Punch Lines

I've read a lot of negative comments on this particular episode.

It certainly isn't the greatest episode ever, but it certainly isn't the worst episode either.

Gabs sounds like Xena and "besmirched" in Heart of Darkness. "Amesiatic? I don't think that's a word."

She is writing in her copper colored Chin style pj's.

Or I should say she's TRYING to write.

She tries eating while she writes.

Her parchment sounds like paper when she wads it up.

And she sure is wasting a lot of it!

Xena's just a big sleeping lump in the corner. All you can see is the chakram.

Gabs wants to know why Aphrodite doesn't have something better to do.

Aphrodite's response? "Owie! What's up with the attitude!"

Then she becomes a psychiatrist.

She has trouble moving her chair up…funny!

Aphrodite has very curvy legs.

Xena and Gabs are just hanging out in Aphrodite's temple.

Xena, Gabs, and Joxer are traveling along, trying to think up a name for Xena's baby.

Gabbers: How about Rochelle?
Xena: And have her called Roach for short? I don't like that.

Gabs says that this day started like any other day.

So they think of baby names every day?

Gabrielle: All right…how about Aloyicius?
Xena: That's not funny.

No, and it's also very predictable. Every TV show and movie that has ever named a baby has always come up with that name. Kinda makes me feel sorry for the poor schmos in the world who actually have that name.

Joxer: A pregnant woman's hungry. There's news.

Xena hits Joxer with a whap!
Gabs: And cranky.
Xena: Cranky? I haven't been cranky in years. Joxer, have you ever seen me cranky?
Joxer hem haws an answer.
Gabs: Tell the truth, Joxer.

Ohh…now we find out…this is a clips episode!

The first clips are of a cranky Xena:
Monkey man from Fins, Femmes, and Gems
Joxer talking to Xena's stomach in Animal Attraction
Xena letting Joxer fall flat on his face.
Been there, Done That.

It's no surprise that Joxer would be afraid to admit that Xena gets cranky.

And Xena seems satisfied, even though she has to know he's faking it.

Gabs even says, "Cop out."

Xena says she is in full control of her mood swings.

Gabs bets a full month of cooking and cleaning.

Xena throws in back rubs.

Then Xena spits on her hand and grabs Gabrielle's to shake on it. "Doesn't count…" she teases.

Gabs just wipes her hand.

Joxer is trying to desperately signal to Gabs that he does NOT want to go with Xena.

It doesn't work.

Xena tells Gabs to take care of her "baby". That would be Argo.

"You don't want to make me mad."

Gabs: It doesn't take a genius to wash a horse.
Xena: It'll come in handy for all those backrubs you're going to give me.

She tells Joxer, "Come on, Dummy." She says the exact same thing in Warrior, Princess, Tramp and Warrior, Priestess, Tramp.

Gabs mutters to herself, "Xena doesn't do any cleaning…Have you smelled her feet lately?"

Argo shrunk!

Aphrodite isn't impressed, "So you shrunk her horse. Big deal. Everyone shrinks as they get older. That's why old people are so short."

Aphrodite has specs on as she plays psychiatrist.

Lachrymose…The God of Despair? I don't think so.

He is a sourpuss, but Gabs thinks she can make him laugh.

She calls herself a "storyteller"…after Devi, I wish she'd make up her mind!

Gabs starts by remembering the bunny incident from In Sickness and In Hell. I saw Punch Lines long before I saw In Sickness, and I laughed myself silly over this scene.

Gabs' "carrot stick" line needs to go, however.

Xena's trapped in a tavern with a cranky baby. Sounds like my luck!

The baby looks scared of her.

Xena's "cootchie cootchie coo" needs work.

Love the mom's talking to the baby, "Did that mean old Warrior Princess scare you?"

And I LOVE Xena's horrified "I scared it mute."

Xena tells Joxer about King Gregor.

Meanwhile, Gabs is telling Lachrymose about Baby Bliss.

Does Lachrymose like slapstick?
Gabs tries:
Flying the kite in A Day in the Life
Joxer trying to get his boot on.
Gabs throwing the chakram in The King of Assassins

Then she tries some action sequences:
The flying carpet in The Way "Everyone loves a good chase scene. Like the time we went to India…don't get that place."

Forgive me, but what's funny about any of that?

Gabs quips, "Maybe that's India's way of rolling out the red carpet."

Forgive me, but what's funny about any of that? Heh heh.

Next up is romantic comedy.
Draco and the cherries
Joxer grabbing Xena in Warrior, Princess, Tramp
Gaia and Addis the Ape Man

Gabrielle is all kicked back on the couch.

Aphrodite refers to men as the "weaker" sex.

Under the sex appeal approach, Gabs goes for:
Velasca and Autolycus (yuck)
The three naked Gabrielles
Xena coming out of the water in Altared States
Autolycus's "Hey, I paid for an hour."

Gabs and Aphrodite move into slumber party mode.

They're wearing pink pj's, and there are bubbles all around.

Aphrodite: Want me to pierce your ears?

Gabs even has fuzzy slippers on.

You can see Gabs' undies through her pj's.

Gabs tries to explain: Xena and I are best friends. There aren't any secrets between us.
Aphrodite isn't fooled: You stalled, huh?
Gabs: Exactly.

Gabs took Joxer's money.

Gabs: What's wrong with him?
Xena: Family problems.
Joxer: I blame the parents.
Gabs: How was the meal?
Xena: A little too much salt.

You can see Xena fighting her crankiness.

Aphrodite says, "So you shrunk her horse and then you lost HIM?"

Doesn't Aphrodite know Argo is a girl?

Gabs muses, "Sometimes I think she likes that horse more than she likes me." Then she shows a clip from Blind Faith.

As Gabs waxes nostalgic about Argo, Aphrodite slips into the bath water.

Okay, who got the bright idea of having Xena and Joxer go grocery shopping?

And how did Argo end up there?

Why is Xena glad flour is on special?

I do kinda like "Clean up on Aisle Seven."

And "Nah, he's just an oaf."
Bad guy: "Oaf!"

Xena is concerned her child will encounter strange and dangerous things such as:
Giants-Sins of the Past
The Titans
Giant killer

Joxer makes her feel much better…"Giants, Hades, that's the least of your problems!"
Dryads
Harpies
Bacchae

This freaks Xena out.

Then Joxer turns all sweet, and Xena grabs him, rubbing his head.

Gabs backs into Argo, and politely says, "Excuse me."

It's a cool effect how Lachrymose beams in and out.

Gabs tries psychology. "Who's gonna ride her the way she is now? No one is that small."

But it backfires. Lachrymose makes her that small.

Xena tells Joxer that he doesn't need to tell Gabs about her losing her temper because she can't help it.

She's eating a raw turnip.

Joxer gives her another hug.

And then he sees Gabs.

The checkout guy says to Xena, "Excuse me…first you buy it, and then you eat it." Xena spits the turnip into her hand and offers it to him. "Oh, that's pretty."

Love Joxer's dreamings…"Joxer and Little Pal…Joxer and his amazing sideshow freak."

Gabs has strong teeth.

The effects of a tiny Gabs are pretty cool.

Joxer thinks in black and white.

Joxer says his dad wrecked the chariot, and his mom took a couple of arrows from his creditors.

"Joxer has pulled through for us several times." Gabs can't remember specifics, but I can.

She does remember him nailing his own thumb.
And Addis hitting a tree.
And being suspended in The Play's the Thing
And jumping through the window in Warrior, Priestess, Tramp
And their first meeting.

But she concludes with Joxer as a loyal friend and a great traveling companion.

Aphrodite agrees. She loves him too.

Gabs says, "not even Lachrymose was laughing." Of course, not, he never has!

Xena's sitting in an inn, eating green apples.

She was sleeping, but wakes up abruptly.

"I don't feel so good," she says.

She is having gastrointestinal problems.

"All right, anyone seen a guy in a little pointy hat?"

And she's walked right into a Shriner's convention!

Xena notes it's a tough crowd.

Then she says, "At least there's someone I can count on," and she whistles for Argo.

Joxer quips that Gabs "must be Lachrymose intolerant", which is a very funny line.

He tells Lachrymose she'd be easier to find if he made her big.

"Now you're not as dumb as you look," he returns with.

Xena hears Argo approaching and muses, "Ah, now that's devotion."

Xena is confused, then boiling.

In the background, you can hear, "What do you have to do…add water?"

Xena's getting mad is from Paradise Found, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, The Way, and Fallen Angel. Pretty funny!

She's blowing it in front of Gabs.

Gabs: Xena, now don't get mad…it's not good for the baby.

And then come the pies.

"I'm not mad…I'm just very, very disappointed."

Gabs gets the first pie in the face.

It looks like she's got a pig nose.

Someone shouts, "Hey, she hit Bob!"

Pie fights don't do much for me.

Note that the fat lady sang.

Love Xena's, "Joxer, never pie a pregnant woman."

How did Xena know who Lachrymose was?

And why in the world would he find a pie in his own face funny?

Why were there so many pies there, anyway?

"Don't thank me yet, wait till you get my bill." That was Aphrodite to Gabrielle.

Gabs is writing from left to right.

Xena DID lose her temper.

She ALMOST deserved the pie she got.

"Who threw that pie?" There's no doubt!

And that ends the fifth season clip show…Punch Lines. Hang on to your hat, cause next week, everything changes!


PUNCH LINES:

What does Gary have to say?:

 

Okay…this episode is Punch Lines, or “Honey, I Shrunk the Bard.”

The scenes change from a Gabby with writer’s-block at Aphrodite’s temple to

the past action of when Xena, Gabby, and Joxer meet Lachrymose, the god of

Despair. This guy would be a real live wire at a party.

 

Gabby is in her pajamas…usually she wears her walking clothes. Aphrodite

sneaks up behind her and scares her a little. Gabby is barefoot again. Has

she worn shoes since DEVI? She has insomnia, which I didn’t have after

watching this show.

Aph pretends she is a psychiatrist, and is businesslike, wearing glasses.

Her revealing top was a real treat, as usual.

Gabby says she has no time for writing. Aph asks her to tell what happened.

 

Gabby says she, Joxer and Xena were walking trying to think up a name for

the baby.

Xena hates all the names and asks Joxer if he thinks she is cranky, or has

he EVER seen her cranky. He sees flashbacks from FINS, ANIMAL ATTRACTION,

RETURN OF CALLISTO, AND BEEN THERE-DONE THAT and says “no” weakly. Gabby

scoffs that he is a wimp.

 

Xena and Gabby bet that Xena will not be able to control her temper for one

day. Xena says she can do it and sends Gabby to a river to wash the horses

with COLD water. Since they are all wearing heavy coats, did anyone think

the river would be warm? Xena and Joxer go to town for lunch.

 

At the river, Gabby is now in her shorts and halter top….isn’t she cold? She

splashes water on Argo and when she looks at her again, the horse was shrunk

down to a pony again.

A river god named Lachrymose, the god of Despair, a real sad-sack, comes to

shore and says he shrunk the horse because Gabby used HIS water without

permission. He points to a faded stone saying this, but it was covered with

debris. Gabby says she can make him laugh, since he says he never did. If

she can, he will put Argo back.

Lac says he also has a temple.

 

This episode is nothing but a disjointed clip-show. Gabby relates funny

scenes from various eps like SICKNESS where she tries to fight the rabbit.

It was nice to see her long hair again.

 

Joxer and Xena are annoyed by a crying baby in the bar. The mother says “did

that mean old Warrior Princess scare you?”

 

Gabby fails to make Lac laugh in a list of clips too numerous to list.

 

Aph now makes it into a slumber party and Gabby now has a cute pajama set

and slippers. She still can’t think of writing.

 

At the bar, a drunken thug comes in saying Xena fought his brother. This guy

appears a couple more times, but really does nothing. Gabby goes back to the

river, but Argo is gone. Now she panics, because she doesn’t want Xena upset

because of the baby.

 

Xena is in a supermarket with a bamboo shopping cart with Joxer. There is

modern music in the background with aisles of food.

 

Joxer tells Xena there will be a lot of dangers out there for the kid and we

see clips with Dryads, Harpies, and other scary things. He says the kid is

lucky because Xena will protect it.

 

Gabby is shrunk by Lac because she failed to make him laugh. She does look

cute as a tiny bard with her piping voice. She sees Joxer in the market and

says she needs help to get changed back. He wants her as his tiny

sidekick…she bites his hand and hangs on like  a pit bull.

 

At the river, Joxer tells Lac his troubles. The god loves to hear about

misery and wants to hear more. We see clips from old movies to see what a

bad childhood Joxer had.

 

As Xena waits for Gabby, she wanders into a place and asks “anyone seen a

guy in a little pointy hat?” They ALL are wearing them…they are like

Shriners, I guess, and are there for a pie-party. Who is she looking

for…Joxer?

 

Xena whistles for Argo and sees her as she is.

Joxer tells Lac to make Gabby big again so he can see and catch her. Gabby,

now full-sized, throws her sais at him, pinning his sleeves so he can’t put

another spell on her.

 

Xena sees red with herself as the devil and the critter from The Way. The

warlord stumbles in and Xena hits him with a pie. There is a chain-reaction

and everyone joins in. Gabby and Joxer arrive and get into the act.

Lac shows up and still doesn’t think anything is funny. Xena uses her

Chakram to hit a pie from the ceiling and the pie hits Lac in the face.

Everyone stops fighting in fear, but Lac starts laughing…all are now well.

Argo is put back to normal size.

 

Gabby still cannot write after she tells the story, but she now knows the

answer. Since Xena was pregnant, Gabby has been trying to make the world a

better place instead of making herself happy being a bard….Awwwwwww.

We see a sleeping Xena who slept thru this whole session with Aph.

 

At the end, Joxer and the girls are walking away. Xena hears a whistling as

a bomb would make and she is hit in the face by a pie. She demands to know

who did that.

We hear Lac’s laughter.

 

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