On this page I will list all the major personalities of the Disc. Full details of people on different pages will be linked to their names (eventually)
Disc personalities, a liste:
Gods, Anthropomorphic Personifications, Demons and Assorted Immortals
DEATH
The most commonly encountered anthropomorphic personification. The atypical 7 foot skeleton in a robe of pure darkness, eyes are pinpricks of light in the back of the sockets. Carries a scythe. Talks LIKE THIS. You know the deal. He did make some effort in the early days to appear in the from the deceased expected to see, but owing to most of them not having made up their minds until death, his form is now constant.He smells slightly of the air you find in rooms long forgotten. He can only be seen by cats, those of a magical persuasion, and those about to die, although some claim to have seen him out of the corner of their eyes. Also, recently Death has appeared when some people have a good possability of dying. This is something to do with the Uncertainty Principle. When seen "not on duty" so to speak, peoples brains take over and they see him in a form not so disturbing, usually that of a very thin man.
His scythe has a blade so thin as to almost be transparent, it is so sharp it can cut sound. He has a sword with the same attributes to it, both are for the purpose of separating soul from body.
His horse, Binky, is a white charger which is completely alive, and coincidentally has the ability to travel at the speed of reality. This allows Death to appear anywhere, anywhen. He had attmpted to use both a flaming and skeletal steed in the past, but the former kept setting the barn alight and the latter kept falling apart.
Since the early Disc Chronicles, Death has warmed up somewhat, so tp speak. He is becoming much more of a people person, both to satisfy the clients, and also due to mortality rubbing off to some degree. He likes cats, and has little patience for those that don't. He also likes curry.
Death's abode is in a dimension outside of time. He has created it's appearance himself. There is a little cottage that he lives in, a stable, and a garden. Unfortunately, he has not got the hang of colour and the landscape and it's features are all in varied shades of black. There are black flowers with black bees buzzing around them (Death tried beekeeping, but he got a headache whenever one of them got inside his skull).
In the past Death has shown strange pangs of compassion. He rescued a baby when her parents died and brought her up as his daughter. The reasoning was unknown. He later took a human apprentice who eventually ran off with her. They produced a Grand-daughter for Death, one Susan Sto Helit. She was brought up blissfully unaware of her magical inheritance that has since lead to her standing in for Death on a couple of occaisions. Also, Death has a human manservant (see Alberto Malich). Although Death makes an inevitable appearance in many of the Disc books, he has featured as a major character in Mort, Reaper Man, Soul Music and Hogfather.
Alberto Malich, AKA Albert
Death's manservant. Also known as Alberto Mallich the Wise, founder of Unseen University. He appears to be about 67, although seeing as he lives in Death's timeless dimension, he has lived for over 2 millennia. A wiry man, he walks with a severe hunch and has a perpetually runny nose.
It is said that Alberto tried to cheat death by performing the Rite of Ashk-Ente (a spell summoning Death) backwards. His charred notebook only revealed that in theory this should allow him to live another 67 years. UU tradition says that he was blown into the Dungeon Dimensions, he actually ended up at Deaths door (literally).
This resulted in Albert taking up position as Death's manservant, where he seems to be quite comfortable. Although when Albert arrived in Death's dimension, he had 91 days 3 hours and 5 minutes left to live, this has been lost over the millennia on shopping trips and such, he now has only a few seconds. Albert has appeared in Mort, Eric, Reaper Man, Soul Music and Hogfather.
Death of Rats
An anthropomorphic personification. The Grim Squeaker. Imagine Death. Now imagine him a whole lot shorter and as a rat. Keep the hood and scythe. And now his vocabulary is restricted to 'SQUEAK'. That's the Death of Rats. He came into existence during the events of Reaper Man. He is the death of Rats, and rats only, barring something/one extraordinarily ratlike.He has appeared in Reaper Man, Soul Music and Hogfather not including "guest appearances".Astfgl
Supreme Life President of Hell. He prefers to appear in the red silk cloaked, mustachioed, trident bearing familiarity, but when angered he sprouts talons, wings and rams' horns. Once King of Demons, he was imprisoned and made Supreme Life President in the events of Eric. Like most demons, he is very unimaginative, but only moreso. Enough to annoy other demons.Blind Io
The Great A'tuin
The huge astrozoological turtle that supports the combined weight of the four elephants who in turn carry the Disc upon their backs. Much trouble has gone into trying to decipher what gender Great A'Tuin is. This is incredibly important when one considers that there are no doubt other star-turtles out there and should they mate, gender quickly becomes a matter of planetary survival.It's mind is old as the universe and thoughts travel through it's mind like lava. It has been postulated that Great A'Tuin is headed somewhere…
Hogfather
The fat jolly man in red who delivers gifts to good children at Hogswatch in a swine driven sleigh. As with most such seasonal spirits though, his historical roots are much more grisly. He has evolved since the dawn of man from the sacrificial swine hunted to bring back the sun, to a grisly butcher who delivered meat to good children, to his current form.Full details are revealed in Hogfather.
The Sandman
Jack Frost
The personification responsible for frost, especially the patterns found on the window panes. Lately he has taken to artistic variation, attempting big eyed puppies and the like since he was told that although the intricate "ferns" were nice, they lacked soul.Old Man Trouble
The Soul Cake Tuesday Duck
Tooth Fairy
Not a single person, but a registered occupation. Tooth Fairies tend to be over-tired from long hours and live in very poor conditions. They also have to provide their own ladders. Due to their working conditions, many Tooth Fairies are very tetchy and quit before too long.
Ankh-Morpork Watch
For details: go to the City Watch page.
Samuel Vimes
Carrot Ironfoundersson
Frederick Colon
Nobby
Angua Von Uberwald
Detritus
Cheery Littlebottom
Reginald Shoe
Visit the Infidel With Explanatory Pamphlets
Dorfl
Cornice Overlooking Broadway
Bluejohn
Ping
Swires
Igor
Silas Cumberbatch
UU
Archchancellor Mustrum Ridcully
The Librarian
The Bursar
Apparently once the Bursar was a fully coherent man and useful member of the UU staff. Until some unpleasantness, or rather a lot of persistent unpleasantness', drove him insane (see Reaper Man). He now dwells in a reality of his own and is quite comfortable there. Where a little more coherence is required the staff give the Bursar Dried Frog Pills running on the theory that if some frogs can make one hallucinate, then perhaps altered frogs can make someone hallucinate that they are sane. The Bursar is a thin man who is still quite good with numbers, but sod all else.The Dean
Ponder Stibbons
Unseen University's Reader of Invisible Writings. A plump young wizard with a pasty complexion. The major party responsible for HEX, the University's thinking machine. He has the drawback of being an essentially logical person in a University of, well of wizards. He has a great deal of trouble communicating with Archchancellor Ridcully, who is in many ways, the Anti-Stibbons.Modo
The gardener at Unseen University. A dwarf, he smokes a pipe and is found, when not gardening, near the High Energy Building where he keeps his bonfires and compost heaps.
Beggars
Queen Molly of the Beggars- see the Guilds page.
The Duck Man
He has a duck on his head. At least everyone else says so, he is oblivious to it. The duck's opinion is not known. He wears the know dirty and worn clothes of gentry, he speaks very well and clearly. His origins are unknown, though many speculate.Coffin Henry
One of the beggars that is paid not to attend special occaisions. He has possibly the worst cough in the city, and is capable of incredible accuracy when spitting his almost endless supply of phlegm. He carries a sign that reads "For sum muny I wunt follo you home. Coff Coff.'Arnold Sideways
A beggar with no legs and travels by means of a cart with four wheels. He has a shoe on the end of a pole that he uses both as a tool of the trade (to get his foot in the door) and a weapon. Many muggers have found themselves kicked in the head by a man at knee height.Foul Ole Ron
One of the best known beggars in Ankh-Morpork. A Mutterer by trade. That is to say that he follows people muttering in his own private language until he's paid not to. His more recognisable phrases include: 'Buggirt' and 'Millenium hand and shrimp'. While most people think that Ron has no grip on reality, this is not necessarily true. He has a perfect grip, it's just that his reality is different to everyone elses.Anpther of Ron's attributes is his smell. That is to say his scent. He has such an advanced odour that it has achieved an existence and possibly an intelligence of its own. U ntil recently, Gaspode the wonder dog acted as Ron's thinking brain dog. Gaspodes current location is unknown.
Fresh Start Club
Reginald Shoe- See The Watch
Mrs. Evadne Cake
A medium that lives in Elm Street. She is squat, almost perfectly round. She wears a huge black hat that is covered in wax fruit, stuffed birds and hatpins. She has a bad habit of leaving her precognition (her 'cognition, as she calls it) on, and answering questions before they are answered, leaving those talking to her very confused.She is a very religious woman, not insofar as one god is cocerned however. She has frequented, at one point or another, every temple in Ankh-Morpork. This has caused every priest who has been in Ankh-Morpork to develop a kind of radar which allows them to not be there when she is. She is often referred to in religious circles with terror in their voices.
Mrs.Cake's dughter, Ludmilla is a werewolf. She is very sympathetic to such people and since her daughter left town, she has opened her home as lodgings to those with special needs such as door handles that can be opened with paws.
Ludmilla Cake
Daughter of Mrs. Evadne Cake. A werewolf. In human form, she is a slightly larger scale than most. Her hair flows around her like a cloak. She also has bright eyes and white teeth that although beautiful, disturb people on a subconscious level. Last seen leaving Morpork for destinations unknown with Lupine, a wereman.Mrs.Drull
A ghoul. A shy old lady in a shapeless grey dress. Although she has since quit the Fresh Start Club, she has taken up business as a caterer for childrens parties.Ixolite
Said to be the Disc's last Banshee, and almost definitely the one of the few male ones. He has a long sad face and is wrapped in something that could be either a long cloak or wings. He has a speech impediment and is shy. Instead of wailing on rooftops of those about to die, he simply writes them a not and slips it under the door. Usually these notes consist of "OoooOOooooeeeeeeOOOeeee".Count and Countess Notfaroutoe
Formerly known as Arthur and Doreen Winkings. Vampires, the pair of 'em. They inherited vampirism along with the title of Count and Countess and a ruined Castle. Beforehand, Arthur was in the wholesale fruit and veg business.Vampirism has sad strangely with them. Being middle class and entirely the wrong shape for wearing evening dress 24 hours. They do try very hard to fit the stereotype however. There is one restriction. Doreen has put her foot down over the 'Climbing up walls and sucking the necks of beautiful women' thing. She says he's to have his rare steak and Black pudding and like it.
The Countess is a pear-shaped woman trying to look like a mysterious gaunt figure. She wears a figure hugging black dress and has her hair cut back into a widows peak. She speaks with a foreign accent, except when she forgets. The Count is a round man, with many cuts on his face, as he can't see himself in the mirror to shave.
Lupine
A wereman. That is to say a wolf that turns into a human around the full moon. When human he is 7 ft tall, muscular, with long canines and pointy ears. He was last seen leaving Morpork in the company of Ludmilla Cake.Schleppel
A bogeyman. Large and hairy with hands the size of wheelbarrows. Also incredibly shy.
Gulid leaders
Downey (Assassins)
Queen Molly of the Beggars
CMOT Dibbler
Mrs. Rosemary Palm (Seamstresses)
Miss VaVA Voom (Strippers)
Dr.Whiteface (Fools)
And the other ones
The Palace
The Patrician
Little of Lord Havelock Vetinari's past is known. Rumors exist that he was trained as an assassin, he is now the ruler of the city of Ankh-Morpork. He is a thin man with a small beard. His age is unknown.His cunning and long rule lies in his understanding of human (and other species) nature. He knows that what people want more than justice or truth is stability.
As an example of Vetinari's negotiation skills, when he was thrown into one of his own scorpion pits, he persuaded the rats to eat the scorpions and bring him food and reading material. As he has himself written 'Never build a dungeon that you cannot get out of'.
He has a small scruffy terrier named Wuffles, and aside from that and a hard stance on mimes he has no apparent weaknesses. If he did they would have been exploited by now.
Leonard of Quirm
Also known as Leonardo da Quirm. The Disc's greatest inventor/painter. He is not so much bald as his head has risen out of his hair. He is currently located in the Patrician's Palace, in a dungeon cell, the passage to which is loaded with traps whose triggers depend on the day, phase of the moon, etc.Although this sounds like imprisonment, Leonard is quite happy in his cell so long as the supply of materials for his inventions is kept up. The Patrician keeps him there to ensure not only Leonards safety, but that of the world around him. Leonard's head is a target for wild ideas and inspirations. In fact one of his earliest inventions was a helmet designed to stop the buggers keeping him up. He is the kind of genius that devises something with perfectly innocent intentions and then someone else gets their hands on it…
He draws diagrams in margins and writes backwards. He has devised (absent mindedly doodling) machines of great destructive capacity, and when asked about them has said 'But it would stop wars because no-one would dare use it!!. He has gone to the outside world a couple of times since his imprisonment. This made him all the happier to be locked up again.
He has appeared or been mentioned in Wyrd Sisters, Soul Music, Men At Arms, Feet Of Clay and Jingo.
Elsewhere in Morpork
Asphalt
Jimkin Bearhugger
Chrysoprase
Spelt in a number of different fashions, they all add up to the same troll. Chrysoprase runs the troll bar 'The Cavern' and is also head of the 'Brecchia', a troll organised crime syndicate (without so much organisation). Crysoprase has one major feature that makes him dangerous. He learns from humans and adapts quickly. This makes him cruel even by troll standards. Luckily however, he is fundamentally a troll. A large troll, he is identified easily by his necklace of trolls teeth (diamonds) that have been taken from rivals and those who have "let him down".Coalface
Igneous
Mrs Marietta Cosmopolite
CMOT Dibbler
Duke of Eorle
Sham Harga
Gimlet
Bergholt Stuttley Johnson AKA Bloody Stupid Johnson
Ankh-Morpork's most acclaimed architect. During his lifetime his name was often associated with varied curses preceding or following it. Although more commonly known as "Bloody Stupid" Johnson, he had many other titles, including 'Bloody Stupid "It Might Look A Bit Messy Now But Just You Come Back In Five Hundred Years Time" Johnson'.Despite being a remarkable architect, his downfall lay in his numerical skills, or more accurately, scales. Famed are his ornamental cruet set (designed for Mad Lord Snapcase, the saltshaker now houses four families, the pepper shaker is used for grain storage), and the Colossus of Ankh-Morpork (kept in a matchbox by the caretaker of the Dwarf Bread Museum. His two masterpieces are without doubt the Palace grounds, with it's hoho (like a haha, only deeper) and the Unseen University organ (currently played by the University Librarian, the organ has over 400 knobs, the purpose of many is unknown).
Another of his remarked achievements was an attempt at making an enormous pie. Unfortunately the whistling blackbird statue designed to relieve internal pressures was not finished on schedule and is now in Hide Park as a memorial to those lost in the explosion.
Of course B.S.Johnson's greatest gift to Morpork would have to be the phrase "Well you've really Johnsoned that up."
Quoth
Lady Sybil Deirdre Olgivanna Ramkin
Susan Sto Helit
Lancre
King Verence II
Once the court fool. Appears as a short man with runny eyes and ears that stick out slightly. He is a great beleiver in the wisdom of the printed word.Queen Magrat Garlick
A witch, and also the Queen of Lancre. Until recently she had performed the role of the maid in the heirarchy af witch covens (The crone, the mother and the maid). Since the birth of her children she fills the mother role, thus causing problems as the rest of the coven adjusts.In the right light, at the right angle, Magrat is quite attractive. She is short, thin and as flat cested as an ironing board as well as a nose red from frequent blowing. No matter what she does with her hair it tangles itself up again in minutes.
None of her femenine relatives were witches, which is unusual as witchcraft tends to run in families. She was trained by Goodie Whwmper (deceased). Goodie was a research witch, and this has had it's impact on Magrat, who has a collection of no less than thirteen books, a veritable archive by witch standards.
A doer of good deeds, whether they need to be done or not, Magrat is also as open mined as one can be without use of an axe.
She has appeared in Wyrd Sisters, Witches Abroad, Lords and Ladies, Maskerade and Carpe Jugulum Greebo
Hodgesaargh
Gytha Ogg AKA Nanny Ogg
Jason Ogg
Esme Weatherwax AKA Granny Weatherwax
Agnes Nitt/Perdita
Location Unknown
Achmed the Mad
Author of the Necrotelicomnicon (a significant magical text) and one of the Disc's most renown wizards. He preferred to be known as "Achmed the I Just get These Headaches".Count Giamo Cassanunda
Cohen the Barbarian
The disc's greatest Hero. Exiled from his tribe at the age of 11, he was not encountered in the Disc Chronicles until he was 87. A thin, bald man. A beard that falls just short of his knees, an eye patch and so many scars it has been said you could play noughts and crosses (tic-tac-toe) with them (although this is definitely not advised). His smile is menacing, doubly so since he had a set of dentures made from trolls teeth (diamond) on the advice of Twoflower. He suffers from a great many ailments; rheumatism, arthritis, backache, arthritis and has a hemorrhoid ring on his saddle. This apparently has no bearing on his deadliness. He smells strongly of mints.Since the events of Interesting Times Cohen has semi-retired as the Emperor of the Counterweight Continent, although it is more than likely he will tire of this quickly and move on.Cohen has appeared in The Light Fantastic, Sourcey, Troll Bridge (a short story), and Interesting Times.
Conina
One of Cohen's many daughters. Long blonde, almost white hair hangs around a body that consists of her mother's (a temple dancer) looks and her fathers musculature and reflexes. Genetically a barabrian heroine, although she wants so badly to be a hairdresser. This is made difficult by the barbarian urges, which is something you want to keep clear of sharp objects.Her only appearance is as a major character in Sourcery.
Gaspode
The wonder dog. A small presumably grey mongrel. Covered invariably with dirt, scabs, the results of various canine diseases, and whatever he has rolled in. Smells rather like a privvy carpet. He is also the Disc's only known talking dog. But not many people know it.
Originally spoke due to the bombardment of wild ideas during Moving Pictures. After this he forgot, much to his relief, until he took up residence behind the Unseen University. He uses his speech on a subconscious level. That is to say he speaks clearly behind people, and they hand him a biscuit, assuming the voice they heard was their conscience or such, as everyone knows dogs don't talk.
The only people who know are Corporal Angua Von Uberwald and Captain Carrot. Also Duckman, Coffin Henry, Arnold Sideways and Foul Ol' Ron know, as Gaspode was Ron's thinking brain dog for a bit. Although they never saw it as odd.
His current whereabouts is unknown. When last seen he was on a ship bound for the gods know where.
Rincewind
A wizard. At least at heart. Tall and scrwany, he has a beard that not only looks as though it was designed by someone who'd only heard about them, but is usually singed. He usually wears a red robe, with the typical sequins and sigils one expects from a wizard. His pointy hat has the word 'Wizzard' written on it in silver thread, and a star atop it that has lost most of its sequins. Around his neck is a chain bearing the bronze octagon of Unseen University alumni. Where he got it from is unknown, as Rincewind never graduated.His mother ran away before he was born (?) and Rincewind grew up in Morpork. Here he became a student wizard, taking up residence in room 7a (8 being the a very important occult number). Of the eight levels of wizardry, he failed to achieve one over his sixteen years as a student. His life changed for the worse when one night he sneaked into the room bearing the Octavo the spellbook thought to have been used by the creator, and open it as part of a bet. One of the eight spells took the opportunity to lodge itself in his head, and he was expelled.
Since then Rincewind has survived as best he can whilst keeping his wizardly pride. Even since the spell was dislodged, he seems to be a magnet for adventure, much to his dismay. He did return briefly to the University as Assistant Librarian, but this did not last long. He has a gift for languages, being able to beg for mercy in at least thirteen languages. He also is very good at surviving, which encompasses when to run, how far and in what direction.He is constantly followed by the Luggage, an intelligent homicidal travelling case, which was given to him by Twoflower.
His adventures so far have been chronicled in The Colour of Magic, The Light Fantastic, Sourcery, Eric, Interesting Times and The Last Continent.
The Luggage
A large chest, metal bound, with hundreds of tiny little pink legs. It is made of sapient pearwood, the product of a tree that grows in high magical fields. It is invulnerable to magic, and impervious to almost everything else. It has a multidimensional capacity. One moment it has clean linen inside it (which smells of lavender), another gleaming with gold, another with teeth as white as bleached beechwood and a tongue as red as mahogany.
The luggage will follow it's owner anywhere. This is literal. It seems to be in a permanent bad mood and is often described as "a murderous bastard". It's current owner is Rincewind the wizzard. The luggage was presented to him by Twoflower, the Discs' first tourist.
In Other Countries
S.T.Ungulant
Sevrian Thaddeus Ungulant. He lives atop a cartwheel on top of a pole on top, located somewhere in the desert between Ehebe and Omnia. He is a thin man with a long beard and almost black skin. He is also completely barking mad. This is a survival mechanism for living in the desert brought on by isolation, heat and desert mushrooms. He is a saint of generic religion (There aren't many sins to commit in the desert) and has an imaginary (at least supposedly, there seems to be a strong magical field in the area, which also attracts Small Gods) friend called Angus.
Brutha
Ex Cenobiarch of Omnia. The man responsible for the new Omnian church. The events leading to this are chronicled in Small Gods. He was seventeen years old at the time. Body like a barrel, legs like trunks, hands like hams. His only skill was a perfect memory. He died at a great age after being made Cenobiarch.
Baron Von Uberwald
The leader of Uberwald's Werewolves. A large man with a viking style beard. He spends much of his time in wolf form, and this effects his mentality in human form. He tends to spend the first few hours naked, growling and trying to lick himself (but falling of the sofa in the attempt).
Twoflower