I've had this homepage through its evolving servers and corny HTML for three years. I'm no longer the ecstatic fourteen year old who got butterflies in her stomach every time she heard the modem talking. No, I'm seventeen and I figure it's time for me to stop being a spectator of my own life. It's time to bring all the truth and untruth that flows here to the real world.

I started this page to broadcast the me that "real" people never saw or never bothered to discover. I feel I've been discovered, finally. I don't know how it happened, I don't know who did it, and I don't know where this will take me.

Of course, I'll still write in my paperback journals and chat on ICQ and AIM, answer and write emails, and continue to raise hell in those yahoo clubs. I just won't be undressing my head and laying it out for the unknown to see. I'll still update my ship's homepage at angelfire.com/tx/bac401. I'll send out messages to my listbot members every now and then to let you know what's going on with me. I'm not disappearing off the face of the earth, mind you.

This page has gone through so many major makeovers, it's unbelievable. I remember my first real page that was littered with multi-colored fonts and clashing backgrounds. My page has pretty much maintained the same style for the past year and a half. I really do feel weird deleting it because I've put so much into building this place... but I'm not sad. It's something I have to do.

Over the next few weeks until the new year, as well as writing my last journal entries, I'll be printing out lots of these pages because I don't want to lose my journal entries or poems. One of these days I'm going to burn all my journals. Or write songs from them, whichever comes first.

I feel i owe my audience an explanation, but that's such a dirty word... it's not a farewell, either... call it what you wish.

If you're a stranger and you've been chronicling my life from the beginning yet have never contacted me, good luck finding something else to do. Yeah, I'm one of you too, I like to read other people's online journals anonymously. I hope I made you laugh, made you cry, and made you learn.

It sure has been one hell of a rise (and that's not a typo).

My ICQ# is 47172727, and my email address is ilinca@flash.net.

Always,
Bruk 12/6/99

*****

Monday, 12.06.99 10:03 PM

got an email from cory! yay!!1111 (yes i realize my "one" key is stuck, but i'm too lazy to press backspace a hundred times and too scatterbrained to use the keypad on my right. but i could still manage to type this lame excuse, how about that)

the show went well tonight. mom really enjoyed it. as we were leaving she said to me she said, "Something's wrong with you." "Why do you say that?" I asked. "Because I know you," she replied.

i told lyle i want to help his family decorate their christmas tree. i remember last year he gave me this beautiful shiny snowflake ornament for christmas. it's probably packed away with all our old tinsel. it's a shame we're not putting up a christmas tree this year.

i've got musical auditions tomorrow day and a scout meeting tomorrow night. i wonder what will come up.

people like my outfit today. these people, my friends, know how to make a person feel good. it's... different, with them. don't ask me how.

heh heh. lyle said "motherfucker."

111111:00 PM

i lost my heart, under the bridge, to that little girl, so much to me and now i moan and now i hollar, she'll never know just what i found... that blue eyed girl, she said no more, that blue eyed girl, became blue-eyed whore, down by the water, i took her hand, just like my daughter, i see her again...

sitting here listening to the same PJ Harvey and Sneaker Pimps songs on loop. mp3's rock, yo.

*12*