Poems



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Pandemonium

I am damned to a life of solitude,
Some higher force wants to make me suffer.
Almost at the brink of suicide,
The happiness in my music is just a buffer.
I am damned to a life of loneliness,
Some higher force wants to make me suffer.
I went on a date once,
But I'll never have another!

I am jinxed I am cursed
I'm so sad, that I'm gonna burst
I am doomed, I am damned
My happiness lies in your hand!

 I am condemned to a life of darkness,
Someone wants to make me mad.
I know I can never be happy,
Just eternally lonesome and forever sad.
I am condemned to a life of melancholy,
Someone wants to make me mad.
I try to be happy, but never succeed,
Someone must be trying really bad.

I am jinxed I am cursed
I'm so sad, that I'm gonna burst
I am doomed, I am damned
My happiness lies in your hand!

I am jinxed I am cursed
I'm so sad, that I'm gonna burst
I am doomed, I am damned
My happiness lies in your hand!
I really want to talk to you,
That much I know.
I think I really like you,
but I'm afraid to let it show.
And when I see you walking near,
my heart fills with joy.
It makes me want to laugh and play,
Just like a little boy.
I hope you are interested in me,
I really, really do.
I wish I could say what's in my hear,
Because I really like you!
Opaque Dirt

You hate me 'cause I'm different
But I have nothing against you
You treat me like a leper
since my clothes are different hues
You make fun of me for not talking
to anyone but me
while the pain and hurt you cause inside,
You can't even begin to see.
You leave me out at recess
And all the games you play
Just because you grew up in Plano
And I in San Jose.
I try to be your friend
And be very nice
But no matter what I say or do
You're still made of ice.
You preppy little rich kids
Think you're so much better
Driving around in your fancy cars
And your stupid high class sweaters.
Your parents are made of money
And it's all gone to your head
You think that gives you the right to treat me like dirt.
I hope you wind up dead!

I've now moved to the 'less rich' side,
But it's still all the same
I am still the social outcast,
Left out of every game.
I still try to conform,
And meet your insane demands
But all you do is laugh
While pushing me down stairs with mocking hands.
You shove me into walls,
And hard metal doors
You think you can walk all over me
Like I'm just part of the floor.
You think I'm not capable, of human emotion
You wish I would just leave your school
And go drown in my Pacific Ocean
You think it's hilarious
That I can't hit a ball with a bat.
It's 'cause everything is two-dimensional
My world is totally flat.
You laugh ever time
That I don't catch a ball
It's do to the fact
That I don't have any depth perception at all.

The years have passed, and I have failed
Trying to fit into your cliques
But I am still living here,
In my little ditch.
Conformity definitely isn't
Working out for me
From now on a non-conformist
Is what I shall be.

I removed my shoes to talk to nature,
It had many things to say
But just as I was understanding,
The man got in the way!
He made me put my shoes on,
He strapped them on tight.
He thinks I am now conforming,
But I secretly remove them at night.
Now I listen to the trees,
And I talk to the rain.
And just the other night,
They kept me from going insane.
The birds in the air
And the fish in the sea
Are all doing their own thing
Just like you should be.
Now I am not telling you what to do
You are free to do as you will
Just as long as you're not wearing those shoes
Just to keep from getting a chill

Now that I am different,
You are starting to fear
The little boy who after school
You used to bring to tears.
You're afraid that if you piss me off
And I start to cry
That I'll come back with a coat full of guns
And all of you will die.
The only thing you have to fear
Is a product of your own hate
All those years of making fun
Of me, and my indented breast plate.
I hear you walking behind me
And everything you say.
Just because I'm wearing pink
doesn't make me gay
I no longer care what it is
You really think of me
Cause inside I know that I'm the one
Who's really free.
You think your actions have
No lasting effect
But I still have the scar
From that knife you left
I sit in my room
While I plan your demise
Though I can hardly see the paper through these crying eyes.

And just as I thought it might be over
And I might actually be free,
I get to senior high
And the faculty turns on me
I showed up at your school
Preaching "the end is near"
And you immediately took up my nifty sign
Due to your intense fear
You sent me to a shrink
Because you feared for your life
But he didn't find anything wrong
With me stabbing sandals with my knife
You put an end to my barefeet
And playing music in your building
Saying this wasn't the place
To have noisy little play things.

You may have hindered my development,
Of basic social skills
But you provided inspiration for
This poem written with my quill.
Untitled


Everything was going great,
Until it started going wrong
And now I can barely find
Words for a stupid song
I cut myself until I bled
Sometimes I think
I'd be better off dead.
I'm just a loser
Even in my dreams
I'd've killed myself last year,
If only I had had the means.
I don't wish to live
But I don't want to die
So I guess I'll
Just sit here and cry
Ambien®

If I die before I wake
That'll be my biggest mistake
Overdosing on sleeping pills
Will make me more than ill
No longer will my heart beat
It'll make my body feel quite weak
No longer will I cry
I'll just lay down and die
*tear*
Untitled


I want to die But I don't know why
If I was a bird,
I'd be a bird who couldn't fly
Untitled


I am longing for my bed
Just longing to be dead
This paid is very real
A pain I no longer want to feel
Birdcages

Why do I lock myself up
when all I want is to be free?
Why must everything always
fall down on me?
Why am I filled with anger
when all I want is peace?
Maybe I'll move to California
And live with my dad's niece
She lives in San Diego
Right down by the ocean
And with one little phone call
I can put these events in motion
But first I'll go to Akron
To see my girlfriend Terri
And when we meet again
All will be well and merry
Untitled

I'm tired of this stupid game
Just wanting my fifteen minutes of fame
And wondering why I lit
This fucking cigarette
I don't want to die
But I still just sit here and cry
Untitled

The voices say I'm crazy
So why do you say that I'm sane?
I guess I'll go and
Dance in front of a train
Poems


I've recited these poems a billion times
I know each line and every rhyme
I've applied them to situations; future and past
how long can this madness last?
I'm finally seeing a counselor, I think she can help
It's been forever since I've had a glass of milk.
I Am


I am a genius, yet I know nothing
I wonder about this life
I hear the voices mocking me
I see my goals, sitting ever so slightly out of reach
I want to know true happiness
I am a genius, yet I know nothing

I pretend that everything is wonderful
I feel like dying when I realize it's not
I touch my cuts and hope they heal
I worry about not making it
I cry when I think about what the future might not hold
I am a genius, yet I know nothing

I understand that I don't understand
I say I can
I dream I will
I try but fail
I hope for a second chance
I am a genius, yet I know nothing
Ambrosia

I know you're wrong, but I just can't say no
My brain says stop, but my brain says Go!
The closest thing to ambrosia that I can get
Is a stupid Kamel cigarette
You elevate stress, you eliminate pain
The only thing you don't give me is a gain.
You take and take and take, while I give and give and give
Obviously you don't believe in "live and let live"
You took the hurt, but left the void
And now I am very, very annoyed.
I left you once; I'll leave you again
And I won't be comin' back cause you're not my friend
I'll leave you in a parking lot, just like I did before
I'll forget your name before I'm home, Your memory won't be going through that door
Once your gone, you'll need to be replaced
By someone with a prettier face
Someone more easy to conceal
Like a bottle of little pills
They'll stand bye me; make me feel safe inside
And them NOT you, will be the reason they say I died.
Untitled


I want to escape but I don't know how
The only way to leave is by seeing "a man about a cow"
I'm trapped in this state and here I'll forever be
Unless you come and rescue me
You say I'm not crazy, but I know I'm not sane
I guess my attempts to show you that are in vain
I went through hell and back with my clinical depression
But you failed to even notice I had entered a recession
I said I hear voices and see things that aren't there
But all you cared about was the length of my hair
I planned on blowing up the world wanting all of you to die
And when all of you are gone, I'm not gonna cry!
The Bookshop

I am all alone while in this crowd
No one can see in, cause they're not allowed
My secrets will stay forever hidden
Like the location of The Garden of Eden

Come in if you want, take a look around
Do not mind the hanging clown
Open the journals read all you like
Do anything you want, just don't call me 'Mike'.

What art thou doing? Who said thou couldst enter?
Who do you think you are? Are you wearing my sweater? Leave my mind! Leave my prison!
Because I said so, I don't need a reason.

Aw, are you leaving so soon? I wish you would stay
Thanks for the visit, you really made my day
All alone while in this crowd;
Door's always open, and all are allowed
Untitled

They can not see the struggle within
This battle is one I feel I can't win
I try my hardest, but it's still not enough
Why must this life be so rough?
I beat myself up inside, where no one else can see
And then they come and criticize what's become of me
I know I don't always make the best choices, but it's still all I can do
It just sometimes feels like I'm playing the part of a fool
I'm trying my best to be happy and sane in this life
I wonder if they even noticed I stopped cutting my arms with my knife
Baylor


This place is sober
This place is high
I hear them laugh
They hear me cry
I see them frown,
They see me smile
I've felt this way for quite a while
This place inhibits rhyme
While encouraging reason
It's an artificial environment
Unchanged by the season
They've got me on some meds,
I think I'm doing well
My mind is now quite clear,
It was a living hell
Love equals torture
Love equals pain
Love is that flash of lightning
that kills you while dancing in the rain

Love equals agony
Love equals hell
Love is that little boy
who leaves you for dead at the bottom of a well

Love once made me happy
Love once made me glad
Then again... love once made me
go totally mad!

Love can go f*ck itself
Because love is full of $hit
Love likes making me feel
like I'm a f*cking misfit.
The early bird gets the worm.
But what if the bird is too early?
Will it wait?
Or think it's late,
And leave with a stoumach that's empty?

~December 3, 2002; 7:19pm
Ebanezer

Christmas time is finally here
raise your nog with Holiday cheer
I was Joseph in a live nativity
And it enabled me to truly see
What this season is really about
No longer will I scream and shout:

Bah Humbugh!

~December 7, 2003 1:52pm

Do poems ever change,
or do they just stay the same?
Does the reader write his own verse
or is the ink stagnent on the page?

~December 7, 2003; 1:57pm

qaneHbe'

You tempt me
You are the least
Yet the most sought after
You claim to hide behind locked doors
Yet you are out for the world to see.
You are down the street,
Yet in my home.

Purchased for a price
Payment of cash I never give
Poison you are to my soul
Polluting our youth and adults alike
Power we give is all you have
Political you will never become
Potent is your every touch

Revolting you have become to me
Repulsive thou art to the holy eye
Required you are to my carnal soul
Revealing my desires to myself
Relief from guilt you cannot give
Regret you will ever cause
Release me, you never will

Evoking lust in the purest of beings
Ever growing your threat has become
Entering into the smallest of places
Entertaining us all until we are damned
Exciting you look to the ones passing by
Ever repentant they will become
Effecting us in ways we will never know.

Totally harmless as art you appear
Totally wrong you ever shall be
Turning flesh against one's own
Torturning souls for eternity
Tempting me with unfullfillable promises
Telling me spakrly lies
Together with my love you won't let me be

Towards you I have no respect
To my God shall I now look
Tormented I shall no longer be
Terrible is your influence over me
Till the end I shall fight against you
Tantilizing tales I shall hear no more
Truthful you will never be.

~December 7, 2003

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Email: ronethebone1@juno.com