The truck came towards them. Lights were so white. So very bright. The car swerved back and forth, screams came from the back of the car. Then all there was, was blood, everywhere. So very red. Then it was black. He dimly saw red and blue flashes, through a blur. Then it went back to black. Isaac woke up, sweat pouring from his face. He hated remembering. It was bad enough knowing it was his fault. Why did he have to dream of it every night too? Why must God torture him so? He lay in his bed looking at the ceiling. The white was painted on, so it looked like there were ants on it. Seeing the ceiling, his mind flashed, and he saw white, white headlights coming towards him. He couldn't stop the flash back. The truck kept coming towards them. Isaac remembered it all once again. It finally played through, and finished. Isaac sat up painfully. His back was a bit messed up, but the doctors said it would heal soon. He didn't want to get up, he didn't want to have to see his parents, and the looks they would give him. Ike knew he couldn't stay in bed forever. So, he got up and got dressed. Then, he went downstairs. His parents were there, eating breakfast. They didn't seem to notice as he walked in. Isaac wasn't hungry, he hadn't seemed to be hungry any more. He went over to the couch and sat down. His mother said, without looking at him "You had better eat. Or you will be hungry later." He didn't move, drawing his attention to the carpet. He watched the floor. Waiting until they would make their trip to the hospital, waiting for his father to tell him to get up and come on. Isaac waited until he thought they would never go. Then his father said "Isaac, get up, we're going now." Ike got up slowly, trying not to hurt his back any more than it already was. Then he followed his parents to the van and got in. No, one spoke on the way. It was silence for the whole thirty minutes that it took to get there. Once they got there, Isaac sat in one of the seats that wasn't taken, in the waiting room, and his parents went up stairs to were his brothers were. He hadn't seen his brothers since the accident. He couldn't bring himself to. Ike knew he should go see them, but he just couldn't. It would hurt to much. He sat there watching as nurses ran by. And all the people sat around. Waiting to be admitted, or to hear about someone they knew. Isaac tried to get himself to go see his brothers. He had been doing this ever since the first day. Two weeks ago, that's when it happened. For two weeks he has been coming here. For two weeks he had bugged himself to see his siblings. He sat in the chair, watching everyone. Isaac hadn't been getting enough sleep lately. No! He thought to himself. Trying to stay awake. He fought hard against sleep. Please no! Nothing helped. His eyelids drooped and he fell asleep. He heard the screeching of breaks, the screaming, he saw the blood, and the white lights. "NO!" He yelled. Trying to wake up from his flash back/dream. Now someone was shaking him, and he awoke. It was some body who was sitting beside him. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine now.... thank you." He was so glad that the person had woken him up.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes." He said. Then he thought As long as I don't ever fall asleep again.
"What are you here for?" The person asked.
Isaac didn't want to get into a discussion about his brothers. Or what he had done. He knew if he spoke about it, the flash back would over take him again.
"I would... rather not talk about it."
"Oh? All right then." The man backed off.
Ike sat there for a few more hours. Trying to get himself to see his brothers. Finally he convinced himself to see them. He didn't know what room they were in. So, he went up to the desk and stood waiting for the nurse to notice him. She was on the phone with someone, laughing. It obviously was a call to one of her friends. Not a patient. He stood there, leaning his weight from one foot to the other, trying to make the pain in his back go away a little. She kept talking. She just wouldn't shut up. "Um.. Excuse me." He said finally. She ignored him and kept talking "Excuse me." He said again. She put her hand up to the receiver and asked an annoyed. "Yes?"
"Do you uh... know Zachary Hanson... and Taylor Hanson's room numbers?"
"And.. who are you?" She asked rather rudely.
"Their brother."
She looked around through some papers, then gave him the numbers.
"Thanks." He said and walked over to the elevator, and pushed the up button. He watched the numbers light up as the elevator passed that floor. Then it made a ringing noise and opened in front of him. No, one was in it. He walked in and pushed the button for floor number five. It went slowly up the floors. Opening, it made the same ringing sound. Isaac came out and looked for the number the lady had told him. Ike found one of the numbers and looked in the little window, all he saw was his mother and father. Whichever brother that was in that room must be farther back inside the room, so he couldn't see him. Isaac knew he didn't want to be with his parents. So, he decided to go to the other room. He walked down the long hall. His back was hurting worse than ever, he knew he would have to sit down soon, hoping he would find the room before he would have to. Ike looked at the door numbers as he passed them. Finally he found it. He looked in, and still didn't see his brother, so he knocked very lightly, so if his brother was asleep it wouldn't awake him. But if he was awake he would hear it. There wasn't any noise from inside. So, Isaac took a deep breath, and pushed open the door. Inside, he saw Zac, laying with sheets covering him, an I.v. in his arm. Ike couldn't figure out what was wrong with him. Except for the cuts in his face. Isaac walked over to the side of the bed and sat down. Watching his brother. Hoping he wouldn't wake up any time soon. He watched as his brother chest moved up and down with his steady breathing."I hope you have better dreams than I do." He whispered. Zac stirred slightly and Ike jumped up and headed for the door. Making it there he threw it open and ran down the hall towards the elevator. He didn't want his brother to see him, and start blaming him for it all. Even though, Isaac knew it was his fault. He knew it was something he couldn't handle right now. His back pained him so bad that Isaac had to bite his lip to keep from crying out. He stopped at the elevators to catch his breath. Then, without thinking, he moved to the wall and sat down against it. Trying to make his back stop throbbing. He put his head against the wall, breathing heavily. He sat there all day. No, one told him to move, which even if they did, Isaac didn't think he would be able to. Then, he saw his parents walk by, they pushed the button on the elevator. Isaac didn't want them to know he had been up here, so he didn't say anything to them. Just watched as they got into the elevator. Once the doors were closed he got up, tears sprang to the corner of his eyes. The pain was un-bearable. He pushed the button and waited for the elevator to come, hoping it would come soon. He got in and went down to the waiting room, to find his parents looking for him. "Where were you?" His father asked, once he saw his son. He didn't say it with much concern. "I was getting water." Isaac lied. Wishing they would just hurry up and go to the car, so he could sit down.
¤ ¤ ¤
Two days later, Isaac was back in his brother's room. Zac was asleep. And Isaac was glad. He was breathing softly. Ike looked at his brother's face again. The flash back came again. He didn't think he could look anywhere without having a flash back. It went all through the accident, then once it was through Isaac looked away from his brother. Out the window, anywhere that wouldn't remind him of the accident. "Isaac?" Said Zachary. No, no, no, please, don't be awake, be talking to yourself. Please. "Isaac." He said again. Isaac turned around and saw his brother looking at him, his dark brown eyes burning into Isaac's. "I should leave." Isaac said, getting up, and walking towards the door. "No, stay." Zachary said. Ike wished Zac wouldn't have said that, and he just let him leave. But Zac had said it. So, Isaac came back to his chair and sat down again. "Why didn't you come and see me sooner?"
Ike didn't know how he could explain what he had been going through. Why he couldn't see him. How much pain it would cause him. "I just.... I couldn't"
"Wouldn't they let you?" Zachary asked.
"Yes, they would let me... but.... I... I didn't want to see...see what I...what I... did to you."
Zac went silent, and so was Isaac. Ike didn't know if his brother was going to start yelling at him for doing what he did.. or what. Ike still didn't know what was wrong with his little brother. He couldn't find anything wrong with him. But something had to be wrong, or he wouldn't be in the hospital. "What.... what did... I... what did I do....to you?" It was hard for him to ask it, but he had to know. Zac turned his head away from Isaac looking over at the wall. "Do you really want to know?" He asked.
"Yes.... I... I need to know." Isaac said.
Zachary turned and looked back at his brother, then down at his hands. "My... legs... they... I... my legs were... crushed... and I can't feel them, or walk on them."
Hurt ran through Isaac's body. He couldn't believe what he had done to his brother. His brother that he loved, this is what he had done. Zac is now crippled because of what I have done. Because of me, the stupid careless jerk! He looked at his brother and said quietly "I... I am sorry, Zachary, I really am. I know that wont help anything. But I truly am sorry." Before Zachary could answer, Diana and Walker came in. Isaac hung his head low and darted out of the room. Shutting the door behind him he walked as fast as he could down the hall. Not wanting to run because of what happened last time he had done that. Ike went down to the waiting room. He felt like hitting something. He was so angry at himself. Isaac sat there calling himself every name he could think of, in his head, until his parents came down and they went home. Isaac now was sitting in his bed, trying to think of something, anything to do, anything that would keep sleep away. He had tried to write for his book, but that hadn't worked, he couldn't read, or that would make him even more tired, and if he got any more tired he would be asleep. He searched through the cabinets and everything in their room, there was absoulutly nothing to do. And he was getting so sleepy now that his eye's were getting blurry. He got up and walked around the room, until his back starting hurting, then he sat back down. Now he couldn't keep it away any longer. Isaac lay down on his pillow and slept. The flash back came. He was standing out side of Sugar's bar. He had just got finished telling his brothers to wait in the car, and he would be back in a minute. Now he was going into the bar, drinking. After becoming drunk he kept drinking. He was with his friends, and they kept offering more beers. He didn't think of how he was supposed to drive his brothers home. Finally he stopped and came back out of the bar, and walked to the car. Taylor came out of the car and looked at him and said "You are NOT driving, you are SO drunk. Give me the keys." And he laid out his hand. Isaac said " Yes, I am driving, now get into the car." Taylor continued to stand there he said "ISAAC! Give me the keys NOW! I am not going to let you drive."
"And how are you supposed to stop me?" Isaac got in the drivers side and shut the door. Putting in the keys. Taylor jumped inside, beside Zachary, knowing that his brother would leave him if he didn't. Isaac was now on the road, he couldn't understand what his brother was yelling at him. The cars kept coming at him. Taylor was yelling "You're in the wrong lane!!! Get into the other lane!!!" Isaac then saw a truck, it's lights were so bright. Ike swerved trying to get out of the way. The truck braked, but not in time. His brother's screamed, as the truck rammed into them. Glass flew, hitting him in the face. There was blood everywhere. Everything went black, then he saw red and blue blurry flashes of light. Then black again. Isaac woke up, screaming. Once he came to his senses he stopped himself. And his father came into the room. "What's the matter?"
"Nothing... just a bad dream." Isaac said, knowing his father didn't really care what the matter was.
"All right then, try to go back to sleep." He said and walked to his room. Sleep, that was the last thing he wanted to do. He got up and threw his clothes on. Then he went downstairs, and got his shoes and a jacket. He put them on and walked out the door. Isaac figured the only way to stay awake was to go walking. Even though, he knew that his back would hurt if he walked to long, the hurt wasn't as bad as seeing the car wreck again. Isaac walked, and walked, all night. By the time the sun had risen, his back felt like his back would never get back to normal. The pain was worse than ever. He made his way back to his house and crept quietly back in. Ike sat on the couch and waited for his parents to get up, then they would go back to the hospital.
Chapter 2
Isaac was looking into his brother's hospital room window. He was looking into Taylor's window, to see if his parents were in there. He couldn't see them, so he opened the door and went in. Taylor was lying in the bed, eyes closed, he had an I.v. in his wrist. And he was connected to a life support machine and a monitor. Oh god, what have I done to him? He couldn't even bring himself to sit down. Isaac just stood there, watching his brother. The door opened, and in came Walker. Isaac tried to run past him but his dad said "Wait Isaac, stay here." Ike reluctantly stopped. He looked from his father, back to his brother. Walker went over and sat in a chair and told Isaac to sit down too. Ike sat in the chair nearest his brother. He looked at his brother's face, it was filled with cuts... All of the brother's had gotten cut by the glass. "He's been like this since the accident." Walker said.
"How... how is he.... I mean.... what's wrong...?"
"He's in a coma, Isaac."
Isaac couldn't take his eyes off of his brother. He is in a coma... And I put him in it. Me, just because I wouldn't listen to him. Because I wouldn't hand over the keys. His mind flashed, and he was forced to watch the whole thing over again.
"Isaac wake up, Isaac." He was being shook out of the flash back. He opened his eyes, to see his father. "Are you okay now?"
"Yeah." Isaac said, wiping the sweat from his forehead. He took one more look at his brother. Taylor hadn't moved from the position he was in.
¤ ¤ ¤
The next day Isaac was back in Zachary's room. Watching his brother sleep. He felt so bad that this was what he had done to his brother. This was all caused because of him. Ike was too afraid to touch his brother, in case he woke up and started screaming at him. So he just looked at him. A doctor came in, and told Isaac to leave. So Ike obediently left the room. He went down the hall to Taylor's room. his parents weren't there either. Isaac wondered where they were. Must be in the cafeteria or something. He sat beside him and looked at his closed eyes. Isaac started talking to him. "I am really sorry Tay, please wake up, Please." Taylor didn't move, he just lay there. Like he was dead. "Taylor, wake up, come on.. please...." Nothing worked. Ike sat there until his parents came in. Then he went down the stairs to wait in the waiting room.
They had driven back home. Isaac stayed awake all night, playing on the computer. It worked and he didn't go to sleep. Once it was morning again, he went downstairs, and they drove back to the hospital. Isaac went to Taylor's room, not even caring if his parents were there. They weren't. Ike sat beside him, and laid his hand gently on his brother's. "Tay, wake up, if you don't I wouldn't know what to do. You have to wake up, for me." No, he probably hates me. "Wake up for mom and dad then. For Zac, for all the family. Please. I'll understand if you totally ignore me for the rest of my life. I can live with that. What I can't live without though, is you. You have to wake up, Taylor." He sat in Taylor's room all day. Until they were going to leave. They drove back home and Isaac was in his room, trying to keep his mind off of his brothers, so he wouldn't see the car wreck again. He was still struggling to keep his mind on something else when his mom said that he had a phone call. Isaac reached over and picked up the phone "Hello?"
"Hello, Isaac?"
"Yeah, Ashley, hi."
"I'm really sorry about what happened to you, man."
"Why are you sorry? It's my fault." Isaac said.
"Well, I thought, maybe it would be good if you got out some... or something." Ashley said.
"Where?"
"I don't know.. Somewhere.. come on.. please. I haven't seen you in like ever!"
"Fine, but I can't do any sports or anything 'cause of my back, okay?"
"Sure, come over to my house."
"When?" Isaac asked.
"Now!" Ashley said
"Okay... bye."
"Bye." Ashley said as he hung up.
Isaac trudged down the stairs and out of the house, over to his friends house. Getting there, he knocked. "Hey!" Ashley said as he opened the door, and walked out.
"So, what are we supposed to do exactly?" Ike asked.
"I don't know."
They started walking. Ashley was the only friend that he had, that hadn't been there when he had gotten drunk and had the wreck.
"Do you mind if we talk about... 'IT'?" Ashley asked.
"What about it?" Isaac asked, hoping that whatever they talked about wouldn't 'cause another flash back.
"Well, I mean, how did it happen?"
Isaac began to tell him, but the flash back came. And he couldn't talk anymore, he closed his eyes, and watched the wreck again, for the third time that day. "Isaac? Are you all right? Isaac?"
Ike couldn't come out of it this time, not until it was finished. It finally was, and he looked at his friend. Ashley said "What happened?... One minute you were talking.. and then you just like dazed out on me."
"Sorry... I have this... flash back.. of the wreck... like every time I talk about it..or think about it.. Sometimes it just happens... I dream of it every night."
"Oh... man... that's horrible."
Isaac wasn't going to stop telling Ashley about the accident just because of that... So, he continued. Once he was finished he told him how his brothers were. Ashley was silent. It seemed like everything went silent. "Now my parents like totally hate me... but I don't blame them.. I hate me too.. If you hate me.. then I wont blame you either.."
"I don't hate you Ike.. your parents don't hate you either."
"Yes, they do. You wouldn't know if they hated me or not anyway. You aren't the one who did this to their sons."
"I'm really sorry, if there is anything I can do for you... just tell me okay?"
"Yeah.... thanks." They walked back to Ashley's house and before he went in he said "And get some sleep okay? You look horrible." Then shut the door. Yeah, easy for him to say. Isaac thought. He walked back to his house and as he came in, his father yelled "Isaac, get in the car, we're going back to the hospital."
"What? Why?" Isaac was confused.
"Isaac shut up! Just get in the car! NOW!" Walker ran past him to the garage. Followed by Diana. Isaac followed his parents out the door. They drove to the hospital. Isaac was dying to know what was wrong. But knew better than to ask right now. Once they got there, they ran to the elevator and to Taylor's room. Only to be ushered out again by a doctor. He told them to wait, so they waited... and waited.. Outside in the chairs that were down the hall. Ike was worried, he wanted to know what was wrong with his brother. He couldn't stand waiting any longer, so he went down the hall to Zac's room. He went in, and Zac was lying there awake. "What are you doing here.. now?" Zachary asked.
"I don't know..."
"What do you mean, you don't know?"
"Something's wrong.... with Tay.. I don't know what it is."
"WHAT??? What's wrong with him????" Zac was getting all panicky.
"I don't know.. that's what I said."
"If something's wrong with him.... if he dies... I'm never going to forgive you." Zachary said.
The words stung at Isaac, it hurt to his very soul. They stopped talking, and Ike waited around in the room for a little while, then he had to see if his parents knew anything yet. So, he went back into where they were. His mother was crying, once she saw him, Diana flew at him. Hitting him. And screaming "You did this! It is all your fault!! Just because you wanted to have a drink!!! And you were too stupid to realize that you shouldn't drive!!!! You killed my little boy, my Taylor, he's dead!! He's gone because of you!! You killed him..." She trailed off as Walker came over and held her. The words hit Isaac, like a blow to the stomach. No, not like that, that was to light. He felt like a bull dozer ran over him, and he got hit with a nuclear missile, and then the plane that had dropped the missile crashed into him. He collapsed onto the floor. Hot tears falling from his eyes. He held his knees in his hands, with his face laying on them. Taylor's dead. My brother, because I killed him. Me, I did it. He wished that it wasn't Tay that had died. He wished it was him. That he had died. But something in him did die. A huge part of him died. His brother had been half of him, and now that half died too. His body shook with sobs that he couldn't control.
Chapter 3
It was a week later, and Zac was back home, and his other siblings had come back from their grandmothers. Isaac was lying in bed. Not moving, he watched the wreck over and over again. He wasn't asleep. He had been lying in his bed all day. Isaac was numb, his eyes were dry. He felt so much pain inside that it now felt like a part of him. It was around five. Isaac hadn't eaten or moved. Nobody said anything to him. He didn't care, it wasn't enough punishment for what he had done. Finally he got up, only to go to the bathroom. He walked to the rest room and then came out to see Zac, he was in his wheel chair looking up at him. "I hate you!! Look... Look what you did to Taylor! Look what you did to me! Do you even care?? You don't care about anyone but yourself! If you did care about us, you wouldn't have driven. You would've listened to Taylor. But no, you don't care. So know Taylor is dead!! And I am a cripple!!!!" Zachary screamed at him. Tears threatened to come. But Isaac blinked them back and said softly so his voice wouldn't crack with emotion. "I'm sorry Zac, I'm so sorry. You don't believe me. But I am. I know that doesn't change anything. I know it wont bring Tay back. "
"You're right! I don't believe you!! I hate you!!!!!" Zac yelled and went down the hall. Isaac sat down and let the tears over flow.
¤ ¤ ¤
Isaac went down to breakfast the next morning. No, one looked at him, and he didn't look at anyone either. No one cares about me anymore. Well, they shouldn't. I'm the one who did it. I killed him. He thought. Everyone ate in silence. Ike couldn't stand it, and ran back to his room. He looked out the window and saw Taylor's face as he had pleaded with him to give him the keys. Isaac shook his head to get the vision away. He felt a couple tears slide down his cheeks. Turning back around he sat back into his bed, not moving, just remembering, the wreck, he saw the flash back. Laying down into his bed he closed his eyes and saw Taylor, looking at him, looking up at him, pleading with him, asking him to give him the keys. Ike just watched his brother, it felt horrible sitting there and seeing his brother in his mind, his brother that he had killed. And knowing that he had killed him. It weighed so much pain and sadness onto him that it was a phsyical hurting, he felt an aching inside of him, the aching for the loss of that other part of him. The part that was held for his brother, Taylor, his best friend. Nothing would ever fill that now, it was gone, and it would never come back, Taylor was gone and he would always be gone, never ever to be seen again, never to talk or laugh or play, or joke with him, not even to argue with. He would never do anything again. Isaac looked over at Taylor's bed the top bunk, his was the bottom bunk. Taylor used to sleep there, he would be right there on top of me. When he was alive... He used to make the most annoyoing squeaking sound when he would move in that bed. Isaac smiled sadly at the thought, he remembered when he would yell at Tay for making too much noise when he turned over in the night and the bed squeaked. Isaac lay there thinking about his brother when he heard Zac come in. He heard him move around and get into bed. Isaac stayed up all night, just lying there seeing the accident and his brother's face. It made the ache in his body get worse and worse, but he let the pain come, it wasn't enough pain, he thought that he needed to feel more because of what he had done, Ike thought he could feel all the pain in the world and it still wouldn't be enough. The next day Isaac knew he couldn't stand it anymore, life wasn't worth living if his brother wasn't there and if his family acted as if he was dirt. Which I am, and I deserve to be treated this way, but without Tay I can't go on, I can't, its too hard. Isaac went to the window and watched until he saw what he had been waiting for. Their dark blue van pulled out of the drive. Isaac went down the stairs to make sure no one else was left in the house. He came back up stairs and searched his parent's room. He knew that they owned what he was looking for. Isaac searched through the closet and all the drawers. He finally found it. Pulling out the pistol he went into his room. Sitting on his bed he checked to make sure there were bullets left. Blood, all he saw was blood, then white, glass was flying. The screams, brakes screeching. He waited until it played through. He couldn't feel any more pain, his body was too numb. Then he layed the gun in his lap. He thought of Taylor and Zachary. What he had done. He lifted it to his head. Placing his fingers in the slot he pulled his finger back, and the gun went off. Isaac fell, lifelessly backwards onto the bed. He was gone, forever.
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