7/05/99
just between you and me i've to somethin to say i wanna get it straight before the sun goes down.
i am SO not like a lady when i'm angry.
i snapped at chris today for no apparent reason. must have scared him, im usually pretty mellow. he was staring at me, wouldnt stop staring at me and it didnt make me uneasy, it just made me mad, flaming mad, and i snapped WHAT??!?!?! and he jumped back and almost drove into a telephone pole, god that was funnier than shit... and now im wearing a tube top and i keep spilling coke on my shorts.
i thot i was getting delirious... that the incessant heat i was feeling in my soul was just another symptom of mania... i tossed and turned as i slept... then... i awoke to find that my mother had turned off the air...
GUMBY!!! I HAVE POKEY!!! TALK TO ME OR I WILL HANG THE POOR HORSE!!!
the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles... wish i wrote that.
i'm a mad pussy.
I can't believe i chat in a room where this is extremely commonplace: "hi there ladies, i'm looking for that special, exotic girl who wants to have a sexual experience in world of cyber space., no strings attached just anonymous pleasure, pm me..." horny bastards. i'll save that for my BOYFRIEND, ya big DICK. "6TH EVE CAN I LIGHT YOUR VOLCANO IN OTHER WORDS CAN I MAKE YOU HOT." yeah turn off the damn air conditioner ya big FREAK.
keep gettin into arguments online about individuality and trendiness. what's so damn bad about being trendy? no matter what you do, there are gonna be other people that do the same thing, either before or after you. people tend to label anything that five or more people do at the same time "trendy." THAT'S EFFING STOOPIT. i don't buy a cd because everyone else is. i buy it cause i like the freaking music. i don't buy a piece of jewelry only because i see no one else wearin it, i buy it cause i like the darn thing. WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE??? what the hell is this? is their some damn stupidity in the air today? i thot i smelled something rank... ya rat bastards
you can't read my soul from my lips... i could be lying as
i speak to you... my dainty ears don't give any hint at all... my turned up nose just means i look like my mother... but my eyes never lie.
march 6 1999. i emailed myself and said i was *still empty inside*.
so yer gonna buy that Lysol huh? nice smelling stuff... i once knew a man who worked for Lysol... always picking the lint off his cardigans, he washed his white t-shirts by wearing them in the rain... whenever he ate an apple there was always one little bit that got stuck in his teeth where he couldn't pick it out with a normal-sized toothpick... he always used the edges of his family photos,
getting Aunt Maddie's hair a little disheveled between his teeth... one time he ripped off Grandpa Stern's head, by accident of course... that was a big chunk of apple in there... well anyways, Pine-Sol is cheaper than Lysol... have a nice day.
feelin imbalanced all day does nothing for the two cokes i just downed. i have never done that before. great, now im gonna be on an emotional roller coaster in my sleep. i hardly ever drink coke, im a non-caramel kinda girl. and i dont feel like using punctuation properly tonight. im attempting to be serious.
he told me he doesnt have any feelings for her anymore. im amazed...
"Hold on, I'm changing personalities." what the....?
"if only i were very passive, very obedient, very very inert, might you desire me, but you always feel in me a volcano about to explode, a volcano of passion, of intelligence, and that frightens you."
-anaís nin
