Jeremy Quotes
Thespis
"The first actor, now a mischievous ghost. He likes to wreak havoc on performances of any kind. I'd brace yourself for a strange show tonight." To Dana
Shoe Money Tonight
"A *full* house. Dan already folded the six you needed, and I have the other one. You don't have a house of any sort, you don't have a pup tent. You've got trip sevens, and I have a straight. I want you to trust me right now. I want you to say to yourself, yeah, I've dated a string of jerks in my life, they were stupid, they were mean to me, but maybe this one's different. Maybe I should take a chance and not adopt the break-up-with-him-before-he-breaks-my-heart strategy. I want you to remember that when I started liking you, I didn't stop liking tennis. And I want you to know that I don' t think there's a woman in the world that you need to be threatened by, no matter how glamorous you think she is. But mostly, I want you to trust me, just once, when I tell you you have three sevens, and I have a straight." To Natalie during the poker game
The Six Southern Gentleman of Tennessee
"Why do women like making lists? Yes, they do. They're never quite so happy as when they're making themselves a little list. You ever think about why you make lists?" To Natalie
Smoky
"Seriously, those new herbs you've been taking? I think you should stop." To Natalie
Rebecca
"How about a precocious little high pressure system moving in over the Rocky Mountain region creating winds up to thirty miles per hour? (Dana shoots him a look) Or how about something having to do with sports?" To Dana who needed to fill 30 seconds
Sally
Jeremy:"Can I ask you a question?"
Isaac : "Sure."
Jeremy: "Jesus said: "Behold my hands and my feet that it is myself. Handle me and see, for a spirit hath not flesh and bones as you see me have."
Issac: "What's your question?"
Jeremy: "This relates to the bunny rabbit how?"
How are things in Glocca Mora?
"Dan was doing what he always does when it's two minutes to air. He was annoying Casey." In his letter to Louise
"I'll never get it, Louise. I understand what makes a woman think any man's better than nothing. I'll just never understand what makes a woman think she's got nothing." To Louise about Dana
Eli's Coming
"The man's been in Europe for two weeks, he hasn't had a decent pretzel. Maybe he stopped off and that's the cause for the delay." About why Isaac could be late
Ten Wickets
"I've broken up with you. I've broken up with you and I break up with you again. Right there, right then is when I did it. We just broke up." To Natalie who won't accept the fact he broke up with her
What Kind of Day Has it Been
"Hey, maybe you could start by just drawing a picture." To Dana who is having Camera problems
"I'm not talking about the show. I'm saying wouldn't it be great if the show we're about to do included a ninth inning rally?" To Natalie
"I'm going to start again, because that's how completely you've both missed the point." To Natalie and Dana
Season 2
Special Powers
"Because women don't have special powers! Let's dispense with that theory right now. Women don't have a sixth sense. Women don't have intuition. Women don't have special powers!" to Natalie
"And I'd have done it. I'd have moved to Galveston with the heat and the cattle and the malaria. I'd have done it because that's how much I love you and that's how much I want what you want." To Natalie about her job offer
When something wicked this way comes
"This is nice. It’s like quiet time.” to the silent conference room
Louise re-visited
“I’ll just stand over here for the next five minutes and forty seconds and think about what my life was like before I met any of you.” To Natalie and Dana
Kafelnikov
“ At the press of this button the Y2k problem will officially cry uncle and I’ll say yeah who’s your daddy.” to the computer
Shane
"There's no such place as Hell? Well that's a load off my mind." To Natalie
"How about the fact he’s a twit?” to Casey
“I’m talking to myself for no particular reason.” after Dan left the room and he continued talking
“Natalie fear of punishment has never kept you from committing a crime. The reason you haven’t robbed a bank is that you know it’s wrong.”
"Okay, I need just another moment of your time, then you can go back to being crazy." To Dana
A Girl Named Pixley
"Natalie, you can't just always make everything better by offering me sex. (Natalie raises her eyebrows at him) Well, yes, I guess you can."
Jeremy: "Hey, if I were to suddenly pop this thing up to ten, wouldn't you go just flying out onto Fifth Avenue?"
Isaac: "Yeah, but if I were to have my hands around your throat while you were doing it, wouldn't you be coming out there with me?"
"She's late do you want me to smack her around when she get's back?" To Isaac
The Giants win the Pennant, The Giants win the Pennant
Jeremy:"A forty-ninth anniversary tribute?"
Dan: "There's a law it's gotta come on fives and tens"
"I'd keep prodding him about it until he beats you with his cane and then fires you." To Dan about Isaac
The Sweet Smell of air
" The publicist faxed me the press kit and apparently, the new fragrance, like the redefined Michael himself, is about newness, playfulness and unpretentious elegance. I'm gonna get me a jug." about Michael Jordan's new cologne
Dana get your gun
"Oh, it's not gonna be great, Natalie. We're gonna be in a room surrounded by people for whom cool means discontent. All of them trying to be cool, which isn't easy while craning your neck around to see who can spot Skeet Ulrich." about the people at Lot 61
" Hey Natalie, you think before we go I might have time to get a full-body piercing? I mean, I don't want to look weird." referring to Lot 61 again
"I'm not mad at you. There are things about you I find unattractive. There are things about you I don't like." To Natalie
Draft Day Part 1: It Can't Rain at Indian Wells
"I'm walking that shadowy line between honesty and deceit." to Casey
"No need to be formal I've seen you naked call me Jeremy." To Natalie
Draft Day Part 2: The Fall of Ryan O'Brian
Jeremy: "I'm a racist. I'm a terrible racist and I've been living in the closet all of this years and I decided I need to live an honest life. And I think all those people with the different skin colors and the funny accents should go back to where they came from and leave America to the White people who killed the Indians in the first place which they deserved."
Issac: "Jeremy."
Jeremy: "The whole country is being taken over by the Blacks and the Jews."
Isaac:"You're Jewish."
Jeremy:"Well I've gotta be stopped Isaac."
"'Hi I made up this story about you because I'm embarrassed by you.' What kind of man does that to a woman?" to Casey in a mock conversation
April is the Cruelest Month
"Nor is it problematic that I am talking to myself for that is the creative process." to an empty room
Bells and a Siren
"Yes I'm alive and I read a newspaper." to Casey
"Yes Casey they are all hooked up to the magical Internet." about the office computers
La Forza Del Destino
"You said, let's give out his home number. I said we can't give out his home number on TV, let's call him a doofus. Then we disagreed on the spelling of 'doofus.'" To Natalie about pitcher John Rocker
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