1. What's your preferable pitch range?
In the stratosphere.
Nice and moderate.
Like the human voice.
Rock bottom.

2. Which of these would you least like to play?
Harmony.
Anything by Johann Strauss.
Classical-era non-concerto pieces.
Doesn't matter to me. All the parts are the same, anyway.

3. In the tradition of inane personality test questions, pick a letter.
G
C
F
Who cares?

4. How big of an instrument do you like to play?
Dinky.
Portable enough.
Requires an extra seat on the plane.
Bigger than I am.

5. Why are viola jokes so short?
Because it doesn't take many words to describe how stupid violists are.
So violinists can understand them.
Because long jokes get dull.
So you can fit more of them into a rehearsal.

6. If you were in a movie, which character would you be?
The hero.
The underappreciated sidekick.
The one with some common sense.
The comic relief.

7. Your favorite composers include:
Vivaldi, Mozart, Sarasate, Paganini...
Bartok, Hindemith, Shostakovich, Walton...
Bloch, Chaikovsky, Faure, Bach...
Saint-Saëns, Dvorák, Dragonetti, various Jazz composers...

8. How do you handle criticism?
"I did not mess up! I'm perfect!"
"Yeah, sure, blame it on the scapegoat section..."
You say nothing and just fix it.
"My strings were out of tune, that's why!"BR>

9. Who should conduct the orchestra?
Me.
A violist.
Leonard Slatkin would be nice. Or Christoph von Dohnyani. Or Maxim Shostakovich. Or...
The conductor conducts. Duh.

10. In rehearsal, what do you do during long extended measures of rest?
We never have rests, but that's just the price of the spotlight.
Make faces at whoever has the melody.
Watch the conductor and count.
Play floor hockey with bows and rosin containers.