SPECIAL NOTE: My page has grown considerably and I dont want anyone to become overwhelmed so I am listing an index ~ find whatever you would like through this page ~ or just scan down. thank you ~ stormee
World Aids Day Service 2002 ~ Special acknowledgements ~ My awards ~ **INTRODUCTION with link to author information** ~ Link for those newly diagnosed ~ **MY DIAGNOSIS** ~ Links for newspaper articles I wrote and were written about me ~ **AFTER DIAGNOSIS** ~ **HAVING CHILDREN** ~ Meeting my husband and wedding pictures~ Indepth updates ~ Links Links Links ~ SIGN MY GUESTBOOK ~ **WEB RINGS for hiv/aids sites**

It Really Is Okay To Talk About It

Hi, my name is "**CAROLYN**" but my friends and family call me CARE. This page is about hiv/Aids. I hope that you find it both informative and interesting.

I would like to begin by telling you a little about myself. I am a 35 year old "healthy" hiv positive woman. I wear many other faces including daughter, sister, mother, wife, friend, and so on ... but hiv ultimately affects each aspect of my life. I hope by sharing my story that I can bring a better (personal) understanding of hiv/aids to as many people as I can reach. You can read more about "me" (pictures of my family~general info~ favorite things~etc) using the link Carolyn above.

*****FOR THOSE NEWLY DIAGNOSED****click here

THE MOMENTS LEADING TO "MY" DIAGNOSIS

I vividly remember the moments leading to my diagnosis. A doctor swiftly entered the room, opening, a file, asking what I assumed was a routine, matter of fact question, "What do you know about AIDS?" I stated some basis knowledge that I'd acquired from a pamplet at my community college. As I spoke the seriousness of my own words amplified back at me. I looked up into the doctors face, hoping to see something other than what I saw. The thunderous beating of my heart filled the room, drumming loudly in my ears, and massive tears filled my eyes from the realization at what was happening as the doctor spoke the nightmarish words. "You have AIDS" crashed through the barrier, the sound of my heart stopped, the tears stopped, and some sort of control took over. I nodded and spoke appropriately to the doctor, then she led me to the doors I had just walked through. Walking through those doors I closed the door to a chapter in my life. The steps I took before, would never compare to the ones that I would take after the diagnosis.
I wrote a "**NEWSPAPER ARTICLE (1988)**", shortly after my diagnosis if you would like to read it..click the link above. I have recently added some more articles that were written in reference to me. I did not write these..but they are speaking of me in these ARTICLES.

Since my diagnosis I have gone through many things including: shock (it does go away), sadness, fear, disappointments, loss of confidence and dreams, and so much more. But I overcame them all with time. I am asked how I made it through the past years and I must admit there is no sure solution. I continued to live life the best that I could.
Remarkably, I have had a very normal life. I was in a serious relationship for 9 years to a negative partner. Although that marriage did not last my partner remained negative through out our relationship due to practicing safe sex "ALMOST" every time (using condoms with noxynyl 9). I say "ALMOST" because in 1991 we tried to have a child and on July 18, 1992 I gave birth to a beautiful healthy baby girl named Elizabeth Megan. During my pregnancy I took no medications and there was a 30% chance of transmission of hiv to my child but I was willing to take that risk to be a mother. I wanted nothing in life as much as I had always wanted a child. For six months I awaited the results to tell me if she had been infected. During this time ALL BABIES test positive for the hiv antibodies (due to the fact that ALL babies get their mothers antibodies) as Elizabeth did but she never tested positive for the virus itself. There were many moments of complete despair thinking of the possibilities that she may be positive...but at exactly six months Elizabeths HIV results came back negative and my faith paid off. I also gave Elizabeth a brother on January 4, 1997 named Brandon Earl. During my pregnancy with my son I did infact take the medication AZT and the transmission rate was reduced to under 10%, but Brandons was born 2 1/2 months early, weighing just 3 pounds 1 ounce and HIV wasnt our first concern. For 6 weeks he stayed in the ISCU at the hospital where he was born while I stayed at a Ronald McDonald House 50 miles from home, in an unfamiliar city, awaiting my son to grow and become strong enough to come home. The day my son was released from the hospital was one of the most joyous days of my life!! he survived and was coming home. I did a dance in the parking lot with him in my arms with tears streaming down my face and found my faith had paid off again!!! So when at 6 months Brandons hiv results came back negative you could say my faith carried me through the wait that time. I have pages for each of my children that I hope you will visit:

Incredibly my story does not stop there. When Brandon was a year old after a great deal of observation by myself as well as his Early Childhood Intervention Program/therapists it was noticed that he was falling behind developmentally. He was sent to specialists beyond the Preemie Clinic that he had been visiting and seen a Chronic Care specialist that eventually diagnosed him with cerebal palsy. At first I took the news like I did when I found out I was hiv positive ~~ some sort of control took over and I spoke appropriately to the doctor once again that was giving me the bad news. BUT...this was my child and it was so unfair. I couldnt hold back the words my heart was burdened with and turned to her and said "you mean after beating the odds with hiv you are telling me that my son will never be normal because he has brain damage?" and bursted into tears!!! Somewhere in my heart I knew already that Brandon wasnt normal but her prognosis was very devastating including the fact that there was a chance he may never walk, talk, play, or ever live a normal life and that I would always have to take care of him. Well just like his mama ~~my boy is a survivor. At nearly 3 years old, although well behind his peers in development, he is striving and doing very well. He has learned to sit on his own, push up unto his knees and sit, scoot all over the house, he is beginning to WALK with HIS WALKER by HIMSELF!!! and is doing very well thanks to the ECI Program that followed him through the first 3 years of his life offering occupational, physical, and speech therapy weekly. Brandon still doesnt speak at all, he cannot feed himself, dress himself, he doesnt play with toys like other children, and has many other problems. At 2 years old we went back to the specialists and a new diagnosis was added to the cerebal palsy that included "autistic traits". Although this diagnosis sounds horrifying it was quite comforting to me because it explained a lot. Brandon never bonded with me ~ no hugs or kisses, no showing of emotions including love or need. He never played with toys, peers, pets, or interracted with anything. He was a very good baby but it was very in a strange way. The only things that he ever enjoyed were sun beams, rocking, and his sit n spin (or anything that spinned including ceiling fans). So I accepted this diagnosis with a sigh of relief because it explained so much and we have just learned to accept that what we were given.

Below are a few added links to my page:

Update from 1999 ~ about hiv status and starting meds~medical issues I faced~participation in a study using interleukin 12~new family members~goodbyes to others~about my inspiration to start this page and its first year online~and wishes for 2000. <~~~the plans for my recent update.

A LINK TO SOME BASIC INFORMATION ON CD4's/VIRAL LOAD and my personal counts during 1999.

Here is a link to some information on Interleukin 12 that I gathered during a study and some thoughts about participating in a study in Oct 1999....

I write some poetry if you would like to read some visit this link!

This is a letter that I wrote to my friends from chat (it is quite old but I would like to remain on my page.)

REFLECTIONS OF MY 12TH ANNIVERSARY OF HIV

PLEASE SIGN MY GUESTBOOK! I love hearing from you all.....

View My Guestbook
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Webmasters for a Cure

Join the Blue Ribbon Online Free Speech Campaign!

Below are WEB RINGS~ which are designated to link you to other homepages which are specifically related to HIV/AIDS. I strongly advise the use of these rings if you are interested in locating other pages. There are many with stories some similiar to mine some different. IVE RECENTLY ADDED A WEB RING THAT IS NOT ASSOCIATED WITH JUST HIV but it is a meaningful web ring in itself.

This PLWA RING site is owned by . [ Prev | Skip It | Next 5 | Random | Next ] Want to join the ring? Get the info.

This Messages With Meaning site is owned by Stormee/Care. Want to join the Messages With Meaning?
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Links,Links,Links

Click here for nearly 60 detailed

HIV RELATED LINKS
including medical, social, political, and support Sites.

My favorite links: both informative and personal sites

HIV INFORMATION SITE: www.thebody.com
HIV INFORMATION SITE: www.aidsmeds.com
HIV INFORMATION SITE: www.hivpositive.com
HIV INFORMATION SITE: www.hivliving.org
HIV INFORMATION SITE: ARIC's AIDS Medical Encyclopedia
HIV INFORMATION SITE: Heterochat: where Hetero's can chat and meet using the world wide web
HIV INFORMATION SITE: www.hivstraight.com
HIV INFORMATION SITE: Marty Howards HIV AIDS homepage
My dear friend Samuels page! (pictures of roomies from yahoo chat here!!)
Aladdin's Page (more hiv info) *wink aladdin* welcome to my links
HIV INFORMATION SITE: THE AIDS MEMORIAL QUILT~lets all remember!!!
Hamiltns homepage
HIV INFORMATION SITE: Woman Alive: hiv information for woman!!!
Dear friends Ele and Pnws page!!! They met online!!! and found love!!

Email: Stormee269@yahoo.com