EGAD: You're Obsessed!
A little healthy hero worship never hurt anyone, but it's possible to have too much of a good thing. Xena: Warrior Princess stars not just one, but two talented and beautiful actresses, and this has led to the rise of a number of potentially harmful obsessions amongst fans.
In this article I'll be dealing with Excessive Gabrielle Adoration Disorder (EGAD). There are 10 major symptoms, which I've listed in increasing order of severity. Simply examine this list to discover if you're a victim.
10. "Gabrielle" is your favourite security password for computer files, email accounts, etc.
9. You intend to name your firstborn daughter Gabrielle, despite the fact that you're not even seeing anyone at the moment.
8. You lie awake for hours at night, wondering what Gabby ever saw in Perdicas.
7. After all these years, you suddenly remember that you've never gone for blondes.
6. You whimper whenever you see (and in severe cases even think about) Gabby's go-go outfit in LYRE, LYRE, HEARTS ON FIRE or her Egyptian ensemble in ANTONY & CLEOPATRA.
5. You curse any episode that recounts Xena's dark past, as the flashbacks reduce Gabrielle's screen time.
4. You wear your "Gabrielle" T-shirt inside out, in order to bring her closer to your heart. This is the sign of a truly sick mind.
3. You find it too painful to watch the "GabDrag", or any other scene in which Xena physically or emotionally abuses the object of your adoration.
2. You begin to suspect that the deconstruction of Gabrielle's character in Seasons 3 and 4 was a deliberate ploy by The Powers That Be. They realised they had a sidekick who was more 3-dimensional, emotionally stronger and a whole lot nicer than the hero, and decided to reinforce her subordinate status.
1. You refuse to even consider the possibility that you may be suffering from EGAD!
If you currently display 5 or more symptoms, I advise you to seek immediate professional help. Of course, if you're suffering from Symptom No.1 there's really not much point, is there? Just relax and watch THE PRODIGAL, THE QUEST, or any other Gab-heavy episode. It works for me!
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