Rouge vs. Laidee Death

Original by the Commission on Superhuman Activities (The_Commish4332@xoom.com)

MiST by J. Wellington (J_well112@rage.net)

Arcivist's note: Finally available! J. Wellington has finally consented to allowing me to post another fanfic by those purveyors of putridness, the Commission on Superhuman Activities and the MiST he did. Written in 1999 and updated in June 2001, The MiST is unusual in that it is set in season 1, this fanfic and MiST show how well J. Wellington could write, when given the chance. As for the fanfic itself, Rogue/Rouge gives us more angst than you can shake a stick at, while Lady Death/Laidee Death is completely mischaracterized as a floozy who will do anything with anyone. I'm not 100% sure the lyrics to the theme are accurate, though... And to J. Wellington: I know the color change was not in the original, but it makes the thing a whole lot easier to read. Oh, and what's your new e-mail? I don't have it...

(Season 1 opening.)

Singers: In the not too distant future/ Next Sunday A.D./ There was a guy named Joel/ Not too different from you and me/ He worked at Gizmonics Institute/ Just a regular face in a red jumpsuit/ He did a good job cleaning up the place/ But his bosses didn't like him so they shot him into space

Singers: We'll send him cheesy fanfics/ The worst we can find/ He'll have to sit and watch them all and we'll monitor his mind/ Now keep in mind Joel can't control where the fanfics begin or end/ Because he used those special parts/ To make his robot friends

Robot roll call!

Cambot! (Hi there!)

Gypsy (Oh dear!)

Tom Servo (Hey man!)

Crooooooow! (You wisecracker!)

If you're wondering how he eats and breathes/ And other Science facts/ Then repeat to yourself it's just a show/ I should really just relax/ For Mystery Science Theater 3000! The fanfics!

(Door sequence. SOL bridge. Joel Robinson is standing behind the counter, in his red jumpsuit. next to him is Gypsy and Tom Servo.)

Joel: Hi there and welcome back to the Satellite of Love, I'm your host Joel Robinson and this is Gypsy -

Gypsy: Hi there.

Joel: And next to her is Tom Servo.

Tom: Hi.

Magic Voice: Commercial sign in 30 seconds.

Joel: Well, I've finally settled into a routine with being here on the Satellite of Love, and right now this is about the time the Mads call us. Now, we seem to be missing someone here....

Tom: You mean Crow.

Joel: So do either of you know where he is?

(Enter Crow, armed with several guns. He has a bayonet strapped to his arm, and ammo belts slung across his chest.)

Crow: All right, I'm ready to hunt it down!

Magic voice: Commercial sign in 15 seconds

Joel: (confused) Hunt what down?

Crow: I've heard there was a mouse on board, and I'm gonna hunt it down!

Joel: Crow, there are no mice on board, and shooting in here will only cause the satellite to decompress and we'll all get blown up.

Crow: Oh, wonderful. Shoot a hole into my foolproof way of getting rid of that mouse!

Magic voice: Commercial sign in 5-4-3-2- Commercial sign now.

(The commercial sign comes on.)

Joel: (pushes the button) We'll be back after this.

(Commercials. Upon returning, we see the same scene.)

Joel: Crow, take off that stuff. You don't need it.

Crow: I could have sworn that there was a mouse in here.

(The Mads light comes on.)

Joel: Crow, don't worry about it. Let the automatic defenses take care of it.

Crow: Hm...

Tom: Ah, our oppressors are calling.

(Deep 13. Dr. Forrester and Larry are standing around the place, and next to them is a small printer, about the size of a monitor.)

Dr. Forrester: Ah, Joel. We've been pumped up and we're ready for this week's invention exchange. So you go first.

(SOL)

Joel: Well sirs, we've come up with a nice device to help people get organized. You know how it's human nature to put a pencil behind one's ear when you're not working with it? Well, what do you do when you're working with multiple pencils? Our solution is the pencil-holding hat.

(Joel pulls out a hat which has multiple loops attached to it. He then takes several pencils and puts them into the hat.)

Joel: Now you've got a place to store those pencils, and no nerdy looking pocket protectors.

(Deep 13)

Dr. Forrester: Well Joel, we've developed a sure-fire success thing. It's the world's fastest color printer. Now, Larry here will demonstrate it. (aside) He's downloaded some naughty images from the internet, and he's going to print one of them out now.

Larry: All set here, Clay.

Dr. Forrester (turns) Well, let's turn it on then.

(Larry feeds a sheet of paper into the printer, which quickly spits it back out. It does this so fast, that the paper becomes a deadly projectile, hitting Larry in the stomach. Larry doubles over and grabs his stomach.)

Larry: (in severe pain) AH! AH! AH!

(Larry continues to hold his stomach and scream in pain.)

Dr. Forrester: Hmm... must have set it on too fast. (smiles) Well, anyway, your experiment this week is a fan fic so bad, so horrific that you're absolutely sure to go insane in no time flat. Unlike some of the other fan fiction we've sent to the satellite, this one was written by several people at the same time, and assembled rather clumsily. I'd describe the plot to you, (deadpan) but it really does not have a plot. (Obscenely cheerful) Anyway, I give you Rouge vs. Laidee Death by the Commission on Superhuman activities. (turns) Send them the fanfic, Larry.

Larry: (still in pain, staggering) AH! Call 911!

Dr. Forrester: (not amused) Well, if you want to do something right, do it yourself.

(SOL. Lights flash, a buzzer sounds, the camera shakes, and everyone panics.)

Joel: Ah! We have fanfic sign!

(Door sequence. Theater o'Pain. Joel and the bots enter, with Joel carrying Tom. He sets Tom down as he and Crow sit.)

Joel: All right, we've got a fanfic called Rouge vs. Laidee Death. Anyone want to give me some background about this?

Tom: You're guess is as good as ours, Joel.

>Rouge Vs. Laidee Death

>By the Commission on Superhuman Activities

>The_Commish4332@Xoom.com

Joel: Oh boy, A commission wrote this.

Crow: Let's try their e-mail here... testing... Ooh... invalid e-mail.

Tom: A clear sign they don't want to be contacted.

>Disclam er: Rouge and the X-Men are owned by Marvel comic. Laidee Death is owned by Dart House comics. This fan fic is for profits.

Crow: Last time I checked, she was.

Joel: I can just see the profits they’re making... all one cent of it.

Crow: That’s a rather liberal estimate.

>Teaser image:: Rouge and Laidee Death are loped in mortal combat

Crow: Oh no, not another crossover with Mortal Kombat!

>Rouge kicks Laidee Death, and Laidee Death swings with her sord.

Tom: What's a sord?

>(Page 1, panel 1. The X-Man shun.

Crow: (as random X-woman) We're not talking to you men anymore!

>Rouge is standing in her room.)

>Rouge: Wellp, Eye am Rouge, the X-Wo man.

Joel: A stereotype! Just what I've always wanted in a fanfic.

Crow: (as Rogue/Rouge) Ah am woman, hear me roar!

>Right now, I'm supposed to be seeing Gambt for a date.

Tom: Thank you, exposition woman.

>(Panel 2. Rouge exits her room.)

>Rouge: Raming, where are you?

Crow: I wonder why she calls him that?

Joel: Crow!

>(Panel 3. Gambt enters.)

>Gambt: I'm here, moan share.

Joel: And don't try this one either.

Crow: I don't think I want to know about this.

>Rouge: You're late for our date.

Crow: Nag, nag, nag.

>(Panel 4. Gambt take Rouge glove hand.)

Tom: (Rogue/Rouge) Remy/Raming! Give me back mah glove!

>Gambt: I'm more than worth the weight.

Joel: Weight in what? Fertilizer? Dr. Thinker fanfics?

Crow: I think if you put this fan fic on a field, it will cause the plants to wither.

>(Page 2, panel 1. The two walk.)

Tom: (sings) Take me for a walk...

>Rouge: Raming, we've been seeing each other for awhile now, and I was wondering something.

Tom: And I was wondering when you were going to shave? That caveman look is so 1990.

>Gambt: What is it, share?

Joel: I'm not too sure I want to know.

Tom: (as Rogue/Rouge) Share, share, share. Git your own stuff, Remy/Raming!

>(Panel 2. They walk and talk.)

Crow: At the same time? Gee, that must take a LOT of talent!

>Rouge: Well, I've been thinking.

Tom: (sings) So let's sink another drink/ 'Cause it'll give me time to think...

>Could you really like me as I am? I mean, even if we start dating, we still wouldn't be able to kiss.

Joel: (as Gambit/Gambt) I can't kiss you? Man, I am sooo out of here!

>Gambit: Share, there's more to love than just kissing.

Crow: (as Gambit/Gambt) But what it is, I don't know or care!

>We can still hold each other clothes,

Crow: (as Rouge/Rogue) You do your own laundry, Remy/Raming!

>still take roman tick walks in the moanlight

Joel: Let's not touch this one.

Crow: Fine with me.

>and still be in love.

Tom: Aw, how sweet!

>(Panel 3. They stop in font of the stares.)

(All stare blankly at the screen)

>Gambt" Share, the point isn't whether or not we can touch, it's whether or not we love each other.

>Rouge: I know, Raming. But it just doesn't seem fare that we can't touch.

Joel: (as a bus driver) You gonna pay that fare or not?

>(Panel 4. They go down the stares.)

>Rouge: I need some time alone, Raming.

Crow: But you were supposed to have a date, right? Jeez, I'm glad I'm not that indecisive.

Tom: And didn't you just complain that he was late for your date?

>Gambt: I understnad, share.

Crow: (as Rogue/Rouge) You're always eager to share my things, but not yours!

>(Page 3, panel 1. Rouge fly away.)

Tom: (sings) I'll fly away...

>Rouge: I just need to think, Raming.

>(Panel 2. Gambt looks at Rouge, as she flies away.)

Tom: (sings) There goes my heart...

Joel: Run, Rogue/Rouge! Get out while you can!

Crow: I think it's too late for that, Joel.

>(Panel 3.)

>Gambt: She's the best thing that ever happened to me. I wish I could be with her,

Joel: So why were you late for the date you had?

Crow: Ah, I wouldn't get my hopes up for an explanation.

>Just to see what makes her tick once in my life.

Crow: Timex, it takes a licking and keeps on ticking.

>(Page 4, pan3l 1. Go back to Rouge. She is stitting in an elm tree.)

Crow: Paging Rogue/Rouge, we found your lost Southern accent. Please report to the courtesy booth for your lost southern accent.

>Rouge's thought:

Tom: And now, Deep Thoughts, by Rogue/Rouge...

>Ah hate bein' a mu-tant. Ah nevah wanted ta be one.

Joel: (confused) I think Rogue/Rouge picked up several different accents at the courtesy booth here.

>Jest why is it so hahd to be a mu-tant?

Crow: Perhaps you should get a new agent.

>*Panel 2. She continues to music.(

Tom: Rouge/Rogue got a job on Broadway!

>Rouge's thoughts: Why can't people jest accept me fer the way Ah ahm?

Crow (as Rogue/Rouge) Don't hate me because I'm a mutant... hate me because I'm beautiful...

>Ah jest want wune place, wune time whar Ah dawn't git hated.

Joel: Well, don't look here...

Tom: What's a wune?

>(Panel 3. Rouge flies off

Crow: The handle, and then goes and beats on everyone! End of story!

Joel: Not quite.

>Rouge: Ah know whet Ah can dew.

Crow: Do the Dew!

>(Panel 4. Laidee Death is titing in a well-worn chair.

Joel: Don't try this one, Crow.

Crow: It's pretty disgusting if you ask me.

>She leans on her sordid.)

Tom: Sordid what?

>Laidee Death: Oh dear, what am I going to do now?

Joel: You can start by ending this story.

>Someone else wants me.

Crow: A date with death... well, couldn't be worse than what we're going through now.

>(Page 4, panel 1. A young man in a pair of pants and shoe enters.)

Joel: Sorry, no shoes, no shirt, no service.

>Man: I am here for Laidee Death.

Tom: Oh, so he's suicidal.

>Laidee Death: That is me.

>(Panel 2. The man approaches Laidee Death as she stnads.)

Tom: How do you stnad?

Joel: I don't think I want to know.

>Man: I am your lover for this eevening...

Crow: He's in love with death? Is that like Thanos?

>Laidee Death: Then come to me, my love.

Tom: Don't go to her! You'll die!

>(Panel 3. The man approach Laidee Death, and put his arms around her.)

Tom: (as the man) Well, a date with death is a step up from the women I've been dating....

>Laidee Death: I'll do you goof.

Crow: That's right, I'll make mistakes one after another! Say, is that a pencil stub in your pocket or are you just glad to -

(Joel clamps Crow's beak shut.)

Joel: Crow, be nice.

>(Panel 4. Laidee Death embrace the man, and kiss him.)

Joel: (Wincing) Oh, not this.

Crow: The kiss of death was already on this fanfic.

>(Page 5, panel 1. Laidee Death part with man.)

>Laidee Death: .com with me, lover. I'll make you licky.

Joel: .Com with you? She's trying to get you to invest in internet stocks!

Crow: Make you licky?

Joel: (turns) Don't touch that one.

>Man: I can wait hardly!~

Joel: Wonderful. Another one.

>9page 8, panel 1.

Crow: Erm... what happened to pages 6 and 7?

Tom: You're better off not knowing.

>rouge is flying at the seed of spound, going sover the ea.0

Crow: Boy, did she get lost.

>rouge; oy 'ave moi place of piece.

Joel: Apparently, Rogue/Rouge didn't like her southern drawl, so she decided to go for the cockney, right?

Tom: Apparently so.

>it's the one place oy can go when there's trouble.

Tom: (sings) Oh we got trouble/ Right here in River city...

>9panel 2. rouge runs into a pair of jet plains.0

Crow: And consequently gets sucked into the air intakes, and gets chopped to pieces and dies, the end!

Joel: Not quite.

>rouge; flyboys again.

>9panel 3. go inside

Tom: (sings) Inside/ Oh-oh-oh/ A worried heart…

>one of the cockputs to see a man at the controls.0

>man; a mutant1 i should doot her shown

Crow: Huh?

>9panel 3. the plain fire on rouge.0

Joel: Plain fire? As opposed to what other kind of fire?

>rouge: hey. that’s not nice.

Tom: Man, she sure is taking being shot at very calmly.

 >man; i hate mutants.

Crow: I don’t think they’re too crazy about you either.

>9panel 4. rouge strike plain on cose non0

>rouge; leave me aloan1

Joel: We need to check your credit history first.

Crow: I’m lending you an ear, which is more than I should lend you.

>9page 9, panel 1. the plane go downer.0

Tom: This whole fanfic is one big downer.

>rouge; that tould sheach you to mess with me, mate.

Joel: I don’t know about you, but I seem to notice a disturbing trend about not using the shift key here.

>p9anel 2. rouge fly around to other plane as first man bale out of plane.0

Crow: All these cotton bales were too much weight! We had to jettison them!

>rouge; who pants a wiece of this/

Tom (sings) Sing the praises of pants... *

Joel:  Later, Tom.

>man; you’re crazy1

>9panel 3. rouge exit the plac0e.

>rouge; oy am out of here.

Crow: Lucky you.

>9panel 4. the man in the plane look over rouge.

Tom: And being fashionably thin, that’s not hard to do.

>man; there goes my heart.

Crow: Because Rogue/Rouge tore it out!

Joel & Tom: Eugh.

>rouge; oy need another place.

Joel: We’re kinda full here....

>(Page 9, panel 1. Go back to Laid Darth.

Tom: Ah, yes, Laid Darth. The female Sith.

Crow: It wasn’t convoluted enough to have a Chaos! comics character and a Marvel character in here, now they have to have a Star Wars character too?

>she is lying in a bread with the man nearby.)

Tom: Ah, a Laid Darth sandwich. Just the thing to hit the spot.

Crow: I’d rather be hitting other spots of hers –

(Joel, not amused, clamps Crow’s beak shut.)

Joel: Keep it clean, Crow.

(Joel lets go of Crow.)

>Man: You’re the breast, babe.

Crow: Ah, a nice Freudian slip.

>Laid Darth: Anytime you want it, it’s yours.

Tom: Yea, your sandwiches are the best!

>(Panel 2. Laid Darth stnad.)

Tom: All right, how does one stnad?

Crow: I’m not too sure I want to know.

>Laid Darth: I have to leave now, but I’ll be brack.

>Man: I’ll be wasting.

Tom: (sings) The love we have wasted on the way...

>(Panel 3. Laid Darth gets her sored, and leaves.)

Joel (to Crow): Not one word out of you.

>Laid Darth: Ill see you agian.

>(Panel 4. Laid Dearth run into enemy.)

>Laid Darth: You!

Tom: (as Laid Darth/Lady Death) I will defeat you, Obi-Wan Kenobi!

>(Panel 10, page 1. Laid Darth brand xed her sword.)

Crow: Oh, those Brand X swords. They don’t last too long.

>Enemy: I will not be stoppered!

Tom: (as the enemy) Because I’m not a bottle!

>(Panel 2. the Enemy clash swords with Laid Darth.)

(Door sequence. SOL bridge. Joel, Crow, Tom and Gypsy are there. The commercial light is flashing.)

Magic Voice: Commercial sign now.

Tom: Whew! This one is really bad.

Joel: Don’t worry, Tom. If we can survive The Crawling Hand, we can survive this.

Crow: What I don’t understand is why the didn’t use the spellchecker. It’s so easy to push one button and have the PC check the spelling for you.

Joel: Well Crow, there’s several reasons behind that. The first is that many writers are faced with time deadlines and just don’t have time to do it.

Tom: But this is fan fiction. They should make the time to do that.

Joel: Well, another reason is that many writers are very egocentric about their work, and they don’t want to hear about how their work is flawed in any way, shape or form. To them it’s insulting to say that your work has a misspelled word in it.

Tom: That’s really not going to get you anywhere in the business, though...

Joel: We’ll be back after this.

(Commericals. Something from the fast food wasteland, cleaners, and other riffraff. When we come back, SOL bridge. Joel, Crow and Tom are talking to each other.)

Joel: Hi and welcome back to the Satellite of Love, we’re just talking about using the spellchecker... well, there’s one more reason why a writer won’t use it, and that is they think it just takes up too much of their time.

Crow: But I would rather find out what my mistakes are and fix them before someone else e-flames me over it.

Joel: Point taken, but there’s no way to really understand why these people do things the way they do them.

(Lights flash, a buzzer sounds, the camera shakes, and chaos erupts.)

Joel: Ah! We have fanfic sign!

(Door sequence. Theater of pain. Joel carries in Tom, and Crow is by his side. Joel sets Tom down as he and Crow sit.)

>Laid Darth: You are minor!

Joel: I’m over 18, thank you.

Crow: She’s probably talking about us.

>Sound Efect: SHLURP!

Crow: Ah, the wet noodle swords.

>(Panel 3. Laid Darth dis armed her enemy.)

Tom: (as her enemy) AH! My arms! Give me my arms back!

>Enemy: Not sew fast.

>I have protection.

Joel: I have a nifty shield here.

>(Panel 4. Laid Darth hit enemy with sword.)

>Sound efect: SLAWP!

Tom: (sings) Slop them big fat and dirty/ Slop them hawgs!

>Laid Darth: You will Diet!

Crow: (falsetto) I’m with Jenny Craig and have I got a wonderful diet plan for you!

Joel: Run, unnamed enemy! Run!

>(Page 11, panel 1. The enemy hit Laid Darth with an beam.)

>Laid Darth: N!O!

Joel: (as if doing math) O.k., N factorial times O factorial is what?

Tom: I couldn’t begin to hazard a guess.

>Panel(2. Laid Darth Vanish.)0

Tom: Boy, that vanishing cream she uses really works!

>(Panel 3. The X-Mansion. Laid Darth appear in the front lawn.)

>Laid Darth: Where am I?

Joel: You don’t want to know.

>(Panel 4. Gambut enter.)

>Gambut: Who are you?

Tom: (sings) So tell me who are you/ Who are you?/ Who, who, who who?

>(Page 12, panel 1. Lady Death is fighting her enemy.)

Joel: Is it just my imagination, or did they get her name right here?

Crow: I think it’s your imagination.

Tom: Didn’t we already have her fighting this unnamed enemy before?

>Lady Death: I’m not about to let you lose!

Joel: If he wins, doesn’t that mean you lose?

>Enemy: You will win!

Crow: Erm... I think this one’s a bit confused about things here....

>(Panel 2. The enemy pulls out a magic mirror.)

Crow: And subsequently gets this mischaracterized Lady Death so enthralled by her own reflection, He then kills her, end of story!

Joel: I don’t think so.

>Enemy: I still ahve a truck up my sleeve.

Crow: It was a matchbox® toy truck!

>(Panel 3. Lady Death strikes the mirror, and a large burst of energy emits from the mirror.)

Joel: Ah, seven years bad luck, Lady Death.

>Lady DEath: AH!

>(Panel 4. Lady Death vanishes.)

Tom: Is it just I, or is everyone getting a sense of deja vu now?

Crow: Well, he said it was clumsily assembled...

>Enemy: I win.

Crow: (as a taunting kid) Now you have to do what I want!

>(PAge 13, panel 1. The X-Mansion. Lady Death appears on the front porch.)

Tom: Wasn’t she on the front lawn before?

>Lady Death: UH!

>Voice (From off panel): Who are you?

Tom: Oh no, not the menacing voice from off panel.

>(Panel 2. Lady Death stadn uip to see Wolverine there.)

>Lady Death: Who are you?

>Wolverine: I should ask that of you!

Crow: Here we go again....

>(Panel 3. Lady Death approach Wolverine.)

>LAdy Death: The name’s Lady Death... now who are you?

Tom: I sense a cheap anti-hero fights anti-heroine fight coming on!

>Wolverine: The name’s Wolverine.... what are you doing here?

>Lady Death: I was fighting an enemy when he zapped me here.

Joel: (as Wolverine) Oh, well, in that case, just leave, all right?

>(Panel 4. Wolverine brands his claws at Lady Death.)

>Wolverine: I don’t believe you.

Tom: (sings) Oh it’s easily done/ You just pick anyone/ And pretend that you never have met...**

>Lady Death: It’s the truth.

Tom: (sings) And that’s the truth/Ruth!

>(Panel 5. Lady Death and Wolverine clash sword to claw.)

>Wolverine: GROWL!

Joel: Well, this is definitely the work of a Rhodes scholar here...

>Lady Death: You want to fight? FINE!

Crow: *SIGH*...

>(Panel 6. Wolverine slashes Lady Death’s hair with his claws.)

>Sound affect: SASH!

Joel: We’ve turned your hair that we cut off into part of a window!

>(Page 14, panel 1. Lady Death am hold Wolveream’s hand.)

>Lady Death: You have pretty ice.

Crow: Yea, make love, not war.

Joel: Weren’t they just fighting?

Tom: Don’t stress, let the lack of continuity ride.

>Wolveream: You am nice yourself.

Joel: Since when was Wolverine a loverboy type?

Crow: I know he’s being mischaracterized. Don’t stress over it.

>(Panel 2. Wolverine put arm on Lady Death’s arm.)

>Lady Death: How about you take me to diner?

>Wolveream: Shure.

Tom: But what would the children look like?

>(Panel 3. They puddle as they walk off.)

Crow: Looks like Wolveream/Wolverine isn’t housebroken!

Joel: Crow!

>Lady Death: You have pretty green eyes.

Joel: I thought Wolverine had brown eyes....

Crow: Don’t stress, Joel. It’s not worth it.

>Wolveream: You am not bad yourself, darling.

Joel: I don’t think I like where this is going.

>(Panel 4. The two of them am stop in front a rose bush.)

Tom: (sings) Every rose has its thorn...

Crow: (sings) I never promised you a rose garden...

>Wolveream: A rose am but pale in your butty...

Joel: Don’t try this one.

>Lady Death: You sweat talk.

Joel: He’s talking about working out, I guess...

>(Page 15, panel 1. Wolveream cut rose from bus with claw.)

Joel: (as a hippie) Hey! Leave my love bus alone! That’s not cool, dude!

>Wolveream: For you, darling...

Tom: (sings) I came for you/ For you/ I came for you...

>Lady Death: You am so nice.

Crow: I hope this isn’t going where I think it’s going.

>(Panel 3. Lady Death put the flare in hair.)

Tom: And subsequently sets her hair on fire. Ouch!

>Wolveream: You am look nice.

>Lady Death: Thank you.

Joel: Gee, does anyone ever thank us for the job we do?

>(Panel 4. Rogue am fling over Massachusets.)

Crow: She used a discount airline!

Joel: Why would they fling her when she can just fly there?

>Rogue’s thought: Ah need to tawk to sumwun else.

>(Panel 5. Rogue land at the headquarts of Gen X.)

Crow: (old man voice) Everything I say to you kids goes in one ear and out the other!

>Rogue: Ah hop they am in.

(Joel stands up, and hops in place briefly. He then sits down.)

>(Page 16, panel 1. Rogue enter place, and meet Gen X.)

>Lush: Hey! It am Rouge! What am you do here?

Joel: Nothing to enhance the lack of a plot, that’s for sure.

Crow: (as Lush) Gee, I drink ONE beer once, and I’m branded for life!

>Rogue: Lush! Ah need hep.

Joel: Everything here is beyond help.

>Lush: Talk to me, girlfrand.

>(Panel 2, Rogue talks.)

>Rogue: Things jest feel bad fer me. It am bad now.

Joel: You can say that again!

>Lush: You just have have fate, Rogue.

>(Panel 3. Rogue fly.)

>Rogue: Ah need that.

Crow: We sure didn’t. What was the point of this?

Tom: Wasn’t this supposed to be Rouge vs. Laidee Death? They’re on page 16 and haven’t even met yet!

>(Panel 4. Rogue fly offf.)

Tom: The handle, and hurts everyone! The end.

Joel: If only we were so lucky…

>(Page 17, anel 1. Go back to Lady Death. She am in bed with Beast.)

Crow: All right! That’s it! Lady death is NOT sleazy! I can’t believe that hey would characterize her this way!

Tom: She probably had a choice to sleep with Wolverine or Beastt, and opted for the lesser of two evils.

Crow: I don’t think I’d want either one of them.

>Beast: You’re the bust, my dear.

Tom: (as Lady Death) You think of me as furniture! I can’t believe I just slept with you!

>Lady Death: You’re petty goof yourself.

Crow: And so are you.

>(Panel 2. Lady Death stand.)

Crow: Stand up! Sti down!

>(Panel 3. Lady Death

>(Panel 3. Rouge enter, and see Lady Death in hallway.)

Joel: It’s about time they met!

Crow: Two panel 3s in a row? I got a bad feeling about this….

>Lady Death: Who are you?

Tom: Uh… no. I’m not doing that Who riff again.

>(Panel 4. They comr closer to each other.)

Tom: (sings) Get a little closer/ With arrid extra dry...

>Page( 19, panel 1.

Joel: Uh… where did page 18 go?

Crow: Just be glad we don’t have to read it.

>Rouge is face-to-face with Ladi Death_

>Rouge: Do you understnad me?

Tom: Well, if that means that I’m completely confused and thoroughly apathetic about this, then yes, I understnad you.

>Ladi Death: I understnad you.

>(Panel 2. Ladi Death draw her sword.)

>Ladi Death: Understnad this!

Joel: I’ll pass, thank you.

>(Panel 3. Ladi Death gets near Rouge.)

Crow: And subsequently gets too much Rouge on her cheeks!

>(Panel 4. Rouge is angry at Lady Death)

Crow: Rouge angry! Rouge smash!

>Rouge: You ain’t woman enougth to take my mzn!

Crow: So keep your grubby meathooks of my mzn, whatever that is...

Joel: k.d. lang, call your lawyers.

>(Page 20, panel 1. Rouge and Lady Death give a friendly hug.)

Joel: Aw, how sweet...

Tom: Of course, Rouge/Rogue ends up absorbing Lady Death’s power...

>Rouge: We’ll be the breast of friends.

Joel: Don’t touch this one.

Crow: These guys seem to have a rather unnatural fixation with a certain part of a woman...

>(Panel 2. They party.)

Tom: (surfer accent) Yea! Party hearty, dudes and dudettes! It’s mondo wave day!

>Rouge: Let’s see about getting you hum.

(All hum.)

>Lady Death: Alright.

>()(Panel 3. They go off.)

Tom: [sings] Walk on... walk on...

>Rouge: It’s good to find a frond.

Crow: (as Rouge/Rogue) This fern would look lovely in my room!

>(Panel 4. They enter the wart room.)

Joel: (as random woman) Has anyone seen my Compound W?

>(Page 22, panel 1. Rouge say goodbye to Laidee Death.)

Joel: No page 21? I feel cheated.

Crow: I feel relieved.

Tom: (sings) Goodbye, goodbye/ Goodbye, goodbye/ Goodbye goodbye goodbye

>(Panel 2. Rouge pulls level.)

Tom: And finds everything is slightly askew.

>Rouge: Good buy, Laidee Death.

>Laidee Death: WE will meat again.

Joel: At the butcher shop!

>(Panel 3. Laidee Death Vanish.)

>Rouge: Finally, someone Ah can relate two.

Joel: Death? You can relate to death? Talk about macabre!

>(Panel 4. Rouge walk off.)

>Rouge: Well, tomorrow is another day...

Tom: Margaret Mitchell’s estate, call your lawyers.

(Door sequence. SOL bridge. Joel, Crow, and Tom are there.)

Crow: I think we’ve just weathered one of the worst fan fics we’ve ever gotten. Man, I’d put these guys on the same level as Dr. Thinker.

Joel: All right, now here comes the feeding part. You get more RAM if you can name one good thing about the story, and one bad thing about the story. Let's start with Tom.

Tom: Well, one good thing is that parts of it were missing... and the complete mischaracterization of Lady Death was probably the worst part of it….

(Joel feeds Tom some RAM chips.)

Joel: All right, what do you think, Crow?

(The mads light comes on.)

Crow: Well, one good thing about the story is one part was missing… and pretty much everything else was bad.

Joel: All right.

(He feeds some RAM to Crow.)

Joel: So what do you think, sirs?

(Deep 13. Larry is lying on a stretcher, being patched up by some paramedics behind Dr. Forrester. Dr. Forrester is holding up a piece of paper on which something is printed, but because the paper is soaked with Larry's blood, we cannot tell what it is. The paramedics then wheel Larry off while Dr. Forrester talks.)

Dr. Forrester: (disgusted) Oh, look at this. Larry ruined the picture by getting blood all over it. Now we don't know if it really works or not. (To the screen) Well Joel, next week I'll have something even worse than this, something so terrible that it will make you go insane in no time whatsoever. (Absentmindedly) Push the button, Larry. (turns) Ah, you're not here now.

(Dr. Forrester pushes the button, and the screen goes off. End credits. Stinger line:)

Laidee Death: You know you am wrong! Get out of hear!

*All right, I know this came much later than season one, but it fits here... (Wellington’s note.)

**A Bob Dylan song called "I Don’t Believe You."