*The Past*
"A year ago we met,
and I never would have guessed,
that you'd mean so much to me,
but those brown eyes drove me crazy."
- Mest -
From the first second that I saw him, I wanted him. Clad in a Kinko's Copy Center shirt, Dickies and a yellow baseball cap, he was the boy of my dreams. I think I said all of two words to Billy the first night I met him, but in the months in between the first and second "meetings", the boy was never far from my mind. With some help from a friend, I weasled my way into a nearly year long relationship with this boy. We did the whole long distance thing and it worked for a while.
The time we spent together was nice. He loved me in a time when I really needed to be loved. I loved him in return, don't get me wrong. But in a sense, I used him to heal a broken heart. He wasn't a rebound, but I'd be lying if I said my need for him wasn't a selfish one.
"Cigarettes and open air,
hand in hand.
And I said,
"Stay with me."
Cause every star that I see,
is brighter than the last."
- Finch -
*The Present*
"I didn't know that what I loved
would be ripped away
before I had the chance to feel it."
- Yellowcard -
For as much pining as I did over Billy, you'd think he was the love of my life. And at the time I thought he was. I cared for him mostly because he was a cute boy that cared for me. But he also proved my theory that men are useless until their about 24-25.
Looking back I can say I loved him then. But I don't love him now. I don't really even know him, and I don't think I ever really did. My idea of love has evolved so much that the love I feel now is so much different than what I felt when Billy and I were dating. But it was all I knew at the time and I guess it's kind of like "live and learn".
Billy and I have made our ammends. I don't think I'll ever call him a friend, but that only because I don't think I know him well enough to do so. I know what he had the time and opportunity to show me, which wasn't much considering I saw him mybe three days a month since we live a little over 90 miles away from each other. I'd like to think if we lived closer to one another we would have had a chance, but I guess I'll never know.
In reality, all we really were was a long drawn out one night stand.
"We'll go our separate ways,BR>and take it day by day.
You've got a sad song,
I've got a sad song too.
This is my sad song."
- Die Trying -
