Kindred Spirits Part 1

Let me start this very, very lengthy, very detailed commentary with a warning to some. I really liked the majority of the fifth season. I've read many people's negative opinions of the season as a whole, and if you are one of those people, you probably don't want to read this commentary. I LOVED Kindred Spirits!

For those of you still reading, let's take a look at the episode, and hopefully, I'll be able to show why I love it so much.

Part of the secret is to pretty much ignore any scene that doesn't have Xena or Gabrielle in it. I usually fast-forward through those parts. That would include the first scene which features a mass Amazon bathing. I realize the Amazons are a big source attraction for many, but they never did much for me. It seems like every episode which features Amazons also features extended shots of women dancing, trying to expose as much thigh as possible. Not exactly my cup of tea.

The very first scene starts out remarkably enough featuring the Amazons without flashing thighs or dancing. Instead, they are bathing in a river. Cyane (remember, this is not the orignal Cyane, but a young Amazon who has taken the name) amonishes Rea and Eris for having a little fun in the water. The toothsome twosome tell Cyane that "Xena says it's good to have a balance of work and play." Xena said that? When was the last time we saw Xena play? Rea says Xena makes sense because of cute Baby Eve. Cyane gives an over exaggerated eyeroll. Maybe Xena should have suggested the Amazons balance between work and acting lessons.

Cut to some dizzying camera angles. Either Gabrielle has been at the nutbread again, or someone is stalking the bathers.

"If you ask me, Gabrielle is the lucky one, having Xena for a best friend," Eris is saying. Well, Eris isn't all stupid. I agree 100 % with her. I don't want to be Xena; I want to be Gabbers and HANG OUT with Xena. Renee O'Connor has the best job in the world!

Cyane doesn't like all this maudlin talk though. She tells the others not to get too attached. "They'll probably be moving on any day now." Apparently, it's wishful thinking on her part. What has Cyane got against our heroines, anyway?

Eris has a response for that. She has asked Gabs to stay and be their permanent queen. Rea loves that. "Then Xena and Eve will stay too!" Cyane isn't very happy though, telling Eris, "You had no right to speak for the tribe." "Why not?" Eris retorts. "Everyone loves them!" It's obvious from Cyane's face that she doesn't fit into the "everybody" category. She wants to know how Gabs responded. Eris tells her she said she'd think about it.

Meanwhile, Xena is constructing a massive slingshot. Well, not exactly, but as she's trying out the elasticity of the straps, Gabrielle approaches. "Don't shoot; Lady with a baby." "It's for the baby Goober," Xena replies. Now, my question is…whom is she calling a goober? Eve or Gabrielle? Both Xena and Gabs have on their Amazon tan leathers, but only Gabs is in the Bullwinkle hat. I'm surprised Eve wasn't terrified by it.

They put Eve in the swing that Xena has constructed, and Gabs watches delightedly. She tells Xena she "always knew it was gonna happen. You're nesting." I grew up on a farm, and while our poultry did a lot of nesting, not once did I see any of them build a swing. Xena reacts in about the same way.

Apparently, Gabs has been thinking about what Eris has asked her. "You ever thought about settling down, here?" she asks. "Like when I'm too old to do kicks and stuff?" Xena asks. Sounds to me like the Warrior Princess isn't letting Eve slow her down one bit. Gabs tries to persuade her, telling her what a beautiful place this is and how "these kids need someone; they need guidance; they need…me."

Let no one say Xena is slow to catch on. "Gabrielle, are you saying you want to stay here and be queen?" Wasn't that what Gabbers was just saying?

"Only if you and Eve will stay," is her response. "I think you should consider it." Then she puts her wiles on Eve who beams at her. "You want to stay, don't you?' Gabs and Eve look content with the situation. Xena doesn't.

Cut back to the river, and Cyane finally realizes they are being watched. She alerts the others to the intruder, and a bunch of women in bikinis proceed to run to a tree and start pummeling it senseless. Okay, it was somebody BEHIND the tree, but you can't see the Peeping Tom yet…it just looks like they're assaulting the tree. Gabs is still trying to convince Xena. "It makes sense, Xena. We've never really had our own home. So I see this place as our domestic bliss. All we have to do is fix it up a little bit." Sure, put in a Stairmaster and a typewriter, along with a hot tub, and you've got the ideal home! Xena pauses, and then relents…a little. "Wouldn't hurt to consider it," she says, earning a thanks and a smile from Gabs, who somehow, looks even younger in that silly hat. Xena doesn't sound too convincing to me, but it seems to placate the bard.

Xena's eyes travel past Gabs, as a bunch of Amazons approach. Cyane tells Gabbers they've caught someone who's broken Amazon law. Eris translates, "She means he was peeking at us from the bushes while we were bathing." Gabrielle looks amused by this, while Xena purses her lips with a "you've got to be kidding me" look. The intruder has his head covered with a gunnysack. Cyane is all business, demanding from Gabs that the man must Amazon justice. The man is pushed forward and the potato sack is removed. I wonder if they are going to have relay races with it later on? Instead of a Peeping Tom, they have captured a Peeping Joxer. He looks relieved when he faces Xena and Gabs.

"Okay, it was an accident," he tells them, as they exchange glances, and then looks at him as if waiting for a better explanation. Joxer looks away, appearing a bit sheepish as the teaser ends.

After the commercials, Cyane is saying again that Joxer will have to suffer the consequences for breaking Amazon law. Joxer sputters for Xena to straighten them out. Xena puts a perplexed expression on her face. She leans in and whispers in Joxer's ear, "Did you bring the letter from Cleopatra like I asked?" Joxer admits he forgot again, and takes a clout on the head. If Xena knew there was a letter, why didn't she already have it? Did a carrier pigeon bring a pre-letter letter saying Cleo would be writing soon? Dunno, but as Rea plays peek-a-boo with Eve, who is still in her swing, Xena walks back to stand beside Gabs. She throws her hands up in the air with "Never saw this man before in my life", to which Joxer looks disgruntled. Gabrielle asks if he denies the charges against him, to which he grudgingly admits he doesn't. Xena muses to Gabs how she was counting on Joxer and he let her down. I guess she felt the need to exact a little revenge on him. Cyane orders Joxer to be put in the stocks to await the Queen's judgment. Gabrielle doesn't seem too concerned about giving it. Turning with Xena, she points out what she thinks would be a good spot for a porch. She puts an arm over Xena's, telling her they could lay out with Eve on the porch.

Joxer is put in a stock; similar to the table design Xena wore in Chin. Instead of being locked in a water-filled dungeon, however, he is suspended in public view. Some children are watching him, and Joxer, speaking to himself, calls them "cute." They soon begin a mocking chant, calling him a "fat and crazy pervert." They have very definite Kiwi-accents. Their words bother the perfectionist in Joxer. As the girls run away, he calls after them, "I'm not fat, you little monsters!" Apparently, he's not arguing with being called a crazy pervert.

Eve sure has grown up. Xena is sitting in front of her and Gabs' yirrh, working on her sword, while Eve sits a few feet away. I don't know what Xena was thinking about, because she never looks up when Rea approaches Eve. She gives Eve a doll, and proceeds to have a whole conversation with her, while Xena ignores it all. Kind of unusual for the Warrior Princess. Rea tells Eve she's so lucky to have Xena as a mom. She tells the baby she never knew her parents. If she had a daughter, she'd love her just as much as Eve's "mummy" loves her. Then she confides to Eve that she needs to get close to a man, which isn't easy for an Amazon.

Meanwhile, Joxer is having difficulties. He is doing a cross-legged dance, that signifies really, REALLY, having to pee. Eris approaches him calling him "fat pervert." "What does he want? Joxer tells her "I need to use the little warrior's room." Uh…isn't Xena a warrior? Does that mean there are coed bathrooms for warriors? Eeesh! Better not go there! Eris isn't the brightest Amazon in the tribe, and doesn't seem to comprehend what he's asking for. She starts to turn away, so Joxer tries a different approach.

"Look, you can either take me to those bushes over there, or help me by dropping my pants right here." Eve understands that. She smacks him. Non-plussed, Joxer asks her to get Xena. Eris tells him Xena's busy (How does she know that?). Joxer tells Eris that Xena's a friend and Eris reminds him that Xena said she's never seen him before. Joxer's having delusions of grandeur again. He declares he is Xena's best pal, "Joxer the Mighty". Thank the gods he didn't break into his song right then! Eris would have killed him for sure! Instead, since Xena is Joxer's best pal, Eris wants to know more about Xena. Joxer reminds her he has a situation, to which Eris responds, "Fine…you help me and I'll help you." Joxer's getting desperate and quickly agrees. "What do you want to know?" he asks. Eris asks, "Does Xena like to be on top or bottom?" Naah…just made that up to see if you were paying attention! Eris really wants to know what Xena looks for in a sidekick. Joxer "tells her lots of flips and a good war cry." Funny…I never noticed Joxer demonstrating either of those traits, and wasn't HE Xena's best friend? Eris thanks Joxer, then wanders off, leaving him to clench his legs even tighter.

The next scene is what I consider to be one of the most revealing scenes ever on XWP. Lucy and Renee's expressions made it an instant classic with me. Xena and Gabrielle are draped in towels, and sitting in a steam room with several Amazons, including Eris and Rea. They share a little girl talk. I can see Gabbers jumping into the conversation whole-heartedly, but it's a little more difficult to see Xena doing the same.

One of the Amazons says she had a man before becoming an Amazon. Another laments it's tough to get a man when one is an Amazon. Eris then declares she is a virgin, and she going to remain one, to which Xena replies with a look directed at Gabrielle, "Forever's a long time." Gabrielle just about chokes on whatever she's drinking…hmmm…no subliminal messages there! She gives Xena a small smile. Xena's smug smile answers it.

It's odd seeing Xena play Dr. Ruth, but she doesn't seem to mind the subject matter. Rea asks, "What's it like…being with a man? Xena responds, with emphatic waves of the palm fronds she's holding, "The good news is…it's different every time. The bad news is…it's different every time. You're always hoping for Greek fire, but sometimes…you just get diddly." Truer words have never been spoken! Gabrielle adds her two dinars by saying, "Xena has studied the subject more than I have (I hereby nominate that sentence as the understatement of the year), but I think what's she's trying to say is that some people are better than others." Now I'm still up in the air over the whole "Are they or aren't they lovers?" question, but the glances and expressions Xena and Gabrielle give each other during this scene are an extremely convincing argument for the "they are" camp. Gabrielle's statement did not say, "some men are better than others"; instead it's "some people". After her delivery, she gives Xena a toothy grin, which Xena responds to with what I would describe as a smarmy, satisfied smile. Hmmm…

Rea continues to pursue the subject. "What makes a man a good lover…being gentle and kind?" "No," Xena responds, as if that's furthest from the truth, while Gabrielle charms in with a thoughtful "yes." Double hmmm… The two look at each other in surprise and Gabs offers," It's a complicated subject." Come to think of it, check out the Tupperware cup Gabs is holding. Cockroaches and Tupperware will outlive us all!

But I digress, what a shocker…Xena is obviously ready to bring this subject to a close. "You'll find out what suits you best as you get older," she tells the inquisitive Amazons.

Rea's not ready to let it go so easily though. She wants to know how to meet a nice guy, even a not-so-nice guy, who won't want to kill her. Yeah, I guess that could pose a small problem.

Eris is much more practical. "You don't need a man unless you want a baby. And we've got Eve to play with." Rea knows that won't be for long though. I guess she forgot about the conversation the Amazons had while bathing. Gabrielle pipes up with "Actually, we're considering settling down here," with barely a glance at Xena.

Of course, Eris likes this, as do the other Amazons. Xena, on the other hand, doesn't look very pleased with the prospect. She looks long and hard at Gabs, but Gabbers won't maintain eye contact. She's too busy studying some spot on the wall behind the Amazons.

Eris, her enthusiasm in overdrive, hops up, only to take a seat next to Xena. Uh huh. I guess Xena decides the Barney Fife "nip it in the bud" approach is best, because she offers a disagreeing position. "Actually, I think we're moving on a little faster." This time, Gabrielle can't look away from her. "Right, we're only considering staying," she replies, giving Xena a plaintative look. Xena doesn't answer…instead she gives Gabs a raised eyebrow look that says basically her mind is made up.

Joxer is getting tired of being in the stocks. He makes his plea known to any Amazon that walks by, and Rea is the closest one. He apologizes repeatedly and asks her to please get Xena. Funny thing is, he really does sound sincere.

Re is wearing some fake Lovey Howell fur coat, but as she approaches Joxer, she lets it drop from her shoulders revealing her typical Amazon under dressing. Joxer's attitude changes immediately. Gone is his pleading puppy dog pout; in its place is his super stud demeanor. "Hello," he says. "The name's Joxer. That's J-O-X-E-grrrr."…He does his best tiger impersonation. He starts in with his incesstant bragging, telling Rea that he's killed a lot of people. "Does that turn you on? Killing a lot of people?" Is the same Joxer who was so upset after his first kill in Convert? Rea doesn't respond to him; she's just checking him out while letting him get an eyeful of her.

Cut to early the next morning, the sun is rising. Xena and Gabs are in their yirrh, sound asleep. There's some loud off-in-the-distance noise. It sounds like a lovesick elephant. Xena responds first, asking, "What was that?" Gabrielle isn't quite as alert, but asks Xena "Was that you?" Xena shakes her head with an irritated look that quickly changes into a laugh as the sound continues to repeat at regular intervals. Gabrielle finally recognizes the noise as a ram's horn. Seems she's responsible for it, since she'd been encouraging the young Amazons to respect ancient traditions. Xena doesn't seem to find anything traditional about it. "That's ridiculous", she chuckles.

Apparently, Gabs wasn't done dreaming, but she reluctantly sits up to go see why she's being summoned. Xena chooses this time to have another serious chat. She's been thinking about this settling down issue, and is concerned about how she is supposed to occupy her time while Gabs is off "queening" every day. I don't know why, but every time I hear Xena say, "queening", I giggle. Maybe I'm thinking of the wrong kind of queen!

Gabrielle is very helpful. She suggests that Xena relax. "Yeah, that's me," Xena replies wryly, with a roll of her eyes. I always giggle at this one too.

By the way, it's very evident in this scene, and indeed all the other scenes in this episode that Lucy is err…extraordinarily well-endowed, One of the benefits of feeding Julius, I'd say. 'Nuff said.

Gabrielle pulls out a scroll entitled "Things for Xena To Do While I'm Off Queening." Naah, just testing again, but it wouldn't have surprised me! Instead, she says, "You could start by cleaning up this place a bit…playing with your daughter…" Seeing that this isn't getting much of a response, she changes tactics. "Lest, of course, you just want to hunt and kill something." The first few ideas just soar past Xena, but not the last one. "Yeah," she says with a sneer, "I might just do that." The obnoxious sound is heard again, and Gabrielle reluctantly gets up and leaves. Eve is awake in her crib, and Xena picks her up. "Morning" she says over the sound of the horn. "Ahh…I could listen to that for days." Huh? I missed something there. Didn't she just say it was ridiculous? Maybe it was sarcasm, but that's not what her delivery indicated.

Xena carries Eve outside, and places her in the swing. Why is there an extended shot of just the baby's lower half being settled into the swing? It's totally unnecessary. Also, notice that Eve is sobbing when Xena carries her outside, but when she's settled in the swing, she's all happy. Talk about your mood swings!

I do like Xena's rather one-sided conversation with Ever during this though. "Oh, that's better, huh? Oh, Evie…you know what? One of these days all of this will be yours. Mind you…here you're safe from the Greek gods (Uh…why is that? Do they have KEEP OUT…No Greek Gods Allowed signs posted?), Gabrielle's happy, the place is loaded with babysitters…it could work." She raises her eyebrows with a grin at the last part. I sure do wish Xena would make up her mind! Is she considering staying or not?

Xena then obviously hears someone in the bushes nearby. She takes a few steps, reaches into the brush, and pulls out Eris. Dangerous business…sneaking up on Xena. Somehow, I think Xena knew it was Eris all along. She demands to know what Eris is doing.

I've got to give Eris points for sheer audacity. She makes Forgiven's Tara look like an underachiever. "I thought that if I could sneak up on you, I could prove I should be your sidekick," she replies with an eager smile. Xena gives her one of those exaggerated throat-rattling eye rolls that I give him when he wants me to pitch the ball to him just one more time. Tara, I mean, Eris, shows off some of her skills. She shadow boxes, jumps impressively high in the air, and "I can do thirty of these things," which turn out to be pushups. Xena isn't impressed. She looks rather peeved. Then a thought occurs to her. A thought so insidious, so cunning, that if she had been Wile E. Coyote, she would have been rubbing her hands together with a "mwah hah hah hah." She eyes Eris one more time, and then says her thought aloud. "But can you clean?"

Joxer, still in the card table stranglehold, is led into Gabs' council room, followed by several Amazons. Gabs, who isn't exactly know to be a morning person, is seated at her throne, sound asleep.

Cyane pushes Joxer to his knees, then barks, "Queen Gabrielle!" Gabs awakens with a whoosh, muttering, "Not tonight." It staggers my imagination as to what that means. Cyane just gives her a dirty look.

Apparently, Gabs was thinking while she was snoozing. She sentences Joxer to one day in the block. Counting time already served, he'd be free after lunch. This doesn't go over too well with the Amazons, and surprise, surprise, Cyane protests the loudest. She reminds Gabs that she herself stressed the importance of following Amazon law. Gabs asks what the law says. Joxer should lose an eye. "Wait a minute," Joxer protests, "I'm attached to my eyes…both of them!"

Methinks Xena won't win any prizes for mother of the year. Bored out of her skull, she sits outside the yirrh, whittling. From the looks of the wood shavings around her, she started with a California redwood. I'm not sure exactly what she's whittling, but her finished project would make a good stake for a Bacchae. Eve is outside too, apparently getting some fresh air. Her curiosity has lured her to a hollow log, because she can see the flames of a campfire through the other end of it. Xena is oblivious to all of this.

Eris comes out the door, broom in hand. Either it's her ride home, or she's taken the Warrior Princess up on housecleaning detail. She starts musing about how perfect everything will be…including a big mushroom garden. Xena would have to take LOTS of mushrooms to put up with her prattling. But Xena has tuned out Eris as she realizes Eve is nowhere in sight. She spots the little girl's dress (apparently the only one Eve has), through the hole in the log. Xena flicks her whip around the log, and gives it a tug, turning it 180 degrees. Eve crawls out in the same direction she entered from, none the worse for wear. During all this, Eris continues her monologue, and Xena must have caught at least the tail end of it. Eris concludes with "What more could any Amazon want?" Xena says only one problem with that. She gives Eris an insincere smile and muses, "If I were an Amazon." She turns to Eve," Ah, she's a little over-zealous, Eve, but at least the place will be clean." Eve gives back a toothy grin that could charm anyone, which makes Xena chuckle as she starts whittling again.

Gabrielle approaches Xena then, and looking at their outfits again, I'm struck once again by an odd thought. Xena looks very much like an American Indian in her Amazon outfit. I guess the blue eyes would be a dead giveaway, but I think there's a fan fiction in there just dying to get out. Gabrielle gives Xena the distressing news,"Xena, Joxer is going to be blinded!" Xena's response is one of my favorite lines of the season, mainly because I was caught off-guard by it. "Nah, it's just a myth. Guys really don't go blind from doing that." Apparently, she's been whittling a toothpick, as she tries it out now. Gabs quickly straightens her out, telling her as queen, she has to enforce Amazon punishment.

How is it that Lucy can spit on television and not look gauche doing it? Gabs says, "The punishment for seeing an Amazon naked is losing an eye." After the Bitter Suite, Joxer should have already been in an eye patch, and Xena would have been totally blinded years ago!

Xena grows serious. "That's a terrible problem." Uh huh. Gabbers then notices her surroundings. "You cleaned this place!" She really should have looked inside the hut. All over the yard is dead, uneven grass. Gabs is pleased. "You're really trying to make this work, aren't you?" Xena doesn't answer one way or the other. Xena may have been tormenting Joxer earlier in the episode, but now she stands up for the guy, telling Gabs he's had enough, and she should find a way to let him off the hook. Gabs seems to agree, and leaves Xena to go back to her woodworking.

Joxer is having trouble with the little girls again. All the guy wants is to itch his nose, but while trying the contortions to do that (hmmm…hearkens to my mind a similar predicament with Xena in The Debt, one of my favorites), the brats throw something that looks like cat food, but is supposed to be feces. Let's hope it's not the latter, because some of it ends up in Ted's mouth. Rea approaches and asks him why he was spying on her. Joxer hem haws around, and finally comes clean…"What, are you kidding? How could I not look?"

Rea reveals he's the first man she's ever been near who didn't want her dead, as well as the first to see her naked. Joxer starts to apologize, but she's more concerned whether or not she's supermodel material. Joxer calls her very "healthy"…for a girl. Huh? Joxer doesn't pitch for the other team, does he? Rea gives him a sip of water, and then asks if he wants to make a baby with her. Perfect time for a spit take! Joxer stutters around and when she asks again, he gets all defensive, telling her men aren'' just machines. He tells her guys need stuff like cheap motel rooms (wouldn't that be rooms in an inn?), dirty pictures, lingerie. Eeesh…I've seen Joxer in lingerie, and it did NOTHING for me. Heh heh. Rea gives up for now and walks away. "But I can get those things!" he calls after her.

Cyane is trying out Gabbers' throne; it's obvious she has delusions of grandeur. Rea enters and watches her, amused. "Gabrielle is ready for the queen's robes," Rea tells her. "Not in my opinion," Cyane retorts. Who asked her? She makes it quite clear that she wants to be queen, but Rea shoots her down in support of Gabs. Cyane stalks out angrily.

Xena has employed one of the babysitters she mentioned earlier. She gives Eve a kiss, and then hands the baby to some unnamed blonde Amazon.

Xena looks happier than she has in quite some time…that is, until Eris approaches, wanting to know where she's going. The bow and arrow in Xena's hand might have been a clue. "Hunting…alone," Xena replies pointedly, leaving no room for discussion. Apparently, there's always room for Jell-O…and discussion…with Eris. She's glad she caught Xena and the other Amazons agree. Xena knows she shouldn't ask…but she does. "Why?"

Somehow, Eris and the others have been put in charge of the dance at Gabrielle's coronation. Don't they always put the geeks on the dance committees for the prom? I'm sure Xena knows what is coming, but she tries to escape with a hasty "congratulations". Eris is too quick for her though. "Thanks, but we were kind of hopin'…that you'd be in on it too. After all, you're her best friend and until I came along, she was your closest, most loyal companion. Right?" Xena wants her to back up the turnip truck, "What did you say?" But Eris ahs learned how to lie on a guilt trip, asking Xena if she wants to make this the most special day of Gabrielle's life.

In some ways, the look in Xena's eyes when she answers in the affirmative is the most defeated look she's ever had. She can handle Caesar…she can handle Alti…she can handle Callisto…but don't put her on the spot when it comes to the bard.

Joxer is having his own troubles again; this time in just finding a comfortable standing position. Just as he thinks he's found it, he starts to tip over. Gabrielle approaches him, and obviously doesn't feel THAT sorry for him, as she gives him a flick on the nose. She tells him it's for being a Peeping Tom. Joxer's response is typical. "Hey, it's not my fault a bunch of half-naked are bathing and I just happen to stand there watching them from the bushes for a really long time." He wants to know when it will all be over, but Gabs is non-committal. She doesn't have it figured out yet. Joxer then asks a logical question…quite a shock since it's coming from him…If Gabs is the queen, why can't she just pardon him? Gabrielle says she can't because "There are traditions at stake." Joxer's mind is on another tradition thought; the one that forbids a pal's eyes being gouged out. Gabs just tells him she's going to look for loophole, and then "Don't go anywhere." Hee hee. The tormenting kids are there again (Don't they have mothers somewhere?) and Joxer gets a wee bit of revenge by kicking some dung into one of their taunting faces. I was glad to see it. Normally, I wouldn't think it was very mature, but these girls were WAY too obnoxious. Joxer's victory is short-lived however, as he gets another face full of Fancy Feast.

Kindred Spirits Part 2
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