Un-cool

Spoilers: The Apology

Summary: Casey’s reaction to the events of the day.

Un-cool

By Mer

Part 1/1

When I first read the article I must admit I didn’t even really read any of the Danny parts. I was skimming it to see just what was said about me. Call me egotistical, call me selfish call me whatever you want but that was my whole point of reading it. I was so miffed about the impression I was anything less than cool that I didn’t care about anything else.

It wasn’t until I got to work that I was forced to re-read the article and wade through the Danny parts. Eliot asked me how much trouble I thought Danny was going to be in and I’ll admit I had no idea what he was talking about. I just played along and shrugged my shoulders.

“Danny’s going to be fine. It’s the fact I come off as not cool which bothers me.” I replied.

“Oh yes we wouldn’t want the world to find out the truth about you.” Eliot teased.

“Never.” I smiled as I headed into the office.

I went into the office and re-read the article and saw the marijuana bit and in my opinion it wasn’t all that bad. In fact, I hardly noticed it; because you guessed it I was re-focusing on my lack of coolness.

A few months ago I gave Danny a hard time about his New York Renaissance but most of that was due to my bitterness over my impending divorce. I had to admit that reading the article his renaissance did seem like a pretty cool thing. I actually became jealous of him. I was dealing with losing Lisa and he was having the time of his life.

When Danny came in that morning I was still reading over the article. I was trying to think of ways to make myself look cooler. I should have noticed Danny’s body language. He was his normal upbeat self but there was something about his demeanor I missed until I looked back on it later.

And then while I was talking to Danny as he was trying to avoid his meeting with the network I should have noticed how edgy he was. I didn’t even think about it until later after it was too late for Danny to have the viewers witness the torment that is otherwise known as his past. Being his best friend I should have remembered about Sam.

But I didn’t. I was too busy helping Jeremy with his damn epic highlight tape then to realize my best friend needed me. When I saw him after his meeting he said he was being forced to apologize and I told him it could have been a lot worse. Danny glared at me and went to do some of his research. I should have picked up on his edginess there too.

Everyone asked me if I knew what he was going to say in his apology after it happened and I had to tell them I was as miffed ad they were. It shouldn’t have been like that though. I should have asked him or even suggested something other than bearing his soul to the world.

Once he began his apology intro it began to hit me that his brother was killed while high. I never in a million years realized during that long pause when he froze up a little that he was going to tell everybody. And once he started I just wanted to wrap my arms around him and assure him that it wasn’t his fault.

I remembered the first and only other time before that he spoke about his brother. When we were in Dallas he had this thing were he wouldn’t let anyone drive even if they had only had one wine cooler. I thought he was just a freak and I even told him so one night when he tried to stop me.

“Give me the keys Casey.” Danny demanded.

“Danny I swear to God I only had one beer and that doesn’t impair my driving.” I replied.

“I don’t care. Casey, give me the keys.” Danny said more forcefully.

“Danny what the hell? Do you think I am going to get into a car accident because I had one beer?” I asked.

Danny’s face had paled at the mention of an accident. I could see a memory cross his face that wasn’t a pleasant one.

“Why are you so freaked out right now?” I asked.

“Just give me the damn keys.” Danny said more desperately.

“Not until you tell me why you are being such a freak.” I replied.

“My brother Sam was drunk and high and he killed himself in a car accident. He learned to smoke pot from me and watched as me and my friends occasionally had a drink. He died and it’s all my fault Casey. He saw me do it and he thought he could too.” Danny replied.

“You drove while high and drunk?” I asked.

“Well no. But I would drive after having one or two and Sam knew it. He just added the marijuana on his own.” Danny answered.

“Danny, my driving after one beer isn’t going to change the fact that Sam’s dead.” I said softly.

“I just promised myself I would never let anyone I cared about get hurt like that again.” Danny replied.

Danny went on to tell me the reason he never goes home to visit his parents was because his father blamed him for Sam’s death. After the funeral Danny’s father said he never wanted to see him in his house again. He did however pay for Danny’s education until Danny took out a couple of loans and sent his father’s money back.

I knew that even now with Danny living back in New York he very rarely saw his parents. He would sometimes arrange to meet his mother for lunch but he had only seen his father a couple of times. It was something that always bothered him but he refused to discuss it with me.

He said he had tried to apologize to his father but it hadn’t been accepted. And I knew that his apology tonight hadn’t changed that fact either. But Danny needed to apologize to someone and I guess Sam was the one person he had always felt he never had.

Danny jumped off the set as soon as the show was over and he didn’t wait around to hear how sorry people were. I don’t guess I would blame him either. What the network made him do was wrong.

“If I had known I wouldn’t have agreed with the network.” Isaac said to me after the show.

“I knew but I didn’t remember.” I replied.

“What Danny did tonight took a lot of guts. It takes a lot to show the public your scars and then jump right back into the routine.” Isaac said.

“I know and to think all day I’ve been worried about how un-cool the article made me look and he’s been thinking about his brother.” I replied.

Isaac nodded. We both stared at the chair where Danny was sitting during the show. It was almost as if he was still there.

“You know a few months ago when the network was going to fire me I was ready to quit before they could. I even told Danny about it and he went ballistic. He told me how everyone was rallying behind me and I must be crazy to want to leave friends like that. What we did to him was un-cool. Isaac none of us took the time to really listen to his side. No one defended his right to speak his mind.” I replied.

“I know I told him that he had to apologize. I didn’t know about Sam. I let him walk out the meeting thinking I had just left him to twist in the wind. I didn’t think he should have had to make an on-air apology but to me it was just 30-40 seconds of airtime.” Isaac admitted.

Isaac left and I walked back to our office. I picked up the phone to call Danny but he didn’t answer his home phone. I knew he had to be home because his machine didn’t even pick up which implied he had turned it off.

I thought about going over and banging on his door until he opened. That seemed like a really good plan until I remembered that I had to be buzzed in the front door and I’m pretty sure Danny wouldn’t be in the mood to do that. I decided that it was best to leave him alone. Danny and I had this weird relationship where we didn’t talk about what was bothering us until the other called out for help. I decided it was probably best for me to go home and wait by the phone.

As I hailed a taxi to take me home I heard the cabbie playing the same cd I had which Danny had proclaimed un-cool. I’ll admit I had to laugh. Even though I failed my friend miserably that day at least I had enough sense to ride home in a cab with a driver that was as un-cool as I was.

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