Them Bones, Them Bones

This episode is very intense and very strange. I definitely wouldn't recommend this one as one to be shown to someone who's never seen the series before.

Still, I like it a lot.

It starts out with Gabrielle doing a little gardening. Seems her sais double as a trowel!

Lucy looks extremely pregnant in this one, far more so than she did just last week.

I'm a little concerned about Xena eating mushrooms. She's certainly a risk taker!

But Xena's REALLY hungry for it, "Oo…gimme gimme."

When Gabrielle smells the mushroom, it looks like she holds it a little too close to her nose and got a snootful. That's gotta linger!

They have their long coats on.

The thing that Gabrielle smells is different than whatever Xena puts in her mouth.

Shouldn't she have at least rinsed it off first?

"Bottoms up," she says, before eating the mushroom.

Then after she eats the mushroom:
Xena: Some warrior, huh? (Lucy's Kiwi accent slips on this one!)
Gabrielle: You look beautiful.
Xena: Hah!
Gabrielle: You do.
Xena: I feel like a slug; a pregnant slug.

They walk with Xena's hand on Gabrielle's shoulder.

Gabrielle: "You're happy Xena.
Xena: Oh yeah?
Gabrielle: Yeah, You know how I know?
Xena: No.
Gabrielle: Cause that's the only time you make fun of yourself.

But Xena tells her she's happy because she doesn't have to go through this alone.

Gabrielle quips, "I'm not eating mushrooms." Smart girl!

Lucy has A LOT of guts to do this episode while she was pregnant. I would have thought it would have given her nightmares.

She is absolutely screaming, which is very frightening to watch.

Somehow, Gabs manages to get her to a healer.

And Xena is screaming for Gabrielle the whole time.

Gabrielle says Xena is about a season along. Her stomach indicates she is more like two seasons along.

Xena is in a great deal of pain, sweeping everything off the table top near her. It's an effective movement.

That is really Lucy's belly we see for a split second, before the camera moves up to focus on Xena's horrified face.

And the baby bursts through her stomach, Alien smile. That REALLY makes Xena scream. I would imagine!

I've watched this episode numerous times, and never noticed before that Xena is screaming "Give me something!" I hope that isn't a request for more mushrooms! They may what got her in this shape to begin with!

Xena wakes up and decides to go see the Northern Amazons.

I love the way Xena is so serious about taking care of this baby. Not that I didn't think she would be, but hearing her talk about Solan before he was born is a totally different story.

And when something's wrong with the baby, she freaks.

Xena leads the way on the trip to see the Northern Amazons.

The second Xena knew a shamaness was after her, she knew it was Alti.

Amarice is a real doubter of all things Amazon.

Xena is deadest against Gabrielle taking on Alti at first. It's interesting to see how Gabs changes her mind.

Xena tells her, "I may not be able to stop Alti, but I can sure stop you."

Gabs goes for this tactic: Xena, I love your baby like it were my own. I'll do anything I have to save its life and I deserve that chance as much as you do. Let me.

Now, I love Gabs dearly, but how does she figure out she deserves the chance to save the baby as much as the baby's own mother? What's the logic involved?

Xena finally gives in. "Looks like you're going to learn the ways of the Shamaness sooner than I thought."

So does that mean, Xena was eventually going to teach Gabrielle?

Gabs looks extra young in her Gabbin Hood outfit.

And I love her dirty little face!

She certainly does have beautiful eyes!

And she guts that deer most efficiently!

She looks like she's in a state of shock when she returns to the Amazon village.

Yakut: Just as daughter becomes mother, the student becomes teacher. Their strength lies in the unity.

Those are some pretty serious cuts the girls make in their palms!

This is absolutely one of the bloodiest episodes of all time!

Love the seriousness of the scene where Xena and Gabrielle paint each other.

Xena: Don't let go of the dagger.
Gabrielle: I won't. Xena…don't let go of me.
Xena: I won't.

Gabs looks even younger in her Bullwinkle horns.

She looks like she's tripping out after she drinks the blood. I guess, in a sense, she is.

The footage looks like scenes from some of my old high school filmstrips. I kept expecting to see "National Geographic" flash across the screen.

Gabs should have known it was too quiet in Alti's world.

Alti certainly makes her presence known. "Xena's little bitch. Welcome to the doghouse."

Alti pretty well kicks' Gabbers' butt. Gabs never stood much of a chance.

Xena can't stand it. "All right, Gabrielle. That's enough! Come back now!"

Can Xena really just order it?

Alti tells Gabs she's going to count to ten. That's how long Gabs has to live.

Gabs' eyes are closed in the spirit world when she dies.

They're open in the real world.

Xena uses her old tried and true method of mouth-to-mouth to bring Gabs back.

"Don't you ever do that again!" she tells Gabs. "Don't ever do it again!"

She has a lot of room to talk! She dies about every other episode!

And Xena takes off riding to retrieve Alti's skull. Would that really be good for a pregnant woman…even a pregnant Xena?

At least Xena managed to work up a smile after Yakut's "thank you" dove story.

How exactly did Xena know Yakut had Alti's skull? I think I missed that!

Yakut doesn't want to disappoint Xena? So she steals Alti's skull? Huh?

It sure pissed Xena off, that's for sure!

What makes Xena wake up the way she does? She instantly knows there's something wrong.

So now, Xena's drinking animal blood…that'll be about as good for the baby as the mushrooms were!

Why does Xena see all the weird animals when she's entering the spirit world? Do even half of them live in Ancient Greece?

Yakut needs to show more emotion. I want to smack her half the time.

Alti plunges her fist right into Xena's stomach.

And delivers one of my all-time favorite lines, "I've always wanted to be inside you, Xena."

She continues with the taunting…"Such a pleasure to see you again, Xena…or should I call you…Mommy?"

I love Xena's lines: There aren't many guarantees in life, Alti, but I promise you this. If you harm my child, I will hound you; I will hound you throughout all time and between worlds. I will be your eternal damnation."

ONLY Xena could actually make good on a threat like that!

Alti responds with: Well, at least we'll be together again. I so miss these intimate little moments.

Xena declares, "I'd kill myself before I'd let your soul replace my child's."

Is that what a soul really looks like? A glowing ball of light?

Gabs looks adorable in her doeskin.

I kinda feel sorry for Amarice.

She admits, "I had no identity, so I created one."

And Gabrielle's next lines are among the best: "You know, for many years, I walked in Xena's shadow. I wanted to be her. She taught me something. It's warmer standing in the sun."

Gabs gently lets Amarice know she's still wanted…"She's waiting for US," she says, referring to Xena's waiting for both of them.

Back at the village, Xena is looking a wee bit wonky, but Gabs isn't afraid to approach her.

What's up with all the stars moving so fast?

I love the way them bones come together!

Alti swallowed the soul?

Very cool effect when Xena rips her own face off!

Xena's skeleton is white; Alti's is dark.

It's very disconcerting to see Lucy lay there and twitch.

AND to hear the battle cry come out of a skeleton.

I just love that moment of truth when Amarice puts her hands on Xena too.

Ooo…the blood spilling out of Lucy's mouth really gets to me!

And her eyes rolling back in her head too!

Xena: Stay out of my nightmares!

Alti's spirit scatters and blows to the wind with a cry. That doesn't make me feel a lot better.

The blood from Xena's mouth is bright red, but the blood from her nose is very dark.

It's very sweet of Gabs to give the necklace to Amarice.

And it seems like a very intimate moment when Gabrielle wakes up Xena.

Gabs says she didn't tell Xena about Amarice because she didn't think it was true anymore.

But I'd put money on the fact that she'll tell Xena later on down the road.

Yakut says Xena isn't like any other person. She's got that right!

Xena says she's headed east to learn a few new tricks.

How did she know that when the messenger didn't arrive until the beginning of the next episode?

Xena tells Yakut, "I'm the lucky one," in regards to her baby.

I am SO VERY glad that she saw the dove, and knew her child was sending her a thank you!

Or, is Alti’s skull going to head towards the camera again at the end?


Now, here’s Gary’s take on it:


Well! This episode has a lot of unanswered questions, as we will see. Gabby is looking for a mushroom for Xena to cure the pregnant Warrior Princess’ morning sickness….she has a bun in the oven. After gagging the thing down, Xena has a bad reaction, but not from the mushroom. Gabby takes her to a convenient nearby healer, an old woman we have seen a few times in the series.

There is a scary scene where everyone has to be thinking of John Hurt’s scene in ALIEN where something pops out from a body. Xena is really screaming in pain, lifts her shirt, and sees a bulge in her stomach trying to get out. She is torn open and we see a baby skeleton grinning at her. She screams worse than I have ever seen or heard. She never made a sound when she was almost beaten to death in Who’s Gurkhan?

Xena wakes up…it was a dream, and the old lady tells her that she and the baby are okay, but something in the spiritual world is trying to hurt the kid. Xena instantly thinks of Alti and tells Gabby and Amarice they have to go to the Northern Amazons to see the shamaness Yakut. Amarice never heard of that tribe but wants to go. Xena says it was no dream…someone is trying to kill her baby, and that it is a premonition. Note: Xena is wrong, as we will see. Alti wants the baby to be born so she can be reborn herself.

Xena, Gabby, and Amarice all have horses and ride nonstop towards the North. We saw in Sin Trade that it took Xena many days to get there, and now, a pregnant Xena is riding for all she is worth to get there. I wondered how the unborn baby lasted. It had to be tough on the horses, too.

At the Amazon village, we see a lot of torches flaming in broad daylight…why? Yakut, the shamaness for one year, appears and says she knew Xena was coming---she had a vision (that “vision-thing” again). Amarice scoffs at this. Xena lies on the ground and Yakut draws a snake-figure in the dirt. The menace to Xena’s child bears the mark of the shamaness…it is Alti, somehow able to do this from the spirit world. The battle must be fought in the spiritual realm, as Xena did in Sin Trade when she and the Amazon spirits joined to fight Alti.

Amarice: “Huh?” Yakut says nature is united by the mind...there is the reality when you are awake and when you are asleep. Realities equal awareness. They must battle Alti in her realm, and Gabby has to do it, since Xena is too weak to do it while pregnant. This idea will change quickly, more than once.

Xena says no but Gabby insisted. Gabby will have to learn the ways of the shamaness. She goes deer hunting (it was referred to a stag) and kills one with an arrow. She just walked right up to it. She has to learn the ritual of crossing over by drinking the blood of one recently killed. She guts the deer and skins it, wearing its bloody hide and antlers going back to camp. Note: when gutting a critter like a deer, you don’t stick the knife in as if you are trying to stab it to death. You hold the knife horizontally under the skin with your finger on the flat of the blade to prevent cutting into the intestines, to avoid spoiling the meat. Who was their technical advisor on this… a vegetarian?

Gabby had smeared blood on herself and did a little dance , and wearing an uncured hide, must smell great. At the Amazon campfire, the Amazons dance as Yakut presides over it. Xena cuts Gabby’s hand and lets the blood drip into a cup with the deer blood. It will carry her over, plus Xena’s blood will be her link to the physical world. Yakut had told Xena that the ritual of fighting spirits never did work. Evidently in a year, Yakut had tried this. Xena says it WILL work.

In the first overlong scene of crossing over, Gabby drinks the blood and staggers a bit as we see a montage of animals, bad weather, bugs, fire, etc…too much and too long, wasting air time. When Xena crossed over a few times in Sin Trade, it went pretty fast, with a shimmer, and Xena was on the ground quickly. This special-effects glut spoiled the scenes.

Gabby is given a dagger to carry with her in the spirit world and has to use it to kill Alti. She must never let go of it. If she kills Alti in the spiritual realm, Alti is gone for good. NOTE: in LINES, Niama says Alti will continue forever with Xena and Gabby chasing her…so much for “Mehndi contains truth.” Alti will be back in Season 6 in CLONES.

Gabby awakens on the ground in the spirit world. This looks nothing like the one Xena was in Sin Trade…it is an updated one, I guess. She sees a campfire that “freezes”, plus a bird and water splash that do the same thing. She stands and sees Alti in a long-shot thru some trees. There are red sheets hanging from branches.

Instantly Gabby is in front of Alti, who says, “Xena’s little bitch---welcome to the doghouse.” Xena watches Gabby’s body as Alti grabs Gabby in the spirit world. Gabby has no dagger, but looks behind herself at a distance and sees herself with the dagger. Huh? Why are there not two Altis? Alti says the one with the strongest mind wins. Alti will kill Gabby slowly, since she does not need her. She says she wants Xena’s baby to be born.

Xena keeps chanting “use the dagger” at Gabby. She tries to bring her back, but it is not working. Alti counts to ten as she watches Gabby die in increments. Gabby does die, and Alti leaves, laughing.

Xena, as in Doctor in the House, brings her back to life with mouth-to-mouth. Gabby awakens and is sorry she failed, but wants to try again. Xena says no and Yakut says she bought them some time…..really, how was that done? Alti is still where she was and nothing else was happening. Xena says Alti “wants to steal my baby’s soul and replace it with her own.” A—HA!

Xena wants to try the “burial ritual” with Alti’s remains and needs Amber from the Temple of Chia. I am going to have some fun with this one. The idea: They will cover Alti’s bones at the right time and that will DESTROY her soul. Earlier they said “trap” the soul.

Yakut says to Amarice that Chia is an Amazon Mystic (first one I ever heard of) and nobody can lie to her. Why does Yakut suspect anyone of lying during this crisis?

Gabby and Yakut ride to where Chia’s place is. Note: Both are newcomers to the area. Why doesn’t Yakut or some other Amazons go with them?

Meanwhile, Xena and Yakut ride a ways to where Alti is buried aboveground in some kind of bamboo-like box. Xena now says she doesn’t know if bringing a child into the world is a good idea. Last episode it was ‘good.” Yakut says the child will send a message to the mommy in the form of a dove saying “thank you” for allowing it to live and be born.

At the gravesite, Xena opens the coffin, only to see the skull is missing. Now, unbelievably, Yakut drops the skull on the ground from a bag she has, and after all that hard riding…it never fell then. She is flustered and says she wanted to harness Alti’s power for GOOD…wait a sec---Alti is EVIL. Yakut needed the skull for her ritual, so here we have the answer to why Alti is loose to kill Xena and take her kid’s soul. Xena appears to be more confused than mad as a wet hen. We have seen her kill people for a lot less.

Yakut is ashamed and didn’t want to “disappoint” Xena….o-----kay. She wants Xena to let her face Alti herself, but Xena says no.

They camp; Xena wakes up to see that Yakut killed some critter and drank the blood…now Xena has to cross over to rescue her. She drinks the blood, too, and in another now-boring sequence, we see her cross over. She comes to in a purple background scene, much different than the one Gabby was in. Xena sees Yakut , who appears to apologize. Xena smacks her, and it is really Alti. Yakut is tied to some stakes. Alti plunges her hand into Xena’s stomach and pulls out the glowing light of the baby’s soul. She says, “I always wanted to be inside of you, Xena.” Uhhhh……..?

Alti calls Xena “mommy” and Xena says if Alti hurts the kid, she will hound Alti thru eternity. Alti laughs at this, seeming to welcome it. Alti says the soul will bring her back to the physical world, and wants the Amazons to join in a ritual to bring her back. She will then give Xena’s kid’s soul back. Right!

Xena is sent back and tells what happened .Xena and Yakut are now awake, and make plans. Remember this, folks: THIS IS ALL YAKUT’S FAULT.

In the cave of Chia, the Amazon Mystic (snicker) we see Amarice and Gabby . Amarice says it isn’t scary at all. Chia is the protector of the Amazons in that region. Chia makes her short appearance. She is dressed really nicely, despite living alone in a CAVE. She will give the amber to an Amazon…not to Amarice, who we now learn, is NOT an Amazon. Amarice goes outside in disgrace. Gabby gets the stuff and goes outside.

Questions: Exactly how much demand is there for this amber, since Yakut says the rituals do not work, anyway? What does this woman do at other times? Does she have a boyfriend? Does he call her “Pet?”

Outside, Gabby sees Amarice and tells her she has the amber. Amarice says is sorry she lied…she had no identity and created one. She wanted to be an Amazon to be part of something. Gabby says he used to be in Xena’s shadow, but found that being yourself is like standing in the sun…it is much warmer there. Gabby wants Amarice to join her.

At camp, Gabby gets the amber ready. Alti’s bones are all there now, and they must wait until Xena gives the signal from the spirit world to sprinkle the amber on the bones to defeat Alti. Xena says the baby’s soul must be free before they can use the amber or it will be trapped too…she will give the sign when ready. All the Amazons join minds, as in Sin Trade, to make a strong force to go with Xena into the spirit-world again. Xena drinks the blood, and we see yet another long crossover…you’d think she’s have a fast-lane pass by now.

Alti grabs Xena’s hand when Xena tells her that all is ready in real-life. Alti will give back the soul once she is back in the world. Xena wakes up in a cave, with Alti’s bones near her. The bones now re-join, and Alti stands as a skeleton. She now swallows the soul-light, reneging on her word (surprise.)

In a too-long fight scene fit for an eight-year-old, we see that Xena now unzips her body to be a white skeleton instead of the darker one that Alti is. Xena says this dream world is “summoned up in MY dream” and fooled Alti.

On earth, the Amazon minds join the fight as Xena jumps and twitches as she did in Sin Trade. Her nose bleeds and she is getting pounded by Alti at first. They each conjure up weapons and fight, doing punches and kicks, accompanied by crunching bones sounds.

Gabby waits for the signal while Amarice places her hands on Xena’s tummy to feel for the sign to dump the amber on the bones. Xena kicks Alti’s leg off and uses the bones to break her apart. Xena gets her down to just a torso and head, and reaches in and grabs her baby’s soul. Now Alti looks like the knight in Monty Python’s Holy Grail. She then uses a sword to shatter the skull.

Xena twitches on earth, and Gabby sees this as the sign. The amber is used, and we see and hear Alti screaming as a whirlwind takes the bones away in a cloud of dust. Of course, the skull is shown in the air. RenPics gets a lot of mileage out of flying skulls, starting with Mortal Beloved and the Harpies.

Xena awakens with Gabby with her. Gabby hugs Xena and it was funny to see the antlers made of rubber bend in half as she did this.

At the end, Amarice is made an Amazon by Gabby, who gives her a necklace with a stone for each of her sisters, including Amarice now. The girl won’t go back just yet, but wants to stay there and learn.

Yakut sees Xena and it seems as if Xena doesn’t make a big deal out of the fact that Yakut caused all this trouble. Xena never even slaps her around, considering her own life and her baby’s, not to mention Gabby’s failed attempt and actually DYING should have been enough provocation. Compare this with the doctor in Animal Attractions who told Xena the truth about her pregnancy and her violent reaction towards him.

Yakut says the baby will be a target again. It must be her vision-thing again. A dove flies off as the women watch…it is “the sign” Yakut talked about…something Xena didn’t know about. Xena says that she is the lucky one.

Note: Yakut was right about the ritual not working , since Alti will be seen again. Xena was wrong, and it is never told how Alti “got out” of being destroyed for good. Plus we have Niama’s comments in LINES that Alti will go on forever.

End of another conflicting episode.


Next
Season 5
Home