Katee
FRIEND
What is a friend?
Someone to catch you when you fall?
Someone who you can call?
Someone who will brush away your tears?
Someone who will calm you fears?
Someone who will always care?
Someone who will always be there?
Someone that is always true?
Someone that loves you?
SISTER
What is a sister?
A sister catches you when you fall.
Doesn't have to pick up the phone to call.
A sister wipes away your tears.
And calms your biggest fears.
She'll hug you to show that she cares.
And no matter what she'll always be there.
A sister will always be true.
And no matter what, will always love you.
So, what is a best friend?
A best friend is the sister destiny forgot to give you.
Billy
this isn't a poem, a song or anything creative
it's simply how i feel at this very second
missing you is utter torture, plain and simple
my life would be so complete if you were here with me now
but that's how life and love go
it's hard. it's trying. and it's supposed to make you stronger.
im definately gaining some sort of strength from this
i feel like part of my soul is missing
and having to live without that part of me is a struggle
yet an obstacle that im willing to conquer
each day i miss you more then the day before
i want to cry sometimes, just because i can't touch you
i want to die sometimes because i can't hear your voice
the distance makes me weak, yet my feelings stronger
i would do anything to be with you right this second
to hold you, to touch you to be in your presence
but thats the thing, the only thing against us is time
someday. somewhere. and sometime soon i know
we'll be together, because that's the way it's supposed to be.
ill be with you and you'll be with me.
it's almost like destiny. planned out and certain.
but present reality deems otherwise.
sometimes i dont think ill make it another instant
but then i focus on when i WILL get to see you again
i start making my plans and doing what i can to make it happen
in a perfect world i'd have you right around the corner,
only a short walk away, but we all know
the world is far from perfect
and i have to say there were times at first when i wasn't sure
i didn't know if you were the one for me
and i should be slapped for even thinking that way
but because all the pain ive felt in my time in regards to love and all that
i wasn't sure i was ready for it again. and i still doubt i am
but what can you do? things just work out that way
and im really glad they have.
you're so perfect. you're the only on i can imagine being with at this point in time.
i think that all that's happened before, everything i felt,
was just to prepare me for what is happening to me now.
the ultimate, the best, the most amazing thing i've felt.
and sure ive said this all before
that other boys were perfect for me>BR?
and that they were the best thing to happen to me,
and im sure that was true,
i try not to lie to myself.
but now they seem so petty, and shallow in comparison
to all that i feel and all that i have with you.
you make me smile even when you're not here
and despite the obstacles we must endure now,
i dont think i've ever been this happy before.
it's like this cindarella has finally found her prince...
and only time will bring the happily ever after to this story.
Making Me Hate You
i can't remember the last tear i shed for you
yet the pain you bathed my world in is ever present
i wish there was a drug to ease the pain of heartbreak
maybe i should invent one and become a millionaire
god knows i could use a sedative this time around
if my heart showed threw my skin im sure you'd see
a size 11 footprint embedded in the red flesh
small cracks along the side and a weak beat
if only pain was external you'd see what you do to me
how 99 percent of the words you say rip me to shreds
and the 1% thats left are the things you dont say
how when you look at me with those soft brown eyes
i fall in love with you 10,000 times all over again
and my biggest fears are probably true of you
and i was probably right when i called us a game
because is sure as hell feels like i got played
but maybe im over reacting, maybe shes just a friend
but friends dont fuck and friends dont blow up your pager
and if i ever caught her with you im frightened to think
what i might do, probably nothing to you but she'd regret her birth
lets just say it wouldnt be pretty.
not that she was in the first place.
but i cant chose who you love, i can only hope you still love me
its so easy to hate the one you love and even easier to love the one you hate
i try to stay grounded.. level headed and logical
but when you act like im replacable it makes me kinda think
maybe i should be replacing you right about now
because im sure you know i could have any one of your friends
and anyone of mine. but the problem is you
you're inside me, you've burned yourself a little spot in me
god i hate you so much but love you just the same
multiple personalities i guess.
and then a specimin of human perfection comes my way
plain and simple everything clicks and it's all right
but in the back of my head i cant stop the reminders of you
even when faced with perfection and knowing it
id still chose the one who brings me down to an all time low
i guess my main malfunction in life is loving the wrong guys
habit i guess.
you were supposed to be different though
but god damnit you're the same and it makes me so mad
that i didnt see through this a long time ago.
that i let you have that certain piece of me
that few people get the opportunity to experience
it makes me feel dirty and angry
god i just hate this more then anything
It's Lonely Here All Alone
I thought it would be easier to just walk away.
But I'm finding out how hard it is to make it through the day.
I was so sure I wouldn't miss you when you were gone.
I cry when I realize - "God. I was wrong."
Warmer then sunshine, and sweeter then ice cream.
Being in love with you was almost like a dream.
I never thought it would be over so fast.
I always thought this thing would last.
But we're done and I'm all by myself yet again.
With you only just pretending to be my new best friend.
I can't stand how this hurts so much.
and how I wish right now just for your touch.
But I can't let you take the best of me anymore.
I can't let your see my heart upon the floor.
For I know that your no longer care,
and I know it's just not fair.
I can't get overwhelmed by my pride.
I have to take these feelings and shove them aside.
I wish I were as strong as you are now.
But you have the strength my heart won't allow.
I'm so good at pretending that I'm ok.
But I think everyone knows I feel betrayed.
But I just can't lose you completely yet.
So I'm trying really hard to just forget.
The tears, the anger and all the pain.
And all the times I felt insane.
I'm trying to be strong so you won't see,
Everytime you're around I'm weak in the knees.
I say I'm over it and doing just fine.
But deep inside I know I'm just lying.
I can lie to you but I can't lie to me.
I just hope someday I'll be free.
I'll stop loving you, and stop dying inside.
Someday I know my tears will subside.
But that day isn't today and won't be coming soon.
So I'll keep praying on the stars and the moon.
Someday I hope you'll come back for good.
And I'd make you come back today if I could.
But I can't, this I know,
So I'll keep trying my best not to show.
I feel so lonely here all alone.
In My Rear View
I spent 4 and a half hours, on 2 hours of sleep driving away from your house. Resisting all urges to turn around and go back. I wanted to tell you, "you were so wrong". About me, about you, about us. You said you'd love me forever. I never knew forever could end. That you'd be telling me you'd hate me forever by time we were said and done. Yet you still ask about me. Where I've been, what I've done and who I've been doing it with. I thought you didn't care. Well in that case, neither do I. I'll keep telling myself and all the things I kept in my room to remind me of our love that it was supposed to end like this. Bitter... sweet. I'm through being mad. I'm not going to give you the satisfaction. I'm weak enough as it is for holding on to you and your fucked up perceptions of what "love" is as long as I did. Something happened to change me from being that self loathing little girl that liked to pretend she was a door mat.You can't walk on me anymore. You can't treat people this way. It's not fair. It's not right. You're not a man. You're a stupid little boy. And forgive me if I'm harsh, but you need to get a fucking clue. What's your deal? One day you're going to wake up at 65 years old, alone because your wife left your for a younger man. Your going to look in the mirror and you're going to see all the pain you inflicted on me in the wrinkles of your face. You're going to miss me and wish you could make it right. But the only thing you could have done to make this "right" is by not doing me so wrong in the first place. But experience is what makes up who we are and I'm a lot happier with myself now that I'm away from you. You brought me down like a drug addiction. The greatest high was watching your smirking face burn in that photograph I took of you in West Covina when we first started dating... Now all that's left of that night is my precious memories and the ash reminants of that picture which probably blew away off the top of the local land fill. And maybe driving away was the hardest thing to do, but I'll never forget the look on your face in my rear view mirror.
Fairytales Tell Tales
Once upon a time there was a girl. She wasn't the prettiest girl in the land, nor was she a secret princess or anything like that. Just an ordinary girl. One day, this ordinary girl met a not so ordinary boy. She was completely captivated. And by some twist of fate, this not so ordinary boy was intrigued by this ordinary girl as well. They galavanted through Orange County for many months. To the naked eye, one would think these two were in love. But the ordinary girl was over emotional and the not so ordinary boy was completely dishonest. Now neither of them knew these traits of the other, but they did see them in themselves. Days would pass and the masquerade would continue. Until one day the not so ordinary boy's pompous ways reared their ugly heads. The ordinary girl beared her emotions and cried for what seemed like days. But it didn't matter to the not so ordinary boy. He continued to mask his lies with more lies and before you knew it, the two were complete strangers. Some time later, when the ordinary girl and the not so ordinary boy sat down for a game of Scrabble and some cold lager, the truth from the not so ordinary boy came out. And the ordinary girl realized that this boy who she always believed was not so ordinary was indeed very ordinary. Why, he was just like the rest. So the ordinary girl got in her ordinary car and drove away from the now ordinary boy to carry on with her ordinary life, but with the new found knowledge that even her "prince charming" of sorts was a filthy snake. And she lived happily ever after, and who cares what happened to him.
Jsin
Love = Pain
Try as I might,
I just can't seem to get over you.
And in reality,
I don't know if I want to.
I'm stupid for caring,
and I should have known,
You'd end up leaving,
I'd end up alone.
I guess you got scared,
because you ran away.
I couldn't help but crying,
I wanted you to stay.
But I'm getting over the pain.
It doesn't hurt so bad.
And I think you're starting to see.
I'm the best you ever had.
I'm angry I can't be yours,
pissed cause I was naive.
Sad because I never thought,
It'd be so easy for you to leave.
I guess you have a spell on me,
One that makes me still care.
It leaves me mesmerized,
Now all I can do is stare.
Your charisma, your humor,
the cute way you smile.
Your voice, your personality,
Your crazy, rebellious style.
I've tried to say
"the hell will you",
tried to say
"I'm through!"
But all of my defenses fall down
the second you enter the room.
Part of me gets angry,
thinking "how could you do this to me?"
But most of me wants to grab you
and try to make you see.
I care about you so much,
I even love you still.
My feelings haven't faded,
and probably never will.
You probably think I'm crazy,
for falling so hard so fast.
But I was just a girl in love,
who thought her love would last.
