Retail Clerks (to the tune of "Jingle Bells")

Dashing through the mall,
On a late-night shopping spree,
Got a blouse for Mom,
They're ‘Buy One Get One Free’...
Now a gift for Dad,
He needs some golf ball tees,
But check out this new bonsai kit,
It even comes with trees!

Chorus:
Retail clerks, retail clerks,
Come on, lazy bums!
Shopping season's fast upon us,
But our sales have slu-umped!

Retail clerks, retail clerks,
Show some Christmas cheer!
Shoppers running into malls;
We want them over here!

Oh Boss, the store's a wreck!
How can we ‘Sell, Sell, SELL?!’
I cleaned the aisle an hour ago,
But nobody can tell...
It’s us against the mob;
They shop so gleefully!
Swarming at the counter,
It makes us want to flee!

Chorus

I’ve got coupons for this,
Use my discount, too...
My card can’t be expired,
Someone needs to train you!
Child on Santa’s lap,
Is he nice or naugh-ty?
Child gets scared and cries for Mom,
"I wanna go pot-ty...!"

Chorus

Yuletide carols play,
Just almost constantly.
I’m sick of "Silent Night"...
It isn’t true for me!
My nights are filled with toil
And trying to be kind
To shoppers who are rude and think
that we... don’t... mind!

Chorus