Who is...the best wrestler in the world today, Sarah Lacklan?

Allow me a moment to extrapolate. Allow me, if you would be so kind, a bit of a digression.

Over the last few days I have proven the above statement. In fact, I would say that the past few days have been a bit of a microcosm of not just my time within the XWF, but of my entire career thus far. I have provided a clinic in how to be a world class professional wrestler, for everyone in and around the business, whether they be the dirty, unwashed hillbillies from Connecticut, or my peers and family both on the Right and Left Coast. I have given a plethora of styles, flavors, and tempos. I've been funny. I've been mean. I've been sad. I've been happy. I've done everything. I have given you interesting locales, adventures, and premises. I've given you fact-based analysis, wild conjecture, and silly insults off the cuff meant to rile people due to their lack of authenticity. I've given you everything that professional wrestler should be, everything which would be expected of the person pulling down the Universal Championship at the end of the Relentless festivities.

Anyone who has followed my career in the last few years understands that this is something I've always strived to do. I've always wanted to be a complete wrestler. A lot of my peers, particularly those in my age group, focus on one area of the sport, to the detriment of their overall game. Perhaps they know how to cut one hell of a promo, but can't necessarily back it up with their skills. Or they might be wonderful technicians but don't know how to take a punch to the face. They might even know how to do sixteen flips in the air but don't understand the psychology of wrestling, don't understand the importance of pacing. I've never wanted to be that. And while I certainly have a negative view on some styles of wrestling, I have always wanted to experience everything, and never wanted to limit myself.

Most of you know that I was an athlete when I was younger, as much as I was an artist. Daddy's vision for me was to be an aristocrat, the daughter of Jean-Paul, let the latest in a long line of Lacklans in New England. You know, the Lacklan history books go back a long way. We came to America from England in the 1600s, initially stopping in New York. Enterprising fisherman at the time, they realized there was money, and power, in canning and preserving the fish. Before you knew it, they were acquiring land in Maine, which is where a big chunk of our influence comes from. My family has used that influence to guide culture, housing, even some political aspirations. And while I have mocked it for its simplicity and lack of originality, it would be a lie to discount the charge of my "silver spoon." Generations of Industry (yes, Daddy, with a capital I) afforded quite the peculiar upbringing.

The real power, though, the real influence on the world, came during the generation prior to mine. It came from Daddy. I have heard him tell the tale many times, enough to understand every moment, every nuance, to the point where I can smell the blossoms.

Daddy was in Japan and received a vision from God. Imagine it! The world...UNITED...under ONE champion. Universal, Ultimate, Undisputed, Global. The exact word age is superfluous, as I have explained to people before. What matters is that God wanted ONE champion of wrestling. A champion that the entire WORLD can look at, can admire, and through him, worship God.

The Savior Professional Wrestling.

The Voice of God.

In time, Daddy found followers, and like with any religious leader, you found both good people and bad people. My opponent at Relentless would like you to only know about the bad, about the villains. But there were good as well. Like a woman named Selena Jornagen, who would sacrifice her life so that I could have mine. And Zoe Chaos, who took a broken man and made him whole. And Samantha Martin, who, despite her family’s servant status, befriended a spoiled brat and endeavored to keep her as close to “normal” as she could get.

Daddy’s church, my church, grew as time went on. Much of the land acquired over the generations was put to good use in the way of housing, and farming, and other things a self-sustaining compound would need. And the influence of our forefathers was brought to bear, in full force, ten years ago. Much of the campaign funds for a certain governor during the Republican Sweep had the Lacklan name attached, and as recompense, our compound was granted the full rights of a church. And before you knew it, my real training began.

I have always assumed that my father’s vision for me was to marry an upstanding member of the Maine legislature, a strong-willed and ambitious man, who would add to our house and help me bare babes. Unfortunately for that vision, while I certainly enjoyed my training in the Arts, I too held the desire to help fulfill God’s plan. And while it was against his wishes, Daddy eventually taught me everything he knew. Yes, he and I argued about various aspects of the Path of the Light Church...his early views on same-sex marriage when I was a child are quite difficult to listen to as an adult, for instance...but we were united in the overall goal:

Save wrestling, and we save the world.

THAT is what the world DESERVES. A world champion, a global champion, a UNIVERSAL champion, who is BRED to be better, RAISED to be better, TRAINED to be better. A champion who, from her very debut match, has taken men twice her size and shown them that their strength is no match for superior technique, that their weight gives them too much momentum and they find themselves wrapped up and tapping, like a monster facing a Gracie. The world DESERVES for me to climb the ladder at Relentless and pull down MY Universal Championship. The world does NOT deserve to be watched over by a man who believes that toiling away in the muck and mire of mediocrity is a worthy pursuit. The world does NOT deserve a man whose version of preparation is straight-up theft. The world does NOT deserve...as I have mentioned recently before in regards to Chris Page...a man who doesn’t understand the difference between being inspired by what has come before and simply stealing and using for his own gain. The world does NOT deserve a man who would rather spend half a day playing in the kiddie pool of the XWF than prepare for THE Universal Champion.

The world does NOT deserve Charlie Nickles.

Yes yes, he was interesting at first, it must be admitted. A bit of fresh blood who actually showed up, unlike the seeming endless line of new signees who might toss out one promotional salvo before being regulated to Blackwater Duty. Energetic, moody, artistic. But now, after several days into this endeavor, we have seen the truth of Charlie. We have seen the same one-note offering time and again, with no change in dynamic or impression. He is become the Tim Burton of the XWF: A palette of one color, one flavor: Dark and heavy. And with a recipe taken from the pages of a 20-year-old cookbook and presented anew, without any updates or refreshment, to boot.

Yes yes, he has shown fire when dealing with the likes of Hanari or Greggo, but analyze that for what it is: In his everpresent, unyielding need to represent himself as something more than the jobber I have called him, the loser, the jabroni, the 3rd string backup on the Double A baseball team, he has proven to everyone watching along that my perspective is correct. After all, I allow Greggo to speak without challenge, without interference, because then the entire world sees him for the coward he is, a man obsessed with winning the keyboard battlefield while being too gutless to show up when it matters. And to know that Charlie is at HIS level? That they are one-and-the-same? The world now understands what I have said about him from the beginning:

He doesn’t DESERVE to be in this match, doesn’t DESERVE to get to take Robbie’s place because of lolhardcore nonsense, doesn't DESERVE to be in the ring with me. And thankfully for the world, after I pull down my championship, the main event spotlight will no longer have his shadow cast. After Relentless, I will have a date with Chris Chaos, should he defeat Theo. I will be Frankfurt to sign the contract to defend the Universal Championship at the next PPV. And Charlie?

Well.

Perhaps he can defend the Heavymetalweight Championship against Greggo in a Kiddie Pool of Scat match. That would at least highlight the best of their skillsets. Personally, I hope he ignores Greggo in THAT match and focuses on ME instead. Considering how he works, it would make sense for him to again to ignore who he's actually wrestling and instead worry about someone else. Greggo will certainly get a kick out of it! If we're really lucky, Charlie will go REALLY deep and steal some of the AU stuff. My suggestions are either when Nico and I were vampires, the future where my sister Angelica became a villain and joined forces with Le Bord de Dieu, or the Terminatrix/Planet of the Cunts timeline.

Now, as I finish up this Final Jeopardy question, allow me to add a little fun with the pad here. Since Charlie has such a proclivity for cartoons and graphics, I have decided to draw him a little comic. And for everyone’s pleasure, it is the visual you have all seen in your heads since I mentioned it.