Warrior...Priestess...Tramp
This is the third 'Warrior…Look-alike' episode in as many seasons. While I didn't like it as much as Warrior…Princess…Tramp, it did have some moments I love.
I love the way Lucy lets us know which character she is, just by a subtle expression. She rounds her eyes for Leah, and that's the dead giveaway.
And then, of course, there's Leah's Elmer Fudd voice. The accent comes and goes, but sometimes, it's very noticeable, and kinda funny.
And I would have thought would have caught on right away with as quickly as Leah gave in at the beginning.
Gabrielle: "Hestia? The Virgin Goddess? What does that have to do with the price of grapes in Carthage?" Dunno, but it's a good line!
Shouldn't Gabrielle have noticed Xena was talking awfully funny?
I love the way Leah throws her head back in submission when she's about to be burned alive. It's so unlike Xena!
By the way, would Leah even know who Gabrielle is? They were never introduced.
When Leah is on the stake, the weather vane from Been There, Done That is clearly visible over her right shoulder.
Gabs should get points for sheer inventiveness using the teeter-totter and all!
When she belly flops onto the see saw, the background music is her playing the pipes in The Prodigal. Funny!
Leah's accent fades in and out A LOT.
Gabs is just so confused during the teaser, and understandably so!
When Gabs finally learns what Leah is, her comment, "This is almost too good", is exactly what I thought!
Xena asks Gabs what she is grinning at. Actually, the bard was giggling.
Xena is just barely listening as Gabs tells her about her new friend.
But I love Xena's "playing along". "Gee, Gabrielle…Who is it? I simply have to know…the suspense is killing-"
Both Gabrielle and Xena guess Leah is Diana first.
Come to think of it, how could Gabs suspect Leah was Callisto? I know Callisto is a consummate actress, but there's no way she could have pulled off the Leah act!
Lucy's expression as she stares at her newest look-alike is great!
While Leah's eyes get rounder and rounder, Xena's narrow in suspicion and anger.
"Pwaise Hestia!" I absolutely LOVE that!
Leah refers to Xena's leathers as a "vile garment"…then, "no offence".
"None taken," Xena replies, through clenched teeth. Hee hee!
Gabrielle just sits there through the scene with a smile plastered on her face.
Leah doesn't cut any slack…"Well, looks like someone's caught a speeding chariot straight for Tartarus."
Xena looks slightly pissed after that.
Leah continues, "Heathens to the left of me; infidels to the right. Tremendous. Next thing, you'll be telling me you're not virgins."
Xena just kind of averts her eyes to that, but Gabs squirms, pressing the tack in her ear.
Love Leah's reaction! All she needed was a crucifix to hold up in horror!
Gabrielle's response: You don't have to be a virgin to be virtuous."
And Leah's response is one I use a lot, "Yes, well, you keep telling yourself that…"
As Leah continues to spout off, Xena purses her lips as if she's growing impatient.
Gabrielle can't stand the accusations, "Hey, I was married at the time!"
But Leah ain't buying, "Yes, well, we all our have our little excuses, don't we?"
Xena just grins through this whole exchange.
Until Gabs asks here…"Were you?"
Xena kind of rubs the bottom of her face as she tries to come up with an answer, and in the process, gives a very subtle finger to Leah.
"Priestess Leah"…"Princess Diana"…. If Leah had been the princess, she would have been a Star Wars alumni!
Xena recognized Meg immediately, and just stood in the temple grinning at her.
Gabrielle: That's Meg.
Xena: Well, it sure ain't no virgin!
How did Meg manage to become the owner of an errr…cathouse? What happened to her job cooking for the king?
Xena's tone is firm, and foreboding. "You don't want to be doing that, Meg."
It takes the crunching of Meg's fist for the first "Hello, Xena" of the episode to be delivered.
The dress Leah is wearing is the same dress Xena wore in Remember Nothing.
This is Leah…"A chaste life's not so bad. Just follow the Hestian rules. Rule 1…know thyself. Rule 2:-"
Gabs cuts her off with one of the best lines of the episode, "Believe me, if I have to go the rest of my life without human companionship, knowing myself won't be a problem." Wow!
Leah's wondering look at that was great!
Her "alluring" look makes her look more seasick than sexy.
And earns an unenthusiastic "yeah" from Gabs.
Lucy has a cold; you can hear it in Xena's voice.
And slightly in Meg's.
I loved Meg last season, but she kind of annoys me in this one. She got more annoying as the series went on.
Although I did love her line, "How could I get into trouble? I'm a virgin! Great bed!"
How did Joxer get to be such a stud? Is it because he was in Meg's place?
I kinda like this new version of Joxer the Mighty. It's nice to see Joxer look heroic for a change.
He's hysterical when he bends over, his butt toward Leah. "Perhaps the Hestian virgin would like to teach naughty Joxer a lesson."
He assumes the position with a "Ha ah!" then adds "I'm waiting, my little donut."
When Gabrielle shows up though, he becomes like a shy schoolboy.
Joxer caught on to the idea of a third look-alike pretty quickly.
Seeing Lucy play Xena doing a Meg impersonation is hysterically complicated, and a treat to watch!
Those were sure some big coins!
I really, really can't believe they got by with that virgin going on about the summer squash! The censors must have been asleep that day!
But Xena's handling of the "confession" as she dispensed with the bad guy is a thing of beauty!
And I love her line, which rivals Gabrielle's "knowing myself"…"Look, sometimes it is best to take matters into your own hands."
The virgins certainly liked that news! They were giggling like crazy!
Leah's wandering around the upstairs at Meg's is so very funny!
The best line for her is…"I hope that's a petting zoo…Oh please let that be a petting zoo!" That would be quite a shock for a Hestian virgin priestess to see!
So she teaches the girls "Onward, Virgin Soldiers"? Okay!
Leah's innocence is great! "I found them in the back room…there were lots of costumes in there…maybe they're planning a party!" Only she makes it sound like "potty".
I find it hysterical when Meg pushes Xena (thinking it's Leah), saying, "Step back".
Then she steps forward. "It's me you want…I am the holy WOMAN!"
When they're all three standing next to each other, it's pretty easy to tell who is who.
Joxer's line, "Meg, you've got pretty big feet for a girl," always strikes me funny.
It's kind of sweet when Leah hugs Meg, before leaving her alone.
But now that I think about it, was it Leah giving the hug, or Xena? Hmm…. I'm going to have to think this one through!
Those were nice fancy glasses those virgins were drinking out of!
One of my favorite scenes is in the jail, when Joxer is ranting about how he'd get them out, while Xena does just that.
Joxer: Any idiot could do it.
Xena: Come on, Idiot.
Joxer: Hi, Xena.
Xena says the EXACT same thing "Come on, Idiot" to Joxer in Warrior…Princess…Tramp, which I find very funny and cleverly done!
Some of the virgins had their mouths open when they hit the floor. They had to swallow the poison!
Love Leah's, "And you're headed for the dungeon, My Man" to Bailius.
Where did Meg learn to fight so well? Has she been practicing since she last saw Xena and Gabbers?
Xena does the Superman flight, feet first, to run into Bailius! I really, really HATE that! A lot of the fight moves on the series are pretty far-fetched, but this is the one I don't like the most.
When someone gets a smack in at Xena during a fight, she almost always smacks him or her right back, like it's a reflex or something.
Leah turns very sweet at the end…far more affectionate than she was the rest of the episode.
Her line to Gabrielle, "I still think you'd make a great virgin" earns the most hysterical smirk from Xena!
Leah fares better in this one than Meg does, but it's the one and only time we'll see the Priestess. It gets a little confusing trying to keep all the look-alikes straight, but the occasional "Hi, Xena" is enough to make this episode work for me.
The next two episodes are two of the heaviest of the whole series, so enjoy the laughs while you can!
What did Gary think of this one?
Here is another in the lookalike theme. We just saw two "Joxers,we see three
"Xenas" and will see four "Gabbys" in the next ep. RenPics must have had a
slow time with ideas.
The story opens with "Xena" telling a warlord that he should give up his
evil ways,and to prove she is serious,she will set an example:she will
submit to being burned at the stake for the sake of peace(shades of Joan of
Ark). Gabby witnesses this and tries in vain to get her to wise up and get out of
there. The woman refuses,and the fire is lit. Gabby tries to put out the
fire with a blanket,but is pulled away. In a funny scene,she tries to use a
see-saw with a barrel of water on one end;the idea is to whip it into the
air at the fire,putting it out. She calls a fat blacksmith "Tubby",and he
tries to grab her,but stumbles and falls on the high end of the
see-saw,flinging the barrel onto the fire...it is extinguished.
Gabby frees the woman in the confusion and they escape. Gabby thinks it is
another test of her competence,but realizes that the woman doesn't know what
she is talking about. This woman speaks with an Elmer Fudd
style(pwaise Hestia!)and is almost comic in her zeal as a Hestian priestess.
She is revealed as Leah...Gabby thought that it was Callisto,Princess
Diana,then Meg,but this is a new one on the bard. What to tell Xena..?
When Leah said she did as the gods dictate,Gabby ,thinking beforehand it was
Xena,says "since WHEN?"
Note: Where do these lookalikes come from? We NEVER are told of some distant
relative with the same gene....also,Xena's outfit seems to be everywhere,as
well as a metal Chakram,identical to the real one...Xena,in ULYSSES,said
that it was unique to HER. The same goes for the birthmark on her right breast...I notice little things like that...well,I don't mean LITTLE...never mind.
Xena mocks Gabby when Gab asks Xena "guess what?". When Xena sees Leah,she
thinks it is Diana or Meg,and should have asked where all these obvious
"relatives" are coming from.
At the campfire scene,Leah proclaims the greatness of being a Hestian
Virgin,or virginity in general. She is scandalized to know that the girls
are not virgins.She calls them wanton strumpets; Gabby says "I was married
at the time",which makes no difference to Leah. Xena's smirk is wiped off
when Gabby asked her,"were YOU?" Both girls say they have more faith in themselves than in the gods...Leah again is in disbelief.
When the girls are disguised and go to the temple,a henchman tells Gabby
that it is for virgins only...Gabby asks if it shows. Xena,however,pretty
much one who has gone around the block a LOT,gets thru with no problem.
Now we see the impostor for Leah...it is Meg,rolling the Hestian stones as
if they were dice,saying "Preistess needs a new pair of sandals."
Meg really cuts up in this ep.,and is many funny and witty scenes.She owns a
"tavern" which is really a brothel.
When Xena meets her later in the bedroom,Meg thinks it is Leah until Xena
squishes her hand..."Hello,Xena"....just enough said to be funny. This
happens again in the confusing who's who when scenes blend.
Gabby,on the road to the tavern,tries to make Leah look sexy by ripping a
lot of her dress off,showing cleavage and leg. Leah tries to look
alluring,which failed,by Gabby's perspective.
Leah:"Know thyself"...Gabby:(a great line):If I have to spend the rest of my
life without companionship,knowing myself will be no problem."
I think this answers the "are they?" question for the time being.
I was thinking back to EROS where Gabby says being chaste is hard.
Balius,the head priest,is plotting to kill all the Virgins,including Leah so
his religion can take over.He says Meg is needed to pose as Leah because she
deserted the Virgins...Meg buys this,but knows when there is money to be
made.
At the tavern,Leah is of course mistaken for Meg. NOTE: why doesn't ANYBODY notice the resemblance between the two...they both are public figures,of a sort,unless the people in this area are constantly under the influence of alcohol.Leah: A 'free bee'....freebie,as the hookers were saying...good pun.
Now Joxer arrives. He has paid for Meg's "services" before and all the girls
fawn on him,a far cry from the Joxer we always see. He plays the
accordian,the lute,and sings. Then,he is on a table drinking some ale. The
girls love him...("just check out his shoe size.")
He sees Gabby there,and thinks that Gabby was forced to be a whore because
of some money problems. He thinks he can pay for her "services" too. She
tells him that the woman he fondled is the Hestian Priestess...he thinks he
is going to Tartaras.
Back in the bedroom at the temple,Meg likes the bed,and makes some pretty
interesting moves testing out the matress. At this point she knows Balius is
not a priest,but wants a piece of the action anyway. She does not want to
kill anybody,tho.
Too many scenes to tell of the confusing who's who,but Gabby is able to tell
the three apart,esp. when Meg keeps adjusting her boobs after taking a coin
from her cleavage.
Xena,later is hearing the "Confession" of a virgin...it is 'Declaration of
Sins' thing the Virgins have to do daily. The young girl ,as Xena fights the
henchman,tells of seeing a summer squash,and had desires to do something
with it. Later,Xena tells her to take matters into her own hands,as the
other girls smile with anticipation.
The henchman told Xena of Balius' plan. Meanwhile,Gabby stands guard as Leah
teaches the hookers to sing "Onward Virgin Soldiers."
Joxer tries to "save" Meg but is captured.The guards later are "occupied"
with the hookers. These guys cannot reinforce Balius.
Balius' plan is to have Meg(really Leah at this time) to tell the Virgins to
drink the wine...it is poisoned,and their death will be shown that Hestia is
the wrong Goddess; he wants them to convert to Dalianism,his religion.
Xena(as Leah) is in jail with Joxer,and they escape easily by a well-thrown
rope that snags the guard as Joxer decsribes how HE would escape. Xena says
"Come on idiot."
Leah reads the verse that Balius gave her,but unknown to him,she says
different words. The Virgins drink and all fall "dead". Balius makes his
pitch to the crowd,but Leah reads more words,the "dead" rise and spit out
the poison...she had told them to fall and not swallow the wine....pretty
good discipline by these ladies.
All three "Xenas" take part in the fight scene,Gabby too. Leah knocks out Balius with one punch...it reminds me of DREAMWORKER where Gabby does the same thing to Morpheus' priest.
At the end,all is revealed,and Leah admits she misjudged Xena and Gabby .She
knows there is more life outside the temple and not to condemn everyone for
not living the way she and her Virgins do.
What did Andrew have to say on this one?
Another look-alike episode with even more confusion than last week, as Gabrielle finds the "Warrior Princess" is not who she seems to be!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
XENA AND GABRIELLE
In contrast to THE KING OF ASSASSINS (oddly enough the product of the same writing team), Gabrielle shows real ingenuity in rescuing Leah. She also coins the delightful phrase "Hestia? The virgin goddess? What does she have to do with the price of grapes in Carthage?" Thinking her friend is testing her resourcefulness, she turns a water barrel into a flying fire extinguisher, cuts Leah free and holds off pursuit long enough to give the impostor a piece of her mind. Having eliminated Callisto, Diana and Meg from her list of suspects, Gabby quickly realises that yet another Xena double is on the loose. She's obviously highly amused by the contrast between Leah and the real Xena, rubbing it in with her introduction: "Meet 20Leah, the priestess…the Hestian priestess…the Hestian VIRGIN priestess."
Recovering from the initial shock of meeting another double (actually, Diana's her double, making Meg her triple and Leah her quadruple), Xena quickly deduces that someone is trying to kill Leah by tricking her into suicidal actions. Gabrielle is really ticked off by Leah's insults ("Wanton stwumpets" et cetera), leading to some very funny exchanges:
G: "You don't have to be a virgin to be virtuous."
L: "Oh yes, you keep telling yourself that, dear."
and the even better:
G: "I was married at the time!"
L: "Yes, well, we all have our little excuses, don't we?"
G: (Off Xena's smirk) "Were you?"
OUCH! One-nil to the short blonde! In the temple, Gabby is further exasperated by Balius' henchman:
H: "Virgins only."
G: "What, is it written on my forehead?!"
She also has an interesting answer for Leah when the latter mentions the Hestian rule "Know thyself", replying "If I have to go the rest of my life without companionship, knowing myself won't be a problem." Gabrielle is clearly talking about knowing herself in the Biblical sense, and this thinly veiled reference to masturbation implies that she has no current sexual partner, not even Xena. In a later scene, Gabrielle helps Leah come to terms with hiding out in a bordello, suggesting that the Hestian minister to Meg's "working girls". Gabby and Meg make a great fighting team, dishing it out to Balius' men on two separate occasions. It's nice to see Gabrielle doing her "twist and somersault" manoeuvre again.
Xena, for her part, masquerades as Meg to uncover Balius plot, and is convincingly inept with a sword when posing as Leah. She actually had me fooled the first time I saw this episode.
GENERAL OBSERVATIONS
In her first scene Xena mentions the warlord Zagreus, seen in A DAY IN THE LIFE.
"Pwaise Hestia!" How does Lucy Lawless manage the voice she uses as Leah? With apologies to any readers suffering from such a speech impediment, it's hilarious! Leah brings a whole new meaning to the term "wide-eyed innocent", and is clearly out of her depth outside her temple. Meg, on the other hand, is having a hard time playing Leah's role, eased only by the bottle of sacramental wine she's managed to pilfer. As she tells Xena, "How can I make trouble? I'm a virgin!"
Meg's tavern doubles as a bordello, patronized by none other than Joxer. This episode, particularly the version of "Joxer the Mighty" sung by Meg's girls, reveals that there's at least ONE thing he's good at. On second thoughts, let's not even go there… Yet more confusion is caused when Joxer mistakes Leah for Meg and propositions her. He also believes Gabrielle is working at Meg's until Gabby puts him straight.
The scene where Xena-as-Leah takes a virgin's confession of her sins while punching out Balius' henchman is a hoot. By the way, these girls are definitely overdeveloped and underdressed…Pwaise Hestia!!!
The funniest scene (at least judged my warped sense of humour) sees Leah opening various doors and finding in turn the following couples:
1. Man and woman;
2. Man and dominatrix with whip;
3. Man and sheep!!!
The look of increasing horror on Leah's face is a picture! Nevertheless, with Gabrielle's help she soon recovers and leads Meg's girls in a rousing chorus of "Onward Virgin Soldiers" William Booth must be spinning in his grave…
Joxer's behaviour is confusing in this episode. He says he loves Gabby, yet he's carrying on with Meg (and her girls, if their song is anything to go by). He also tells "Leah" (actually Meg-as-Leah) that Meg has "been around the block plenty", yet he doesn't hesitate to mount a one-man rescue mission when he believes Meg has been captured. I just can't figure him out.
Leah shows how far she's come since the beginning of the episode when she punches Balius' lights out, believing Hestia would have told her "Nicely done".
FAMILIAR FACESJodie Dorday (Bordello Girl #2) previously appeared as the Io the oracle in PROMETHEUS and the Amazon warrior Solari in THE QUEST and A NECESSARY EVIL.
LITTLE PROBLEMSDexon is clearly a warlord on a tight budget. He doesn't carry a sword, axe or spear, only a dagger.
ANOTHER Xena look-alike? Really, this is pushing things a bit too far. Since this story is apparently set in or near King Lias' realm, wouldn't someone have remarked on the resemblance between Diana, Meg and Leah?
Doesn't ANYONE suspect Meg isn't really Leah? Surely someone would have spotted the change in behaviour? Why did she leave her job in King Lias' castle? Was running a tavern-cum-bordello more profitable?
What is Balius doing in a temple of Hestia? As far as I know, there were no Hestian priests the clergy were all female.
Meg's tavern appears to be a precursor of Doctor Who's TARDIS it's a lot bigger on the inside than it is on the outside!
Since when was "Hestian" a language, and if Leah is the only one who can read it, then who wrote the scroll for Balius?
What kind of poison is Balius using? I'm pretty sure they didn't have cyanide in those days, but the girls drop in just a couple of seconds. Some of them also moan as they collapse, pretty hard to do with a mouthful of liquid.
There's clearly a mat for the guards fighting Gabby and Meg to fall on. It's just as well that floor looks hard!
Hestia is in the cast, but never seen. Another victim of the editor's scissors, perhaps?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I thoroughly enjoyed this episode, with multiple cases of mistaken identity and much ensuing hilarity. Everyone acts in character (with the possible exception of Joxer), and Leah is arguably Lucy's greatest comic creation. Gabrielle comes out of it looking good, and I'd have to rate it the best of the "look-alike" shows.
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