How Do I Live parts 3-4

Disclaimer: I don't own most of these characters but I wish I could.

How do I live

By Mer

Part 3

It had been about an hour since the fight with Toby but I was still mad. Sam could see that and he had tried to steer my mind away from it. But I was still fuming mad. Sam said that he was jealous that I was going to be a father before he was. Was that really my fault? Toby had been married once before, he could’ve had kids then.

“Josh, you earth to Josh.” Sam said as he snapped his fingers in front of my face.

“What?” I asked.

“You don’t need to snap at me.” Sam replied as I rolled my eyes.

“I’m sorry Sam. What do you want?” I asked in a softer tone.

“Why do you think that people thought the moon was made of green cheese?” Sam asked in a serious tone.

“What?” I asked, as I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Ha, ha, I got you to laugh.” Sam taunted.

“Okay so maybe I shouldn’t stay mad.” I sighed.

“Oh I wasn’t saying that, I was just getting sick of your menacing look. It does not become you my friend.” Sam teased.

“I’m so very sorry, Mr. Expression policeman.” I mocked.

“You were starting to remind me of someone.” Sam quirked.

“You know, my crutches are still in…” I threatened.

“Yeah I know.” Sam replied sheepishly.

“I just thought that maybe you needed a reminder.” I replied with a smile.

“So have you guys finished furnishing the house?” Sam asked.

“Yeah the nursery looks like we are having Septuplets or something.” I replied as I pictured the pile of toys.

“I think you are supposed to spoil the first born. And in your case you guys are having twins, so it’s only natural to go overboard.” Sam smiled.

“I hope so. I’m so excited Sam.” I admitted.

“I know you are.” Sam replied with a smile.

“Is it that obvious?” I asked.

“How many other people set up a playpen in their office before their child is actually born?” Sam asked.

“You have a good point there.” I replied.

Yes, we did put a playpen in my office. I know it might sound a little bit corny, but Donna really liked the idea. It helped us both visualize what life with a baby would be like. But we weren’t just having one baby we were having twins. I told Donna that I would be happy if she were having triplets but she kind of gave me this evil look, like I had better not be.

“Josh were you ever afraid that she was actually going to go through with the divorce?” Sam asked.

“Yes.” I replied softly.

The day that I received the divorce papers was one of the worst days of my life. I thought that the woman I loved was just going to walk right out of my life. I had been scared out of my mind. I couldn’t imagine my life without her.


If you ever leave
Baby you would take away
Everything good in my life

“So did you guys ever watch that video we made for you?” Sam asked.

“Yeah we did.” I smiled.

The video of them helping to fix up the house was hilarious. They had had paint fights, painting contests, food fights, and a lot of inspirational messages to us. It was really very funny. They also showed us how much they cared.

“I know that we had fun making it. I bet you never thought we would finish it so quickly.” Sam stated.

“No, I didn’t especially since one of you was always visiting me each night.” I replied, referring to the time I sent in the hospital after my accident.

“We couldn’t let you suspect anything.” Sam smiled.

“Trust me I was plenty surprised. I was even more surprised about that make-shift dinner party you held.” I replied.

“Yeah that was fun. I can’t believe you busted me.” Sam pouted.

“Sam, you tried to take credit for a meal that all you had to do was throw in the oven.” I replied.

“Well, you still didn’t have to bust me.” Sam protested.

“I’m sorry man. But I gave you the chance to tell the truth.” I replied.

“Yeah. Can you believe that Charlie proposed to Zoey?” Sam asked.

“No, but I’m sure they are going to be very happy. Did you hear they are getting married in the Rose Garden?” I asked.

“Yeah, that’ll be cool.” Sam smiled.

The plane landed a few minutes later and we all got into the awaiting car. I refused to even look at Toby. I knew that Sam wasn’t very happy with my attitude but I didn’t care. Toby deserved the silent treatment for a while. I remembered my promise to Donna so I pulled out my phone and dialed my office number.

I expected to hear Donna’s cheery voice but instead all I got was my answering machine. I looked down at my watch which I had forgotten didn’t work. Sam noticed this and he showed me his. It was lunchtime, so Donna had probably gone to lunch.

“Something wrong?” Sam asked.

“I just promised Donna that I would call her when he landed.” I replied.

“C.J. probably took her to lunch. I think they were going to do some more baby shopping while we were gone.” Toby offered, and I glared over at him.

“He’s right, she’s probably just out to lunch with C.J.” Sam soothed.

We pulled up at our conference just then. I was happy because I was going to split off from Toby. Sam had just shaken his head, because he knew what I was thinking.

“Meet ya later?” Sam asked.

“Yeah.” I replied.

The conference that we were going to had a couple of different sections, which was why we had to split up. I was going to learn about the importance of preserving our national park program. I know it sounded terribly exciting, but it was part of the job.

My part of the conference started out with a slide show. I had to laugh when I was shown a slide of Big Sky National Park. It was the park that Donna had helped me create. Though, she did like to take all of the credit for it.

I couldn’t help but get this sinking feeling that something was wrong. I mean she could’ve been at lunch but I knew she should be back by now. So I snuck out of the room and I hit redial. Again, I got the machine. This time I decided to leave a message and I told her that I loved her and I’d try back later.

Dejectedly, I snuck back into the slide show. I really didn’t not want to be watching it. It was kind of boring really. Before I knew it was I fighting to stay awake.

“Josh!” Toby yelled from the doorway.

What the hell did he want? Couldn’t he see that I was in the middle of a really exciting slide show? Everyone kind of stared at me as I went to the door.

“What do you want?” I asked as I came out and shut the door.

“There was a message waiting for you at the hotel.” Toby began.

“Toby, I’m in no mood for you to be so elusive.” I snapped.

“Donna was rushed to the hospital.” Toby replied.

I felt my face drain of all color. It was a good thing that I had crutches otherwise I probably would’ve fallen over. This did not go unnoticed by Toby.

“Why don’t you sit down a moment?” Toby asked.

“I don’t need to sit down.” I protested.

“Okay.” Toby replied.

“What happened?” I asked in a shaky voice.

“I don’t know. C.J. found her passed out in your office, kind of on your couch.” Toby stated gently.

“I have to go back.” I stated urgently.

“I know. There is a taxi waiting to take you back to the airport. Do you want me to go with you?” Toby asked.

“I don’t want to be anywhere near you, especially right now.” I replied angrily.

“Josh” Toby began.

“I don’t want to hear it Toby.” I snapped.

“Okay.” He said dejectedly.

I knew that I shouldn’t have been quite so harsh on him, but I didn’t care. My mind was focused on my wife. I prayed that she was all right. I prayed that the twins were okay too. They all had to be okay.

Without you there would be no sun in my sky
There’d be no love in my life
There’d be no world left for me

Part 4

The plane ride back to D.C. had to have been the longest flight in my life. And trust me none of the overseas flights could even compare to it. No one could tell me any information, expect that I had to get to G.W. right away. I had some pretty bad memories of that place so I didn't really want to go there, but that's where Donna was so that's where I had to go.

I couldn't help but wonder if I should have noticed something was wrong this morning. We went to bed at a decent time last night, got up at the normal time today, had breakfast and went to work. Everything seemed to be pretty normal to me when I left a little after nine. Granted, I wasn't looking forward to leaving, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary.


And I
Baby I don't know what I would do
I'd be lost if I lost you

My mind began to fill with terrible thoughts. What if something happened to Donna? What if she were slowing dying? What if she lost the babies? What if I had to choose between her life or the babies life?

That was actually a pretty tough question because she had already gotten angry about it once. Okay, I know that she didn't mean what she said that day, but a part of me can't forget it. I love the twins growing inside of her as if they were my own. I don't see why people have made a big issue about it. Hell, when the press found out about it, it didn't even get a notable mention in the paper next day. They didn't care if I was going to raise another man's child.

But on the other hand what if I were faced with that dilemma? I doubt that Donna would forgive me for sacrificing the babies’ lives; unless she could be assured that I made sure there was no other way. I couldn't live without Donna. She made sense of my life and I doubt that I would hesitate before choosing her under normal circumstances. But these weren't normal circumstances, and I prayed it wasn't my decision to make.

After an eternity it seemed I arrived at the hospital. I limped over to where C.J. was in a waiting room. She had an extremely worried expression on her face. She jumped up in anticipation when she heard the door open. But her shoulders sagged for a moment when she realized it was only me. The moment passed and she came and gave me a hug.

"What happened?" I asked as she began to let go of me.

"Donna collapsed in your office. I think she was trying to sit down on your couch or something. I heard a muffled cry and then I found her unconscious." C.J. said softly.

"What did the doctors say?" I asked, noticing that she was staring at me funny.

"Joshua, sit down right now? What happened to your leg?" C.J. asked as she realized I was favoring one over the other.

"Don't worry about me, tell me about Donna." I protested.

"Is that a tear in your pant leg?" C.J. asked ignoring me.

"I fell okay." I finally muttered not wanting to get into it.

"You fell? Josh are you sure that you are okay?" C.J. asked as she inspected me leg closer.

"Claudia..." I warned.

"Okay. They have been running a bunch of tests on her. Right now they think she might have an infection or something." C.J. said softly.

"Is she going to be okay? Are the twins okay?" I asked and then she got an odd look on her face. "What aren't you telling me?"

"Josh did you know that Donna wanted to talk to you this morning?" C.J. asked.

"Yeah but then I realized I was late and Toby...never mind about that. But yes I knew that she wanted to talk to me. She told me it could wait until I got back. Why what's wrong?" I asked with a horrified look on my face.

"It's nothing that horrible. Donna is going to get mad at me for telling you this..." C.J. stuttered.

"Claudia Jean." I warned.

"There's actually two pieces of news. The first one is that she isn't having twins." C.J. began.

"I thought you said the news wasn't horrible." I protested.

"Let me finish, okay? She's having triplets." C.J. admitted.

I let those words register for a minute. One baby I could handle, and two was a stretch but do-able. Three man that was like a nightmare. Don't get me wrong a good nightmare, but still a nightmare.

"What's the second piece of news?" I finally asked.

"They're yours." C.J. said just as a doctor walked in.

"Ms. Cregg, I have some information on your friend Donna." Dr. Carmine said.

"This is Donna's husband Josh." C.J. said as she pointed to me.

"Aaron Carmine. I am your wife's doctor." Dr. Carmine said as he extended his hand.

"Josh Lyman." I replied.

"Donna has an acute infection. While that isn't very uncommon it is very uncommon to find in pregnant women. At least as a severe an infection as Donna's is. Right now she is in a coma and we are unsure how long she will remain that way. Her vitals are strong for the most part..." Dr. Carmine stated gently.

"What about the triplets?" I asked slowly.

"We have been monitoring them and right now they appear to be holding their own. But we can't be sure that they will remain stable." Dr. Carmine said gently.

"What does that mean?" C.J. asked softly.

"We may have to deliver them prematurely." He said slowly.

"Babies born two months premature are okay right?" I asked and C.J. nudged me in the shoulder with her elbow.

I looked at her with a surprised look. She held her finger two her lips, but I knew that there was something she hadn't explained to me yet. I nodded and we both turned back our attention to the doctor.

"Their are always the possibility of health problems when babies are born prematurely. We like to try and keep them in the womb for as long as possible. But Mr. Lyman, I have to ask you this question..." Dr. Carmine began.

Damn, the question that I absolutely didn't want to answer was about to be asked. I knew it by the way that Dr. Carmine was fiddling with his tie. He probably didn't want to ask it either. I guess I could feel a little comforted by that thought.

"If Donna's life were in danger would you authorize the birth of the triplets?" Dr. Carmine asked.

"As long..." I began but I couldn't finish.

"I assure you we would only do it as a last resort, after we have tried everything else in our power." Dr. Carmine assured me.

"Then yes." I replied slowly.

"And if the babies lives were in danger you would authorize removing them from the womb right?" He asked to my nod.

"Is she going to die?" I asked quietly.

"We are doing everything we can to prevent that. But like I said her vitals are strong." Dr. Carmine assured me.

"Can I see her?" I asked.

"Not yet. But once she is moved to another room I will have a nurse come and get you." He assured.

"Doctor is she going to be okay? " C.J. asked.

"Right now it is too soon to tell." He replied gently.

"And do you expect for the babies to be born early?" I asked.

"For my experience in these types of situations, yes. But I really don't like to deliver three-month premature babies if I can help it. But if you'll excuse me I have a couple of patients I need to attend too." He said as he left the room.

"What else didn't you tell me?" I asked as soon as he left.

"Donna's only six months pregnant." C.J. said hesitantly.

"But we've been married for seven months..." I protested.

"She isn't carrying Robbie's triplets. She's carrying yours." C.J. said.

I didn't know how to respond to that. I had so readily accepted that they weren't mine that it never even occurred to me that they could be mine. It didn't matter to me either way, but now the situation seemed even worse. It wasn't Robbie who had done this to her, now it was my fault.

"Josh the infection wasn't your fault." C.J. said as she sensed what I was thinking.

"But how could they be mine? She was sure that she was pregnant." I mumbled.

"Her doctor said that sometimes pregnancy is mimicked before a person actually is pregnant." She explained.

"C.J., I said the right things to the doctor right?" I asked.

"Yes." She assured me.

"Because if anything happens..." My voice broke and tears began to fall.

"It'll be all right." C.J. soothed.

"She can't die." I stated softly. "She just can't die."


If you ever leave
Baby you would take away
Everything real in my life

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