50 Things to do in a Mall

Just some fun stuff to do in a mall....

Things to do in a mall...

• Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the reflecting pool.
• Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big.
• Dial 900 numbers from demonstration phones in Radio Shack.
• Sneeze on the sample tray at Hickory Farms and helpfully volunteer to consume its now unwanted contents.
• At the bottom of an escalator, scream, “My shoelaces! Augh!”
• Ask the sales personnel at the music store whether inflated CD prices are in pesos or rubles.
• Teach pets store parrots new vocabulary that makes them unsellable.
• Stomp on ketchup packets at Burger King...
• ...but save a few to slurp on as snacks. Tell people that they’re “astronaut food.”
• Follow patrons of B. Dalton’s around while reading aloud from Dianetics.
• Ask mall cops for stories of World War I.
• Ask a salesman why a particular TV is labeled black and white and insist that it’s a color set. When he disagrees, give him a strange look and say, “You mean you really can’t see it?”
• Construct a new porch deck in the tool department of Sears.
• Wear pancake makeup and new clothes and pose as a fashion dummy in clothes departments, occasionally screaming without warning.
• Test mattresses in your pajamas.
• Ask the tobacconist if his hovercraft is full of eels.
• If you’re patient, start intently into a surveillance camera for an hour while rocking from side to side.
• Sprint up the down escalator.
• Stare at the static on a display TV and challenge other shoppers whether they, too, can see the “hidden picture.”
• Ask an appliance personnel if they have any TVs that play only in Spanish.
• Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
• Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
• Try on bras over top of your clothes.
• Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms.

More...

• While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible, “I smell sex and candy.”
• Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, “I think we’ve got a Code 3 in housewares,” and see what happens.
• Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn then all off and turn the volumes to 10.
• Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
• Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
• Test the fishing rods and see what you can “catch” from the other aisles.
• Put M&Ms on layaway.
• Move “Caution: Wet Floor” signs to carpeted areas.
• Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you’ll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
• Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
• Nonchalantly “test” the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
• When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, “Why won’t you people just leave me alone?”
• Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
• Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battle field with G. I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
• Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
• While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
• Switch the men’s and women’s signs on the doors of the restrooms.
• Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from “Mission Impossible.”
• Set up a “Valet Parking” sign in front of the store.
• In the auto department, practice your Madonna look with various funnels.
• Hide in the clothing racks and when the people browse through, say things like “Pick me, pick me!” and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them.
• When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, “No, no! It’s those voices again!”
• Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
• Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don’t get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.