A DOG'S LIFE, an excerpt

ACT ONE

Scene 2

POOR PEASANT is back inside the doghouse, snoring. A small termite, a medium-sized termite, and a large termite are on the left side of the roof. Each begins to eat a shingle. The crunching noise arouses POOR PEASANT. HE bolts out of his house barking.

POOR PEASANT

(Standing before his house, notices three termites eating his roof.)Get off my roof!. I don’t want holes to let in the rain. Go attack a tree! Wouldn’t a dogwood be more delicious than a doghouse? (The crunching stops.)

MUNICIPAL TAX

Hello, Poor Peasant. My name is Municipal Tax. My brothers and I have many bones to pick with you. So don’t be doggish with us.

PROVINCIAL TAX

My name is Provincial Tax. You owe us many taxes. They are the bones of contention.

FEDERAL TAX

My name is Federal Tax. You’ve been lying on your income Tax Form. You’re really in the doghouse now.

POOR PEASANT

No, I’m not, because you parasites woke me up. I’m outside now. I dreamt that I was chewing a meaty brontosaurus bone. I had seized it from a fierce Tomarctus, ancestor of all canines.

MUNICIPAL TAX

Don’t be cocky with us, Poor Peasant. Or we’ll impound you. We don’t tolerate such doggery.