In Sickness and in Hell

This episode is very funny in spots, but in other places, it is just plain disgusting.

Why does it look like Xena is laying down in the daytime?

Gabs has foot rot…and Xena's retort is "Maybe if you hadda kept it dry like I told you."

Gabs gives Xena a hard time about looking for Argo. Xena retorts with, "Hey, I didn't stop looking for you! The same goes for Argo!" Wonder how Gabs likes being compared to a horse?

Gabs' foot rot looks disgusting!

Xena has obvious eye makeup on when she's sleeping.

And her lice are rather noisy!

When Gabs is inspecting her head, Xena half-laughs…"What is it? A bald spot?"

Xena allows Gabs to search until the word "lice" comes out.

Gabs says Xena could have a family of "badgers living in her hair".

Gabs has an ugly green ring on her stomach.

Xena's not terribly original with "Hey, I'm not the one with a fungus among us."

But she thinks it's funny!

Why wouldn't Xena comb her hair?

Gabs responds to the fungus line with, "Oh yeah, that's poetic. One of your bug friends whisper that in your ear?"

And then later, "All right…you wanna piece of me? Fine, I'll give you a piece of me!"

Joxer's blindness because is hat is over his eyes is…stupid.

Xena was so disgusted with it, she got to cross her arms twice…they were already crossed in the close-up, and then she crossed them in the long shot.

Joxer has a job.
Gabrielle: So let me guess…you want our help?
Joxer: I've got things completely under control.
Xena: When do you want us to start?
Joxer: How's now sound?
Xena: Fine.

Joxer tries to name his group…"Joxer the Mighty and his Mighty Fighting Women Fighters…fighting…"

Xena is musing away, so Gabrielle knocks on her head. "Hey…hey…human suffering here."

Gabs fungus is SO disgusting looking!

When Gabs holds the berries, Xena slaps them away saying they can play tricks on the mind. At first, I thought she slapped her cause she didn't want to touch the berries. But in reality, she didn't want to touch Gabs!

She gets the skin crawling "Ares is near" look when she senses the rabbit.

I like the braids on either side of Gabs's head.

Xena is in such denial. "I don't have lice…it's dandruff…it's a minor scalp irritation."

They are both rather irritable.

Gabs says she's going to catch the rabbit, and Xena replies with an evil smile, "Go ahead, no skin off my back."

Love Gabs' "Hardy har har!"

Argo looks red standing there in the moonlight.

The first time I saw Gabs take on the rabbit was in Punch Lines…I laughed my butt off.

Why didn't Gabs listen to Xena about the berries?

Xena says they play tricks on the mind, but does that include growing fangs?

Xena's lice are doing a serious number on her. She's covered!

Xena calls the Scythians tough and ruthless.

And Joxer supplies "and their women are rough and toothless."

Xena comes back with, "Joxer, I once knew a warrior who tried to stop them. They buried him in Sparta, Athens, and Carthage."

Once she has to start explaining, she should know it's a lost cause.

That rabbit is vicious. Renee is punching it hard!

Xena's voice squeaks, and she sounds a lot like Lucy when she laughs, "I'm not filthy!"

Joxer tells Xena he'll go looking for Argo. As he leaves the cave, you can hear him say, "She can smell me from miles away!"

Xena's hair is looking much worse.

Check out Gabs and the chakram…she is almost orgasmic!

Xena kills me, "Don't make me hurt you, Scabrielle!"

Gabs gets her revenge though. "All right, Excema…what are you gonna do?"

Why is that so dang funny to me?

Gabbers tells Xena she can't touch her, but obviously she does, long enough to tie Gabrielle up.

Gabs is doing her best to be patient with Joxer as she tries to convince him to untie her.

And Joxer is working hard to get a compliment out of her.

Finally, he says, "Come on, spit it out."

And she does, literally.

Xena mourns, "I don't ask for much…I just want my pony back."

Gabrielle's explanation is only too accurate. "Someone walked by with an apple and she (Argo), followed them home. That's what horses do."

She gives Xena a shove, and Xena does nothing.

I think the disgusting factor is a wee bit overdone at this point.

The villagers are hiding their children's faces.

Xena: "Don't be shy…your mother wasn't."

She describes Argo as "gold with a white mane."

Where did Xena get a pick for her hair?

Gabrielle: What is this stuff…sheep dung?
Joxer: Goat poo.

What's the difference, either way, it's sh*t!

I love Xena's joyous chuckle over Gabs reaction.

Gabs has some of the stuff on her teeth! Yech!

It's a wonder it took so long for Gabs and Xena to catch the other's err…problem.

Love it when Xena throws the lice in the fire…"Oh my god…she killed Kenny! You bitch!"

Xena says about Argo…"You don't know how moody she can be. She doesn't open up to you."

Gabs…"She doesn't like me, does she? What is it? My personality? My hair color? The fact that I talk about her like she's a real person?"

Does linseed root really make your mouth go numb?

Xena finds it very, very funny that Gabs mouth is numb.

Love Gabs' "son of a nitch."

Xena acts like her old self for a minute when she hides unde the bed. But then her stomach kicks in.

She explains it to Gabs as "I did a…thing…find out what you can."

Gabs is hilarious as she drools over the man!

Xena fights dirty…"All right, Gabrielle go in there and give him a nice big kiss."

Then "Rot…don't tell us about rot!"

Argo looks dark when she's helping the Scythians attack the village.

At first, Xena's crying scene really bothered me, but then I thought of how whiny I get when I'm sick, and it stopped bugging me.

Xena's a copycat…"No, I nidn't…didn't."

I feel sorry for Xena when Argo rejects her.

Gabs asks, "What else could go wrong?" and gets her hair tangled in some bushes.

Xena might be feeling ill, but she sure comes around when it comes down to fighting.

And that wild hair DOES make her look more feral.

The brother, when he's helmeted, looks like character actor Richard Gillian.

Gabs rash is very red now.

I love that moment when Argo stops cold!

Gabs gets a great staff swing in at the brother of the leader.

Xena: "Nobody touches my horse."

What a companion Argo is!

Xena is hysterical at the end. She keeps rubbing her mouth.

Then, when Joxer starts singing, she looks off camera with a decidedly Lucy look, like she's looking directly at someone.

Then she gives a Lucy smile.

I suppose it's possible she was looking at Argo.

She brushes off her hair too.

Xena gets in the final word…"Friends…Ooo…I got all the friends I need."

And thus ends the first comedy of the season. As I stated earlier, it's hit and miss, but when it does work, it's hysterical.


What did Gary have to say about this one?


This episode had a lot to it, and getting a few lines and scenes by the censors were really something. Basically, it is a formula plot. The evil warlord of the Sythians wants to rule the world, and wants the Greek fire at a nearby village. The desperate villagers hire Joxer to defend them, and he needs the girls' help.

Opening scene:
We see a beautiful sunrise, complete with deer, and Gabby's soft voice waking Xena. Gabby thrusts a hideous foot into Xena's face...Gabby has foot-rot and it itches and smells. Xena recoils and blames Gabby for not keeping her feet dry. Gabby says it is Xena's fault for going thru the swamps. Xena did not want to leave Argo in a barn, so that is why they are on foot...Argo roams free.

Gabby finds that Xena has head lice, which Xena denies at first. Gabby's fungus is spreading, and it is a disgusting green and red scabby mess.

Xena sees Argo and the horse will not come. Gabby argues with Xena, "tears off a piece" of her skin, and asks, "you want a piece of me?”. Literally!

Stupid Joxer arrives in the woods, saying he is blind---his helmet is on backwards. He tells Xena and Gabby he needs their help in defending the village. Xena is hungry and senses a rabbit in the brush. Gabby says she does not want lice on her food, so will get the rabbit herself. Xena: "Go ahead. no skin off my back."

Gabby was warned not to eat the berries because they play tricks with the mind...a lot like the nutbread, I guess.

Joxer shows Xena the Sythian knife he found, and Xena tells of how bad they are. At the Sythian camp, the warlord, wearing a great helmet, sees Argo, and sends his men after her. There is the sun on Argo, but storm clouds over the Sythians.

Gabby tries to catch the rabbit, calling "here, bunny, bunny, bunny..." and looking really cute, despite her scabs. Even her hair throughout the show looks good...Xena's looks progressively awful. The bunny eats some berries and grows fangs. It attacks Gabby, who looks terrified, and the fight scene was shown back and forth with Xena and Joxer’s talking. Gabby ends up bashing her chest against a tree and biting the bunny's ear. She never gets the critter.

Xena says the Sythians are "tough and ruthless"...Joxer says their women are "rough and toothless." Joxer says Xena's lice made her look tougher. In the cave, they eat some radish stew Joxer made. Xena knocks some into his face. Joxer says he will try to find Argo. Xena: "Yeah...that would take a load off."

Gabby uses Xena's Chakram to scratch her backside. Xena wants it back and Gabby says no. Xena calls her "Scabrielle" and Gabby says, "Okay, X-ema...are you gonna put your pressure points on me? Go ahead. you can't touch me...you’re not so tough now, is you, Warrior Princess?" Gabby had been making sexual-like noises with the Chakram, and was moving up and down on it in a provocative way.

Joxer returns without the horse, and sees Gabby with her hands tied in a sack. She begs him to untie her. She says "and we had such hopes" when he said he couldn't find Argo. She tells that Xena caused a rockslide (again...so many of them in this series) and the Sythians will be stopped for a while. He doesn't get it, and Gabby is about to call him stupid. He riles at this, and Gabby says she isn't feeling well. Joxer: "Come on Gabrielle...spit it out." She heaves on his feet.

In the woods, the trio goes to the town. Gabby scratches herself on a tree. Joxer, finally being something useful, is a toilet paper holder...one of Gabby's scrolls is the paper. Xena and Gabby dive for the bushes, and Xena tosses Gabby out. Joxer: "There are bushes enough for everybody." Censor?

Argo is captured by the Sythians and will be used by the leader. In town, Joxer arrives. He sings his song, and the villagers want to kill him for that, not because he failed to protect them. He introduces Xena and Gabby as his helpers. The girls come in the tavern and look awful. They stink, and are scratching and peeling. Xena and Gabby run to the outhouse as Joxer explains.

The parents shield their kids from the sight, sound, and smell of the girls, who are picking lice and scratching themselves. Xena takes her sword and tells a guy to hold it..."don't be shy...your mother wasn't ." She uses it as a back scratcher.

In the bath-cave is also the Greek fire oil, which the gang wants. Gabby is painted in goat-poo, and Xena is washing her hair in the pool. They switch places as each finds that they have each other's ailment, too. Xena growls as she is coated in the doo-doo.

Fireplace scene: Xena talks of Argo, and knows that the landlord is in with the gang. She expects an attack. Gabby drinks a potion for her skin...she was supposed to apply it to her skin. Now her tongue is numb, as if she needed more problems. Xena laughs and says it will go away after a few days. Gabby mumbles, but you can hear, "what a bitch!"

The Sythian brother arrives to kill Xena...it is the old melon-trick for Xena's head. Xena puts the Pinch on him, but has to run to the latrine again. She pantomimes to Gabby to make the guy talk. Gabby, in an upside-down shot, drools hideously, and says Xena has cut off the flow of blood to his brain..she has to repeat it. She looked awful. The guy is scared.

At the jail, the guy is locked up with the landlord. Brother will not talk until Xena tells Gabby to go in and give him a great big kiss. Gabby, looking mean with a huge drool on her lip, starts in, but he tells all at once.

There is noise as the Sythians raid the village. Joxer joins the girls in the fight, and they perk up a bit in the battle. Xena is outraged that the warlord rides Argo, who will not come to her. In the tavern, Joxer tells the girls of the horse, and that the warlord was kicking her...Xena lunges at him and growl ferally.

Xena says Joxer is the Secret Weapon. He will make a stew to make the army sick. He will be the diversion while Xena steals Argo back. Xena captures the cook and Joxer goes to the camp with half a pail of food...enough for an ARMY?

Gabby will stay hidden and whistle if anyone approaches the tent where Argo is. Xena mocks Gabby's mumbling. Xena knocks out a guard and goes in. Argo will not go with her, and her whinnies bring the guards. Gabby tries to whistle, but only spit comes out. She asks, "what else can happen?". She then gets her hair caught in some bushes.

Xena fights her way out and runs to a field. The warlord sends brother to get the men to attack the town again. He can't get them to go because Joxer's stew gave them awful gas and they are heaving, too. They are out of action.

The warlord arrives in the field on Argo, who wears a spike like a unicorn. The guy charges Xena who stands and waits for Argo to stop. Gabby warns her to defend herself, but Argo stops short and throws the rider. The brother arrives, and Gabby knocks him off the horse with her staff. The warlord, vowing to teach Argo manners in loyalty, gets on the other horse as Xena rides Argo in a running sword-fight, which was done really well. They knock the sword out of each other's hand, and the warlord leaps at Xena, but misses and knocks himself out on the ground.

Xena leads Argo past some apple trees...apples were the reason why Argo would not come to her. At the village, Joxer refuses the money for saving the town. Gabby says it was a nice thing to do. He brags that he is immune from diseases, and as he sings his song, he gets the trots, and runs off. Gabby falls asleep standing up, and Xena flicks another louse from her hair, saying she has all the friends she needs.

This was funny on so many levels, and the literal bathroom humor worked. The girls, despite foot rot, being smeared with excrement, having lice, and messy hair, still looked pretty good. The rabbit scene and the Gabby with Joxer in the cave-scene were two of the best.


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