How Do I Live parts 1-2

Disclaimer: I don't own most of these characters but I wish I could.

This story is the sequel to Best I ever had. It is set four months later

How do I live?

By Mer

Part 1

(Josh’s office)

“Josh, I really need to talk to you.” Donna said as she came into my office.

“Sweetheart, I know I’m late and I’m on my way out the door. I surprised Toby hasn’t sent out a search party for me.” I joked as I grabbed my bag.

“It’s not that.” Donna protested.

“Donna, I’d love to talk now but you know I have to go to Buffalo with Sam and Toby. I’ll be back in a couple of days. Can it wait?” I asked.

“Well…” Donna began.

“Oh god nothing’s wrong with the twins right? You’re feeling okay aren’t you? Because if something’s wrong I’m sure Leo will let me stay behind.” I asked as I placed my hand on her stomach.

“No, no the twins are fine.” Donna protested.

“That’s good. I love you. I swear we will talk when I come back.” I said as I gave her a kiss.

“I love you too, but…” Donna protested some more.

“Look if it’s about the names…” I began.

“No, just go, I’ll tell you when you get home.” Donna sighed.

“I’ll call you as soon as our plane lands tonight.” I assured her.

“Okay.” Donna replied.

“I love you, sweetheart. I’ll see you in a couple of days.” I said.

“I love you too.” Donna said as I limped out the door.


How do I get through one night without you
If I had to live without you

I looked at a clock I passed and realized that we all were supposed to leave ten minutes ago. Toby was definitely going to be upset. I limped down the hallway and actually wished for my wheelchair. Yeah I got to shed that a few weeks ago. I still had to use a crutch, but at least I could walk. The therapist said that it might take a while for the limp to totally disappear or it might never. I didn’t really care either way but now it was making me even later.

“Glad Gimpy could finally join us.” Toby said as I got into the limo.

“Hey my watch sucks.” I protested, ignoring the Gimpy remark.

“I bet you were out playing kissy face with Donna.” Toby scowled.

“Now, Toby didn’t you give C.J. a long good-bye kiss?” Sam jumped in.

Toby’s cheeks reddened. I had to laugh. It was hard to believe that I had been married for seven months and Toby had been dating C.J. for almost six.

“At least we have people to kiss.” Toby countered.

Ahhh, man that was a low blow to Sam’s ego. He hadn’t really been seeing anybody since Mallory had started dating that hockey player. Sam had just been trying to help and now his feelings were hurt because of it. I wasn’t about to let my best friend go down in flames.

“At least…” I began but was cut off.

“Joshua, don’t even say it. Let’s drop the whole thing.” Toby warned, and then his phone rang so he ignored us.

“Fine.” I muttered.

“So have you guys started thinking up names yet?” Sam asked.

“Donna really likes the name Simon, but trust me it doesn’t go with my last name.” I joked.

“No Simon Lyman definitely doesn’t go. But I’m honored that you have decided to name your kids after me.” Sam said.

“Excuse me?” I asked.

“You know you promised to name them Samuel and Norman.” Sam replied.

“One Samuel Norman is enough thank you.” I joked.

“No not Samuel Norman, one is going to be named Sam and the other will be named Norm.” Sam replied slowly.

“Have you been watching Cheers reruns again?” I asked.

“No. Hey I got a better idea why not name one Samuel Josiah and another one Leo Toby.” Sam joked.

“Actually, I think it would work better as Samuel Toby and Leo Josiah.” I replied with a smile.

“Yeah that does sound better. Okay what about girl’s names? Cathy Ginger and Margaret…what’s Mrs. Landingham’s first name?” Sam asked.

“I don’t know, Nancy maybe? Hey C.J.’s going to get mad if we don’t throw her name in there too. How about Margaret Claudia and Cathy Jean?” I asked.

“That would work. Though you would have a little C.J. of your own.” Sam joked.

“What are you two doing?” Toby asked once he hung up the phone.

“Naming Josh’s twins. The boys are going to be Samuel Josiah and Leo Toby, the girls are going to be Margaret Claudia and Cathy Jean.” Sam said proudly.

“I swear that if Donna agrees with those names I will promise to diaper them for a month.” Toby said.

“You don’t like them?” I asked innocently.

“Well, the boys names aren’t so bad…” Toby replied slowly.

“See even Toby thinks we should name one of your kids after him.” Sam stated proudly.

“I think it would be even better if you didn’t name one after Sam.” Toby joked.

“Now, now, I think I have figured out the perfect names for your kids. At least when you have some, Toby.” I threatened.

“I didn’t even know that Toby was capable of reproducing.” Sam teased.

“Well, at least when I have kids they will be my kids to raise.” Toby snapped.

“Excuse me?” I asked in shocked voice.

“When I have kids…” Toby repeated until Sam cut him off.

“So you’re saying that Josh can’t be a father to the twins?” Sam asked.

“I’m saying that Josh shouldn’t want to be a father to the twins.” Toby replied.

We pulled up at the airport just then. I was still in shock. I couldn’t believe what Toby was saying. I jumped up out of the car and so did Sam. He put his arm on my shoulder to hold me back.

“Why shouldn’t I want to be a father to the twins?” I asked.

“Because Josh if you’ll happily raise these kids then Donna can have an affair knowing that you’ll raise those kids too.” Toby explained.

“So your saying that by marrying the woman I love and loving the babies that she carries inside of her like my own that she won’t think twice about having an affair?” I asked as my voice rose up a notch with each word.

“She used you Josh. The minute you were hurt she ignored you until you were okay enough to get her back.” Toby replied.

“Oh yeah and this is coming from the same man who told me that I should go after the woman I loved, and not to let her slip away?” I practically yelled.

“That’s before I knew they weren’t your twins.” Toby replied.

“I…” I started to yell but Sam pushed me away.

“Board the plane, I’ll finish this.” Sam ordered as he practically shoved me up the stairs.

“Samuel, I really don’t think this is any of your business.” I heard Toby yell from my spot behind the plane door.

“Oh yeah so you think that Josh can’t raise Donna kids as his own huh? Josh loves her, Toby. He was devastated when she was too guilty to visit him. You said it yourself that he was falling apart when you saw him that day in his office. How the hell can you even say that about him?” Sam yelled.

“He doesn’t even know what he is setting himself up for.” Toby stated slowly.

“What is your problem with it anyway? Josh and Donna have an arrangement why is it any of your business?” Sam asked.

“Because I know what it’s like to have someone cheat on them.” Toby replied.

“Donna is not going to cheat on Josh.” Sam stated.

“Well, just see about that.” Toby muttered.

“And just what the hell do you mean by that?” I said as I came back down the steps.

“Josh” Sam said as he tried to grab my arm.

“Answer the question, Toby.” I said as I threw my arm up to shake Sam off.

“Josh” Sam tried again because he knew what was about to happen.

“She’s playing you like a violin.” Toby smirked.

“How dare you even call yourself my friend.” I exploded.

What happened next, I’m not even sure of. All I know is that somehow my legs gave out from under me just as I was about to slug Toby. I fell to the ground hard and Toby fell on top of me. Sam wasn’t sure if he should laugh or if he should let us beat the hell out of each other since we were already on the ground.

“Josh, I’m sorry.” Toby apologized though he was still on top of me.

“Get the hell off of me.” I replied angrily.

“Josh” He said as he tried to help me up.

“I can do it myself.” I said as I pushed him away.

I got up and I ignored the guilty look that he had on his face. My leg really hurt and I knew that I had jammed my knee down really hard. I gingerly went up the steps and boarded the plane. Toby and Sam followed closely behind me. Toby tried to talk to me again, but I refused to listen to him so he just sat down in another part of the plane.

“Toby’s just jealous.” Sam said as he sat down beside me.

“What?” I asked in an annoyed voice. “If that was jealousy, I hate to see what spiteful is.”
“C.J.’s not pregnant.” Sam said slowly.

“And your point would be?” I snapped.

“My point would be that she thought she was and now Toby’s mad because you get to be a father and he doesn’t.” Sam explained.

“So what did he mean about the whole cheating thing?” I asked.

“I don’t know, he was just being Toby. He’s having a crappy day and he thinks that everyone else should be having a crappy day too.” Sam replied.

“I guess.” I sighed.

“How’s your leg?” Sam asked as he realized I was rubbing it.

“It’s fine.” I lied.

“At least you already had crutches along.” Sam joked.

“Speaking of which, you are in head smacking range.” I said as I pointed to the crutch.

“Nah, you would rather crack Toby’s skull then mine.” Sam replied.

“True.” I answered. “Just keep him away from me for now.”

“Okay.” Sam said with a smile, as if he could envision what would happen if we didn’t.

“You know Sam…” I began teasingly.

“I was just kidding, shish.” Sam apologized.

“I know. But I should’ve gotten at least one slug in.” I protested.

“Uh huh.” Sam agreed.

Part 2

I remained in Josh’s office long after he left. I was sitting at his desk and kind of staring off into space. I smiled as I picked up a picture of me and Josh that was on the desk. I noticed that the frame was chipped a bit, and I remembered that Josh said he had accidentally broken the glass. I had often wondered if it was really an accident or if he had done it in a fit of rage. But I never pressed the issue because believed me I deserved it.

I guess I am still in awe that Josh was willing to take me back. He had welcomed me back with open arms even after I was so cruel to him. I had abandoned him when he needed me the most, and yet he refused to let me go. And he refused to let me apologize to him because he said he knew I didn’t mean it. He was really the sweetest guy.

I began to roll around absently in his chair. I thought about what I had wanted to talk to him about earlier. Even though I had my suspicions I had found out yesterday that I was only six months pregnant, instead of seven like we had originally thought. Six months meant that Josh was definitely the father. I cared about Robbie and all but I was absolutely thrilled that they were Josh’s and not his.

I also found another shocker out, I wasn’t having twins after all. When the doctor told me I got all sad, and she just laughed. She said I didn’t lose a child I had actually gained one. Yup, that’s right, I was going to be the mother of triplets. Oh boy wouldn’t Josh go nuts when he found those things out.

The only bad part about telling him was admitting that I had seen my doctor without him present. He had begged to be included in every visit. And he had since we got back together. But I went alone this time to make sure that they were his babies. A part of me just had to know if there was even the slightest chance.

When I asked the doctor she said that I was barely six months. I told her that I though I was seven and she said that sometimes pregnancy is mimicked before it actually happens because that’s what the mind wants. I guess I could understand that logic, but I didn’t think I really wanted to have Robbie’s baby. Oh well, whatever it was I’m kind of glad it happened because it led Josh to express how he felt about me. And I couldn’t imagine what would’ve happened if I hadn’t told him I was pregnant.

I mean I know that he didn’t marry me just because I was pregnant, but I think that the pregnancy gave him an excuse to tell me that he loved me. I know we might not have gotten married so soon, but I wouldn’t trade my impromptu Hawaiian marriage for anything.


What kind of world would that be

“Donna?” C.J. asked as she came into Josh’s office.

“Yes.” I said startled.

“I didn’t mean to scare you. I just thought that you might have gone home or something.” C.J. said.

“Oh, I was just taking a break and I got lost in thought.” I admitted.

“I understand.” C.J. nodded.

“It’s my first time away from him in four months.” I admitted.


Oh and I
I need you in my arms
Need you to hold me

“Yeah I understand. It’s my first time away from Toby in six.” C.J. stated.

“I went to the doctor yesterday.” We both said at the same time.

“You first.” I said once we realized what the other had said.

“I’m not pregnant.” C.J. sighed.

“I’m sorry. I know how much you wanted to be.” I comforted.

“It’s okay. I was afraid of how Toby would react at first, but I guess I’m okay with it. I think he wants to try harder.” C.J. smiled.

“Good luck.” I laughed.

“Thanks. So what is your news?” C.J. asked.

“They are definitely Josh’s.” I smiled proudly.

“That’s wonderful. Damn, Toby’s gonna be really jealous now. Josh fathered twins the first time he tried.” C.J. remarked.

“Actually...” I stuttered.

“Actually what?” C.J. asked as her eyes widened in surprise.

“I’m having triplets.” I said as I watched her jaw drop.

“Oh my goodness. Triplets huh? What did Josh have to say about it?” She asked once she recovered a little.

“He left before I could tell him this morning.” I said sheepishly.

“Donna why did you wait until this morning?” She asked.

“I guess I was trying to absorb it all in.” I replied.

“Damn, Toby’s gonna be pissed.” C.J. remarked.

“What?” I asked, confused.

“Ever since you became Josh’s assistant again, he’s been acting a little funny towards you. I mean you had to have noticed it. Well, we talked about it last night and he was worried that you wouldn’t be faithful to Josh...” She began before I cut her off.

“What?” I asked.

“He was just worried that you would cheat because you knew that Josh would raise the child as his own no matter what. But I think the real reason he was upset was that Josh was going to sort of be a father before he was. But now Josh is actually going to be the father, and of triplets no less.” C.J. stated.

“What do you mean that Josh was going to sort of be the father? He was the father, I mean is the father. Biology isn’t everything.” I defended.

“Calm down I know. Toby has just been a little warped lately. I think he’s just insanely jealous, because he figured he’d have kids by now.” C.J. replied soothingly.

“Toby wouldn’t address these concerns with Josh would he?” I asked in a horrified voice.

“He might, but I highly doubt he’s that tactless.” C.J. defended.

“Because Josh has been very protective about the twins...well triplets ever since we got back together. I think a part of him still believes me when I told him he couldn’t love another man’s child as his own.” I moaned.

“Don’t worry what can happen? Sam’s there to referee any fights.” C.J. stated but then laughed at the mental picture.

“By the way how come you didn’t go to Buffalo with them?” I asked with a raised eye brow.

“I made fun of Notre Dame again.” C.J. said as she looked at the ground.

“C.J.” I said in a mock-disapproving tone.

“How was I supposed to know that the president overheard the conversation Josh and I were having?” C.J. moaned.

“What did you say?” I asked with a smile.

“I said that I could kick the mascot’s ass.” C.J. recalled.

“What?” I asked incredulously.

“We were talking about wimpy mascots and that was the first one that came to my mind.” C.J explained.

“And what did Josh say?” I asked.

“I believe his exact words were yes sir she did just insult Notre Dame again.” C.J. laughed.

“So he took your trip away?” I asked.

“Yeah because he knew how Toby and I had planned to spend our evenings.” C.J. smiled.

“That’s horrible. Ow.” I said as I clutched my stomach.

“Donna are you okay?” C.J. asked in a concerned voice.

“Yeah they are all kicking pretty hard today.” I replied.

“You sure?” She asked, not sure if I was telling the truth.

“Positive.” I assured her.

“Okay, just checking. You’ll let me know if anything changes right?” C.J. asked.

“You’re as bad as Josh.” I muttered.

“What?” C.J. asked.

“He doesn’t have to use his wheelchair anymore but he threatened to make me use it, so I would stay off my feet and make it easier on myself.” I said as I rolled my eyes.

“Maybe that’s a good idea.” C.J. said.

“I’m not an invalid, I don’t need a wheelchair.” I shouted but then I realized the insensitivity of my words. “Not that I minded when Josh needed to use it...”

“I knew what you meant. Josh would kill me if anything happened to you while he was gone. I think in his own little demented way he’s glad I had to stay behind.” C.J. replied.

“Have you ever thought that the conversation was provoked?” I asked realizing that Josh couldn’t get out of going but wanted someone to look after me.

“Now that you mention it...Donna, remind me to hurt him when he comes back okay?” C.J. exclaimed.

“No problem.” I smiled.

C.J. left a few minutes later and I remembered how she had changed her sentence at the last minute. No one ever talked about killing or wishing someone dead anymore. I mean I know that’s probably a good thing, but I think everyone was choosing their words more carefully after what I had said to Josh. I hadn’t meant to have started a trend. Josh was my whole world now, and I had about killed myself with guilt.


You’re my world
My heart, my soul

I looked at my watch and I realized that Josh’s plane was probably about to land. I had been sitting in his office for a really long time. I got up to go back to my desk, when I suddenly felt a little lightheaded. I also remembered that my doctor had mentioned something about me having a slight temperature yesterday. She said it was nothing to worry about.

As the room began to spin around I wondered if maybe something was wrong. I grabbed the end of Josh’s desk to steady myself. I took a couple of deep breaths in order to regain my composure. When I regained it, I figured I should probably lie down on Josh’s couch for awhile.

I slowly walked over to the couch. As I was sitting down the room began to spin faster. I tried to call out for help, but I didn’t know if any words were actually coming out of my mouth. I felt myself slump the rest of the way on the couch. Something was definitely wrong. My whole body ached and the pain was beginning to become intense.

****

A weakened voice saying C.J.’s name was the last thing anyone heard before Donna blacked out

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