| Deep Voice-Over | - Ladies and gentlemen... This can only mean one thing, and one thing only...

* Suddenly, a slice of bright light cuts through the screen... and in the instance of an instant, we are left with one image... One chilling... blood-curdling image, capable of terrifying even the bravest of souls - *

| Mike E. Angelo | - god i luvv bee-in ah toy-tull!!!!!!!!~1

* The camera pans to the left from this god-forsaken sight, to find that we are on the set of a popular talk show; "Harry Stinker". Five chairs are set up on stage, and an entire audiene of people have accumulated within the vicinity [maybe not actually here at THIS show, but within the vicinity...]. *

* There are a few reporters in the front row [and when I say reporters I mean "people paid to be here".] And toward the front of the seating arrangement is a man with blonde hair, wearing a gray suit and glasses. He speaks into a microphone as a pre-recorded chant of "Har-ry, Har-ry!" plays over a nearby stereo... *

| Harry Stinker | - Alright everyone, settle down, settle down.

* One of the "reporters" pulls double duty, as she switches off the recording. *

| Harry Stinker | - Hello, this is Harry Stinker, and I sure am one. Today's show deals with a problem that is near and dear to my heart... the ego. Some people have too little, while others? Too much. And our first guest can attest to this, as he is the bodyguard of the self-proclaimed "Prima-Donna of Perfection", Xokobeewhere Upyernosewitharubberhose. Here is his story.

* Footage rolls, showing Xazafraz's lead henchman, er, shield, er, I mean bodyguard, speaking to the camera. The man is hidden in a veil of shadows, securing his idenity.... even though he's about to come out on television. ... Somebody didn't think this thing through... *

| Bodyguard McGuardison | - Man, one time up in that hood over yonder, that sucka stole mah watch! And then done got da damn nerve tah pass it off as HIS! And then Bernie, Guard #2, went and stole that damn thang! I was like, you go girl! I mean boy! Man. Whatevah, anyway, and then that fruit-booty Xoltar or whatevah da fuck he call himself said, Ohhh, nigga done gone and stole MY watch. HIS watch?! Like that shit was his, or sumpin'?! Nuh-uh, that shit was MY watch, yo! MY - WATCH! You think you so hot, with ya... ya damn Ring ah Honor and shit... sucka wasn't even IN Ring ah Honor! "Ring ah Steal Some Nigga's Watch and Say it's Yours" maybe! Fuggin'... watch stealer... Punk ass. I'll smack dat punk ass... with mah hand! And THEN we'll see who's watch is stoleded! ... Mine, that's who! ... What was the question?

* We return to the set, where Bodyguard #1, as well as #'s 2, 3, and 6 are now seated [4 and 5 still nursing sore pinkies after pinkie-swearing just a bit too hard. Geez... These ARE bodyguards, right?]. *

| Harry Stinker | - And now, ladies and gentlemen, give it up for the greatest wrestler in the history of all the time and space and galaxies and the universe forever and ever, amen... He is THE most celebrated individual of our time... he is a God amongst peasants, a Saint amongst sinners... ladies and gentlemen, please stand up and clap your unworthy hands, to give a warm welcome for the one, the only; Xejneorihwrqpkiskawlawmuhlalalan... Uppnel! Hm... didn't notice before how hard that name was... Uppnel... Uppnelll...

* As Xazafraz makes it through the entry-way, Random Reporter #89 presses play once more on the stereo. A familiar tune plays; "I DON'T KNOWWW" by Jay-Z, featuring Lex Luger. ... Ok, well, maybe not THAT familiar, but let's just pretend it is for the sake of this promo. A chant of "Insert Name Sucks! Insert Name Sucks!" bleeds in over the music... wow, did XoXo use a template for this thing, or what? *

* Xazafraz, looking quite plump today... and white... strolls out, in an XXXXL, hot pink and lime green basketball jersey, with '#1' on the front, and '#2' on the back. ... #1 on the front, and #2 on the... back. ... Ewww... *

| Harry Stinker | - I think it may mean he goes '#1' from the front, and he goes '#2' from the back.

* Oh hell, ya think? Criminy... "Xazafraz" is bedecked in tons and tons of gold chains, a backwards baseball cap, baggy shorts, and about a dozen of the other usual clothing-related items that go along with being a stereotypical black guy. *

| Xazafraz Upyoaz | - YO, YO, YO, YO, YO, YO, YO, YO, YO, YO, YO... YO, YO, YO, YO, YO, YO, YO, YO...

* Oh come the hell on... *

| Xazafraz Upyoaz | - YO, YO, YO, YO, YO, YO, YO, YO, YO...

* ... *

| Xazafraz Upyoaz | - ... YO, YO, YO, YO, YO -

* Oh dear GOD will you PLEASE stop it with the yo-yo's! Ya damn yo-yo! *

| Xazafraz Upyoaz | YO! What's crak-a-lackin'?! What's up and poppin'?! What's REALLY hood?! Whazzap, whazzap, whazzap in the HEE-YOUSE!!! Ahhh, snapped up off the hizzle foh rizzle muh nizzle fah shizzle!

* We may need a translator... I wonder if Coolio's doing anything... Phff, what kinda question is that? Of course he isn't. *

| Coolio | - I been spendin' most mah life, livin' in a broke ass para-dise. ... But seriously, I need to borrow a few bucks...

| Xazafraz Upyoaz | - YO, HOME-DIGGITY-DAWG! Whazzap witchoo, homie, baloney, fee fie foe fony?

| Coolio | - Nothin' much. Chillin'... havin' a bud.

| Xazafraz / Coolio | - True.

* Ugh... enough with the 90's references already, can we PLEASE hurry this thing along? *

| Harry Stinker | - Alrighty then, Mr. Up-yo-az, a few reporters are here to 'ask questions', also known as 'Providing a set-up in which you can make yourself look better than your opponent'.

| Xazafraz Upyoaz | - Yo, home dawg, home skillet, home mortgage, home -

| Harry Stinker | - FIRST REPORTER, PLEASE!

* A smallish, elderly lady weakly stands up... *

| Mama Upyoaz | - Sonny boy! You oughtn't be doin' the raps, now, ya see, because that's a BAAAD... that's a BAAAD words they got there, and NO! Don't talk to me devil! I'm not gonna let all the animals out of the zoo! But anyways, child, you come home with mama and I'll fix ya up a nice ol' plate ah corn beef hash, how's that sound?

| Xazafraz Upyoaz | - Yo... do I know you? ... Seriously, who let her in, she wasn't in the script...

| Senile Old Woman | - YOU CAN'T MAKE ME GO BACK!!! NOONE... NOONE'S GONNA MAKE ME GO BACK TO THAT PLACE! The toads! Will somebody please think about the TOADS!!!

| Jack | - SECURITY! Get this old broad outta here! Hopefully back to whatever sanitarium she broke outta...

* As the security on hand escorts the elderly intruder from the building, Jack composes himself... *

| Xazafraz Upyoaz | - YO! ... Hey, we can edit that last part out, right?

* Uh... sure. Yeah, definitely... *

| Xazafrax Upyoaz | - Awesome! Ok... YO! Next 'q', fo' da XoXo miz-an!!! Let's git bouty, bouty, and rowdy, rowdy up in this hee-yah mudda'!

| Generic Reporter Person Dude Man Guy | - Hello, my name is Generic Reporter Person Dude Man Guy -

| Harry Stinker | - Wait, that's your REAL name? I thought it was just the name beside your dialogue...

| Generic Reporter Person Dude Man Guy | - Well, my full name is Johnathan Jackson Jeffrey Generic Reporter Person Dude Man Guy Smith, but friends call me Guy. Or Man. Or Dude. Or sometimes Ezekiel.

| Harry Stinker | - Ok, Ezekiel, what's your question?

| Ezekiel | - You're NOT my friend!

|Harry Stinker | - ... Oh. Well... Generic Reporter Person Dude Man Guy, what's your question?

| Generic Reporter Person Dude Man Guy | - Mr. Xlax, sir, I was just wondering. Are you SURE you were in Ring of Honor? I mean, I checked the website, checked every magazine I could get my hands on, checked ppv's, tapes, dvd's... Hell, I even checked with a bunch of smarks on some IRC channel, and not ONCE did I hear your name mentioned.

| Xazafraz Upyoaz | - DAWG! Homie don't play that, g-skittle! You wanna talk 'bout "magazines" and "tapes" and "websites" and "people that have actually watched RoH since day one"? Well, dawg, I just gotsta say... Next question!

* The first reporter tries to get in a word in edgewise, but decides against it when he notices "Bodyguard McGuardison" staring daggers at him... atleast I think those are daggers... or... is he blowing kisses at him??? *

* ... *

| Generic Reporter #2 | - Mr. Xenophobia, sir... My name is Peter, Peter, Pumpkin-eater, from FakeAssWrestlingWebsite.com, and suckas gotsta know... Why did you come to AWE? Couldn't you have just left the poor company alone? What did AWE ever do to you?

| Xazafraz Upyoaz | - Maaan, I be the shiz-NITCH, ya hurrrd me? So any fed I's go to? Gon' be goin' to da TIPPY-TIPPITY-TIP-TOP o' da block, knaw mean?

| Generic Reporter #2 | - Actully, no, I don't know what you mean. Care to explain? Care to explain why you decided to come to a fed that was JUST starting out, and just DECIDED to infect it with your egotistical, hyperbolic, narcissistic, and altogether NAUSEATING self-gratifications and self-serving agendas?

| Xazafraz Upyoaz | - ... NEXT QUESTION!

| Generic Reporter #3 | - My name... ist Borat. I have the question, I am to be asking you.

| Xazafraz Upyoaz | - ... Huh?

| Generic Reporter #3 | - Ah yes, you like-ah the juice? The juice is good? The juice is-ah in the house, and the house in the juice, ci?

| Xazafraz Upyoaz | ... I -

| Generic Reporter #3 | - NOT!

| Xazafraz Upyoaz | - NEXT QUESTION!

| Generic Reporter #4 | - Hello, Peter Parker-brothers, from the Daily Tabloid. It's a pleasure meeting you, sir, I've been a fan for years. Just wondering... Now that you're here in AWE, why are you lying to everyone?

| Xazafraz Upyoaz | - Well it's real simple - *cartoon double-take* AH-RUH?!?! Whatchoo talkin' 'bout Willis?

| Generic Reporter #4 | - I just think it's obvious that you LIED about being in RoH, and hell, you probably lied about everything else you've said since you stepped foot in AWE!

| Xazafraz Upyoaz | - Yo, man, I ain't likin' dat bass in yo' voice, ya dig? When da Pronunciation Of Orthopedic Pudding says sumpin'? Dat sumpin' is GOSPEL! I say I'm gonna whup dat ass, I'mma whup dat ass! I say I'm gonna take dat strap, I'mma take dat bee-yotch! I say the grass is blue an' da sky is plaid, you BEST believe it! I say Vanilla Ice could make a huge comeback at any given time... Well, ok, I'll admit, even I couldn't make that statement true, no matter how hard I tried. But as far as the P.O.O.P. is concerned, I gots the potential, the charisma, the look, the skill, the fuzzy bunny slippers... Hell, the list of things I possess could go on and on, but it would mostly include the stacks and stacks of porn I hid from mah mama, and that lucky teddy I've kept since I was a kid. I sho' nuff love my Snuggles...

| Xazafraz Upyoaz | - But tah make a long story even long-ah, you wanna know if I can take that World Title?

| Generic Reporter #4 | - Not really...

| Xazafraz Upyoaz | - ... Oh. Well...

| Generic Reporter #5 | - I would!

| Xazafraz Upyoaz | - Well then dah answer is - ya damn SKIPPY...

| Generic Reporter #5 | - ... So-

| Xazafraz Upyoaz | - ... HIPPPPPIIIIIEEEE!!! Next question!

| Generic Reporter #6 | - Jenny Jamie-Sunn, thenotrealnewz.net . If you plan on picking up the gold, how do you propose to get past 15 other competitors... ones that can actually, you know, BACK UP their talk? I mean, not to be a bother or anything, but when you go around writing checks, you may want to be sure you have enough stashed away to pay them off!

| Xazafraz Upyoaz | - Yo, I ain't sweatin' no tournament, yo... hell, I could take all fi-teen dem biz-natches on by muh-self, yo! And if that punk azz punk Eddie Izzard, or Eddie Van Halen, or Eddie Cahill, or Eddie Albert, or WHAT-EVAH... If he wansta step up? Then dawg, go 'head and step up, cuz mama said knock you out! WORD... to yo' motha'! Next 'q'-esty-awn!

| Generic Reporter #7 | - Hi,  Murly Coe here! And I'm standing next to Mr. HARRY... Stinker. How ya doin' Harry?

| Harry Stinker | - Fine, how are you Murly Coe?

| Murly Coe | - Just swell. Now, tell us about your new movie, "RingMaster 2 - The Revenge".

| Harry Stinker | - Well, as you may know, the original "RingMaster" starred my cousin-in-law-second-removed, Jerry Spri-

| Xazafraz Upyoaz | - YO!!! I AM tryin'-ah do a damn interview ovah hurrr! Ya mind?!

| Murly Coe | - Oh no, not at all. Anyway, Harry -

| Xazafraz Upyoaz | - That means interview ME, ya damn dirty hippy!!!

| Murly Coe | - Ugh... ok, I'd rather interview Harry, but... uhm... oh, I dunno, how's the weather? Now, Harry...

| Xazafraz Upyoaz | - :-( Well... screw you! One last 'q' fo' da reals though!

| Generic Reporter #8 | - X-pac!

| Xazafraz Upyoaz | - No... Xazafraz.

| Generic Reporter #8 | - ... Oh... Damn. ... *sits back down, looking at his watch*

| Xazafras Upyoaz | - Well fuck all yallz!!! I know all about yallz! No I don't I lied! But in fact I do! But I don't! Yes I do! No I don't! Haha, see how it is, I'm fuckin' wit' yo' minds! But I do know one thing! And that is this; If a train traveling at 1000 MPH leaves Kalamazoo with one car filled with bread, one filled with cheese, and one with Belgian Waffles, and if the sun is in the West and the moon is over the rainbow, and 'E' equals the circumference of pi squared divided by the root of zero, and Nina takes away five apples, and it takes seventy-five pigmy's to screw in a lightbulb... then the answer is 42.

| Xazafraz Upyoaz | - And you wanna know anothah thing I know? Simply put, that Monroe character ain't nuttin' but a G-strang, bay-bay! I KNOW I'mma take him down, 'n' take his ass apart, bit by bit, piece by piece, till there ain't nuttin' but... uh... smaller bits. And pieces. And then I'm gonna make THOSE bits and pieces into SMALLER bits and pieces! And then I'mma EAT 'EM! ... Then I'mma spit 'em out cuz that shit's nasty. Then I'mma step on them pieces and bits and pieces of bits and bits of pieces, and I'mma go one more rung up that ladder to MY World Heavyweight Title!!! 'Cuz I gots me some respect, some MAD respect, fah that piece ah crap garbage! And if you ain't down wit' dat, den boy I's gots two words fo' yuuuzzz...

| Xazafrax Upyoaz | - ... I forgot. Aw well... free stick-ahs fah everybody up in this muvva crunk-ah!