CoonAss Humor
Nekked
Boudreaux was walking down the levee the other day, and as he
passed
old
man Thibodeaux's house, he noticed that Thibodeaux was sitting on
the
front porch, wearing nothing at all from the waist down. This
naturally
got Boudreaux's attention, and he asked Thibodeaux, "My fren, why
for
you sittin' der nekked wid no pants on like dat?"
Thibodeaux tells him, "Mais, it's like dis. A couple weeks ago, I
sat
out
here widdout a shirt, and got me a stiff neck. Dis was Clotile's
idea
!"
The Wishing Well
Boudreaux & Marie were walking through the town square the other
day,
when they spotted a wishing well. Boudreaux throws a penny down the
well
and makes a wish. Marie decides to try it too. She leans over to
throw
her penny in, but falls into the well and drowns.
Boudreaux exclaims, "Damn!!! it works!"
Boudreaux's Vacations
Boudreaux & Thibodeaux were talking one afternoon, and Boudreaux
tells
Thibodeaux, "You know, I tink I'm ready for a little vacation. But
dis
year I wants to do sumting different. De las' few years, I took
your
suggestions about where to go. Three years ago you said I should go
to
Hawaii, an' I did an' Marie got pregnant. De next year you said to
go
to
de Bahamas. Marie got pregnant again. And last year you told me to
go
to
Tahiti. Sure enough, Marie got pregnant again.
Dis year I wants to someplace cheaper so I can bring her wid me!"
Boudreaux & Thibodeaux At The Bar, Again
Boudreaux and Thibodeaux were once again spending Saturday night at
the
City Bar, and after several hours of steady drinking, Thibodeaux
suddenly fell backwards off of the bar stool and onto the floor,
passed
out cold.
Boudreaux looks at Thib, looks up at the bartender, and remarks,
"Dat's
what I like about Thibodeaux. He knows when he done had enough to
drink."
Boudreaux Goes To Confession
Boudreaux, in his usual highly inebriated state, accidentally
stumbled
into the church building Saturday afternoon, trips his way into the
confessional and sits down. The Priest, there of course to hear
confession, hears nothing. The Priest coughs to let Boudreaux know
that
he's ready to listen to him, but still hears nothing. He then
knocks
on
the wall separating them, and Boudreaux tells him, "Sorry, podnuh,
der
ain't no paper in dis one neither!"
The Lovers
Boudreaux, Thibodeaux, and Hebert were bragging about their love
making
abilities. Hebert bragged, "I made love to my wife three times last
night. She woke up in ecstasy!"
Thibodeaux said, "Mais, me I made love to Clotile six times last
night.
She
got up dis morning, cooked me a good breakfast, and tol' me she
could
never find a better man den me!"
Boudreaux, takes a sip of his beer and says, "Me, I only made love
to
Marie one time last night."
Hebert and Thibodeaux busted out laughing hysterically. Thibodeaux
managed to ask Boudreaux, "And what she had to say to you dis
morning?"
Boudreaux takes another sip of beer and calmly replies, "Mais, all
she
tol' me was, 'Boudreaux, please don't stop!'"
The Ballerina
A big woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walked into a bar. She
raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed
to
all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man out there
will
buy a lady a drink?"
The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. At the end
of
the bar, was Boudreaux, a skinny little Cajun, who was VERY drunk.
Boudreaux slammed his hand on the bar and said, "Give dat Ballerina
a
drink!"
Thibodeaux, the bartender, a close friend of Boudreaux's, poured
the
drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned again to the
patrons
and
pointed around at all of them, revealing her hairy armpit, and
asked,
"What man out there will buy a lady a drink?"
Once again, Boudreaux slapped his hand down on the bar and said,
"Give
dat Ballerina anudder drink!"
Thibodeaux, finally approached Boudreaux and asked, "Boudreaux mah
frien', I know it's your bidness of course if you want to buy dat
lady
a
drink, but how come y'all keep callin' her a Ballerina?"
Boudreaux replied, "Thibodeaux, to me any woman who can lift her
leg
dat
high has got to be a Ballerina".
Bubba
Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone
there
is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how
about
Tom Cruise?"
"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it. " So
Bubba
and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door,
and
sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and
your
friend come right in and join me for lunch! "
Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After they
leave
Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing
Cruise
was
just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says.
"President Clinton," his boss quickly retorts.
"Yes," Bubba says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington." And
off
they go.
At the White House, Clinton spots Bubba on the tour and motions him
and
his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise, I was just on my
way
to
a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup
of
coffee first and catch up." Well, the boss is very shaken by now,
but
still not totally convinced.
After they leave the White house grounds, he expresses his doubts
to
Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else.
"The Pope," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Bubba. "My folks are
from
Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time." So off they fly to
Rome.
Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square
when
Bubba says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye
among
all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me
just
go
upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."
And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure
enough,
half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But
by
the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart
attack
and is surrounded by paramedics.
Working his way to his boss' side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the
Pope
came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who's that on
the
balcony with Bubba?"
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