you shouldn’t be alone right now.” Amy protested. “Stay here let me help you.”
/You’re not Donna. You weren’t there after I was shot. You have no idea how to help me/
“I can’t be here right now.” I managed to say before I left her apartment.
I left her apartment with no apparent destination. Another life senselessly taken, more lives shattered by a bullet. Another victim who shared my pain, someone who knew exactly what it felt like only he didn’t live to tell about it.
‘This administration loves the Bill of Rights all of them but the second one. Why is that?’
/Maybe because guns almost killed me and the president you moron/
Ainsley’s words from years past rang in my head. Nights like tonight were the reasons we hated the second amendment. Nights like the one I spent bleeding on the concrete steps of the Newseum were another reason. A day like the one Charlie’s mom was shot was a third.
Damn those Republicans like Ainsley Hayes. Why didn’t they see that people shouldn’t be allowed to carry guns? Why didn’t they see that guns killed people that would otherwise be living peaceful existences? Not everyone was as lucky as I to survive such an assault was.
“Josh.” Donna called out interrupting my thoughts.
If Donna hadn’t of called my name I think that I would have walked past my apartment and been none the wiser. I had been so angry I hadn’t even noticed where I was going. Angry really wasn’t even a strong enough word. I felt angry, hurt, betrayed and guilty all at once.
“Why him?” I asked as I slumped down on the steps to my building.
“I don’t know.” Donna replied giving me a hug.
“Two years ago I should have died. If I had been left on those steps just a few minutes longer I would have. Why didn’t I die as well?” I asked tearfully.
“I’m not sure.” Donna replied hugging me tighter.
As I sat there clinging to Donna I knew that C.J. was somewhere dealing with the loss of her protector. I knew she was starting to like him in that boy-friend type of way. His death was going to haunt her. She was going to blame herself just as she had after I had been shot. Just as they all had, really.
“The Second Amendment sucks Donna. We should work on eliminating it.” I said with sudden clarity.
“It won’t change the fact that he died.” Donna murmured.
“No but maybe it will stop other deaths.” I protested.
I’m not sure how long Donna sat there holding me that night. We both were lost in thought of how to deal with C.J. and remembering the shooting that almost cost me my life. All I knew was that guns sucked and they only brought tears. And pain, oh how could I forget the pain?
“I hate guns.” I murmured.
“So do I, Josh, so do I.” Donna replied
The End
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