Jokes 10



One day a fag was jogging through the park. There was a wino passed out on the park bench, so the jogger decided, "Ah, what the hell", went over, dropped the wino's pants, gave it to him up the ass, then took $10.00 and put it in the wino's pocket. When the wino awoke he reached in his pocket found the $10.00 and went straight to the liquor store, and asked the clerk for his most expensive bottle of wine. Next day the fag was jogging through park and again the same old wino is all passed out on the park bench. So the fag drops the wino's pants, does him up the ass again, then puts another $10.00 in the wino's pocket. The wino wakes up, finds another $10.00 and heads straight to the liquor store, and tells the clerk, "I want your best bottle of wine." Come the 3rd day, the faggot is jogging through the park sees the same old wino passed out. So he drops the wino's pants and gives it to him up the ass yet again, but when he goes to get $10.00 out of his pocket, he finds out he only has a $20.00. So he gives the wino the $20.00. The wino wakes up, finds the $20.00, goes right to the liquor store, and tells the clerk that he wants the cheapest bottle of wine. The clerk says, "Wait a minute. Two days in a row you come in here with $10.00, and want my most expensive bottle of wine. Today, you have $20.00 and want the cheapest. What gives?" The wino replies, "Yeah, well, that expensive stuff is making my ass burn."


I have my changed my system for labeling homemade freezer meals. I used to carefully note in large clear letters, "Meatloaf" or "Pot Roast" or "Steak and Vegetables or "Chicken and Dumplings" or "Beef Pot Pie." However, I used to get frustrated when I asked my husband what he wanted for dinner because he never asked for any of those things. So, I decided to stock the freezer with what he really likes. If you look in my freezer now you'll see a whole new set of labels. You'll find dinners with neat, legible tags that say: "Whatever," "Anything," "I Don't Know," "I Don't Care," "Something Good," or "Food." My frustration is now reduced because no matter what my husband replies when I ask him what he wants for dinner, I know that it is there waiting.


A mother firefly was taking her children for a walk near dusk, and they came to a dark woods. "All right, kids," she ordered, "line up, and whatever happens, don't shine your light. There are owls in the forest and they might fly down and eat you!" The small fireflies did as they were told, with the youngest firefly at the end of the line. As they were moving carefully along, suddenly the mother saw a light far back. "Stop!" she whispered. "Who lit the light back there?" "I did," admitted the youngster. "You heard what I told you," scolded the mother. "Why did you disobey?" "Well," said the little one, "when you gotta glow, you gotta glow."


A man was driving from New York to San Francisco. He got as far as Cleveland, when he realized he was getting terribly horny. So he looked up a house of ill repute and took care of the problem. Immediately, a severe guilt reaction set in, so he went to confession. For penance, he was told to say 10,000 Hail Mary's. He went on driving and praying. By the time he got through with the 10,000 Hail Mary's, he was approaching San Francisco. He realized he was terribly horny again. So, again, he looked up a house of ill repute, and had an orgy. Again there was a severe guilt reaction, so he went to confession. It was an old Irish priest who said, "For penance say three Hail Mary's." The man said, "What?! In Cleveland, I had to say 10,000 Hail Mary's for the same thing!" Father replied quietly, "Sure now, and what would they know about fucking in Cleveland?" It's the morning after the honeymoon, and the wife says, "You know, you're really a lousy lover." The husband replies, "How can you tell after only 30 seconds."


(o)(o) Perfect breasts
( + )( + ) Fake silicone breasts
(*)(*) Perky breasts
(@)(@) Big nipple breasts
o o A cups
{ O }{ O } D cups
(oYo) Wonder bra breasts
( ^ )( ^ ) Cold breasts
(o)(O) Lopsided breasts
(Q)(O) Pierced Breasts
(q)(p) Hanging Tassels Breasts
\ o /\ o / Grandma's Breasts
( - )( - ) Against The Shower Door Breasts
| o | | o | Android Breasts
($)($) Martha Stewart's Breasts
And God created woman and she had 3 breasts. He then asked the woman, "Is there anything you'd like to have changed?" She replied, "Yes, could you get rid of this middle breast?" And so it was done, and it was good. Then the woman exclaimed as she was holding the third breast in her hand, "What can be done with this useless boob?"
And God created man


At the movie theater a man noticed a young woman sitting all by herself. He was excited to see she had both hands under her skirt and was frigging herself furiously. He moved to the next seat to her and offered his help. She welcomed his help, and so the man started fingering her like crazy. When he tired and withdrew his hand, he was surprised to see her go back to work on herself with both hands. Wasn't I good enough?" he asked sheepishly. "Great," she said, "but these crabs are still itching!"


One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, but he had on no scuba gear at all. The diver went below another 20 feet, but the guy joined him a few moments later. The diver went below 25 feet, but a minute later, the same guy joined him. This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalk-and-board set, and wrote, "How the hell are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?" The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written, and wrote, "I'm drowning, you moron!"


It was a really hot day at the office due to a malfunction with the air conditioning system. There were about twenty people in close quarters and everyone was sweating, even with a fan on. All of a sudden, people started to wrinkle their noses at an odor passing through the air. It was the most hideous smell anyone had ever smelled. One man, popping his head out of his cubicle said, "Oh, man! Someone's deodorant isn't working." An overweight man in the corner replied, "It can't be me. I'm not wearing any."


Two city slickers were coming to the end of a long day of duck hunting without any ducks. They couldn't understand what had happened, they bought the best equipment, had a well trained Labrador, the best decoys, and had arrived plenty early enough to get set up before dawn. Not wanting to be made fun of at the office they decided to stay until last light and try to figure out what was wrong. After making mental checks of the events of the entire day one looked at the other and asked "Do you think we are throwing the dog high enough?"


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